My boyfriend is opposed to threesomes also. There is no telling when he will forgive you and he may never let you hear the end of it. But if he loves you so much he will not just let you go. I say keep it to yourself. Though he loves you, this could leave you forever tainted in his eyes. You and your friends shoulld just try not to get too drunk around each other to make sure threr are no drunken confessions. I know it hurts but if you are scared to lose him then you can't tell him.

P.S. if you do tell him, you need to be mentally prepared for what ever the consequences are. It could range from break-up to him being angry and cheating back. Or he could just have a bad attitude for a looooong time.

"Before things got too crazy, I realized what I was doing and I quickly got up and left."

It kind of hangs on this phrase ... what is "before things got too crazy"? If it's eating you up inside I guess it doesn't mean "nothing happened"?
Maybe you should ask yourself the question why this happened. Having a couple of drinks doesn't usually result in jumping in bed with a befriended couple, so why did you let it come that far?

Aside from that, you need to let your own conscience decide whether this warrants a confession or not. If this will weigh on you so heavily that your relationship will suffer if you don't come clean, that's the way to go.

In any, whether you tell him or not, I suspect hanging out with your friends will be awkward anyway.

I would usually say keep it to yourself, but if you're such good friends with this couple, it will probably come out eventually anyway. I'd fess up. If he breaks up with you, so be it, but it's gonna be so much worse if he finds out 6 months down the road from them.

If nothing SERIOUS happened (like, you kissed them and nothing else) then this is OK. There have been times where me AND my boyfriend have come close to a situation like this with a couple of friends but we know that we never would.

With friends you are their friend because you find them interesting, funny, attractive etc. and they push all your buttons. For a sexual thing to happen like this after a few glasses of wine and sexually charged talk then it's really not surprising.

You should discuss this with your friends though and then tell your boyfriend.

Wow, I personally think threesomes are gross IMHO. He's only been gone for a month, and you said he opposes the idea. It didn't even take that much for you to "get crazy" or w/e. I voted not forgive. That wasn't cool at all. And if you don't tell him then, you'll just be stuck with the guilt. And is it "Ok" if she just kissed them. I don't see how thats "Ok" at all.

I'm going to half to call bull on the "one thing led to another argument." I hate when people use this argument, like they just had no control over their own bodies and some parasite in their brain was telling them what to do with themselves. You went to your friends'. You discussed a threesome. You started to go along with it, all while your boyfriend was out of town. I don't think you're as committed to this relationship as you think you are, and before considering marriage, I think you need to consider yourself and your own well-being, otherwise you'll never be able to care for someone elses'.

However, I think you should tell your boyfriend. It'll come out somehow, and if you're so serious that you're talking about marriage, he needs to mull over everything before making a life-changing decision like that.

*have to call

I'd just gonna give you a 'reverse' situation, when your bf is away, what if he met up with his married co-worker/friend and then the hubby offered for a chance to screw his wife while he watches (voyeurism)--I gave you this situation since he's not into threesome (but somehow kind of similar to a threesome too), and he drinks quite a bit and starts making out with his wife in the bedroom and realizes what he's doing, then leaves. Will his action bother you? Will you want to know what he did during the trip with that couple? Would you rather know earlier than finding out a year or two from now about his indiscretion?

Anyway, if you did that with a good couple friends of yours, errr, there's a pretty big chance it'll come out, it can be soon or later. Seems like wine makes you guys not think too clearly so you'd never know when the sh1t gonna hit the fan on this one. I'd probably let the bf know if I were you, but that's just me.

I can see either scenarios happening, if you tell yoru bf.

Your bf may forgive you, but he'd not feel comfortable with the couple anymore so you guys probably end up not hanging out with them anymore, or your bf decides that heck, I'd try it out too! (Then you guys gonna indulge in an orgy) OR, he'd not be able to forgive you. Or, if he's the type, he'd just be in denial and pretend nothing has happened so things still similar before he left town.

I get beyond irritated when "one thing led to another" is mentioned. Argh! What? no control over your actions?

not forgive. honestly, i don't know what you should do. your poor boyfriend! his girl friend and his other 2 bffs betray him, all together.

i suggest you not have anymore wine for awhile and think about where you really

not forgive. honestly, i don't know what you should do. your poor boyfriend! his girl friend and his other 2 bffs betray him, all together.

i suggest you not have anymore wine for awhile and think about where you really

not forgive-i also think 3 ways are gross

How would you feel if you were in his shoes. You have to love someone enough to respect him and NOT cheat on him. Whether you like it or not, you cheated. Now you have to ask yourself the question, do you or do you not want to be with him. It might be hard, but making that decision is the best possible thing you can do for him.

Forgive, if you got up and left before anything serious happened. If you guys just kissed and talked about it and stuff, and even you watching them doing the crazy monkey dance but not being more involved, it's ok, it was probably the excitement of it and the fact that you havent gotten l**d in a few weeks. Sure, it's embarrassing, but if you agree with them that no one will mention it again, I say keep it to yourself. There is no need to ruin a great relationship with a single mistake. If my boyfriend did this to me ONCE, I'd rather not know. If it happens many times, it's a problem. Would you want to know if this happened the other way around, or would you live on with him in happiness and blissful ignorance? For a one-time-mistake, I'd choose the latter.

I don't know what you should do. It's going to be awkward being with your friends, and it's possible that your boyfriend asks you what's up with that. Are you a good liar? Yeah, probably not in a way that he'd be convinced by your answer. It might cause tension between you two and you never know if your friends might slip up, so I'd probably tell him. There's a better chance of him forgiving you if you confess right away. But still, there's a pretty good chance he won't either way, and you have to accept it.

"one thing led to another"..... If you have no control over yourself, you better just stay home. I feel sorry for your bf.

First off, I think you should accept responsibility for going there (to what extent, you didn't say). It's not the alcohol; the alcohol just loosens us up, but it doesn't make us do anything we really don't want to do; it just gives us 'permission' to do it.

Secondly, I don't know how you can keep this a secret since THREE of you know about it, and you hang out as a foursome. At some point, someone is going to tell him.

Thirdly, there's no room for lying about something this big in a relationship, so it will get in the way - whether you tell him or not.

Lastly, if you're seriously interested in a three-some, then that's a real desire of yours. If your boyfriend can't handle something that you really want to do, then he may not be right guy for you.

I am no 'Saint', but I have control of my actions...

Your friends were drilling you about it because you had done it before. where did you think it was gonna go.

Whether you just kissed or had sex you knew exactly what you were doing.Its becoming way too convenient an excuse for folks who cheat to blame it on the alcohol ....not forgive.

And I also think 3 ways are nasty.

I had a roommate once in college who did the exact same thing, her boyfriend was not home and she had a drunken threesome with the other two roommates in the apartment (a couple...not me...this was before I moved in) and her boyfriend found out either she told him or whatever. He immediately broke up with her and moved out, and because he moved out the other couple had to move out because they couldn't afford the rent without him, she was left roommateless and almost moved back into our college dorms. But luckily for her my boyfriend and I and our friend moved in to the apartment. She evetually got back with the boyfriend and moved out on us unexpectedly to be with him and screwed us over big time. Then she broke up with him again to be with someone else or something....idk...never live with a Suicide Girl...EVER! lol but that was the consequence of her threesome...I got slightly off topic

I would say keep it to yourself. If you really do love your boyfriend and know this was an isolated incident maybe you just leave it alone. If the guilt isn't eating you up then just keep it to yourself. As long as it doesn't happen again. It's unfortunate that this happened but if you really believe your boyfriend is the one you'd never forgive yourself if it ended over this.

I think you should tell him and let him decide if he wants to stay with you after this. It's only fair.

I am calling bullsh*t to the One Thing Led to Another thing...even with alcohol (being drunk is such a lame excuse, even drunk you know what you are doing and you are making a choice). You always know what you are doing...if you are giving into temptation and lust than you did that. One thing did NOT lead to another. You made a choice. Own up to it. Not sure what you mean by saying before things got too crazy? Did you get naked and before actual sex happen you left? sexual touching? Just kissing? Tell your bf...this will come out eventually since all 4 of you hang out but be preapred for the consequences....of your actions.

Damn girl. Tell 'em and deal with the consequences. But I hope you enjoyed the threesome cause know you prob won't talk to ur friends and no bf.

I want to add also that I think 'being drunk' excuse is just way lame-way too played out-excuse.
I have been drunk really drunk and I never once tried to have threesome with anyone or cheated on my ex (this was back then) with my male friends whom I was traveling with. No one ended up sleeping with each other when they're too drunk or just drunk unless they wanted to. Sure, your inhibition is lessened but you still have some conscience especially if you suddenly 'realized that it wasn't right' and left the threesome.

Man, this is a tough one. I am pretty sure most would consider this cheating (I know I would).

See, I say forgive, because a 3-way is not in the realm of "I'm attracted to another person" but "that situation turned me on" - and I think it's normal, it happens (having fantasies your partner doesn't share and slipping and acting out on them on a drunken night) - somehow, it's a lot less cheating than the alternative, because it's not another PERSON you're lusting after, and that makes a difference.

Of course, you should never have ended up in their room doing whatever you were doing, because it still IS cheating. So, probably you've learned your lesson, and if you've got the stomach to shut the F up for the rest of your life/relationship, don't tell him.

But if, like me, secrets eat you up, then you should sit him down and tell him the truth (and have your friends do the same, or write him a letter of apology or whatever - he was betrayed by 3 people he trusted at once, he needs apologies from all 3 of them!).

You'll feel like sh*t for hurting him, you'll hurt for losing him (if you do, and you will at least for a while), but you will feel A MILLION TIMES better about yourself for saying the truth.

Whether it was a 3some or just one other person, it was CHEATING. You would not be okay with him cheating on you, correct?

I think you should tell your bf what happened. He is thinking about marrying you! It is completely not fair to him to let him go ahead and make the decision to marry you without knowing ALL of the information about your relationship. How would you like it if you got married to someone and later down the road you found out they cheated on you, but just didn't tell you b/c they wanted to marry you and not lose you. It's like tricking him into marrying you. With all the facts, he might not want to. And that's not a decisions you get to make for him by not telling him what happened. That's a decision he needs to make. And I don't agree with people that say if you're truly sorry and know it won't happen again, then don't tell. B/c I bet you would have said it would never happen before this time...but it did. If you don't respect your bf enough to not cheat on him now, you won't have the respect later. And being drunk is not an excuse, and him being out of town is not an excuse, and one thing leading to another is not an excuse. You made a decision. Now be a grown up and be responsible for your actions. Don't make this worse by lying about it now and not letting your bf know something he deserves to know. At least respect him enough to tell him. I'm sorry but I just can't stand people who cheat...there is no reason to do it AT ALL. If you truly care about someone you just don't do things like that to them. JMHO.

I could never forgive this.

Couple of points to make

"jokingly the subject of a threesome came up" I am 35 years old and have had many friends, been in many group situations and Never has a threesome just "come up".

Your boyfriend needs to know that a) you love the threesomes obviously this being your second in that department and b) your not faithful especially with some alcohol in you and c) your not mature enough to be in a commited relationship.

Seems like you've gotten yourself into a tough spot. Personally, I think you should fess up and deal with the consequences. If you don't tell now, your friends may slip and then your boyfriend will be really hurt and upset that you didn't tell him. If your boyfriend decides to forgive you, then you're going to have to be ready to deal with hom not completely trusting you for a long time.

Personally, I couldn't forgive this, but other people may be more forgiving than I am.

*deal with him

I can't understand how many people are forgiving you. I would not forgive you at all. Alcohol is no excuse for cheating- you did something that you know your boyfriend would be upset to hear. To me- that is wrong and that is cheating. You should tell him - I would want to know immediately if my boyfriend did this so I could dump him early on and find a guy more agreed with my morals. Sounds harsh but I have no patience for cheaters. At all.

Do not tell him ... Rather talk to your friends about it and tell them to keep the secret too to save your relationship ...
I donno if I can forgive or not ... rather I would want you to try n save your relationship ...

I chose not forgive you are grown and in control of what you do and don't do. I say tell him before he hears it from someone else.

not forgive, sorry. i guess my answer is based on your intentions of going through with the threesome, before your guilt made you stop.

I'm so confused by this entire situation that I can't even attempt an answer.

I think your friends had the situation all set up before you even got there, to be honest. So, it was your fault for going along with it and not identifying your boundaries with them when they first brought it up. Time to come clean because otherwise he may find out from them eventually or else the guilt will eat you up. Also, if you are seriously considering marrying this guy he has a right to know all of the facts. In the future, do not allow situations like this to occur by reading peoples signals and leaving before things get to that point.

I think you have to ask yourself why a threesome a second time. I could see trying it once, like you did, to experiment, but, there you go again, putting yourself in a sexual situation with two other people, WHILE in a supposedly committed relationship.

You have f*cked up stuff going on in your head that you need to deal with. I feel terrible for your boyfriend. Whether to tell him or not, I don't know, but you need to figure your own sh*t out without draggin him down with you.

Too many factors here, it depends on how honest you're going to be with yourself and your boyfriend.

You've had a threesome before, so you have previous experience with this. Are you ashamed because the previous time, you didn't really WANT to do it and you feel like you've "changed your ways" and just strayed for a bit, or are you ashamed because your boyfriend is opposed to it?

Did your boyfriend know that you've already had a threesome, before this happened? How did he react to that? Because that will tell you how he's going to react if you tell him you did it...again.

If you like having threesomes, and you're with somebody who's against them...maybe you're with the wrong person
.
I don't know much about threesomes, but I suppose I can see the arrangement working when EVERYBODY knows what's going on and is okay with it. Your boyfriend was out of the loop on that when this happened [and definitely not in the loop if you haven't told him about the experience before!], and the relationship won't last if you're not honest with him.

This is complicated -- I'm not making any judgment except to say that you HAVE to tell him. If you don't and you do end up marrying AND he finds out later, that is a much bigger betrayal than what you did.

I agree that you need to be prepared for all reactions, and I also agree that if a threesome really turns you on (and it sounds like they do since you rather easily let yourself join one), then your bf needs to understand this.

I wonder if it would have been less bad if it were with strangers, and not mutual friends?

Good luck.

You should definitely be the one he hears about this from. You could try writing him a short letter explaining what happened, hand it to him, and insist that he reads the whole thing in front of you before commenting. Good luck.

There's a reason you fell guilty. Tell him because do you really think that you could continue in the realtionship as if nothing happened. I'm not saying whether you were right or wrong just that you should be honest with him.

I think you should tell him. You have to remember that karma is a b*tch and when you lie, the truth comes out whether it'd be a week or years.
I am 21 and have been married for 3 years. My husband was deployed for 15 months and neither of us EVER cheated on the other person. Because we love each other and respect one another.
That alcohol crap is bullsh*t... I've gotten drunk before and have never ended up doing anything I will regret.
Your guy sounds like a really good guy and if he is thinking of marrying you, you NEED to tell him...It's not good to begin a marriage with lies. & since you guys hang out with this couple, it will eventually come out...
Just let him know exactly what happened and if he leaves you, then you deserved it. There are always consequences to every action...

I think you should tell him. You have to remember that karma is a b*tch and when you lie, the truth comes out whether it'd be a week or years.
I am 21 and have been married for 3 years. My husband was deployed for 15 months and neither of us EVER cheated on the other person. Because we love each other and respect one another.
That alcohol crap is bullsh*t... I've gotten drunk before and have never ended up doing anything I will regret.
Your guy sounds like a really good guy and if he is thinking of marrying you, you NEED to tell him...It's not good to begin a marriage with lies. & since you guys hang out with this couple, it will eventually come out...
Just let him know exactly what happened and if he leaves you, then you deserved it. There are always consequences to every action...

I think you should tell him. You have to remember that karma is a b*tch and when you lie, the truth comes out whether it'd be a week or years.
I am 21 and have been married for 3 years. My husband was deployed for 15 months and neither of us EVER cheated on the other person. Because we love each other and respect one another.
That alcohol crap is bullsh*t... I've gotten drunk before and have never ended up doing anything I will regret.
Your guy sounds like a really good guy and if he is thinking of marrying you, you NEED to tell him...It's not good to begin a marriage with lies. & since you guys hang out with this couple, it will eventually come out...
Just let him know exactly what happened and if he leaves you, then you deserved it. There are always consequences to every action...

things happens and you realized it was getting out of hand and stopped yourself. Be sure to talk to your friends about your bounderies and don't tell your bf. It's not something you want to do again and if you trust yourself, end it at that