Good lord, just grow a pair and end it already. It really is the more considerate thing to do.

Forgive. I have been in this SAME exact position and I just had to eventually end it myself. Trust me, it will be hard, but you will feel so much better!

Very immature...just do it.

Not forgive. It's so selfish of you to disregard his feelings until he's had enough. Just leave the poor guy instead of dragging it out.

"I hate hurting you but I can't stand you at the same time. Please make this easier and leave me."

I have never read anything more selfish!

Not forgive. You have to tell him. I have been in the same situation but I was unknowingly pushing him away. When I finally realized what I was doing I ended it and I felt so much better. I don't think it's selfish to think what she's thinking. She's ready to end a long term relationship and that is a daunting task but trust me after you do it you will feel awesome. Gather your courage and get it over with.

Not forgive. Your way of thinking is really immature and more hurtful in the long term. Just end it.

Totally selfish. It's women like you that make good guys turn into bad guys. Grow a pair and tell him it's not working out so he can find someone who appreciates you.

Immature, selfish, pathetic.

sorry, someone who appreciates HIM. You dont really deserve to be appreciated until you grow up and realize the world doesnt revolve around you and your feelings.

Why are you so scared of being the 'bad guy'?
Just dump him!

This is why babies shouldn't date.

Wow, you guys are way harsh. She is obviously still trying to work all this out in her head. It's hard when you realize you're not in love anymore. Why not give her some encouraging words instead of being so mean? Not everyone is a pro at dating. Maybe she honestly doesn't know how to handle the situation and maybe she is young. So what?

Woah Woah Woah? This really doesn't say a lot. Okay, this is probably going to be a novel, so here goes. First off, what's wrong with your relationship? Three and a half years and nothing and be rectified? Did you two even try to sit down and talk things out? And I don't mean talk where you say, you did this or I did that. You're supposed to actually talk, not blame and be critical. Examine what happened in your lives and how it got you to this point. Nothing will ever work if you can't just sit down and talk things out, even if you're not planning on staying together, at least talk things out and close it. Nevermind on the novel, I've wasted my time already on this type of topic. I feel like this is mean for me actually. And if it is, I'm over you hunny I sleep better at night more and more.

Do it yourself ... cut the ties ... and move on ...
he will just try harder to come closer to you ...

^Oh yes he will, depending on the situation, how honest you are with him, and whether or not he understand why this has happened, especially if he's still in love with you. If you feel he can't move on, and you're either constantly lurking around and even provoking false hope, it's better you leave unless the two of you actually sit down and talk like mature adults. Either way, I agree with Fallen, leave him alone and let him focus his love on people who actually does love and appreciate him, because he's still focusing it on you and if you don't want it, why stick around? W/e, done...I can't comment on this or I'll really start attacking...have fun with the other posters.

Ok, you need to figure out what YOU want. Trust me, trying to break up with someone after 3.5 years can be excruiatingly painful, but once you do it, you need to make the clean break. Because you are trying to string him out, is letting you know that you are not cool with breaking up with him yet. Try taking a girls weekend or some quality "me" time to truly figure this out. Soon enough your heart will tell you when it is time to break up. When you have finally made up your mind, you will WANT to break up with him the sooner the better. It is not a bad thing that you don't know what you want, but this needs to be figured out for both you and him. Take care and good luck with your decision.

Not forgive. Intentionally treating someone badly so that they'll leave you because you don't have the guts to just suck it up, be honest, and leave them is just weak and childish.

Cowards don't get a pass from me.

I'm really starting to think there must be some falling-out-of-love gene that some people have and some do not. I have simply fallen out of love several times. No reason that I can find, nothing the guy has done wrong, no way either of us has changed...I just do not feel "in love" and emotionally intimate with the person any longer. So I completely understand this situation, and then I think there are some people that do not just fall out of love and will never understand situations like this. I just think it's very strange.

I don't think it's about the OP falling out of love, it's her behavior towards him now that that's happened that I find inexcusable. I think we all fall out of love with someone at some point or another.

I've fallen out of love, but I also ended it honestly and without drawing it out. Was it easy? No. But acting coldly toward him until he is hurt enough to end it is childish and unnecessarily cruel. It's just like ripping off a bandaid--she'll feel better once she does it.

Seriously grow some damn balls and break it off. I hope karma doesn't come back and bites you in the ass for what you're doing to him.

zcoral no one here is voting "not forgive" because she fell out of love with a guy... we're voting "not forgive" because she wont break up with him! She is going to treat him badly until HE breaks it off and if he's still in love with her then she's going to have to totally tear his heart out and stomp on it for him to finally get the courage to break it off. She is cruel, immature and inhumane. It has nothing to do with WHY she wants to move on its all about how.

^Sometimes not even ripping someone's heart to shreds will even work. She needs to cut him off period, and hope he'll be okay. Unless they can handle communicating, she can't talk to him at all. Being cold and distant is like continually breaking up as it is. Even after the break up he may still want her. And yep...whatever happened probably doesn't matter now anyway, but the how isn't that hard either. You can't tell someone to leave you alone when you keep telling them, know what I mean? (Don't answer the phone). He'll be hurt but will be better off than the alternatives.

And you know what, another thing, this is not one thing to do with polls, or forgiveness or confession. It has everything to do with what's right or wrong. Don't play with someone's life like this, even if you're going to benefit in the end. It's better to close things now, than to drag it on for a while. I've been through that crap for 3 months straight and finding out the truth after all that time of being strung along hurt sucks. It hurts more finding out later than right away. Honesty is the best policy in this case. Finish this NOW!

Pushing him away will only hurt him more because he doesn't know what's going on in your head.
BREAK UP with the guy and end YOUR and HIS misery together, eh?
He deserves to be with someone who's truly in love with him. So LET GO, in fact, you'll probably feel much better too after the whole relationship's over.

I voted 'not forgive,' not because she fell out of love with him (hey, it happens), but because she's going to mistreat him--the guy whom she considers to be a good guy--until he breaks up with her. That's just mean.

IF I am as lucky as you to have just a wonderful guy, I would treasure him to death. If you don't know how to appreciate his greatness, please let him go so that others can a chance with him. PLEASE.

I'm kind of shocked at the semi-high percentage of forgives!

I'm firmly in the Not Forgive group. Own up to your feelings and set this guy free. He deserves better than to be with a girl who's systematically pushing him out of her life rather than have the courage to admit her feelings. OP, it won't be easy, but at least you need to give the guy his dignity!!!

He'll survive. Let him go. It's mean not to.

Not forgive, unless she breaks it off herself. Being a coward is no excuse for treating someone badly. Grow some balls and do the deed.

Sure, it will be hard, but how cruel to make them do it because you won't?

You are hurting him more by staying with someone you don't love and treating them badly in the meantime. I thought this was something that usually only men do.

You are hurting him more by staying with someone you don't love and treating them badly in the meantime. I thought this was something that usually only men do.

Break up with him if you are unhappy. Why should he have to do it?

it's almost impossible, but you have to end it. i just went through the exact same thing. you're making him confused and hurting him more than you need to, and it isn't fair.