I don't care how many drinks you have had. It is NOT ok to hit a woman. EVER. And being drunk isn't an excuse.

You can try to talk to her and be honest and open about everything, but she might refuse to see you.. and has every right to do so.

I agree with above. Of course, you used the same tired "I'll never do it again" line, which most likely isn't true. All it takes is one time...and that's it. Personally, I would stop chasing her down and let her live her life. Let her meet someone that knows how to treat her with respect. How can you honestly think she'll ever want to talk to you again? Leave her alone and learn from your lesson.

You don't know that you'll never do it again. I'm sure you never thought you'd do it the first time, so you just can't be sure. And your girlfriend - who sounds like she could well be an ex girlfriend after that - is wisely aware that if it happens once it can happen again and wans nothing to do with you.

You should speak to a professional about this and face the fact that your actions have caused you to lose something that was important to you.

unacceptable. no matter what situation ur in, don't ever hit a girl. she's right to leave u. i dont even tolerate a guy yelling at me lest put his hands on me??!?!

I think you should seek counseling and anger management classes before you get into another relationship. You have to prove you have learned and I think counseling to understand why you did it in the first place would be the first step. Don't get your hope up that this girl will ever speak to you again. I know I wouldn't. There is not excuse for domestic violence. Seek help from a professional immediately.

i chose forgive, because i've been in the same boat. i hit my boyfriend, and it's a terrible feeling to have done it. luckily, my boyfriend eventually forgave me. and i've forgiven myself and i've never done it again.

it's especially hard for people who grew up spanked, because you learn that when you're frustrated with someone and you're so angry, you just hit them. that is where i learned it.

and no, there is no difference when the victim is a man or a woman. you've hit your significant other in rage. just because it's more socially acceptable to hit a man (ever seen a romantic comedy?), that doesn't make it right.

so i forgive, though his girlfriend probably won't. yes, it was a mistake dude, but she has a right to feel violated about it and move on if she wants to. so i suggest you move on as well, forgive yourself, don't worry about whether or not she forgives you, and don't ever do it again with your next girlfriend, your eventual wife, or your future children. though i doubt you ever will, because the feeling after you hit someone you love is the worst feeling in the world.

I think it is forgivable just the once, and you need to seek help about this as soon as possible. Drinks do make you more aggressive (but don't blame it on the drinks), you as an adult have a responsibility to know how to control your emotions and to control how much you drink. If drinks make you feel angry quicker than normal then perhaps you shouldn't drink? Seek help, send her flowers everyday and begs her to forgive you. I wish you well.

katie I admire your honesty

Thats horrible. You need to get help before entering another relationship....to save yourself and that next woman

First off, this behaviour is not okay. It is never okay to hit anybody, period.

That said, kudos to you for realizing your terrible mistake and accepting your part in it. I noticed you did not lay any of the blame on her, and that's a good first step.

Your next logical step would be to seek some sort of professional help. I would let her know the situation as it unfolds and give her the time and space she needs to deal with it. If it's over, it's over. Accept that. What you can do now is to ensure it never happens again.

We all do things we wish we could take back. Best of luck to you during this difficult time.

yeah, you messed up, and this is one of those deal breaker things, you have no right to ask for her forgiveness.

sucks for you, but hopefully she won't be scarred emotionally by your actions and you won't be an ass anymore...

I am sorry. I know you made a mistake, but blaming your drinking on the reason why you hit your girlfriend is not forgivable. It is never ok to hit anyone. No guy should hit his girl and no girl should hit her guy.

It seems like you may have some underlying anger problems that came out when you two fought. I would look for some anger management classes in your area while you give her some space.

i think its forgivable...its not ok to hit anyone...i think everyone learned that in kindergarten, we use our words not our hands...you should definetly talk to a shrink or someone...let her know that yer getting help...and i agree with other people, send her flowers everyday...my grandfather was an alcoholic and he hit my grandmother once, they were going through a divorce and she wouldnt forgive him...when she told me about it, she said that she wishes she had said that she forgave him because although they were on the outs anyway, she still loved him and she always tells me to forgive and forget because it ended up causing her as much pain as it did him

I say that you deserve forgiveness, especially from yourself. All people do something in their lives that they know, either immediately or eventually, was a really inexcusable thing to to. You have to accept what you did and vow to yourself not to ever allow yourself to go there again.

However, your ex-girlfriend certainly has no reason to forgive you unless she should choose to. In my opinion what you need to do is to sign yourself up for an anger support group, donate whatever you can to a local women's shelter for abused women, and write your former partner a letter describing how you know what you did was unforgivable and you hope she is managing with the devestation caused by the event. Then let her know that you love her and hope she is happy, and walk away. If she chooses to forgive you and give you a second chance, it HAS to be on her terms and hers alone. Not because you pressured her or cuaght her at a low moment. Best of luck.

Maybe you are a changed man. Maybe you did learn your lesson. And that's great. But you might have lost this girlfriend in the process. You might have to prove you learned your lesson in your next relationship.

I'm sure you feel totally out of control right now that you can't get in touch with your girlfriend. But smothering her right now is not the answer. She'll probably end up more scared if you keep hounding her.

I might go to a counseling session if I were you to talk this over with a professional.

I think you can eventually forgive yourself. But shame and regret are emotions that are benficial right now. They are the ones that will prevent you from doing this in the future. They are your penance.

i'm with weirddramachick on this one.

If that was me I wouldn't have picked up the phone either. As much as you have expressed your regret and sorrow I chose not to forgive you because there is no excuse for hitting a women. As a women having another man hit me is one of my worst fears and probably your girlfriends too. If she chooses not to be with you any more than you need to accept that and move on because she probably doesn't see you as the same person anymore. I sorry that this happen but I hope you truly learned from your mistake.

Forgive based on the assumption that you wouldn't drink anymore. You don't know that you'll do it again because you can't control yourself when you drink.

your EX girlfriend is very smart and obviously has a head on her shoulders. she's not going to sticking around to get hit a second time. she loves herself more than you.please get counseling before it escalades on a new girl.

What goes through a man to get to a point that he just "explodes" and loses it all. Drunk or not?? I'm curious to know as I have been in a similar situation where my ex and I were in an argument over I don't know what, but he nearly pushed me down a flight of stairs but luckily I caught my balance, that just made it worse because he did not get his own way then he grabbed me by the arm and held it so tight. Well that episode of my life is over. Thank God!! I'd love to get in the male brain and see what happens exactly. And they always say us women are full of SH**

I agree with what a lot of people above have said. You'll have to forgive yourself to learn from it and move on, but I wouldn't expect your girlfriend to forgive you. That said, some type of counseling might help you to understand why you did it, how to not ever do it again, and help you forgive youself too. While you may not ever get your girlfriend back, you can use this as a learning experience and try to get something out of this bad situation.

Not forgive, how could you do something like that to a person you suppose to love? Learn from that mistake!

I think you should get some counseling. And that is the way to be forgiven by figuring out how you could possibly do that,

Sorry to say, but I think she's very smart to leave you. There are so many (too many) women who fool themselves into thinking their man has changed and won't hit them ever again. Even if it was just once, that's all it takes. Learn from your mistake and drink more responsibly around your next girlfriend.

you do it once, you will do it again. if i was her, i would stay away from you and i definitely won't forgive you. a woman is for you to love. not to abuse.

it's especially hard for people who grew up spanked, because you learn that when you're frustrated with someone and you're so angry, you just hit them.

Speak for yourself: I was spanked and I would never raise my hands to a grown man, not do I accept men who hit women. Spanking was a form of punishment, not an expression of anger or frustration. But I digress...

Anyway... I voted "undecided" because personally I wouldn't forgive you if you were my boyfriend. If you had hit me, you'd be dead to me. No amount of groveling or begging could change my mind.

However, if your girl takes you back consider yourself lucky... and on notice. If you "get drunk" again and "accidentally" hit her again, don't be surprised if she walks out on you.

it doesnt matter how many drinks uve had u NEVER hit a grl.. u shud def evaluate urself.. if u truly are sorry dont give up on her.. but u def need to work ur hardest to make her know what u did was completely wrong & that u are truely sorry.. if she gives u a second chance then yes definately consider urself a lucky guy.. but if not, at least u can learn from this mistake & move on..

I was spanked growing up, but I didn't turn violent.
I went through hell growing up because many dislike my racial identity, but it didn't turn me into hateful racist person.

All I can say is this, you may need to not find excuses for what you've done, trying to find excuses and thinking that this will not ever happen again, just sounds...a little pathetic and defensive on you. Sounds like someone who's more likely to repeat the behavior.

Just be honest with yourself. Maybe you two doesn't connect well as a couple regardless how much you care/love each other. It happens. You move on eventually. Accept that it's probably over between the two of you.

As for the hitting and drinking behavior. Try to get help, go to an AA meeting. Don't stalk (aka by calling her a gazillion times, texting her, driving by her house, e-mailing her, etc) her unless you want to be arrested in the near future and get slapped with restraining order.

The next communication you should give her is to APOLOGIZE clearly (send a letter or something) and go to AA meeting, go take anger management courses and let her know about this. Let her know you're taking steps to correct your mistakes. If you don't want to let her know, it's all good too, all you need is to HELP YOURSELF right now.

You sound like someone on the edge of something not-so-good. Be mindful and go get HELP. Maybe in the near future, you can forgive yourself for doing what you did. Find support group. You can definitely do it.

Good luck.

well what kind of hit? was it a punch in the face that sent her to the er, or a more of a shove because you were in the middle of an arguement and she poked you in the chest while she was screaming in your face? not enough information. no one deserves to be hit, but by our very nature as human beings we are imperfect and all of us fall short at times. it doesn't sound as though she is receptive to your attepmts at contacting her. that speaks volumes. could she have been looking for an exit? does she want ultimate control? there is an imbalance in this relationship but i can't tell which way it leans. maybe the better question is should you forgive yourself and move on.

if your drinking to the point where your hitting your girlfriend...I think thats a good enough sign for you to seek some help. But if it was an accident its different. However if it was a deliberate punch or slap, then you need to do something about that. Because who knows when that may happen again.

I'm undecided on this one. It's never ok to hit a woman, even if you are drunk. It doesn't seem like you've had an issue before with it, but that's not to say that it could never happen again because you didn't think it would happen in the first place. It's totally up to your girlfriend...It all depends on if she can see past the fact that you did hit her but that you don't do it all the time....does that make sense? I hope so...If it were me, I may take you back...but I may not. It's hard b/c that's never happend to me before. Best of luck.

No way. Not acceptable. She is right by not talking to you. You may have thought prior to hitting her that you would never do that and now you have the nerve to say that you KNOW you will never do that again... You need talk to someone and figure some things out so that the next woman you are with (because she is OBVIOUSLY not coming back to you) what your problem is and DO NOT blame this on alcohol. Cheap cheap way out of it and not taking responsibility!

I truly am APPAULED by how many people say that with some counseling, he should be forgiven. People who are abusive, DO NOT do it once and then say oopps, my bad I won't do that again. It is a mental sickness people. My friend works in a domestic abusive violence home-where women take them and their families to get way from abusers and earlier this year, a woman was MURDERED when she left by her ex that she was trying to escape- My mom was abused as well and as a child me and my sisters suffered greatly from this. Yes he hit her once..SO FAR but the likely hood of this happening is great. It's not just hitting women either-it's hitting across the board. I am not some crazy man hater either it's just that I know the effects of this and would never stand for that crap.

No one here is condoning abuse. However, do you really believe that someone who makes one mistake should never forgive themselves, even if they never repeat that mistake for the rest of their lives?
Obviously, if he continues the behavior he doesn't deserve forgiveness. That is the whole point. We are saying, go get help, go fix this. Go figure out where this came from and get help. And then earn your forgiveness over time.

Drinking only brings out the true personality that lies beneath. You feel bad now but what is going to stop you from doing it again. Yes you should be forgiven but you need to take steps to make sure it does not happen again. Anger management classes, quit drinking? If I was your girlfriend however I never would forgive you nor would I ever be able to trust you again so you must accept that you have lost her. Take what you will learn from this experience and apply it to your next relationship.

If my boyfriend did that to me- I would leave him to! Totally UNTOLERABLE.

Even though you know what you did is wrong, you know NOW. Did you not know before?

it is absolutely not okay to hit a woman. even if you would "never do it again" you should have never done it in the first place. if it were me, i would have left you too. even though you can hope that one day in her heart she will forgive you, if she is smart there will never be a reconciliation of the relationship. forgiveness is one thing, but choosing to put yourself in that situation again is something that a smart woman would never do.

Unforgivable... I feel for you dude but you need help. Once is all it takes. If alcohol gets you that upset you need help. This may be the first time you hit your girl but do you often have drunken fights in bars or getting into shouting matches? You def need counseling. That behavior is NEVER okay I grew up watching abuse I could never forgive.

And whomever made the reference of spanking a child and a man hitting a woman...um okay? Totally not the same

oof. katie, thanks for the honesty. i'm saying forgive, but i will admit this raises a lot of good questions for me. i know that i slapped my boyfriend once for something he said, and i felt awful, but to be honest it never raised those kinds of questions...i guess i never saw slapping a man for something horribly rude was really a bad thing. reading all of this, let's just say my perspective has shifted. i don't know if it's because women constantly slap men as an acceptable form of response in movies, or on tv, or even in books...but ya know, we see and hear a lot of things in the media that just aren't okay. thank you all for opening my eyes to this particular one.

i agree with the anger management and the letting her know then leaving her alone train of thought. good luck to you.

I understand no one is condoning it however, it's that people are being pretty aloof about the situation. Sure people deserve forgiveness but just saying, "I know I'll never do it again" isn't quite enough for me. And like I said before, most of the time, this behavior doesn't stop at one time. Forgiveness is earned, not just given.

ok, i have to comment on someone else's comment.

You weren't spanked katie225, you were beaten. I was spanked. I was never spanked out of anger. My mom or dad would calm down, and, if spanking was indeed the punishment i deserved, and my mom was theo ne that was mad, my dad would do the spanking, etc. Looking back on it, it hurt more to know that i was being spanked than the actual spanking itself, and i plan on spanking my children.

You are blaming your actions on something other than yourself just as the dearsugar guy blamed it on alcohol. only you are responsible for your own actions.

like u said u didnt realise what ud done before u did it, so what could u be capable of if u cant control urself, its never ever ok to hit a woman, be a gentlman! i think u should mayb seek help however weird u may think anger managment is, or for unhinged people, u obviously need a little help, or dont drink, if u did know what u were doing then thats even worse, u need help, and respect ur ex wishes, if she has some sence i dont reali think shel b coming back, it sounds harsh but u need to be told

I agree with cravinsugar, I grew up in a house where spanking was a form of punishment, but it was never done in a fit of anger of frustration. Because I was spanked never gave me the urge to hit or beat someone else. Earlier in my life I was involved in an abusive relationship, I got away from it. I have never blamed my actions or decisions I have made on those years of horror. I am responsible for my actions no one else as is everyone else.

If you look at the stats of abusers, a huge percentage of them grew up in families of abuse.

That is not to say that abuse is okay. That is not to say that people who grow up in families of abusers aren't responsible for their actions if they themselves become abusers.

But let's have a little reality check here. We learn a huge amount of behavior when we're kids and the people who grow up being abused have to unlearn that behavior, whereas everyone else has a leg up because they were never exposed to it.

So give katie a break. She's not blaming anyone. She took full responsibility for what she did and was just examining what had happened in her life and how that might have affected the behavior.

The reality is that we are all responsible for our actions. But the reality is also that how we are treated when we are children affects our lives forever. Kudos to the person who grew up being hit or spanked out of anger and who can be self-aware enough to stop the cycle.

I believe in forgiveness... HOWEVER, I don't think she should ever forget. I think she is doing the right thing by avoiding you. If my husband ever told me to "shut up," let alone hit me, I would leave his ass in less than a second. I'd hire a divorce lawyer, and I'd take him for everything he has and everything he is going to have in the future.

There's a difference between "forgiving" and "forgetting."

If I were you, I would keep trying to apologize... Get some professional help... And then move on. You have no chance with her ever again. the best thing for you to do is make sure you get help so that you never do it again with another girl.

i grew up with abuse from the day i was born. i have NEVER hit anyone before, i'm petrified of hurting people (even people i dislike) even with words. i kinda get a little offended when people say it's mainly the people who have been abused, who abuse other's because it's "how they were brought up". it's almost as if we're getting looked down on. this wasn't in response to anyone's comments, i actually haven't yet read the ones after my last comment here.

okay, i've read them now (:
i think i have read them before.
my bad.

I think you deserve forgiveness. not like it matters what we all think, as long as you forgive yourself. i think this one is pretty hard to recover from though. you're pretty much at her mercy as to whether of not she'll forgive you. if she does, just don't take advantage of that forgiveness and do it again.

Katie-- the reason it is more accepted that a women hit a man is simple physics-- a man can physically hurt a women far more easily than vice versa-- i ama very strong girl and yet my boyfriend taught me to punch by having me hit his arm--- if this were reversed i can't imagine how much it would hurt ( i am not comparing the two just saying) i think both are so wrong though. I mena people learn better in kindergarten

you did it and there's no goin back... in the record you've hit a girl... and whatif she does go back with you and you find yourself not being able to control yourself again... and what if you do.. you wouldn't really know unless it were to happen again, same situation. No matter how mad you get at someone it's not ok to hit them, esp. someone you love that's a woman. She did provoke you and that I can understand and you can't take the blame for everything, but just know that the relationship you had with the girl is now over. Time to move on and start brand new.. You learned a new lesson here.. not to ever hit a girl again... so with that being said, you're now a brand new man.. accept it and have a better relationship with someone else...