The only way to get what you want is to ask for it, but when sexpert Dr. Laura Berman explains her second tip for living your best sex life on Oprah.com, she makes it seem a lot easier said than done.
Talking about sex, your body parts, his body parts, and what feels good can be incredibly intimidating for a lot of people, including myself from time to time. Not only can it be difficult to talk explicitly about what turns you on, but it's easy for the other person to become insecure if they don't think they're already pleasing you in that way. Communication is crucial in every relationship but tell me, do you feel comfortable asking your partner for what you want in the bedroom?
Luella
theOutnet
DSquared
Mhhhmmm
1yes! in fact this morning i asked for something i want tonight hehe
can't wait to
get off work!
2Lol I sure do. I'm in a LDR so once I go to visit him or he comes to visit me. I make to let him know exactly what I want
3I makes sure*
4If you feel like you can't talk to your partner about sex it's a good indication that you shouldn't be having it.
5Yep.
And it's all about knowing how to ask, not just what to ask
6iM comfortable.
7I don't think you should be having sex with someone you aren't comfortable about talking about it with... that doesn't seem very wise...
8I'm with Jude C on this one. It has a lot to do with knowing how to ask.
9I tried this yesterday, and it COMPLETELY backfired. It wasn't during sex though. One of the greatest feelings in the world is when my boyfriend sucks on my neck with a lot of pressure and bites it as well. Next to sex, that is what I want most. He used to do this all the time, and suddenly he stopped. Last night, after spending 20 minutes pleasing him and doing what he likes, I asked for him to suck on my neck and he refused, and then ended the makeout session and was really rude. I really try to hold back, but I do what he wants, and it's just not fair. I feel terrible making him feel as badly as he does. He feels like he isn't being a good boyfriend, and that he won't do it anymore because he sees it as an action only "trashy" couples do. uh....
10Normally it wouldn't be such a problem, but I really want to figure out how to change his mind.
Sorry for such a long story.
lilsista - why is he getting so defensive about a minor request for him to do something he used to do all the time? That seems strange...maybe you should ask him what's going on. In a healthy relationship, the pleasure should be equally dispensed; if not, and one person is upset about it, both parties should be able to talk it out without drama.
11Yes, I've gotten very comfortable with talking in a gentle way because bottling it up gets you nowhere.
12Myst - we are the same!
13dm8bri- I completely agree. It really gets to me because we don't have any other problems besides this. We haven't gotten on even playing ground yet, and it's just being a pain trying to get there.
14You don't get anything you don't ask for
we are a pretty open minded couple
15lilsis why is he tripping about something like that. You're in a relationship and both do what please your partner at least sexually.
16"He feels like he isn't being a good boyfriend, and that he won't do it anymore because he sees it as an action only "trashy" couples do."
Sucking and biting your neck defines trashy? But he used to do it? Um, wow... Call me trashy. Haha.
On subject, yes, my husband and I are perfectly comfortable talking about sex and our desires. We do our best to please each other.
17yes. Last week I asked for a vampire the next day I got it.
wha?
18I ask all the time! "Touch me more, play with me, use the vibrator." I don't care and neither should he! I NEED to get horny to have sex and I NEED him to do what I tell him to so I get horny!
19I don't like asking outright. I hate just sitting down and saying "love, do me like this!"
I sorta drop hints, make small suggestions and hope he cottons on. Usually he does, when he doesnt then oh well. No biggie.
We do share fantasies though, like scenarios and positions to one day try out. I don't find that embarrassing in the least.
20I'm almost too comfortable asking for what I want in bed and otherwise. Whoever commented about never getting anything unless you ask for it is right on. That's my motto!
21I'm married and I still voted no. I'm fine with asking; he's not fine with being asked. He gets frustrated, whiny and apologetic - and I'm very sensitive about how I ask him so it isn't that. Thank goodness for vibrators.
22Usually I'm pretty open as long as I phrase it correct. My boyfriend and I are both over weight so a lot of positions dont work for us as he likes to get in deep (I know, TMI!) so he gets upset sometimes and wont want to try a new one or speak about it. Of course I love him and missionary is great but he gets a bit moody sometimes when i try to speak about different positions which I totally respect and understand. He usually apologizes with great sex lol!
23heck yes!
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