a brother is someone who's been living with you for ur whole life, so ur bouyfriend can't have all those changes when he's around his brother coz, he already had spent all of his lifetime before u got to know him with his brother. i can only advise u to stay alert to ur man. he can still smoke pot even when he's not with his brother. u need regular follow-ups.

Even though this is about your b/f's brother, I really have to wonder what you saw in your b/f in the first place.

One, your b/f is the OLDER brother. Older brothers usually set the example for the younger ones, except it seems like the cart is dragging the horse here. You say he's a great guy, but is that just because he's putting on a front for YOU? Your b/f seems pretty weak-willed and gullible, if it only takes hanging out with his brother for a while to influence and switch his entire worldview from a relative positive to terribly negative. Maybe your b/f has never really developed his own convictions/opinions about life, at least not enough to be able to stick to them...?

As for the addictive behaviors...if pot's the only thing he can bond with his brother over, maybe he is addicted already. You have to decide whether it's worth staying with him - especially if, down the line, you decide to *marry* this guy. You know that the brother is going to come with that package [he'll be RELATED to you!], and he'll probably [if he hasn't already] try to manipulate both of you. Are you willing to deal with that for the rest of your life?

[P.S. Even though this brother is pretty toxic, don't expect the b/f give up his brother for you. That saying "blood is thicker than water" will probably hold up here, as he seems pretty attached to his brother, with the amount of time he spends with him. ]

You can't blame anyone but your boyfriend for his behavior. The fact that he's so easily swayed and smokes pot should be a big red flag that he's not ready for anything long-term.

Nothing you can really do about it. Sure, you can bring it up to him but heck, it's really up to him.

And like luisa said, no one can blame but your bf for his behavior after he's spent time with his bro.

Hey, my fiancee has a bro like your bf does (but worse much worse--although now he's in recovery after quitting), but not once although I know that my fiancee loves him, that my fiancee follows his example or imitates his way (past supposedly) of living.

Damn the man, Save the empire!

Brother or not, I would be more than just a little bit concerned that my boyfriend feels the need to follow someone with those traits and attitude rather than thinking for himself.

You really shouldn't be blaming others for what he says and does because ultimately he's resposible for his actions.At age 30,it would seem that your boyfriend still has an enormous amount of growing up to do.......

Agree- I am more concerned with your boyfriend's behavior. He seems to be easily influenced- and by his younger brother. That is not good.

Eh well family bond are the strongest, so i don't think he would chose you over his brotehr but like the others say..your boyfriend doesn't sound very mature or confident if he is swayed by his YOUNGER brother so much after hanging out. Doesn't your bf have his own thoughts and convictions? Or perhaps he wishes he could live the care free irresponsible life style of his young brother and is living through him.

It is also the fault of your bf and your bf's parents for allowing the younger brother to steal and manipulate them. Your bf shouldn't be treating his brother like a friend but treating his brother like a younger brother. The stealing and disrespect to people should have been addressed a long time ago and the online gambling same thing. Mom and daad and your bf should have or should sit the younger bro down and chat... "Look we love you but this stealing and gambling hs to stop..the man is not after you, you are destryoing your own life". And etc. You can't do anything btw...I mean it sounds like your bf is pretty much on his brother's side and anything you say will be seen as tearing them apart or whatever. All you can do is state your opinion and tell him you don't apperciate his behaviour after he hangs iwth his bro and that you are dating him not his bro...and see what happens...but even this might be seen as you not undersetanding their relationship. So you basically just gotta suck it up...I think?

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

Oh boy, his brother sounds ridiculous. I couldn't stand that for 15 minutes. Have you talked to your boyfriend about this?

Punch him in the mouth, he'll blame the man.

I think it's your boyfriend's problem that he's so easily influenced by his brother (and perhaps other negative influences). I think also you need to accept that maybe your boyfriend does share those ideas and frankly, I don't know how much you can do about that. Either way, his brother is not your problem but you need to address this situation with your boyfriend. You can't demand to have your boyfriend not hang out with his brother because that is being really unreasonable and at the end of the day, they're family. Besides, there will be other negative ideas or influences around your boyfriend besides his brother, so if you find your boyfriend immature now, I don't think that's going to change.