Dear Sugar,
I've known this guy since seventh grade, and we are now in our 30s. He's had a crush on me for years, but I never felt the same way towards him. We lost touch, but I've thought about him and for a short time, I tried to find him to no avail. I set up an account on Facebook and he found me within a few weeks.
Since then we have emailed each other back and forth. He tells me really heartfelt things that are a little hard to believe (I never got over you, you are like a piece of me, I need you here with me, etc.) and I have opened up to him as well. He told me that he wants me to take the lead and that he is willing to wait for me to feel the same way about him, that he feels towards me. In the meantime, he has not asked me out or asked for my number. I have asked him repeatedly if he is seeing someone else, and if so, I suggested we remain friends, but he tells me that the only type of relationship he wants with me is a romantic one. I don't know if he is shy or trying to play me. If it is the latter, why go through all the trouble of sending me long and heartfelt emails when he doesn't know if I even feel the same way? — Unsure Sandy
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Dear Unsure Sandy,
This guy is most likely proceeding with caution so that history doesn't repeat itself. He's laid his heart on the line for you before, only to be shot down, so him waiting for you to make the first move sounds pretty normal if you ask me.
Since he doesn't want a relationship with you if it's not a romantic one, figure out how you feel about him before acting hastily. If you're interested in giving it a shot, go for it, but if you truly feel that he's more of a buddy than a potential boyfriend, be straight forward with those feelings — you'd want him to do the same for you.
James Darby
Kurt Geiger
Canada Goose
Dear Unsure Sandy,
How long have you guys been e-mailing/chatting? The thing is, if this has only been happening in a couple of days, ok..you can wait a few more days or a little longer. But if this has been happening for months, I'd say something is up.
How about you ask him for his phone number and his location/address? 'Take the lead,' like he's suggested. Tell him that you'd like to meet for coffee, arrange for a good time for you guys to meet (lunch hours sound great) and then tell him that you'd pick him up at his place.
1Also ask for his phone number so that you can confirm.
If he's really serious about wanting you to 'take charge,' or whatever, he'd jump into this opportunity. If he tried to stall and keep breaking 'dates,' then I'd say he either has a gf/wife at home or he's...in some other circumstances like (he's in jail--believe it or not, I heard that they can e-mail people there) or whatever.
But if you're not really 'feeling' him anyway, don't waste your time and his. Let your gut feeling dictate you on this one.
what do you want the guy to say? looks pretty clear; he wants you! why don't you go suggest a face to face thing and see how it goes.
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