Depends, who can't you have, is it someone you were with? If that's the case, it's not about not having, it's about both people trying to make it work. If it's some crush, they why not enjoy it and flirt a bit, then move on.

Because it's human nature and a part of your ego. Your ego is hurt because you think highly of yourself (which you should).. but keep this in mind .. 99% of relationships don't work out or you'd have 10 husbands! And if you don't like the way your relationships turn out, YOU'RE the common denominator!

I don't know but that's so me

Because the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence! Most of the time when you want someone you can't have it's just infatuation and wanting to experience the unknown. Don't we always want something new and exciting? It's such a thrill.

because you idealize it and build up the one you can't have until you convince yourself he is totally the one for you. in reality, you two might not work at all but you can't see that through cause you put him up on a pedestal!

For me, this only lasts a short while if I realize they are not as into me as I'm into them. But if the guy also reacts to me equally, I can get all tied up and pathetically obsessed about it all. Oh, the drama! But then I am distracted by something shiny and I move on... LOL! Hey, the best way to deal with embarrassment is to make fun of oneself!

i've only felt like this for one person. the funny thing is when i did have him, i didnt really want him.

Because the wrapping always look better than the gift inside.

As a society we've been taught to idealize love and expect it and be a certain way. There's a good article that shows how things romantic comedies, romance novels, and romance dramas ruin relationship as they distort people's views on relationships and the people they love.

Because the romance of unrequited love is always perfect.

This is why I find it best to stick to books and leave to other mortals.

A combination of unrealistic expectations and susceptibility to illusions.

I wish this phenomenon also applies to guys.

Because we're greedy

We're always enticed by the forbidden fruit.

And then oftentimes we eat it and wonder what all the hubbub was about.

it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. at some point in adulthood you start going for people who are more available.

Because some of us are afraid of real commitment, and that makes it easier to "love from afar".

Present company and myself excluded, of course.

like the song says-love the one your with!

Lol I don't know...ego? Closure? Why won't he like me? That kind of bullsh*t? Who f*cking knows why he doesn't like you...you look too much like his mom...you don't remind him enough of his mom....who knows.
I have long come to learn I am a great catch and if a guy I like doesn't appreciate it..I move on pretty quickly. I am not going to waste my time on an *sshole who doesn't appreciate me . Took me a long time to get to that..and as someone else said you tend to idealize the person and don't actually see who teh really are. But I gotta admit once in a while...I do look back and think about some of the ones who 'got away' not that they were any good but wonder what if. Than I roll over and look at my adorable bf and think...hell the person I need is right here, who cares about the assholes who don't love me for exactly who I am (yes I am aware that is mushy)

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

meant "you're with" lol

what hurts the most and i don't get is, you know you can't have him and you just let him go (i.e. no contact and no communication whatsoever), then out of the blue, he wants to keep in touch. Why? I ask in my head. It took so much pain and effort to accept the reality and his wanting to keep in touch is like "opening another can of worms" that took a long time to seal. Why? Why are you so cruel?

Babysoftpink, I am dealing with a similar situation. The one I care about is with someone else, and apparently happy in the relationship, but still wants to keep in touch. I cut off contact for 2 months, and it helped a great deal. We have recently started communicating, with an e-mail from him telling me he misses our friendship, and wants to see me.

We WERE good friends and cared about each other, so this is a bit difficult, but really nothing like it would have been in October. I took time for myself and read the books and did all of the things the great people on this board suggested, and everything helped, especially the time.

Maybe your guy isn't trying to be cruel, but it is a case of he wants to have his cake and eat it too, which is what my friends told me when my guy riend contacted me. He wants his girlfriend, but he wants you in his life as well. You are simply not ready for this, it hurts too much, so give it more time.

As for myself, I am limiting contact to phone, text and e-mails for now. It's early in the communication, and who knows what will happen, but I will say whatever does happen, it will be based on decisions that I made for myself about what I want, not about what he wants. I am not saying I am doing the right thing, but for me it feels ok right now.

Everyone needs to find their own path, but I suggest that you tell him you can't be in touch right now, and that you will let him now when you are ready. Good Luck!

hey Jazzytummy. Many thanks for sharing your story and the encouraging words. I guess I really needed it at this moment. Thank you.

I think limiting contact is a great thing for me. I did not contact the person for about 3 months and went away to vacation. It felt very liberating and I was actually quite "happy." Maybe because I was quite happy, "happiness wants company" too. Now, I am at a point where I just need to have peace, heal and take care of myself. I just don't need to be in the loop for his new relationship bliss, if any. I think I will just let him know honestly that I want to be left alone and should opportunities arise in the future that I feel comfortable being in a friendship with this person again, I will re-initiate contact.

I think that is a great plan! No matter what happens, you are the one deciding what you want, which is how it should be. In my situation, meeting the girlfriend hasn't come up, but if it does, I will simply say no thanks, not now anyway. If he doesn't like that, it's too bad....if he wants me in his life at this point, he just has to accept it. If he doesn't, I will continue to move on.

Life definitely has a flow to it, and sometimes we just have to ride along and see where it takes us.

We think its so much better than what we have/had. It's the allure of being different.

Maybe the thrill of the chase or wanting to be chased!

I dunno. *sigh* I had a make-out buddy in college (ok, we did other stuff too but never sex) for all four years (!) and I always wanted him, but part of that was the thrill of the chase. For whatever reason, chatting with mutual friends at a party but never him and then being together at the end of the night was more exciting than going on actual dates. I was ADD in college and liked to have the option of exploring. To this day I still think he's hot (thank you, Facebook) and wonder what would have happened if I gave it a real shot. Then I wonder if he wonders, too. I'm in a great relationship and feel guilty every time I think about it. Blah.

lots of times we only become interested in someone because we know that they are out of our grasp, we could meet someone 100 times nicer and is totally into us and we will have no interest i dont get it!!

Here is whats happened to me.
I was in a bad marriage. Had guy friends and fell in love with one of them.Didnt mean for it to happen but it did and he never knew how I felt. He was my boss!
I am now divorced and still think of him(our company closed so we all went other places for employement). When i thought about how this happened it was SO easy to figure out. I was not getting everything I wanted from my husband(love, attention, compliments, desire, freindship)my boss was all of those things and so my emotions went to him.He is married and so I loved him secretly but I dont hink he really knew how much I wanted him.We text each other once in awhile and IF he ver wanted me...i would take him in a heartbeat, but I do not see that happening. We would be so good for one another.
I will always want him, and want to know what it would be like to be with him.now i am in a realtionship with a manager that worked in the same company.He is awesome. My old boss knows about it, (hope it made him a little jealous), but I hope that this guy enjoys being with me and we can make this into something great! Secretly I still like my old boss(ALOT) but am enjoying the hell out of this other boss.