It strikes me as odd he'd leave that in plain sight. Either there's some context you're totally missing, or he's lazy and doesn't care. Considering you're boht potheads, I'm going to go with "lazy and doesn't care."

How does someone "accidentally" snoop? Your eyes have a will of their own and read things despite all efforts of your mind to tell them not to?

Seriously.

You've only been dating 2 months. You will find out soon enough what his habits are. If you are going to let a letter that you shouldn't have read make your decision for you this soon, you shouldn't be in a relationship with this guy, or maybe anyone, in the first place.

If you read letters from one of my exes, you'd think I was an STD-ridden wh*re. So forget about what you saw, and make your own opinion of the man.

Luisa, you sound so judgmental, it makes me cringe.

"Considering you're both potheads, I'm going to go with "lazy and doesn't care.""

Ugh.

Even after two months, I think you can kind of tell when someone has an issue with drinking and/or drugs - unless you're doing them WITH him. :/

Depending on how close you feel to him, maybe just bring it up and talk about it [without mentioning the letters, that's just snooping and I don't understand how you "accidentally" look at things. You control your eyes, you *wanted* to look! Own up to it!]. This might give you a better idea of how he actually is with the alcohol and pot.

Being a rebound chick is the LEAST of your worries, imo.

Give the guy a chance. He probably screwed up and is trying to get back on track. If he shows these signs, then you are justified to leave him. But don't leave him just because of letters you saw from an ex. And like what karlotta said, my ex probably thinks the worst of me (as I do of him - HA!).

Im guessing this was edited.. but.. still, just make your own decisions. Maybe theyre from years ago and he brought them out thinking "wow i've changed". who knows

hahaha luisa... all potheads are "lazy and just don't care"???? don't think so!
haha... still a humorous comment though. i'd love to see what this said before about them both being potheads. why do they always have to edit theeeeeese??????

The part they took out is that the OP didnt mind the pot smoking so much because they would smoke it all the time together.

thanks fallen.

that's really funny then that they put "i've never seen this side of him before"... cause she obviously has if she's smoking up with him! LMAO!!

Who knows when this was written or the motives of the writer.
The best advice is to not snoop. It only causes questions and can make something out of nothing.

from past experience, just ask him if he still has n-e-letters from his ex's and tell him if he does ud feel more comfortable if he got rid of them and if he really does care bout then he will ans if he doesn't then he doesn't care about u and id go out and find someone who will be faithful and treat you the way u deserve to be treated

I don't think you're entitled to controlling what mementos he can and cannot keep from exes, or should admit that you snooped (because you did). What you do have is a responsibility to yourself to look out for you own best interests. If he's an addict, you'll see the signs soon enough. Or maybe the ex had a religious epiphany and broke up with him because of it, and was trying to convert him so they could be together again? Someone with a motive might grossly exaggerate a situation for their own benefit. Whichever... judge the man on his character, not what an ex girlfriend thinks about him.

Your relationship is new so take some time to form your own judgements instead of going off a letter you found from an ex.
Maybe he lost her and wants to change because of it. He could be different if you give him a chance to see.

Yeah, I agree with the other commenters. You shouldn't judge someone based on a letter from an ex. Maybe she was still pissed about the break-up and wrote it in the heat of the moment, and even she regrets writing it. You don't know the whole story.

And they are ex's for a reason. They weren't right for each other. Maybe she was more outgoing and found his bookish nature hermit-like, but you see it as intellectual and romantic. Maybe he drank too much because he was nervous around her extroverted social circle and ended up coming across as an alcoholic. And some people hate pot just as much as cigarettes--like in the previous post about the smoker (and anti-toothbrusher YUCK!), it's a deal breaker for a lot of people.

So keep your eyes open (but out of his private stuff) and your mind open. If he really does have problems, you'll see them soon enough.

(And yeah, hate the editing! How can you give advice to the OP when the story has changed from their original telling????)

Sometimes people are so miserable with their exes, they turn to things they otherwise wouldn't have, or they go through periods of depression. I know my ex and I were trying to escape from each other like that. Just wait and see - often it depends on the situation the person is in.

remember this is a letter from his ex. you cant always believe what an ex says. if they had a bad break-up and he broke up with her because of a bad habit she has, maybe she wrote the letter as a way to make it seem like he was the one with all the problems. i broke up with an ex because he was a heavy drinker, i got a e-mail from him saying i needed to get help to stop drinking and smoking. well i couldn't stop laughing because i never drink, i hate the taste of alcohol, and i never smoke because i have asthma. i think you should just talk to him about it, let him know you read it and talk about it.

Make your own opinion of the guy, but do be cautious. The letter could be entirely fiction from an angry ex, or it could point to some real issues. Just be on the lookout, but don't make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

LOL @ karlotta... been there!!! Never believe a letter from an ex... my ex husband wrote a letter saying that I thought I was a vampire and went around trying to suck peoples blood. Yeah. Seriously. This is because I owned a few Anne Rice books, and he probably couldnt find anything else to say about me...lol...
Oh, and of course I was a wh*re and a horrible mother.... so, yeah, take what she wrote with a grain of salt....

Why would his ex who obviously despises him take the time to write a letter with all of the reasons why? Normal people count themselves lucky that they don't have to deal with the dysfunction and move on - they don't take time and effort to write about it. I would question his ex more than him, but either way you are dating him now and perfectly able to draw your own conclusions.

I once wrote a horrible email to an ex who wanted an in-depth explanation of exactly why we broke up. Looking back, I shouldn't have done it, but at the time it made me feel SO much better. Half the stuff was probably an over exaggeration because I was angry, too.

First off, I'd figure out how long ago they dated - a casual how long did you and your ex date, why'd you break up convo isnt too bad. Maybe it was years ago or even his high school girlfriend?

If it's really bothering you though, just ask him. Seriously, a good relationship is built on trust and communication - if you need to ask a group of strangers about what to ask him, then the relationship is just not right.

I see we have another old post here!

Yeah, I'm with everybody else here, except I think that pot-smoking and being able to throw back a few actually makes a guy a fun partner. If he's seriously got a problem with substances, it'll show, and if it does and you & the guy really love each other, it's nothing you can't work through.

Good luck with your new relationship! And try to not snoop. It's only gotten me in bad, bad places.

EvilDorkGirl, you are SO wrong that love is enough to get through substance abuse issues.

Why don't you keep dating him and find out for yourself if those things are true? The poor girl was probably heart-broken and angry... I mean, come on, it was a WRITTEN letter. Poor guy, give him a chance.

I never said that love is enough to get through substance abuse issues. I just said that if she sees it is a problem, it's possible to work through it together. Clearly one needs a qualified mental health practitioner and the desire to get clean, among other things. But it never, ever hurts to have a supportive partner help you get through hard times, and that includes addiction.

All that aside, even if he does a lot of drinking & pot smoking it doesn't mean he neccessarily has a problem with it...

I found out one of my ex was somewhat of an acoholic 2 weeks out of the relationship. (although some people dont think so and just think I have low tolenrence when it comes to acohol) So really depends on how you feel about drinking and smoking pot. If it bothers you, you should talk to him. If it doesn't bother you, just ignore the letter and enjoy your time with him.

Wait...are you really asking whether you should change your opinion about a guy based on what his EX has to say about him rather than your own observations??

Um, no.

Decidedly no.

Think about it. She's his EX.