i too used to be 'intrigued' by my boyfriends ex's and use to look at them on facebook just out of curiosity...but at the end of the day he's with you and NOT them... so that tells you something. plus whats in the past is in the past, you can't change the fact he had these girlfriends...unless he's in regular contact with any of them theres nothing to worry about. he's with YOU and thats all that matters. its probably just insecurity of him being your first love that makes you feel this way. learn to relax and enjoy being with your boyfriend!

I used to be the same; except their profiles were private so I couldn't really do much but squint my eyes and compare myself with their tiny, preview-selves. Thank goodness too 'cause I'd probably be in your shoes right now. I speak in past tense because like cinderella said, they're not together for a reason and you guys are. He loves you. You already win. I know it must feel like it's hard to compete with the past, but don't. First of all there isn't even a competition and as I said, you're here now. Just cherish that. Before you know it this insecurity will eat you alive, so please don't let that happen. You risk losing not only him but yourself. Good luck.

the only time i was obsessed with an bf's ex, was when he still contacted her. Otherwise, I really don't care.

Facebook and myspace are the devil, I'm telling you. The best advice I can give you is to cancel your account and stop looking at their profile. I understand your curiosity but is not healthy for you.

If you're feeling this way, I'm willing to bet it's because something isn't right in the relationship and your gut is warning you.

Even though I have a myspace account, I agree with totygoliguez about myspace and facebook being the devil. It's so easy to obsess over people.

I agree that even reasonably secure people can succumb to curiosity and look at ex's profiles. Don't beat yourself up over doing it. But I suggest deleting your profiles. It can be surprisingly difficult to do, but liberating at the same time.

My ex used to keep in close contact with his exes and I'd look at their pages because they'd post "luv ya" and other suspicious things on his page... then he told them I was "snooping" and two of the girls made their profiles private. There was definitely something wrong there. Obviously... anyway, you need to STOP NOW, or leave the guy... the insecurity will eventually strain your relationship anyway and I tend to agree that if you're obsessing, there's something missing from or wrong with your relationship.

Myystque and totigoliguez are right on...facebook may be great for reconnecting and staying in touch with people, but if you're in a relationship or just out of a failed one, I think it can be really negative.

You are creating potential conflict where there is none so far...you did not even mention if he is still in touch with them, but you are going to blow it in this relationship with your trust issues.

Close out your account and use all of this newfound free time for other things, including making your relationship the best it can be.

I wish for the simpler times...

i caught glimpse of my bf's ex on facebook (caught glimpse is a lie. i totally figured a way to stalk into her albums and see what she looks like and spent a whole work day doing it) - and it did NOT make me feel good. it made me feel sad that she's so goodlooking. and he said to me something the other day like "she was too good for me"....it hurts! just delete the facebook and cut yourself off cold turkey

i thought for sure i was the only one who has done this. i can relate to this a lot.

diamond. i'm really sorry your boyfriend tell you that. that is really horrible...i couldnt imagine how that made you feel.

actually i meant skigirl. dimaond is her group

I am sorry your boyfriend said that to you skigurl...men can be so insensitive

One of my ex's new gfs was admittedly a facebook stalker... so I know she snooped around my profile (we knew of each other years before this guy came into the picture and were Facebook friends, but not very close in real life.) I wasn't that bothered about it, though. And I've definitely been the "stalker" myself.

Thats not a good thing. I think I looked once or twice when I first started dating my bf now ex but he was never interested in her and if the last girls he dated were meant for him he would of never dated me. Things happen for reasons and people move on for reasons. Why live in the past. I am friends with my ex now and still friends with him on facebook. We talk everyday and I care for him. He does still have a girl (that I think her insecurities are coming out) bc she leaves him messages all the time on his wall and she was never in a serious relationship like I was with him. I don't care bc God does things for reasons and she can keep obsessively writing on his wall and etc bc if he is meant for me which I don't know there is no girl that will take him away no matter how much they try. I guess u just think like that and don't look at his ex's profiles so much you only going to cause trust issues then the relationship will break.

I think being curious about your bf's exes is totally normal. Curiosity is a normal emotion. So, feed your curiosity--poke around a little, look at her photos, and get it out of your system (I did the same thing!). Then STOP! If you're still obsessing, either have some discipline and force yourself to stop looking, or delete your profile. Because you're going to drive yourself crazy. If you still can't stop, maybe talk to your bf about their relationship. Not like a prying, jealous gf, just in passing. I'm sure he will tell you why he's not with her anymore and, more importantly, why he's with you. Maybe he'll reassure you a little bit by feeding that curiosity of yours even more, and it will get you to stop looking at her profile. If not, I think you have some trust/security issues that may be the end of this relationship (and any future relationships!) Think long and hard about why you're so obsessed with the ex and choose to be HAPPY. I genuinely believe it is a choice you have to make for yourself.

Curiousity about the exes is fine but obsessing over and stalking them are not.I would think it was weird if I knew someone was making it a point to stalk me.

It's such a waste of time and it accomplishes nothing.Instead why don't you invest all that time and energy and into loving your man and making your relationship work.

He's moved on with you and it's time you did the same and quit dwelling on his past.

Heh, the wonders of technology. Innocent curiosity can easily be turned into obsession. Sort of like looking up your cold symptoms on the internet and deciding you have lymphoma.

Another month old post, WTF?

Hrm...I kinda want to put a tracker on my fb profile - I have a lot of ex-boyfriends, so I must have a lot of girl stalkers!

That said, I've done the same thing to a certain degree - I'll check out what I can of the ex, make an assessment and move on. The point is, he's with me now. Fortunately, my current bf doesn't really have any serious exes.

Goodness, I totally understand the urge to look up exes. I totally have, but it didn't make me feel better. I think that facebook and myspace make these natural urges get a little out of control. Once there's a face to the name -- especially when you have a nice picture of them in your head -- it gets a little harder to deal with. Still, I would just concentrate on him being with YOU. Nothing good comes out of this insecurity. You either get over it and move on or you don't and it eats you alive. Best of luck!!

Us woman are soo crazy.

been there. done that unfortunately. yeah women are crazy...

Ive done that somewhat but it doesnt make me feel better I just try to stay away from doing that to myself because thats been left in the past. Also like other grls said ur the winner here so who cares what the ex's are up to.. just be happy =)

I took one look at my fiance's last ex and I didn't need another look. No competition there. My ex's new girlfriend friended me on Facebook - which I thought was weird because she didn't even message me first... but I guess she's doing the same thing the girl in the article is doing? I have no idea, whatever.

Honestly, curiosity is there but after seeing the difference, you should realize he's with you for a reason and he obviously broke up with her ... and they stayed broken up, for a reason.

I do this!! It makes me feel SICK. He only has one previous ex and it just tears me up inside whenever I look at her profile. I figured out from her profile (by going right back to the beginning, a few days before their break-up 2 years ago...) that she had been cheating on him right at the end. Then pictures of her and some other guy were on the profile like a few days after they broke up.

She added me on facebook the day after we got together. He doesn't speak to her though and she's stopped calling him for her stupid tech support questions a long time ago. She only ever gets in touch when she has "news" to brag about. Her PhD application was successful, she got engaged, she got a motorbike... blah blah blah. He is wise to this and everything though.

I actually snapped a good few weeks ago and spent like 2 hours quizzing him about their relationship. It ended over 3 years ago and I just HAD to know. She'd cheated on him and stuff and all I had was her facebook profile and tidbits to go on! So we had a good heart-to-heart. Things that I thought had triggered memories for him about her apparently hadn't because he said he could barely remember anything about her or the break-up. He said "you just want to know the warning signs for when I am bored with somebody, don't you?" Nail on the head! He told me that she had broken up with him but he "hadn't disagreed or begged" because he had been sick of her for a while.

Just having a heart-to-heart and a good quizzing session is usually enough to settle the nerves! I am such a stalker though!! I don't even like my ex and I stalk his new girlfriend. BECAUSE I CAN. I hate you facebook.

=)

For one he is with you and not them. Get them out of your head and don't mention any of them to him or he'll think you feel insecure about your relationship. My boyfriend talks about his ex girlfriends all the time and I blow it off and just listen to what he's talking about. The past is the past leave it there. A man doesn't want a wet blanket or a woman that feels the relationship isn't going to work due to ex's, you making yourself crazy. Stop and enjoy that you have a boyfriend that loves you. There are a lot of woman out there that don't have a bf and wish they did, no one wants to be alone. I know my husband left me after 17 years of marriage, but I found a younger guy that loves me and I love him.

Whoa, Silver!

Ok, let's look at the facts.

1) You know what you're doing is messed up. That's a good thing! "The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one", right?

2) You would be totally peeved and weirded out (and yet maybe oddly flattered) if he were doing the same to you, wouldn't you? Would you want him e-stalking YOUR exes? If not, then ask yourself why you would do something to him that you would never want him to do to you.

All of this is an expression, obviously, of your own self-doubt. You are stronger than this, or you wouldn't have posted here in the first place, so get yourself under control, girl!

Reign in your baser instincts. This is a relationship, which, contrary to popular opinion, is NOT a warzone. The need for espionage and reconnaissance is minimal.

i have a love hate relationship with facebook..it brought me & my 1st love back together after 20 yrs....but i hate that his ex's are on there...& it's very easy to flirt on there...life