I've never been one to have serious relationships, so after dating a guy for a couple months this Summer, I developed real feelings for him. However, I don't think the relationship started out on the right foot as I wasn't really looking for a boyfriend at that time. I ended up bringing him home on the first date — we did not sleep together but things progressed rather quickly from there on out. It has now been five months since I broke off the five-month relationship, and I am still beating myself up for the way I handled things.
I broke it off because I wanted a more serious relationship and he did not; I wasn't going to continue dating him with no commitment. I feel like he didn't see the best of me as my behavior changed during the course of our relationship. I know this was a learning experience but I am wondering why I can't get over it. I feel like I still have something to prove to him and I can't let go of it. Do you have any advice?
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Velvet
Rocha.John Rocha
Michael Kors
Ha, you should read my post from a few days ago. I just broke up with a guy after almost 4 months because he wasn't willing to move the relationship forward, and he was still hung up on an ex from early 2008.
Instead of beating yourself up over the way you feel you handled yourself, write it all down, then tear it up and let it go. We all have regrets when it comes to relationships, and it's easy to look back and say "Things would have worked if only I had . . ." or "Maybe I should have been more ______, then we would have lasted." Trust your own judgement and don't be hard on yourself. When you meet that next great guy, you'll be SO glad you aren't still with whatshisname.
1I get it that you are beating yourself up for "being classless" early on, and then later "setting boundaries" ...I am not sure what all of this means, because you are a bit vague about it, but it seems like you feel that you set the tone for the relationship early on, regret it, and spent the rest of the time backpedaling. Whether or not this is the reason you broke up, I don't know, but the bottom line is you want to date someone who wants to progress in a relationship, and this guy isn't it.
It's ok. That is the whole point of dating, to figure out what you want and to find the guy who will give it to you. Talking to him now and "explaining yourself" is not going to make him change his mind and want you back for a serious relationship....I think that is what you really want, isn't it?
I agree with luisa... learn from this and take your knowledge to the next relationship.
2You wanted something more serious, he didn't. It sounds to me like you did the right thing for you and that you didn't settle for less than you deserve. I don't think you should beat yourself up for this. Move on and you will find someone who is ready for the same things you are. Good luck to you.
3I think what you are holding on to is the thought of what "could have been." You had a prospect, it didn't work out the way you had wanted, and now your pondering what could have happened had your behavior been different. I know I have done this in the past, but I have come to learn that it should not be this hard. If it the two of you were compatible, it would have just moved into the next phase, without all of the hassle. That being said, write it off. Like all things, this is a learning experience. The failed attempts help condition us so that when we encounter someone truly worthy of our time, we won't have to guess like we have had to in the past. You will just know. Feel better, time will soften the hurt
4All you can do for yourself if find a rebound to get over this man ...
5When a man says he doesn't want a relationship, he means it ... and no matter what you say or do will not change it ...
So the best thing to do it find someone who either wants to have a relationship with you, or someone who is worthy enough or being a rebound or let yourself heal and then get back into the game once you know what you want ...
He's just not that into you if he's not willing to commit to you. Take it as lesson learned and move on.. The Ego messes with people so much to the point where they make themselves look like fools .. Chances are he doesn't care if you look hot, he doesn't care if you date someone.. bottom line, he could care less.. so keep your dignity and self respect and move on and next time, don't EVER take someone home on the first night.. it NEVER progresses to a respectable relationship.
6This reminds me a lot of one of my past flings. I had broken up with a serious boyfriend and proceeded to have a lot of ginger relationships (the ones that clear the taste in your mouth before the next bite). A guy I fell for, but who didn't want anything serious actually made me realize that I was ready for something serious. Maybe your just ready to be a "relationship person"! But please don't think he's the only one out there that can do it for you. When a guy clearly tells me he wants something and I want something else I move on quickly. There is NO changing his opinion. And it wasn't how you behaved... just think... guys go through the same stages... the ready for a relationship stage and the ready for a ginger fling stage. He and you were in conflicting states of mind.
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