I don't think it's unreasonable for you to demand that she cut off ties with him as a condition of you guys getting back together. Unless the guy is a really good friend of hers, personally, I think she would understand where you're coming from and comply with the condition if she really wanted it to work things out between the two of you. Actually, to be honest, if I were, I would offer such a condition to regain your trust. Just ask her to place herself in your position, I think it's not only jealousy, but rebuilding the trust between the two of you. It's not a big sacrifice at all if it is to salvage a relationship that both of you seem to care about. I think you should find out the circumstances that she was under when she slept with the other guy - was it impulse? drunkenness? or is there some romantic connection between the two of them so shortly after the breakup? Personally, I would not get back together with her if I were you if she doesn't comply with your condition because it shows lack of effort and commitment to rebuilding the relationship and you guys getting back together is not likely to last (no point in investing more of your time and effort and feelings into this relationship).

Yes, you definitely should. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my boyfriend; however, I made the mistake of not asking him to stop hanging around with the girl when we got back together. The result? He hung around with her a lot and we fought each time it happened. If I had to do it over, I would ask him to stop seeing her completely and if he refused, then I would say "goodbye." In fact, I agree with frieddumpling--if this girl really wants to make things work, she'll offer to stop seeing the other guy.

move on kevin. she may love you but she wants him (in some way too). games and drama.

Aw, Cautious Kevin...sorry about your experience. But you really need to cut off all ties with this chick (rather than worry about who she's seeing). You will most likely have a hard time trusting her again, regardless of whether or not this guy is still in her life. Call me unforgivig, but that's not any kind of relationship I'd want to be in.

If she was sleeping with someone after being single for two weeks, I'm really not sure if getting back together with her is a good idea.

If you were to go through counseling, they would tell the both of you the same thing...that the healthy option for the relationship to continue would be for her to cut off all ties with the man. It is not unreasonable, and it is indeed respectful if she does! It also would prove her dedication to making it work. If she puts up a fight, then she is revealing her priorities. Also you need to make sure that you can move past it and eventually trust her again. Yes, she does need to gain that trust, but you also cannot throw this back into her face every time she sees a male colleague or if you two get in an argument, nor can you bring it up years later. If you can't move past it yourself with time and trust gaining, than it is definitely time you just cut ties yourself. But if you truly can move past it, then good luck to you!

Actually it also depends really on your age (both of you) and how long the relationship was to begin with...AND how it was left when you two split, and also if it were a healthy relationship before the split. We are only human and will make mistakes, but if it wasn't the best relationship beforehand, then there's little chance it will work out. Likewise if she cheated after only being together a short while, than it's likely it won't last either. And if you two are both very young, do you really see this person as the one you're going to marry in 5-10 years and grow old with?

Assess all the different points and then try to realize if it's all really worth the trouble it is going to be to get over the betrayal.

I don't think it is at all unreasonable for you to ask her to cut off contact with the person she slept with. I do agree with Berlin though... I think before you open the 'cut off contact' can of worms, you need to do some soul searching. Find out if you really want to put forth the effort to make this work or if the relationship was going bad to begin with. Also, you need to find out why she cheated on you if you are going to make this work. Otherwise, you could just enter into the same vicious cycle and she'll sleep with someone else in the next few months.

Kudos to you for trying to make it work though... at least you are trying before throwing in the towel. Good luck.

I had a flashback to SATC when Aidan asked Carrie to stop talking to Big and she refused. I absolutely 100% sided with Aidan and could not believe he was OK when Carried said no!

Carried = Carrie oops

It's going to be hard for the both of you at this moment b/c shes getting interest from someone else! Even though she may say she wants you that doesn't mean thing's will change in the long run! Take time out to see what it is you really want from her and if you feel she's not going to be faithful then let her be. We as on lookers can only inform you of so much b/c were going by what you tell us. Let your heart do the talking for you.

You are fully in your right to ask this of her!

I think you need to examine the reasons why you broke up in the first place, not the fact that she slept with someone else AFTER you split up. Who knows what was going on in her head, but in any event, she didn't have to tell you that she slept with someone else after you ended it.

You can ask her not to see the guy, fine, but that is not going to fix what was wrong with your relationship in the first place. That is where you need to start, IMHO.

You can absolutely ask her to do that. She should have offered already to be honest, but even still I would definitely put that under the terms of a fresh start to your "new" relationship. Absoloutely.

Oh, and I haven't read the comments but if anyone up there or anyone after me claims you're insecure and you can't ask her to do that... I disagree. It just is usually the best thing to do in a situation like this.

Definitely you can ask her. I think that you can ask anyone anything. But you can't make her say 'yes' if she doesn't want to.

She should have already offered to do that if she's serious about wanting you back!

She doesn't seem like much of a prize.

I think that if she was truly commited to making things work between you 2 she would have already offerred to do this. She needs to work at gaining back your trust and prove to you that she deserves your trust and forgiveness. If you ask her and she does not do it, then I honestly don't think that she is commited to making things work between you 2. If I were you, I would always wonder if she was still involved with him if she was still talking to him and seeing him. I hope you think about couples counselling if you are both truly commited to working on your relationship. Good luck.

i agree with janine22. i think you have every right to ask her to cut contact with this guy, but also if she had the intention of getting back with you, and if she was sooo in love with you, she would never have slept with someone else in that short amount of time. i also agree with jazzytummy and you need to evaluate what went wrong with your relationship to begin with. it seems like if you can break up and she can sleep with someone right after then come running back to you it doesn't look like it will work out this time around. what happens when you get into a fight? she will sleep with someone else then come back to you? youre gunna start to tell her she can't talk to anyone but you, and slowly it will drive you crazy. you will never be able to fully trust her again, so definitely rethink this reconciliation.

I pulled this same stunt with my ex- boyfriend, telling him "I can't stop thinking about you," and calling him "baby," even though we both knew I was seeing someone else. I didn't realize until later that I enjoyed feeling like I was in control again (he was a jerk to me for the last 3 months of our relationship and initiated the split). It's not something I'm proud of, but you should be aware that what an ex SAYS in situations like this is irrelevant next to what he or she DOES. It's too easy to do the ex dance without having any intention of rebuilding a relationship.

i agree with you geebers! i can't believe she said no too...

kevin i think you should move on...if she's still talking to him but trying to patch things up with you it doesnt look too good.