Living together for sure! Like you said, there are things you get to know about your significant other after living together for a while.

living together!! it just makes good sense.

hey, we're not ready for marriage just yet, but we know we want to be together, so it only makes sense

Of course marriage...for religious reasons and also because I think living together pre-marriage takes some of the fun and excitement out of living together as newlyweds. I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years now...we pretty much know the good, the bad, and the ugly about each other! Just my personal opinion...

If you plan on getting married to the guy you're with, statistically it shows that it's best to at least wait until you're engaged with a date set for the wedding to live with him. However, there are always a ton of different circumstances people can be in, so it really is different for everybody. I recently got engaged and will be living with my fiance starting this summer after we set our wedding date so that I can be closer to him and not spend all my money doing that (he's from NY, I'm from Florida). Growing up, I never planned on living with someone before marriage, but as I've gotten older, I can definitely understand situations where it makes the most sense.

Well, I put living together, but I'm sort of in between - we currently "live together" in a college dorm room, but I don't know if I consider that really living together - we've learned about each other's living habits and such but don't pay bills, etc - so it's an on the fence sort of scenario. It's also not going to continue next year (although we'd like it to, neither of us is going to be lucky enough to have a double room without a roommate ... he'll probably sleep in my single basically every night, though, lol).

I very much doubt that we'll live together after college prior to getting married, though - not because we wouldn't like to, but financially I doubt it'd be possible. We'll both have student loans and a wedding to plan - since our parents are willing (and really would prefer) us to come home for a while after college to live rent-free and save up some money, we'd be foolish not to take advantage of that.

Additionally, about the statistic that living together before marriage will increase your chance of divorce - this is true, but not in all circumstances. I've also seen a statistic that claimed that people who identified as religious and still lived together prior to marriage did not fall under that statistic.

Since my boyfriend and I go to mass together weekly .... I think we'll be okay. =]

Just like I would never wait until marriage to find out how someone was in bed, I would never wait until marriage to find out what it is like to live with that person.

Why can't there be a happy medium between these two? You don't have to technically move in together and do the whole nine to get a sense of how people really are. I know a lot of happily married people who had their own separate places, but spent plenty of time together at each other's places [so it was like they were living together] .

Also, after they were engaged, they exchanged keys to each other's apts. Not much to hide when your fiancee could show up at any moment!

I wouldn't mind living together before marriage, but my parents would never approve of that!

I agree with RaCheer. Almost the only thing that REALLY changes after marriage is living together. What's left if you do it before marriage? Kids? Yikes!

Living together. Just seems like a better idea.

call me old fashioned, but why buy the cow? no ring, no key.

I like Margo's scenario.

I'm old fashioned. I want a ring and vows before you move in. I would not be adverse to exchanging keys after getting engaged though.

Marriage first.
I used to think the opposite when I was in my 20s but after living with 2 previous boyfriends without getting married, I learned my lesson. I think that some guys dodge getting married by moving in with their girlfriends - figuring that would be enough to keep them happy and off their backs about tying the knot.
I also used to believe that living together first was practical to see if we were compatible. But honestly, living with anyone will make you compromise and adjust to the other person. By all means, wouldn't you do that for the person you love?
I married last May and he moved in with me the same month. I can't say that it was the easiest adjustment but we are finding our groove dealing with household stuff and life in general.

Because it is clear to both my boyfriend and I that marriage is in the future, I have no qualms about moving in before marriage... However, due to my circumstances, I don't see myself moving anywhere for at least another year... and when we only live 10 minutes apart, I'm in no rush.

xxstardust,
the reason why divorce rates are higher for those who live together before marriage is because those who do tend to be more less conservative than those who wait until marriage. less conservative people have less qualms about getting a divorce in an unhappy marriage. whereas, those who wait until marriage are generally more conservative and less likely to get a divorce if they have an unhappy marriage. that's the reasoning behind the statistics.

sorry, i didn't proofread my last post.

anyway, i would like to live with someone before i marry them.

I think it totally depends on the situation. I've heard a lot of people say that they were glad they moved in with their SO since it didn't end up working out. I personally wouldn't move in with my SO if I didn't know that marriage was in the future.

I think there's an inbetween answer on this -- live together when you know you'll be getting married, but you haven't yet. I'm living with my fiance, but that didn't happen until after he proposed. To each her own...that was just the way we felt most comfortable with it.

Depends on the person. I have had a bad experience living with an ex, so I am never planning on living with another bf. But thats just how I feel. I think this is a highly personal decision.

Living together!

The only reason that marriage is seen as successful is because they have had less time around each other to get angry! So living together will ALWAYS have a higher "fail" rate than marriage.

Living together absolutely...what if he turned out to have intolerable habits which I only discovered after marriage? That would be terrible. Plus I don't think you truly know somebody until you have lived with them.

I'm an atheist so no religious considerations. I would never ever jump into marriage without knowing it was truly right for me, even if I had lived with a man...and I wouldn't make the decision to marry somebody until I knew I could live with them.

I agree with smily face. I would live together, to me marriage is just a legal thing. I want to know who the guy is like before committing to him you never know until you live with someone.

I never thought that I'd move in with my bf, but it just made bills so much easier. I was living paycheck to paycheck and barely making it and he could pay off his student loans. We know that we want to be together, but we have to be able to save for a ring and a wedding, so in order to get married, we had to save and to save, we had to live together. I was also living there anyway, so the only difference is my cat is there now too.

ha ha, I've talked about this so many times... I'm in the minority because I did live with a boyfriend and the experience taught me to never do it again. It's a different sort of commitment. I'll act like a wife when I'm a wife... I want a ring on my finger next time.

I would never marrying someone before living with them. I lived with my ex for a short time last summer and those 2 months made me realize that we were not for each other. Within six months we went from looking for engagement rings to ending our four year relationship. I need to be sure of everything before I marry someone.

I think living together for a couple of months after getting engaged but before getting married to make sure this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.

Marriage!

I believe that you should know your significant other well enough that when you move in there shouldn't be any "big" surprises, but all the little ones make your new life so interesting! (My hubby and I didn't live together...or have "marital relations"--there's another topic!...until we tied the knot. And we couldn't be happier!

Signed,

Married for almost three
Together for six

My bf and I are not ready for marriage. We do know we'll probably be together for a long, long time, and for us, moving in together was the most natural step. It was necessary before marriage, and I truly believe when we do get married, we may have an easier time adjusting, because one major step was already taken care of.

I'm divorced now and don't plan on marrying again. Ever. So obviously my choice would be move-in. But for others, I waffle on the subject. I'm glad I moved in with my ex-husband before we got married because I learned that we lived well together... and yet somehow, after we got married, the entire living arrangement changed. Suddenly I was expected to take care of all the cleaning and cooking when he happily shared in those responsilbities before.

Hmm, tough one...living together would be nice first, but then I suppose marriage forces you to fix issues (while living together). I would go with living together maybe (I only see religion fixing into it for sexual reasons). *shrug*

uhh living together. my reasoning? weddings are expensive, two separate apartments are expensive!! my boyfriend and I know we are going to get married at home point, but we're both in school so for now, we are being cheap and waiting until we have MONEY to have the big wedding and stuff.

We decided after being together for a year and a half that we wanted to live each other. We lived a half hour apart, and didn't get to see each other enough the way things were going. We also knew that we wanted to get married eventually.
I totally believe that living with someone can tell you some of the things you wouldn't know w/o the experience. And you might not be okay with some of them. Luckily I learned that we are very similar in our living styles, from neatness, to sharing the chores. It happened to work out great for us, and almost two years later we are engaged and planning a wedding for next summer.
I didn't think I would ever do it this way, but it's worked really well for us! And we love being together all the time.

Sorry.. I mean live WITH each other! Whoops!

And I do toally believe that it's up to the couple. Some might not be comfortable with it, but it worked well for us. To each his own!

I'd much rather live together, then get married. I like to know what I'm getting into!

I would never marry someone without living with them. I've lived with three guys, and married one of them. I learned that it wouldn't work out long-term with the other two by living with them.

MrsRachel- My husband and I have also been married three and together six

We had sex on our first date and I moved in with him on our third date!

I'm with sjmm ... I would love to live together first, but my parents would disown me. It's not worth losing my fam over.

And why get the honey if you won't buy the hive.

to each their own, but the statistics don't lie. So make your decision wisely.

i say living together but personally my man and i started dateing in high school i got preggers in collage i finnished school moved in with him and his parents then built our own house and had our second child we are still not married 9 years later.

I've done it before and I think it's a bad idea... at least for me. There are situations where I think it's okay like if you live too far away from each other to commute or if it's long-distance and you want to stay with him for a summer. Right now my boyfriend and I stay at each other's house every other night unless one of us is out of town or working at night. I like having my own stuff and own space and own couch and own kitchen on occasion... not ready to share it all again, especially if I get nothing in return (commitment).

I voted for living together but that is misleading because I don't want to get married. In my case, living together would be the only option.

I like my freedom, i don't like the idea of anyone crowding me. If we're not married and you're always just there, you're taking up space. My space. And if i were to change my mind, i wouldn't consider it until marriage was in the cards: engagement.

It depends on the situation.

My husband and I were practically living together from the first time we started hanging out (I was always over at his place for a few months, and then he was always over at mine). We moved in together officially after we got engaged, but we already knew how to live with each other from all that prior experience. It's helped us a lot, and I would definitely recommend it. However, to each their own.

Eh, where i'm from it's a big no-no to live with someone before you're married. Its one of those things that the little old ladies talk about in the beauty shop. My sister and her fiance (they were 23 and 24 at the time) were only allowed to move in together about 4 months before the wedding. On top of that, it was not to be discussed outside the family. I think that living together is great for some people, but i also know that being able to fight and be forced to work it out while being married has helped us both a lot. DH and i did fight tooth and nail to try and live together before the wedding, but i think we are now glad we didnt.

I'd say living together first would be ideal but to each their own.