I would probably wait until he called me, but not because of "the rules." If he called, I'd know he was interested (though I would miss out on the guys too shy to call).

I'd wait...

I'd let him call first. To me, calling first seems to desperate. Also, I have a life that doesn't revolve around men.

When I was single and dating it was the guy who always did the calling......

Oh definitely him first. Looking desperate is never attractive. Plus, you want to know they're interested!

I most def. wait for him to call. always!

I'd wait but not because of the rules but because if i call him I am freakily awkward and just don't know what to say and etc. "Hey its random chick you talked to at So and so so's partyy...did that dip make your stomach hurt? i heard it make so and so sick.." ya that would be the likely senteence that would come out of my mouth. lol

Wait. Whenever I called first it never went well. They so seem to think you're desperate, even if you're just thinking f*ck the rules.

I don't think it's always have to be about desperation. When I was single, I always called first. Not because I was, it was I hated giving out my number (after a really bad experience) and I let the guys know that so they would always give me theirs. If I was interested enough I'd call, if I wasn't their numbers went to the trash.

correction. Not because I was desperate*

wait, always.

Wait, definitely. Guys are the hunters, they like to do the chasing, its the thrill of the chase for them. They lose interest if its the other way around.

haha. Good to know it's still 1994 on dearsugar. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable, girls.

Guys are the Hunter.... lmao oh man that's funny. The funny thing is most guys will tell you they are tired of the chase.

Look I'm with Chaton, do whatever you're comfortable with. If you're confident enough go for it.

If he really wants to get to know you, he will make the effort and call.

I am not a proponent of stringing guys along, they will lose interest, but I think guys appreciate something more if they have to work for it a bit.

So how come if girls call first they're immediately desperate? Are we still in that mindset?

It's the guys job to make the first call. I would feel silly doing it. I think guys expect to be in charge of making the first call.

I guess so lemamike. I don't see how that's desperate. I'm fine with who ever makes the first call but I don't like people saying that girls are desperate if they make the first call that's just ludicrous to me. I rather be in control of my own love life. If I want to be with you I'll call if not, don't bother me.

I know I should wait, and I'm trying to be better about it, but when I'm excited about a guy, I just HATE waiting! It feels silly and fake, so sometimes I call. So far that tactic hasn't worked out so well though, so what I really need to do is live my life more, even if I'm hoping the guy will call. No waiting, just not calling... if that makes sense.

call me old fashion but I will definitely wait for his calls. I rather lose the guy than start on a wrong footing

So you'd rather lose a guy and therefore have no relationship whatsoever than have a (terribly old fashioned) guy wonder if you're a forward thinking woman? Umm, OK, if that's your cup of tea.

I wait for him to call first. And then after we have talked a few times on the phone, and hung out at least once, I'll call him. I just need to make sure he is interested in me before I start calling and looking like I am desperate lol!

Never occurred to me to wait for a guy to call me. If I want to hang out again, I'd call. I don't think that looks "desperate" at all. And if a guy was turned off by me calling him, then he's not someone I'd want to be with.

bbkf...EXACTLY how I feel. I'm a cute, fun girl..if some douche doesn't want me calling him, screw him, his loss! If I want to call someone, I'm doing it. I'm not going to PSYCHOanalyze it beforehand, and I'm not going to worry what making a phone call will make someone think of me.

Because NO, chaton, it's not 1994, thankfully...even if we are damn near alone in that sentiment.

I wouldn't actually 'wait' around for his call, but I wouldn't phone him 1st. If he likes me, then he will call within a few days. If not, it's his loss. (In any case I am engaged now and he did phone me 1st when we met!).

If a guy likes you, he won't lose interest because you called first. Players are the ones who are in for the chase, so calling first is really a great way to tell if the guy is worth it or not.

It has nothing to do with 1994...it has to do with how men are.

If a guy wants to see you, he will call and make that happen. If you call, and he is less interested, he may get together to see what happens ( ie potential booty call), but ultimately, he is the one that is starting out less into you.

Why deal with the rejection? Also, if you are making all of the initial effort, how does that set the tone for the relationship?

I know people are going to write "I called my husband first and we have been happily married for 20 years blah, blah, blah" and that is great, but I think it is the exception. Sorry, just sayin'.

Haha I try not to treat it like a game, I think it's perfectly fine to call the guy first if that's your personality-- more bold and such. But I tend to hang back and let him do the wooing just because I'm not accustomed to being the pursuer.

Calling the guy first has never worked out well for me.

I don't like to contact him first, but it's not like I'm pining in the corner by the telephone waiting on his call. Also, I don't like when a guy texts to ask me out. No. Texting is cool for details after arrangements have been made. But seriously, pick up the phone and call me, dude. But texts are nice after the date. "I had a great time," etc.

chatondeneige, please read jazzytummy's comments.

I don't want just any man, I want one who is *highly* interested in me and has the guts to pick the cell and call. Emailing and texting would work too if he is so interested and can't wait a sec to make the contact, then follow up with a call later.
This strategy has nothing to do with forward looking or not. If he calls you know he is interested in you. If you call, you never really know how much interest he has in you. Plus most average guys would not reject any decent looking gal for some hot sex. I am not looking for that kind of adventures. I am looking for commitment and a lifelong partnership. End of story.

I like him to call first, not really because of any set rules...it's just nice.

I have a real problem with "if a guy wants you he will call comment"

While that may be true for some men, however most women who have a healthy confidence have no problem with chicks making the moves first. To be honest, I've never been turned down when I make the moves first. It's all about how you approach it. Like a poster said before me, if a man doesn't have the balls to deal with someone who's assure of herself to make the first call, then he's not the one for me.

I don't think it's the *confidence* issue. I have stated elsewhere on the forum, if I am a guy, I would have no problem calling any girl and getting rejected and matching on with my head high onto the next girl. I also have so many ways to make a woman smitten. Unfortunately, I am a woman who wants a professional with a good up-bringing, traditional values and conservative family background and will have to submit to let the man initiate the CHASE such that he feels I am the ONE who he has done all the work for and it's worth his every effort. Guess each of us just wants different things in life.

you know that's a good point BabySoft. I remember going to this conventions that my aunt dragged me to and they were talking about how the role of a good Christian wife is to submit to her husband. Is that what you're getting at?

If the guy calls first it means he has balls and is truly into me, so, yeah, I'll wait. If a couple weeks go by I might drop him a friendly message because even though he doesn't necessarily see me as girlfriend material, we still clicked enough to be friends.

Myst, it has NOTHING to do with if the guy has or doesn't have balls to be with a strong woman. It has to do with whether or not he is interested enough in you to call. Your being "strong" has nothing to do with it per se.
Also what does submission have to do with it?

Look at the other side of it...if a guy calls you and you are not interested and turn him down, does that automatically make him a loser? No, you just weren't interested in him, it is not a judgment on him as a person. So why are you implying that guys that don't call you are weaklings not able to deal with a strong woman? That makes no sense to me at all.

Guys won't call women they are not interested in dating...period. If you want to call first, go for it, but I don't think you ever really know how into you he is. And another thing, just because you would rather wait for a guy to give you a call, it doesn't mean you are not a confident, self-assured woman. Actually, it's the opposite...you are confident enough to damn well wait for the call...you have a life outside of it, and whatever happens, you are fine with it.

I think you missed my whole entire point Jazzy. I don't care who calls first. Me personally I rather call first because I don't feel like waiting around for anyone and I don't give out my number. If I know a guy is interested in me and if I want to pursue it, then I'll let him know. If not, I don't need people calling me. Plus I was responding to a post by someone earlier saying that guys don't like when the woman makes the moves first move because it makes them look desperate. To me, if a man has a problem with that then he's not the type of guy I would want to be with.

"If I know a guy is interested in me and if I want to pursue it, then I'll let him know."

How do you know if he is interested if he doesn't call? If he flirts with you at a party, is he interested? Or, maybe he is just flirting because he is bored.

Point is, how do you know how interested he is unless he calls you?

No one is saying a guy has a problem with a woman calling him....I'm sure most guys love it, actually. Feeds their ego, no effort on their part, and in their mind, a potential booty call awaits. All I am saying is men are men, can't change that, if he is really that interested in dating you, he will call you and ask you out. Anything less, and you have no clue how into you he is. That's all I'm sayin".

Now, if you are ok with that, and it works for you and you feel happy and secure in your relationships, then go for it. Seriously, whatever floats your boat.

It just seems like most gals that have posted so far feel a bit differently, and it doesn't mean they lack self-confidence, which is what your posts seem to imply.

Ok Jazzy, you have completely lost me there and you're completely twisting my words. So how do I know a guy is interested? There are plenty of ways to know if a guy is interested in you or not. I'm talking in the general sense. You know, meet a guy, he asks you out, or ask for your number, ask your friends for you number, him approaching you and stuff. I'm not the type to play the whole cat and mouse game with guys. It's just not my style.

So how that that relate to me implying women lack self-confidence by not going after a man. I'm simply stating not all of us want to wait around for a man and I myself never have and never will. I'm in a very committed relationship that I'm very happy with and I made the moves first. In the past when I was single, whenever guys approached me, I simple stated that I don't give my number out and if they want to talk to me, I'll call them. Maybe it's b*tchy, maybe it's blunt but that's the type of person that I am. I'm not knocking anyone else if they believe in the traditional ways of dating.

And one more thing, just so to be clear. I'm not advocating for any woman to chase after a guy. I'm just simply saying that there's nothing wrong giving a guy that you met and you hit it off with, and giving him a call first. Because you never know what could happen. Most of my friends are guys and in my experience, there are guys who are pretty shy or just plain stupid, and a lot don't know if a girl is truly interested or not so a lot of times they won't even bothered.

I agree with Myst if you want to call,call. Personally I heat talking on the phone I like being brief and I rarely call people, and I don't know what to say.

I agree with those who say to wait. In an ideal world, it wouldn't matter who calls first, and of course there are guys who don't mind it. But in my experience, men still prefer to make the intial move. Jul 07 said it never went well for her when she called first, and it never did for me either. It may be 2009, but some things don't change that much, and on the dating front, I think men like to make the first move. It's not a 'balls' thing or even a rules thing. It's just the way they come.

After you've been out together a few times, then calling is alright, as long as it's not so much that the guy is looking for the escape hatch.

I'm a traditionalist sucker. So him first, but if I got the impression he's a shy one, then I'll give him a day or two, then I'll call him up.