Next time you're there, absent-mindedly pick up the book, flip through it and say "Have you read this? Is it any good?" And see what he says.

Or just be honest and direct with him and ask him about it. I think that it may not be a big deal, but until you discuss it, you'll never know.

I mean, do you not having anything that you've kept from exboyfriends? It doesn't seem like a big deal, just a memento. I doubt he's holding a flame for this girl and manifesting that by keeping this book.

I honestly don't think there's anything to worry about. There are some people who do keep gifts/items from past relationships.I know I have.

The only way to get the answers is to go straight to the source instead of playing useless mind games.There's no point in your second guessing the reasons why he seems so attached to that specific book.You say you guys have been together for 2 years so it shouldn't be a problem for you to sit him down and just ask nicely without sounding like you are accusing him of anything bad.You might be surprised to find out that it has nothing at all to do with his feelings about his ex....

I don't think it's a big deal at all. I have held onto presents from ex's because the present itself was special; not the association with it. Then there are gifts that are only special because of who gave them to me; those I care less about since I am no longer with the person.

It's just a book. I say you are overthinking this one.

maybe he saw the book while you guys were moving stuff around for your party and decided he wanted to read it again. You'll never know until you ask him about it. I still suggest going the route luisamapacha suggested.

It's probably just a book, and he cares about the book, rather than caring about the ex and having this feeling manifest itself by keeping a book she gave him present.

But I'm way more bothered that you feel like you can't talk to him. If you can't talk to someone about your feelings (even the ones you know are crazy) then should you really be in a long term relationship with them? That's what concerns me most, not the fact that he's fond of a book.

Maybe his mom wrote it.. you said yourself it isn't signed...

I would hope his mom wouldn't write lovey-dovey stuff but who knows - maybe they're from West Virginia?

I personally don't think it's a big deal that he has the book. It is weird that he dug through and pulled it out to put on his desk though.

Honestly I'm surprised that you won't just ask him about it! What are you afraid of?

no biggie-probably just sentimental memories. I am sure you have some of these. talk to the man!

It isn't a big deal that he has the book still, but it IS a big deal that he specifically pulled it out of a pile in the closet and displayed it on his desk. Everyone has past relationship mementos that they look at occasionally (like months/years occasionally) but if you're in a new relationship you shouldn't want to look at the old memento that often or especially display it somewhere like that.

You need to talk to him about it and what he thinks/feels about it. Go with bringing it up casually like luisa said, or be direct and just ask, whichever way you are more comfortable with or whichever way you know your guy is more comfortable with. IMO, guys sometimes tend to respond better if you aren't direct. If you are direct they get defensive just b/c of the way you brought it up, even if they wouldn't have normally been defensive about the same subject. But either way, you guys need to talk about this b/c it bothers you.

I understand why you're feeling that way. I'd feel the same way. If it were me I'd just casually look through the book and ask him about the note. I know it sounds sneaky but it will most likely ease your fears and make you feel better. You can always confess that you already saw it and was curious about it. I don't think that you have any right to ask him to get rid of the present but you should be able to ask him about it and get a straight answer. I'm sure it's innocent.

PS- The woman in the stock photo is gorgeous.

I have gifts from ex's. I only hang onto the really important things, things that have a special meaning to me because of what they are and not because of who gave it to me.

I say just ask your partner about the books significance. It's probably completely innocent.

It probably isn't a big deal, but something tells me you're on the lookout for infidelity. I hope you haven't started snooping, and finding the book was 100% random chance...

I agree with everyone else... you need to talk to him about it if it bothers you! Maybe, in the same way you stumbled across the book, he stumbled across it while transporting it to the closet? Maybe it's just a really good book? Whatever the reason, rest assured that I have a few books with dedications written in the covers... not all from exes either... that I just can't figure out what to do with. I don't want to donate it to a library because of the personal note on the cover, but I've read it and want to make room in my bookshelf. So don't speculate... communicate!

Yes, you are making this a bigger deal than it is. It was a gift, from an ex. If this is the only "evidence" you have of him hanging on to his past, than you need to reevaluate your own life and think about if you have any gifts from past boyfriends, or even just friends.

We go through our lives, in and out of relationships, and in the journey we pick up mementos, sentimental ones that remind us of that time in our life, it doesnt mean he is hanging on to her through that book, it means that he is thoughtful enough to cherish his memories and that makes him a keeper!

Would you want a man who cared nothing about his past, who discarded memories and objects like they were trash? I certainly wouldnt.

i feel your pain - if i get something in my head like this i freak out internally until i finally just ASK

i found a phone number of a girl at my ex's apartment (a girl we both knew but i had no idea why he would have her number sitting there on the table) and almost threw up i was so sick and ended up asking and it was his roomates (a new roomate who was starting to see this girl) - i was irrational and freaking out but if i had just asked immediately i would have been able to calm down about it!

if he has sentimental value attached to it then YES i would worry but i am sure he has a good explanation for it!

WHAT IS UP WITH THE POSTS COMING BACK AFTER 3 WEEKS????? SERIOUSLY? I've already asked like 8 times, and nobody ever responds - am I the only one who noticed? Am I in the 4th dimension? WTF?

It would depend on the book how much I'd care. I mean, is it "Harry Potter?" I don't think I'd toss out a book an ex gave me and buy a new copy of something like that just to avoid having stuff from an ex around. If it's something more rare or on a topic he doesn't ordinarily read, then it's worth a chat.

Karlotta,

I have certainly noticed and wondered about the recycling as well...wondering if there is some big shake up at Sugar and some reorganization which they want to keep to themselves....who knows, maybe the economy is affecting workers at this site as well!

Agree that it is annoying though...like we're too dumb to notice.

haha yeah i definitely notice when i have ALREADY commented on it!

just ask him in a non confrontational way who it is from. He could have bought it used and the subscription has nothing to even do with him. I have books from Ex's i keep them because i like the books -who gave it to me is completely disconnected from the books itself

I would have taken the book and put it completly somewhere else to see if he would ask. If could be that he forgot about and saw it when putting things away and thought to look at it again. Maybe it was a let me look one last time. If you were living with him I would see it as being something that should no longer be there. Never be afraid to confront him with anything you are thinking and feeling- just don't go into the conversation in attack mode!

Karlotta it's driving me mental too! I think that it was added to Sugar status (with the picture and the editing) in GroupTherapy but it wasnt actually posted on DearSugar, know what I mean? Still annoying for the GroupTherapy addicts though

its a book!!!!! its not like he had naked pictures of this girl in his underwear drawer. maybe the book has sentimental value to him, maybe he was looking for a particular quote or saying from the book or maybe he just really likes the book. whatever the reason i wouldnt make a big deal about it. if you want to know why he has the book out and went through the trouble to find it then just ask him why he likes the book so much. no big deal.

Omg! I've noticed these posts coming back too!!!!!!!!!! Glad I'm not crazy, LOL!!

Yeah I agree what is up with the recycled posts?

Wow, I'm so glad you ladies are seeing it too! Since I was the only one commenting on that, I thought I was going insane - LOL.

You should probably break up with him. I'm sure he dreams about her everynight and wants to get back together with her. He probably sneaks away into the room where the book is everynight and reads the inscription over and over again. Start checking his phone and emails...accuse him of cheating and throw sh*t across the room.

Do you really expect someone to throw away a book - especially if it's a good book - just because it was given to them by a former girlfriend? Personally, I'd try to let it go, but if you have to know just ask him very succinctly, "I noticed that book has an inscription in it. Is it from your ex? Tell me about it."

LOL Bluestar!

This post is so old, the OP and her boyfriend are probably kaput by now anyway!

I still have some things that my ex gave to me as gifts...I was with him for 6 years, so I don't think it's weird or inappropriate either. They don't necessarily have sentimental meaning or anything, they're mostly just practical things that I use/wear regularly. My husband has no issues with it.

If you're too insecure to ask him a question about a BOOK, how can even think about having a future with him? Seriously, learn to communicate what you're feeling or you two won't last anyway.

I would have said something. =)

My boyfriend threw out pictures of his ex when we got together - the simple fact of him not doing this sooner was because he saw no reason why he needed to. He has made a nice clean break though.

I have no idea what gifts she gave him - I think the watch he wears or something like that. He is supposed to trash his watch? No. Was your boyfriend supposed to throw away a book he might like? Obviously this is a book which the girlfriend at the time thought would be interesting for him and when you were clearing out the closet he was probably like "OH MAN I MEANT TO READ THAT AND TOTALLY DIDN'T". My ex has books that I have given him on his bookshelf and it's not a big deal! I didn't write anything in them though, I don't think.

I have an iPhone, camera and bike from my ex. Am I supposed to trash those? I'm not going to! =)

Oh yeah - TALK TO HIM. GEEZ.

WHAT KIND OF BOOK IS IT?

it might have nothing to do with the girl AT ALL. when I get books as gifts is because i ask for them (who gives a random book as a gift???) and if I ask for a book is because i really REALLY like it. I read and re-read my favorite books ALL the time. I've kept some that were given to me by former bf..not because I miss the person but because it was a kickass book!

A couple of years ago, I got my ex-bf a signed, first edition book for his bday - I really hope his new gf didn't make him throw it away, or that he didn't throw it away thinking he should be getting rid of what I gave him after we broke up.

It's a book, not a love letter.

I was gona comment on it. but since its a recycling...nvr mind hahaha

You are definitely "overthinking this".

Is your boyfriend not allowed to have memories, either? You're dating a person. A person comes with a past. Obviously he dated this girl, and because he was dating her, he cared about her. He keeps the book because his time with her meant something to him. They're a part of his past, a part of what made him who is now.

Honestly, I would be disturbed by a man who would casually throw away something so evocative of what once was. I think it shows a deal of emotional maturity on his part; you can be with a person, and still cherish the memories of those who came before.

I would take it as a good sign. He is obviously capable of caring deeply.

We're all insecure. Try to recognize that what you're feeling might not be completely rational. If you have no other reasons to doubt him, then I would say to just let it go.