Honestly, it may be best to let this one go - unless your comment was particularly harsh (and it sounds like it wasn't), I'd say she really overreacted, especially since she had teased you about your short hair. Maybe if she had told you beforehand that it was too short or she didn't like it, I'd say she was right to be hurt, but she sounds petty, and it may not be worth it to keep a super sensitive and high maintenance friend around. What if you make a joke about her boyfriend, or tease her about a pair of shoes? Definitely not worth the drama and the effort of constantly censoring yourself.

I agree with DearSugar. You did what you could to mend the relationship. You hurt her feelings and as soon as you discovered that, you apologized nicely.

Your friend isn't completely without fault here anyway. What - she can dish out the insults/jokes, but not take them? It seems a little inconsiderate and self-centered...unless you were indeed a little harsh without realizing it and said some really nasty things about her haircut! In that case, you apologized anyway and did what you could to amend the situation.
Take this opportunity to examine what might have gone wrong. Are your jibes a little on the harsh side? If they are, tone them down a bit around people who are sensitive.

If this has been an issue before, where you traded jibes, but she got hurt, maybe she just decided she would be better off without this relationship. And maybe you'll be better off, too, without having to worry so much about stepping on her toes.
However, if you both decide to be friends again, don't bring up the subject again!

I would write the letter and then let her go. I am with Dear Sugar that there is probably another underlying issue, a little joke about her haircut should not have set this off. If she doesn't want to be an adult and talk to you about her issues with you, then let her go. It's not worth the drama.

Your "friend" seems kind of petty...perhaps she realizes this and doesn't want to talk to you because she's embarassed about the way she overreacted...in that case, I don't blame her. She should be embarassed. Friends joke around with each other, and you told her you were only kidding to push her buttons. If she was confident enough to cut her hair that short she should be confident enough to take joking comments in stride.

What a BABY! I say you're better off without her, I lost a great friendship a while ago but someone told me I would make other friends and ya know what? I did.

It sounds to me that your friend is maybe a little insecure about her hair and how short she cut it. Maybe deep down inside she doesn't even like it and with the little teasing you provoked probably made her think that it was a bad choice to get her hair chopped off in the first place. That's my opinion, if she really was a true friend she wouldn't let something so petty get in the way of a beautiful friendship, that seems alittle childish to me. If you tried to make it work and it's just one-side i would just let it go for a while and let her come to her senses and contact you..... You have admitted that you were wrong and have apologized countless times, what else is there to do, you've done everything you can to try to make it work...

Not worth it, let her go. Hell, she annoyed me and i dont even know her.

I agree with dear- it is strange someone would let go of a good friend over such a stupid thing. Sounds to me there is another reason - and you may as well write her and ask what it is and how you can move on. If she really cares, you will move past it. If not- then you are better off without her.

LOL Rock

It's unfortunate that this happened, but it really doesn't sound like it was your fault. And if she is repeatedly ignoring all your messages, it's time to let her go. How long can you go begging after her? She sounds like quite a baby.

Hey, a very similar thing happened to me with a former best friend, except in my case she never told me what was bothering her to begin with! Cutting someone off is immensely immature, especially if it was a very good friend. I've let go of the fact that we will never be as close as we were (she only sends a Happy Birthday message once a year, obviously) and maybe it's for the best.

Here's how I see it: are other friends cutting me off? No. Then it must be her problem and not mine.

RockAndRepublic...hahahahahahaha

The fact she's been mulling over this says one of two things, or maybe both.

1.) Too sensitive. Can't take a little? Don't give a lot.

2.) Underlying issues. Mature way to handle things.

I am with Rock - but this greatly pissed me off (Okay, not that it effected me, but it did make me cringe) to know how "hurt" she was. Well, babes. What about the OP? I'm sure sometimes that teasing hit a tender spot. Sure, we're not all overly sensitive like the person this is about, but hey, if you scratch a scab too much, it can bleed just like any other.

I feel bad that she gave you a huge guilt trip over it, and you didn't have a clue until she became an adult and said something. She "told" you that you should've known better? How exactly is that when she couldn't be bothered to say it after it happened? Waiting months before saying something - then that means you should drop it, esp. if it's a stupid thing like this.

However, OP - next time; you said you noticed something wasn't quite right. Ask what's up. I'm sure the next person you befriend will be more adult about it.

Definitely something else. I'd just let her go.

I'm aghast because it just seems so juvenile, "you made fun of my hair! I don want to talk to you ever again."

I say let it go and don't bother with the letter. Why should you keep kissing her a$$?

She is either incredibly immature, self-absorbed, and/or insecure...are these qualities you really want in a friend?

Give it up and find other friends who actually possess a backbone.

I'd let her go, too. All that drama just isn't worth it, and the friendship would never be the same after this anyway. Best to start the year anew and find some new friends worthy of your attention.

I agree with RockAndRepublic. I was annoyed reading it. Seriously, you can make fun of her "boy" cut but she can't make fun of yours? Too bad, that's not how it works:)

I agree with the other posters--it sounds like she is extremely sensitive and overreacted or is upset about something else entirely that she feels she cannot discuss with you. Since you miss her a lot, I'd say try contacting her once more but if that doesn't work, let it go, even if it is difficult for you.

Seriously, that chick needs to grow up, people go through much worse things then one silly comment over a hair cut. You did what you could, you actually apologized. If she's not even willing to go even a little bit to be friends or mend things, then she's definitely not worth it. No real friendship ends over something so stupid. Doesn't matter how sensitive you are. I am very very sensitive, and people have stabbed me in the back 100x worse but I at least cared enough to let it go. The fact that she can't let something this minor go is just ridiculous. You're better off finding real and mature friends.

LoL, and that "known better" comment, that's just a clever thing people do to absolve themselves of guilt. They make a mistake and you even try to mention that they hurt you too, they snap at you and run away, trying to leave you looking like the bad person. Never fall for this, stand your ground no matter what. It's a cheap trick. Makes me smile all the time .

Your friend needs to grow the F up. Really though, take a damn joke. It's not about "he said, she said", it's about 2 grown women that are friends...clearly this woman is looking for a friend to walk on ice while pampering her a** for her. Sorry if this sounds mean, but there are wayyyy too many people out there that see a situation in which they can manipulate the person in order to verify their own significance. Move on, wish her well, and keep that sassiness!

haha, I know! like the other posters, this woman annoyed me and I don't even know her!

let her go! it's hair! it grows back.

It's ok for her to dish it but not take it? she needs to grow the hell up. It's ok because 'she's more sensitive than you'??

Maybe she totally hurt your feelings back then!

I do think there is probably some underlying issues but you've done your best to fix it and I'd be over it by now. She was overreacting and you've don't everything you could to apologize and repair the rift, so it's her loss, not yours.

Oh boo hoo! She's more 'sensitive' than you. If she can't take joke, she herself should not joke about others in the same fashion. You had done nothing wrong, OP. And, if she continues to be a four year old about this and not talk to you for over a year, then I suggest you just leave her alone like she wants. She's no friend of yours if she cuts you off like that.

^ Heh, even four year olds are more mature though -_-, this whole thing is just silly. You def deserve better OP.

I have a former friend like this. We were actually best friends from middle school up through our first years of college. Then last year we had an issue with communication and got into a fight. We got together and talked everything out and I thought we had patched everything up, but apparently not. She has started ignoring me and even gets upset when one of our mutual friends talks to me (he was in on the original argument but has gotten over it).

We share a best friend who has done her best to stay out of this and remain friends with both of us. She told me that the friend who is ignoring me though is doing so because she holds grunges against me about things from HIGH SCHOOL. When we "made up," she did bring up things from high school and I apologized for them because I wanted her friendship back more than I cared about her bringing up things from years in the past. But I've decided that I'm finished being the one who apologizes for everything and I'm not going to bend over backwards for her anymore to only be ignored. I did my best to salvage our friendship and it wasn't good enough for her. I made one last attempt over Thanksgiving to see her and she blew me off. It's her turn now if she wants to be friends again.

So, yes, you should attempt to contact her one last time if you really want to. But you need to tell yourself that this is it. You can't waste all your energy on a one-sided friendship or let it bother you for the rest of your life. You've done everything you can to mend things, if she doesn't want them mended, then you have to accept that and move on. It hurts, but I've found my other friends are a great support system and even better.

my approach to people like this nowadays is to cut them out. Seriously. If someone is going to be a "poison friend" and all of a sudden drop communication, it's not worth having that person in your life.
i have a similar situation in a way... i was best friends with this girl for a long time growing up..once we hit teen years she turned into all obsessive boy lover and always HAD to have a boyfriend. She hooked up with them and had sex at a really young age too. I was different, had higher standards or something, and we started drifting b/c I simply wasn't interested in only talking about boys. In college we drifted even more but got together every so often. Shortly after college she started dating this guy who is very... metrosexual. Likes tight shirts, playing jazz on the piano.. etc etc. I lived in Washington DC for 8 years (where 80% of the men are GAY and I lived with a gay guy so I had good gaydar) and as a joke one night on the phone i asked her if she was sure he wasn't gay due to his demeanor. She got like, SUPER pissed and didn't talk to me for a while...finally we started talking again a little and I moved back to NY and she helped me get contacts to find a new job and we talked a bit, even got together a few times. About 6 months later, I started dating someone and it was my birthday.. not being familiar with NYC restaurants I asked her for suggestions and she gave me some, asking if i was having a party. I said no, it was just me and my boyfriend this time. After that last e-mailto her when i said it was just us... that was it. For some reason, she never wished me a happy birthday a few days later and just never spoke to me again. This is now 2 years later and still not a peep. Since we'd drifted in the past, I basically said "if she stopped talking to me for no reason, well, screw her, i don't need her in my life." was I upset by it though? yes. and to this day I sometimes still wonder why she just cut me out suddenly. but i think i am better off not dealing with the drama either.

That sounds so petty to end a good relationship over a comment about one's hair! I would bet that she already had some issues with you beforehand and never mentioned it as she seems like the passive type. If you decide to pursue the friendship again I would ask her if there is anything else you should apologize for in addition to the hair comment. Otherwise, I don't think this is worth pursuing, it seems like a lot of work to maintain.

Unless this "friend" has a personality disorder, I doubt the joking "boy" haircut comment is the only issue. Really, it may have been the tipping point - the moment that convinced her to cut you out of her life. That said, rather than dwelling on her inability to communicate what's going on, I say MOVE ON. If she has other reasons for dumping your friendship, given all of the time that has passed and limbo you've felt, they'll probably be too painful to hear. Especially since you've exhausted efforts to reach out and she hasn't taken the bait. What's the point of a letter or phonecall when it only opens you up to more rejection and guilt? Leave it alone and focus on friends who make as much of an effort as you do.

Your friend's statement that she's "sensitive" rang empty to me. What she doesn't realize is that sensitivity goes both ways - it's sensitivity in actions towards other people as well. If she saw fit to tease you about your hair, why does she suddenly think it's inappropriate when it's about her? I can't even begin to guess what this is really about, but this cannot just be about hair. She sounds pretty self-centered.

I heat people like that if you can no take jokes then don't joke around. I notice that most people treat you the way you treat them, if I make some kind of joke about someone I'm giving them permission to make that same joke.

POISON. Be glad you're rid of her.