Time...all it takes is time. You are not stupid, we all give our hearts to those who don't deserve it sometimes. It is a learning experience. You want an answer, a reason from him why he chose her instead of you, and what you lack..but its not your fault. There is no rhyme or reason why he doesn't want you...it could be you remind him of his mother, or you don't remind him of his mother, or he hates the way you smell, or he loves the way you smell but it reminds him of his ex...many reasons that probably has nothing to do with what you did or you as a person but more to do with him. You lack closure and that's why its hard to get over him.

There is no magic bullet. Occupy yourself, and with time....it all will fade.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

Sit down and make a list of all the things you didn't like about him. They were there - you just most likely overlooked them because you were in the smitten stage. Then take that list, tear it up and move on. It also helps to write a letter to him that you don't actually send. Get your thoughts on paper and it'll be a lot easier to move on.

One negative? That fact that he wants to be a lawyer. I just got out of a relationship with one and the level of arrogance and time drain that was his job was unattractive at times.

Oh, and as far as I understand, the Bar is administered only twice a year, once being at the end of February. If by some chance you do hear from him after he takes it, don't return his call right away. Make him work to get you out on a date if that's what he wants.

I agree with you that he might have gotten spooked and realized he didn't want anything serious. Or maybe he realized his feelings weren't more than platonic...that you're chemistry was just perfect for a friendship and nothing more. Either way, I think you deserve an explanation - even if it's the "I think we're better off as friends." If you don't hear it soon, you're better off moving on and finding someone better for yourself! If he wants to go out with you again -- and you're sure you want to go down that road again -- I agree with the previous comment - Make him work for it! And get a genuine apology and explanation for his behavior, too.

I don't get it, he wasn't even your boyfriend, he wasn't your anything, and if he was that into you he would've asked you out by now. You're just bored.

It doesn't sound like he'll be contacting you anytime soon, so don't waste your time and energy thinking about this guy who's not worth your time. Move on to someone else who deserves you! Your closure happened when he told you he couldn't see you anymore --> even as a friend or potential boyfriend --> he's not worth your time. I don't even think your relationship has been that serious to "demand" any real explanation for him because you guys hung out for a bit (it's really only a few weeks!) and now he doesn't want to, it's pretty simple. You may reconsider when HE comes around to contact you, in the meantime, do something for yourself to keep your mind off him! Good time to find a new hobby!

Not to defend the guy- but when I took the bar it consumed my life. I studied for ten hours a day and was so stressed out that all of my relationships suffered. His reaction could simply be that he is too stressed out to handle a new relationship and the bar. Imagine that all of you work boils down to a three day exam (at around $3,000 a pop)- not pleasant. People either understand or they don't. I have seen marriages break up over law school and/or the bar exam.
Oh and luisamapacha- not all lawyers are arrogant.

HAHA - I've dated this guy. You will get no closure, just move on and find a great guy that's into you.

I should say.. you won't get any closure from HIM, you'll have to make it a closed case on your own.

Closure? C'mon! They weren't even dating.

That doesn't mean she didn't have feelings for him.

She can crush all she wants. But those feelings are squarely on her.

I really don't think that the guy in question was being a jerk at all. He was simply telling/showing the OP that, for whatever reasons, real or imagined, he was not at a position in his life and/or desiring to take the friendship to a different level. He really has done the OP a favor by showing her this both through his words and actions. My advice to the OP? Have a (short) cry, a pint of Ben and Jerry's and be thankful that he didn't lead you on. Realize, as well, that in future friendships/relationships that the situation is likely to be reversed, giving you the opportunity to do the favor in being honest by the other person. This whole experience will give you insight on how to handle things with tact and truthfullness.

what i usually do is that I think of things i really hated about the guy. Anything from the way he did something to bad habits to body parts. Like i cant stand chubby fingers on a guy and biting nails. So if you make like a list of things that bothered you about the guy it will be faster to get over him. At first you might not see anything that you did not like but don't worry you will soon. and thats it there isn't really much you can do since you guys were not dating or anything, you basically just started to have feelings for him and that is it. Nothing serious, you will get over him very fast.

I agree with Nicky360; I dated a guy who was prepping for the bar while working 70+ hour weeks and it really was a draining period of time for him...he tried to, but wasn't able to commit to much of anything. If he does come back after it's all said and done, then I think you should be open to the situation but realize that as a 1st year associate (which is what I am assuming he is), it is going to be a very trying road.

My current boyfriend is entering law school this coming year, and I know that it's just a stressful period of time, which is why we're putting marriage talk on hold. Dating a lawyer can be lonely and challenging, and you either need to be very understanding of the situation or it just won't work.

Knowing the the bar doesn't happen for a bit, just get yourself back out there. He's clearly not expecting you to wait for him, so enjoy yourself and have fun. I wish you luck, it's never easy getting over someone you connect with and then you're handed a curveball like this.

You can set aside most of the facts here (she wasn't his girlfriend yet, he was studying for the bar...) and boil it down to a couple of essential elements. He's going to do what he wants to do. It's all any man does. She has a choice, she can allow herself to be upset for a long time about the fact that he isn't choosing (for whatever reason - lack of time, different priorities, lack of desire) or she can face that fact and move on.

It sucks and she has every reason/right to want to wallow for a little while. But wallowing isn't going to make it better, or make him change.

I recommend going to www.divinecaroline.com and reading their break up articles. it describes your feelings and has great suggestions

that being i connect/attach easily
so i had to learn not to wear my heart on my sleeve
let them earn your feelings next time. dont give them away

When studying for the bar one's social life ends, completely. He may plan a social activity once every week or two, but this is normal! It is the most important time in his life and probably the most stressful. If you are still interested in him offer to pick-up groceries or bring him a dinner but don't expect anything until after the February bar.

Have some dignity, and do not ever contact him. There's no reason to contact him. He doesn't like you. Get a large pizza, put on a movie or go out and find someone better. Bar exam was just an excuse.

Don't allow yourself to forget all the things that you HATE about him--all the things that make him a "Jerk". All I can say is forgive but "Never" forget!!

this was a question i submitted and half of it has been altered!!! right after he is with someone else. im not too happy this has been changed. and why would the guy say he wanted to be with me in the first place!

I'm not exactly sure how he was really a jerk to you. There never seemed to be anything definite between the two of you besides an apparent "connection". Obviously, there are no details, so if you slept with him then I take my comment back.
HOWEVER, if he is telling the truth and he really was studying for the bar exam then it is absolutely understandable that he dropped off the face of the Earth. The state bars are administered in February and July and I can tell you that, if you intend to pass, it is not unusual for one to study 10-12 hours a day. I took it in July and from May until August I said good bye to my social life. He probably didn't want the stress of a new relationship at such a critical time.

face it, all men are jerks, they are NO good! NO man is...they all lie, cheat, are immature, and abuse/use women to get ahead in life...so forget that loser and just take a lover next time WITHOUT giving your heart into it. Or better yet, try a sugar daddy...

Most men are scared, especially if the relationship is new. Men love the chase, and sometimes if a girl gives in too easily they get bored and move on. Sadly, a lot of men are like this... you just need to pick up your self-esteem, realize that you don't need a man to make you happy, get BUSY (because you are probably pining away at why he doesn't like you), and realize that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, it doesn't matter if its because of the Bar exam or he doesn't like you, your worth more than to be pushed aside. So, for now chalk it up to an experience in life, and move on. If after the bar exam he comes back into your life.... than that's when you need to honestly re-evaluate the situation. By than, who knows, you might have found someone better.

Just keep telling yourself that you DON'T like him and that you are over him. It works.

Also, I recommend a book like "Why Men Love b*tches" or "He's just not that into you" even if the advice seems a little shallow and like game play, it can be a big confidence booster, even if you don't take the advice

Let it go. Sometimes in life we don't get the closure we need, and we have to accept what little closure we get...as THE closure. (That took me forever to learn.) He's not the one for you. So try looking at it like...you didn't have to wait too long to find that out, and be happy about it! Trust me, as soon as you stop looking someone else will come along.

Also, another thing I did when I was dating (I've been married for a long time) was I would look at anything I did in the relationship, that I didn't want to repeat, in the next relationship. I think every relationship we go through before we meet "the one" is to prepare us for that special man. I also think everything "the one/guy" went through was in preparation for "the girl of his dreams". So try to look at it as a positive learning experience. Also, (very important) look at what the guy you were dating last (and all the others before him)...the things you do NOT want in the next guy you date. Dating is about learning what you want, and what you want in a partner...and vice versa for the other person. Take care, and I hope you feel better soon.

luisamapacha.. i dont think you can label a perosn as arrogant because of the fact that he's a lawyer. i'm a lawyer and i find that remark offensive.. arrogance has nothing to do with the profession but on the type of person you are..

For as long as I can remember, I have held onto resentments from past relationships. May I suggest you do what I did that really helped me. I know it does not sound as satisfying as burning pictures, and making voo-doo dolls, but try doing a little bit of self-help. Deborah King, author of "Truth Heals", demonstrates how anyone can release deep-seated layers of denial, fear, and anger in order to heal the mind and body.