umm well if my boyfriend kissed another, held another women's hand, had sex with another women or anything like that - THAT'S IT. No chances at all. Even if he hid that fact he was talking to another women or going to lunch it would take A LOT of convincing on his part to make me stay.

If he feels he has to hid it from me, or doens't want to tell me - then it's wrong.

Once a cheater always a cheater, and a no-tolerance policy on any form of cheating whether it's holding hands, kissing or sex. Every woman deserves someone who is in it for just HER.

And I agree with Lovely_1, if he feels it needs to be hidden, he is doing something wrong.

i have a "once a cheater, always a cheater" policy if i happens within my relationship & i'm DONE, but not if he cheated on another girl before me... a guy gets judged on what he does within our relationship, not how he acted before we were together.

I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater. Just because someone cheats once doesn't mean they will cheat on every person they are with in the future. As for me, if my bf ever cheated on me I would not be able to forgive him. I wouldn't even be able to look at him.

Luckily, I've never been cheated on, but if God forbid my husband ever cheated on me, I would never be able to forgive him, and he'd be out the door. Not necessarily because he'd then "always be a cheater" but because our trust would be 100% broken.

I'm with Lovely_1 on this one.

I believe people are different in each relationship they begin. I would never judge my man on his indescretions in the past, he was younger and stupider then, as was I. If he cheated on me now I would have a very very difficult time forgiving him but I know how strongly I feel about him and I know some relationships that have survived and flourished after someone cheated so I think it would depend on the situation.

If he was cheating and I found out, gone. If he cheated once and came crawling to me the next day begging forgiveness then it would be harder to just kick him to the curb. I believe in second chances, when they are deserved.

Like with everyone else, if he cheats on me once, he's out. There's no point keeping a relationship with someone you can't trust.

I too have a zero-tolerance policy for cheating. I've always told my boyfriends "You cheat on me, you're outta here." I would never be able to 100% forgive/trust them, which would render the relationship pointless.

For me, it depends on what level of cheating takes place. If my husband had a drunken one-night fling, I could forgive him. If it were a long-term affair, that would really break our emotional bond and I don't know that I could forgive that.

I guess I'm harsh when it comes to this. I consider even light flirting to be some sort of cheating; it hints interest, you know? Kidding or not. Even if he had an accidental fling I would still think he could have avoided the situation (or surrounded himself in friends that could help). I don't know. I stay faithful in every way; I only expect the same.

When they cross that line it's sayonara, which is sad--because it doesn't mean I don't love them anymore. It's just impossible.

I'm harsh too, but if you cheat on me it shows you don't respect me and we're done

I think it would depend on what kind of cheating it was (although all cheating is bad cheating). If my boyfriend of two years cheated on me I would be devastated but I think I would be able to eventually forgive him. I like to have faith in people to do the right thing, especially if the wrong thing would hurt someone they cared about. If he were to cheat a second time and I found out, I would probably only have myself to blame but I'd be willing to take that chance.

Depends on relationship. Can't just throw things away just because something went wrong. Depends on where we are. Policy is, whatever happens, break every single piece of contact with your other "lover." That first step will tell me you're serious, next step is we sit down and talk about everything, every single detail that led us to this point. Unwillingness to do any of those will result termination. (I know I'm too nice), but I don't completely believe in just giving up on things. (Oh, and get your ass an STD test too, that one's actually step 1).

Also forgot, if they were to confess it would warrant a second chance...but these days...I don't trust humans, so my last post is obsolete. The only way I'd ever go through with fixing a relationship after cheating is if were were married, and maybe with children. And depending on the circumstances, how many times it happened, but whatever. *Vomit*...humans...

Depends on the betrayal. Previous relationships I've been in, cheating was cheating and I was quick to write guys off. But in the case of my recent ex ... I knew the betrayal wasn't going to be a repeat performance ever again because he knew what he did was pointless.

Once a cheater always one... I have a strict policy about cheating... I don't even know how I would handle emotional cheating. Any form would be devestating to me.

I've tried taking a cheater back... forgiveness that wasn't easy to give at all. And sure enough... a year later, the same thing happened. Once a cheater is ALWAYS a cheater. I won't re-involve myself with someone like this gain.

i agree with most people here in saying it depends on the betrayal. people do make mistakes and it doesn't make them horrible people that will continue this pattern. in MY own experience though, a person usually knows if this will continue if they decide to forgive them. when a person cheats theres other red flags in the relationship other than the act itself. when its a mistake the relationship is usually good and there aren't usually other lingering problems that will be likely to keep repeating themselves. it really is different with everyone and every situation. I myself, dont think i could get over a betrayal like that. i've been cheated on before and unless i really believed in my heart that i could get over it and move on without constantly being afraid of it happening again, i dont think i could go through with a relationship like that. thats just based on my own experience though.

I cheated on my ex-boyfriends, but I've been with my current bf for almost 5 years and it hasn't really crossed my mind, other than the occassional super odd sex dream about some random person that confuses more than tittilates me

I can understand and overlook one-time mistakes in the past, that don't have to do with me, but I have a no-tolerance policy when it comes to cheating on me. That includes kissing and emotional cheating.

*My no-tolerance policy is strictly theoretical, though, as it hasn't happened to me that I know of. (Knock on wood.)

the whole cheating thing is ruff..considering nothing i think on this planet makes you as angry..my bf actualy had phone sex with some woman while we lived together..i saw the whole conversation leading up to it on his messenger..then the parting words of ..damn that was fun.when can we do that again? an act of intamcy is cheating..it sucks..and once the trust is broken..theres nothing left

No tolerance. Every time I've been cheated on in the past, it's ended there. If the other half of the relationship isn't invested enough to be monogomous, I'm removing my investment. I'm not interested in a poly relationship.

It's important to set these boundaries early in a relationship, though. My partner of 5+ years and I said really early on that if we ever got into a situation where we felt like we were attracted enough to another person to want to date them or be intimate with them, we would be honest with the other person and break it off. There's always risk that the other person won't be honest, but I think if you start a relationship acknowledging that you might not be together forever, it creates a more open dialogue.

I've never cheated nor been cheated on, but then again, I've only been in only 3 relationships that was I serious about. However, I don't like it, never would and wouldn't accept it either. That's a breach of trust that I would never tolerate.

My bf has never cheated on me but if he did regardless of the circumstance he is gone. If you're gone cheat on me make sure its worth it. No trust=no relationship period.

Spirited, What did you do about that?

I agree with most of you - I judge inviduals on their behaviour within our relationship, not for past behaviour.

I'd also break it off if they cheated on me - not because they'd 'always be a cheater' but because I'd never be able to trust them in the same way.

As I get older, I find that nothing is black and white anymore, including cheating. I think it's something you have to MAKE black and white - you have to set clear boundaries, and you have to WANT to be faithful, otherwise, there's no point.

My ex boyfriend cheated on me with his ex and my best friend, and the thing is, I have a no-tolerance policy, but because he was my first i was ignorant and i tried to convince myself it wasn't happening. But I have learnt a very hard lesson from that. If someone breaks your trust in that way it has absolutely devastating effects. But even when I tried to give him a chance, because he kept denying it (and i was naive) I resented him and let him know about it a lot. That isn't fair on either person. i know I'm the type who will resent that person and not trust them again, and it isn't right to make your life and his hell after supposedly giving him a second chance. If someone cheats he's out. that level of trust is very difficult to ever get back.

i freaked out at first..then i just got angry..its not physical contact per say..however there is a level of intamcy passed ..and just to understand this a little more..when he was gone on business trips in the past..we had done that..and its not like we didnt have an incredible sex life..she was some person he met online in some chat room..and well we are not together any more..i couldnt forget what he had described in those instant messages..it pissed me off

I have two rules that i follow. First i ask myself "would i be doing this if my boyfriend is here?" the second is "would i want him to be doing this?" If either of the answers is no then i consider it cheating and stop.

depends....my husband chose to forgive me...i had a emotional relationship with someone though. like i said..depends on who you are and what kind of relationship you have and whether or not you're married..have kids. will i do again..no. and i know i won't, because we took care of all the problems that made me go that route in the first place.

I have never been cheated on before, but I would never tolerate it. Ever. I suppose if I was married and had children it would depend on the situation, but if I was only dating or in a relationship with someone, that would be it. I am the type who wouldn't be able to get over it if I was still with the person.

Like everyone above, basically if you cheat that's it. I've tried taking back a cheater before and it's just pointless. My definition is something I heard on a talk show once (Dr. Phil, I think?) and that is: anything you wouldn't do with your s.o. right beside you, is cheating. Would you buy that girl a drink with me right beside you? No. Would you flirt and even just hold her hand if I was watching? No. That's cheating, and I think it depends on the situation wether I'd forgive or not.. but probably not.

I guess I'm even more radical than most here. I would probably break up with a guy if I found out he had cheated on a girlfriend before, unless there were strong attenuating reasons, or a one time situation.
If a relationship is not satisfactory, either you work on it, or you end it. I'd like to be with a person who thinks the same way.

I'm like you, candace87 Anything you can't/won't do with your s.o next beside you (when it comes to the opposite sex that is), I'd consider cheating.
I'm very black/white with this and I never consider cheating a 'mistake.' It's not like 'Oops, my panties fell off then I fell on your manhood.' LOL.
Both my fiancee and I have zero tolerance policy when it come to cheating. He's been cheated thrice (and he always broke up with them afterward), and I was cheated once too and it's just 'done.' Regardless how much the other person was crawling and begging for 'forgiveness.'

"Anything you can't/won't do with your s.o next beside you (when it comes to the opposite sex that is), I'd consider cheating."

I think that is a great, great way of articulating the standard!

Thankfully I've never been cheated on... In the past I've said that I'd definitely break it off with someone who cheated. But then I fell in love with someone so deeply that it has made me come to question that. Sure, it's easy to say you'll simply break up with them, but we all know it's now as easy as that, especially if you're head-over-heels for someone who has never let you down before. I feel like I could forgive my significant other if he was truly remorseful and it seemed like a one-time mistake. I would be devastated, but we could potentially bounce back from it stronger than ever - I've seen it happen to other couples. I would never forgive him if it happened a second time though.

*not

Once a cheater, always a cheater is what I personally believe in but I think it's a bit different if it's a married couple with children.

Well, I am married, which is different. If it was just a boyfriend, I would kick him to the curb in a heartbeat, as I have in the past. I would like to think i could forgive an indiscretion. But agree it depends on the kind. I am not one of those "I wouldn't want to know" kind of people. I think i would give him 1 chance. But if it happens again, bye-bye!

I am always amazed about what people will sacrifice and risk just for a thrill.

If someone is cheating physically, texting, whatever the level it is, it means he has no respect for me...PERIOD. Actions speak louder than words. I am sorry, there is no going back after that because there is nothing to rebuild on.

You want someone who would never dream about doing that because the thought of losing you is too much to bear.

Are there guys out there like that? I can only hope.

Well said jazzy. I agree.

I think, once a cheater always a cheater, and if someone cheats on me, they are gone, that is it.
And cheating is not a mistake. It's a decision, people should take responsibility for their decisions, not just try to write them off as "mistakes".
And like others have said, I believe cheating is anything you wouldn't do with your SO present. So emotional cheating counts too of course.

And I'm in the minority here too, but even if someone cheated in a past relationship, but not with me...I wouldn't be with them. Because why would I want to be with someone with morals like that? Like sourcherry said, I want to be with someone that also believes you either fix a relationship or end it. I want to be with someone that has some self respect and respect for other people.

I was cheated on once. Emotionally mostly. After that trust is just gone. Especially when the person lies all the time too. There is just no possible way I can come back from something like that.

If you take her number, you cheated. If you call her, you cheated. If you text her, you cheated. If you kissed her in any type of romatic manner, you cheated. If you have sex with her, you cheated.

All of these things are ground for immediate dismissal from the relationship. I don't ask for anything that I am not willing to give of myself. I don;t do it and I don't expect my man to.

*I also suscribe to the if you can't do it in front of me rule.

If you take a number, I will let you get a pass just once. Do it again and your gone.

Ok ladies, how do you feel about bachelor parties, strip clubs, and lapdances? I am young and so is my significant other, and it will soon be time for him to be frequenting bachelor parties. Strip clubs are not always a part of bachelor parties, but for some they are. My boyfriend and I have decided we would never allow each other to get a lapdance because that would be cheating, but I wanted to know how you all feel about them?

I don't think stripers or lap dances are cheating. I guess it depends on how much you trust each other and what your comfort level is. I feel like if you forbid a guy from going to a strip club you turn into that crazy controlling needy girl that I don't want to be. It's all about trust. If you can't trust him why waste your time?

excellent point.

excellent point.

If my boyfriend so much as TOUCHED another woman or "experienced" another woman in any way (like a lap dance) then that would be it.

We have a solid rule between the two of us - no deception.

We have both been cheated on and we do not understand how somebody could do that to another person. It hurts too much and we would never do that to each other.