In case you missed it, Oprah dedicated her first week back from holiday vacation to living your best life. She covered diet, money, spirituality, and of course, sex! Dr. Laura Berman is back on today's show with tips on how we can all have a better sex life in 2009. One thing she focus' on is faking an orgasms. According to Dr. Berman, 70 percent of women have faked orgasms on a regular basis, if not once or twice, but if he thinks he's doing everything right, and if he continues to think you're getting pleasure by it, he'll never know how to really please you. In other words, you're doing yourself a huge disservice by "mercy faking" it!
So to those of you in a committed, long-term relationship, tell me, do you fake it when you're having sex with your significant other, and if so, how often? Don't worry, your secrets are safe here!
Julia Cocco'
Yoox
Esprit
I have in the past with my ex. He was terrible in bed and I just wanted him to get off of me half the time. With my current bf I never fake it. He knows I don't cum every time we have sex but it still feels damn good just the same. When I do cum it's awesome and when I don't he finishes me off afterwards. I have no reason to trick the man!
1Never ever. What's the point?
2Never faked with my current bf..what's the point...they are not going to know what you really want if you do!
3Nope, not with my husband. We didn't have sex until we were married, and since we are married, why should I fake it? We are together forever now, so we figure out how to do it right.
4Faking it doesn't help. It'll give him an ego boost ye, but then you'll be satisfied and unhappy, and he'll think he's doing great, then when you're pissed later he'll be more hurt.
5nope absolutely not. My mom gave me a very valuable piece of advice when I first started having sex. She told me that women need to "own their O". Basically saying I need to know what feels good to me and relay that to the man that I'm sleeping with because a lot of men are clueless as to how a woman wants to be pleased and usually assume what pleased one woman will please another.
6Every once in awhile I fake it, if he's putting a ton of effort in and I am just not going to get there. But that's like once every few months...
7Never.
8I have never had an orgasm ,six sexual partners later. don't know what it feels like. would love to experience it but what can i do. yes i fake it. they become obsessed with wanting to be the one to make you cum. i don't want that. i want to just enjoy it which i do. i love sex, i don't complain, i don't feel like i am missing out on anything. i prefer to focus on being with my partner and enjoying all the other feelings.but maybe i am abnormal too.
9I admit to doing this once and a while when I was married. I don't feel it was that big of a deal because 90% of the time it wasn't an issue. He knew exactly what I liked and was doing everything right... it was just one of those nights I couldn't focus. I didn't want him to feel like it something he was doing.
10Never, there's no need to!
11I told myself I wouldn't in this relationship but I found myself doing it without even thinking about it! It was like a reflex! Now I've been with him for a long time and I'm worried I'll have to keep doing it forever. I am unbelievably satisfied, he really is AMAZING, and we average 6X a week, it just takes me forEVER. I don't fake if I use a V with him but I hate that otherwise it's every time. It would be such an uncomfortable, awful confession.
12Don't need to.
13I don't need to with my current beau. He understands that not every instance of sexytime will result in an orgasm for me, but that not having an orgasm doesn't make it a worthless sexual experience for me.
I had one beau who seriously would not stop until I had an
orgasm. It doesn't happen every single time, people! And sometimes, when it's just not going to happen, continuing to try and try and try and try becomes painful. So I would fake it with him
to make him stop. Ugh, it was a pain. Literally.
14I've never faked it. But, if a guy isn't doing it for me in the bedroom, I have asked him to leave. Actually demanded that he leave. I've done it a couple of times.
15I'll fess up to faking it a few times with my. I felt really bad lying though. Luckily my new guy is awesome at foreplay and usually i am raring to go by the time he gets naked so it isn't a big deal.
16haha party i've done the same thing..."you know what? just...NO! OUT!"
but i often feel helpless in this area because i know that i just CAN'T orgasm from sex. I can't and it sucks and i'm jealous of men all the time. he can do other things to help out but there are a lot of times i feel like i can just do it better myself...sad!!
17Yep, I do. UGH...do NOT know why I do, anyway. Sometimes I get there, a lot of times, I just...can't. I do with LOTS of foreplay...but sometimes it's just SUCH a hassle to wait forever to be really super turned on.
18No.
19Well, I just broke up with my boyfriend, but when we were together I didn't fake it, ever. I never have, in fact. Why lie? I WANT to get mine!
PartySugar, you're my new hero.
20towards the beginning of our sex i did because i really wasnt sure what an orgasm would feel like (i was a virgin) but now 9 months into the relationship 8 1/2 months having sex...about 7 months ago I did not fake because I understood what I wanted and now I get that almost every time. But if I don't, no complaints, it still feels amazing...
21I will be honest here, I fake it sometimes, not that my hubby isnt skilled, its my issue with being too tired! Is it harmful, no. and i dare anyone to tell me it is.
if you look at it this way, I enjoy the sex, its not like I am laying there counting the ceiling fan rotations, but if My body is exhausted than its a no go on the O, and we all stroke our mens ego in different ways, Mine? is to make him feel like he can be comfortable knowing i am satisfied, which I am, but men dont understand that a woman can be okay with not having an orgasm, if you go and go and go and there is nothing...but you are loving it anyway! and he finishes and you dont, he will be apologetic and the last thing i need is that conversation! so i occasionaly stroke his ego......
22"men dont understand that a woman can be okay with not having an orgasm"
I've gotten that impression from a few boyfriends I've had too. I even got an apology once. I was like, "what? we just did it for an hour and I'm literally still grinning at you!" He was really preoccupied with the did- she or didn't- she.
23Never have with my current bf. Then again, he's really focused on and INTO getting me off. I started to have to w/ my ex because he was a self-absorbed *sshole in and out of the bedroom...after about a month of that I dumped him.
24I don't have to have an orgasm, for it to feel amazing. It still does even if I dont have that BIG O. It is true, we dont need an orgasm, its just a plus.
25I've never had an orgasm and i fake it all the time with my current boyfriend because he is the only one who has ever cared if i have an orgasm. However, i don't think its possible for me to have one nor do i really care anymore. Sex still feels good without one tho !
26subtleheights, I agree with you one hundred percent. Just because you don't orgasm doesn't mean you don't enjoy sex. When everything about the act of 'making love' is focused around the nervous energy of achieving an orgasm, it takes away from everything that sex should be about in the first place. I have orgasmed before, but I know my body is just a little stubborn. I'm only 21, maybe I'm one of those women who aren't going to frequently orgasm until I'm in my 30's. Sometimes (most times) it just doesn't happen. I'm in total agreement in that if the guy is doing all that you've told him, and if you're satisfied with the sex you're having, why put so much unneeded stress on a loving relationship? I guess it just matters what's important to you. On the other hand, I'm all for pleasure, and I LOVE sex. If it's not good, I'm not happy. But if your guy is doing all that you've told him, and you're enjoying the sex that you're having, why stress him out over an orgasm?
27I've never set out to fake an orgasm. But I've been known to get a little loud during sex and if afterwards the guy says "You climaxed that time didn't you?" instead of "Did you orgasm?" I'll generally make a non committal noise they take as affirmation.
28I've also exaggerated my... enthusiasm for something a guy is doing when I know it's the only time we'll be fooling around and he's told me he's very good at it (there are somethings I just can't get into. Doesn't mean he's bad at them)
Dang Party! I love it... maybe I should adopt that mentality.
I have on occasion, but I don't make a habit of it. If he ain't doing it for me, then I'll let him know. But I'm also among those with the stubborn body. I just can't get there every time.
And I do agree, sex with the right person can be amazing with or without the orgasm.
29Oh please, there are people who say never? I can't believe that, unless you're not living together. There are just those occasional nights when it's late, you have to be up early and things are just not happening. I do stress 'occasional' but I don't feel ashamed that sometimes real life takes it toll. That's just the way it goes.
30i have from time to time. it's interesting - when you're with someone for so long, you can tell when it's going to end well and when it's not and sometimes you just have to take matters into your own hands. i've been known to fake it a time or two just because the thought of hours of something that just won't end well isn't all that exciting for me.
31Nope! I have never been dishonest with my husband. When I'm über tired and can't come, he's man enough to understand it's not about him. We're both satisfied when we come during sex and we're both satisfied when we don't come. Sometimes sex is just about the intimacy and not the big O.
32I agree with mondaymoos. I usually have extremely easy time coming, even with guys who aren't that good in bed. But, there are one of those days every couple of months when I'm anxious/stressed/tired with work, then I fake. Thankfully more than 99% of the time, my guy can give me multiple x multiple orgasms, though.
33Never have, never will.
34i don't fake it; there may have been times in the past that it would have been practical, but i have no confidence in my acting abilities :S
35Never, and I never have to. He's very polite that way.
Rawr.
36I have totally faked it, sometimes you just know the guy is never going to get the job done so it's easier to fake it and move on then make the poor guy struggle.
37When I dated a guy who never once cared if I came, I faked occasionally. With guys that refused to cum before me, even though they were terrible, I definitely faked it (and most likely broke it off soon after). With my husband now, there is absolutely no reason to. He is the best I've ever had.
38When I was with my first boyfriend I faked it, now with my current I don't have to!
39Yes. Guys like to think they are giving you multiple orgasms. I have NEVER been able to. They just need encouragement and if you can fake it well to ensure future sex... why not?
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