One of my dearest friends is an ex, but he is the rare exeption. Even when we were dating he was more of a friend than a lover. In most cases I try to live by the "Dead to Me" rule. I try to pretend that the person is dead. I delete all of their emails, all vms, their numbers from my cell, etc. Continuing contact usually leads to continuing heartbreak. This isn't easy. It's something I've struggled with (publicly, as I have a blog and write about my struggles with exes and bfs, etc) but I do believe that no contact is better.

If it was someone casual sure but anything serious no way.

I usually just live as if my ex's have dropped off the face of the earth. I have been pretty fortunate in the fact that after break-ups I never see them again. Not even out and about. However, I have one ex who is one of my closest friends. Right now its still heartwrenching when we speak and we trade a lot of mixed signals but no matter what we are the best of friends.

Nope - none of my exes were friends before we started dating and they aren't after either. We're friendly acquaintances, though. My most recent ex is someone I lived with and nearly married, so I really don't think you can go back from that. We would be nice to each other if we saw each other, but we make no effort to keep in touch and it's perfect that way.

I'm friends with almost all of my exes. I always have a strange relationship with boyfriends, were like friends AND lovers.. which is good cuz when the love thing wears off we still have the friendship... with the exception of one... i moved to go to college so we broke up and i havent heard from him since. No complaints though, I love the man i'm with now!

No, too many messy feelings on both sides. It's just easier to make a clean break.

Nope never been able to stay friends. I just can't be friends with someone that has known me so intimately. It's awkward.

sometimes, I feel sad that you invested so much precious time and resources with them, more so than any other relationship and once you break up, they are gone forever. (I too practice the pretend you're dead rule) Is that the price we all have to pay when looking for that everlasting love?

I don't think so...

I've never been able to go back to being friends immediately. Like a lot people have mentioned, I pretend like they've just dropped off the face of the earth. However, after a year or so post break up, luckily I've been able to go back and and rekindle a platonic friendship.

Sometimes I wish I had tried harder to be nice to exes in the past..I would get very hateful and just be nasty to them sometimes. It was horrible. I'm embarrassed now.

I still hang out with my ex.

well most of the guys I saw in the past were more casual than anything else so I'm still in contact with them. I'm also still good friends with only one guy that was even remotely serious.

I think it completely depends on the circumstances of the breakup, if you were friends fist and how the relationship was in general. My first relationship was a classic first love, but ended suddenly. We didn't speak for a few months, but now we're back to good friends when we see each other. Another relationship was started suddenly, I had was harboring a secret crush for another guy, and he dumped me suddenly after he said I had changed (crazy, a girl who isn't even 20 changing and growing, who would have thought!). I don't speak to him at all now.

nope nope nope. can't do it!

I am married to my ex, lol. If you can handle it, go for it. It could be that you weren't meant to be together "at that moment"; but, later, you may find that you were.

Always.

I'm good, good f riends with all of my ex's. My motto is that just because we can't date doesn't mean we can't be friends. Even in the worst breakup situation we've moved on and remained friends after time. It DOES take time though.

That being said, my first boyfriend in college, the first guy I slept with, lived with etc. - He married my best friend 4 years ago and they have two kids together. I'm totally okay with it, they're great people and love one another. Who am I to begrudge their love jsut because he and I weren't compatible? People think I'm crazy for that but I'd be crazy to abandon their friendship.

I've only had one true ex, and while we weren't able to be friends right at first (too many hard feelings on both sides, and general immaturity), we've now managed to start repairing the friendship we used to have...

It's perfectly possible to be friends with an ex, but both parties have to have genuinely moved on.

My ex and I are trying to be friends. We broke up because we couldn't do long distance (along with other reasons). I'm in school and we've talked about getting together in the future, but we can't right now because I'm not done with school yet. He's dating someone else now, but he says he wants to break up with her when I can move closer to him. He also keeps telling me he's still in love with me... Its probably the most bizarre situation I can imagine...

I keep tabs on a couple of exs through social networking sites, but don't go out of my way to speak with them or be friends.

I'm with Aimee. If it's casual sure!!! No problem!!! We can be friends and hang out and there are no problems because there was little to no emotional involvement. My serious relationships I would rather just go on pretending they don't exist. Too much work.

Yes, but only after a couple of months/years of not speaking to each other. We had to kind of get over our hurt to be friends again. I'm not best friends with any of them anymore, but it's a friendship nonetheless

I'm friends with an ex but we were very casual when we were dating. Usually, I think there is just to much history for me to be able to make a clean break and still be friends.

Sometimes.

i agree with what some others have said...only after some time has gone past and depends on the circumstances of the breakup. its funny, i was just talking to one of my friends about this at lunch today. it's tricky for me because either i could see them and still be angry about some things that happened in the past, or see them and get along really well and start wondering if i am really over them. i guess there is only one guy in my experience i have truly been able to be friends with, and our relationship was completely disfunctional so we are both TOTALLY over it. i just had to tell another of my exes the other day to stop texting and calling me because even though we broke up eight years ago when we talk a lot i start to think i'm not over him

Completely depends. If the relationship and subsequent breakup were awful, then I'm not likely to speak to the guy again. I'm still friends with the majority of my exes - as in, we can chat online or on the phone ocassionally just to see what's up because they were good guys in and out of the relationship. There are 3 I don't talk to and have no desire to, and that's because they either cheated on me or were complete a*holes, or both.

You have to be completely over him, or it never works, because there is always hope that you will get back together.

Time away is the only thing that really heals, I think even more than dating another random guy.

Not with all of them, no. If we were friends first, usually. There is only one exception, and he was my first love. We weren't really friends first, but there's no way I could cut him out of my life forever. We were so close, and became friends again just a couple months out of the breakup. It was messy and complicated though, because we tried to have a relationship again and it didn't work. I guess we mostly stay in touch b/c it meant a lot to us at the time. But things have changed and we've both changed and moved on to other things. Most of my other bfs have been pretty casual/not as serious though, so it's not difficult to be friends since there's no emotional baggage.

For the most part, no. I'm a pretty relaxed and level headed person and I've never had a disastrously painful breakup, but I can't seem to stay friends once we've broken up. I've just never had the motivation to, I guess.

In the past I had no problem with being friends, but it was usually my ex who just couldn't hang. With my man now, I can't imagine ever only being friends.

In relationships past no. But my most recent ex and i have been trying to be friends and just friends. It's very hard for me! I agree with sunshinepoint, it does take time... A LOT OF TIME! But it is possible, i think.

That all depends on the guy.

Hardest thing to do ever...Honeybrown, my ex and I are actually wondering about the "at the moment part." It's all a mess though, but somehow it's working? Well at least I'm trying to make it work for myself...kinda like the "dead to me thing." It's weird putting love in a box until later, haha...w/e...school time.

I'm pretty good friends with a couple of my exes from high school but obviously those were not serious relationships.

With the two guys I've had serious relationships with:

I was still good friends with one until he recently started dating someone new...now it's just awkward.

The other one and I kept hooking up when we were trying to be friends. Now he has a new girlfriend and we have no contact.

No...tried and failed.

one yes and five nos.

Some of them are not bad people, and I'm sure we could get along if we had to, but I don't really have any desire to talk with them, or seek them out - since we've lost contact with most of them in the (max 7 and min 1) year since we've separated.

It's easier that way, and I feel that it has the potential to hurt any future partners in the long run, so it's not really worth it.

One of my closest friends is an ex of mine.

However my last ex has done the "Dead to me" thing, we were very good friends before we started dating, and the relationship ruined our friendship.

I'm civil with one ex, and we can actually hang out and have a good time together, but we dated when we were like 14, lol! Plus, we only hang out if we are at the same party or something. All of my other exes either don't live in the area anymore or we just don't talk to each other.

VERY rarely, because:
If the relation was real and intense, I'll either won't be over him yet or the other way around, hate his guts! lol

but if it was just normal with no drama etc.., sometimes it works..there was this one guy who wouldn't say hello to me anymore so I did not too..otherwise it'd not bother me!

I COULD BUT NOT DO IT RIGHT AWAY. BUT I CAN EVENTUALLY.

I went through a period of time when I actually took pride in the fact that I remained friends with exes, until someone finally pointed out that they weren't really my friends. That they were just these guys from my past that I cared about at one point, but I no longer talk to because they have moved on with their lives. This realization hurt me really bad, and now I harber resentment every time someone says they are "friends with their exes". I think it is because it feels like the other person is saying that their ex loved them more than my ex loved me because they still communicate regularly. Crazy I know - why should I care about the ratio of ex-love between me and some random person! It makes me want to grill this person until they cave, but I usually try to keep my trap shut.

As much as I'd love to get phone calls and sweet emails from my exes, I comfort myself with the fact that it really wouldn't be good for my psyche anyway. Plus, maybe these guys are just players, or lonely, or were never really that serious about their girlfriends in the first place which is why they are able to hang out with them and not feel pain.