If you were put in a situation like this, how would you handle it?
Your live-in boyfriend's best friend just called off his engagement and is crushed. In an attempt to lift his friend's spirits, your boyfriend has been inviting him over a lot in addition to them hitting the town together. He has become a good friend of yours as well so you don't mind his company every once in a while, but having a third wheel around all the time is starting to affect your relationship — you can't remember the last time you had a night alone together.
You're glad his friend has the support of your boyfriend, but you're missing the intimacy of your relationship. You don't want to sound like a needy girlfriend, especially since his friend really needs the support right now, so how would you handle this?
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Levi's
Um..I would just say that I'm missing the intimacy of our relationship and want a night to ourselves. No big deal.
1Eh...just tell my bf... "I am glad your friend has the support of you, but I am missing the intimacy of our relationship. I don't want to sound like a needy girlfriend but do you mind we make sure to make some time for just the two of us?"
My bf and I are very open about expressing how we feel to each other...it wouldn't be a big deal to tell him that and he wouldn't think I was needy.
2big idea here....tell him exactly what you just said to us.....yep.
3I don't think it comes off as "needy" to tell your boyfriend how you feel in this scenario. It's not like you're demanding his friend leave you two alone altogether. Agree with everyone above, this situation isn't a big deal to address.
4It won't last forever. The friend will eventually move on and as a result won't spend as much time being a third wheel. In the meantime, tell your boyfriend how you feel so that you don't become resentful and just suck it up until it's over.
5The chick in the pic looks like the guys' mother.
6Why is this even a question? If you've lived with your bf for a long time (even a short time) you should be able to express your needs to him without fear of a backlash. For all you know, he's sick of being the guy's wingman 24/7 anyway. Just ask for a couple nights friend-free per week.
7The friend means $hit to me, at the end of the day, who does he want to lay down next to? The friend or you? ha!
8I would ask if we could schedule a date night every week, just the two of us.
9I'd wait it out, remember that I'm fortunate to have such a good and loyal person for a boyfriend, and if I'm feeling really neglected, just let him know that I need some alone time with him as well.
10I agree with Gatito. Suck it up! What if it was turned and it was your very best girlfriend who was crushed by a failed engagement and she needed to be with you and take time to be all depressed and recover? Would you tell her "I know your feeling really sh*tty and alone and depressed, but me and the bf are going out for a movie and our favorite little dessert spot, see you in a few hours!"
I think as long as it's a reasonable time frame (we are not talking months and months here) then suck it up because his friend needs him now too.
I'm always a fan of "what if the shoe was on the other foot" senarios.
Besides, if you've been living together, maybe you should use some of this time to go out with your friends more or just take some alone time (from other posts/discussions I understand many don't get the time they would like to have).
11But it's true if you are feeling really neglected, then yes speak up! Relationships are about open discussions (but really think about it first).
12This isn't even a big deal? "Hey honey let's have a date night this saturday:)!" "Okay." There, there is your alone time. When you're having that alone time, simply say, I've missed this since "john" has been around all the time. and tell him what you've just told us.
13WOW I can't believe this was posted because I am in [almost] this exact situation except kind of worse. See.. my boyfriend's best friend just moved here a month ago because he got a job in the area. I am really happy that my bf has a friend here (he's new to the area too), but it is REALLY starting to affect me. I know everyone is suggesting date night, but it's just not enough. We have been doing date night once a week going to a different place each time. It is really nice and I enjoy our time out but then I get home and I'm LIKE AHHHHHHHH. The real problem is that I like my bf's best friend, but now he is really just starting to annoy me with everything he does. OH and did I mention we only have one bathroom to share?? THe other day I woke up pretty early before work and showered. Then after I shower I usually go into my bedroom to put on sweats and a T and then go back to the bathroom to dry my hair/brush my teeth. I was kind of in a rush and when I went to go back to the bathroom HE WAS IN THERE. He didn't even have to be at work for another 2 hours so it really bothered me. I have been spending more alone time - going to the gym by myself/library to read a book or I'll just read in the bedroom, but our apartment is small so it's kind of hard to get away and all there is in the bedroom is the bed. I have also been out with girlfriends, but I usually get home later from work so I don't really like to go out on weeknights even if it's just to a friend's house. I was just thinking today about how I'm going to talk to my bf about it tonight. Wish me luck! (And Sorry I rambled but if you have any other suggestions besides date night, hang out with friends and alone time then please send them my way!!!)
14well i think that this is a hard one. you know that you'd want someone to be a good friend for you if the situation were yours - but of course you'd like to have some alone time with your man. i would just make sure to have the conversation with your man, and let him know that you think that he's doing a great thing by being a supportive friend but see if there's some way to work yourself into the schedule a bit more often, so that at least you guys maintain a date night or something. you don't want to let your relationship suffer as a result of him trying to be a good friend, and you don't want to worry about your boy's friend corrupting him and making him think that being single is more fun.
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