I can't gauge this one. It sounds like you're both playing games. Or maybe you are the only one playing games and he's just not as interested as you'd like him to be? Hard to know based on the info.

Whatever you do, keep it lighthearted and fun. Go into it with the attitude that he should be lucky to have you, and if he doesn't feel that way, that you want to move on to find someone who does.

It seems like a bad sign that you don't have NYE plans though.

This is one I've never experienced. But it sounds as if you should make your own plans, invite him and either he will come or not.
I wouldn't wait for him to inform me as to what kind of relationship 'we' are in. Just decide for yourself and then talk to him to come to some sort of understanding.

I'm in a very similar situation with a guy I am dating right now. It's not for as long as you, but I feel like we are both holding back and trying to "play it cool". It would be nice to know what you plan on saying when you talk. Do you just plan on saying something like "Am I your girlfriend?" because maybe he does call you his girlfriend to other people. Have you met each others friends yet or do you hang out with each other friends? That's usually a good sign if you have. I come from a very traditional viewpoint of waiting for the guy to do the initial declaration of commitment, even if the wait drives me crazy. But, if you really want to have the talk I would keep it lighthearted and casual. Don't call him and tell him you need to talk beforehand and act like it's really serious. Good luck!

I agree with emms in the fact that I wait for the guy to initiate the commitment talk....I was hooking up with my current bf (going on 3 years now) for like 2.5 months and then he finally said something to the effect of "are you seeing anyone else" "no" "me neither" "okay" "so, you're my girlfriend then" "yeah" and that was about it. Just have fun while you can before it all gets so serious. Why do you have to be boyfriend and girlfriend right now? Why does a title or a talk make a difference? I would say if you are really needing to know then ask him if he is hooking up with anyone else. if he says yes then tell him you dont feel comfortable with that because 1) you have been dating for 4 months and 2)health reasons. I think that will do the trick one way or the other!

I agree with clareberrys. I think we women read too much into a lot of things. If he likes you, he likes you and he's not going to laugh at you or think less of you if you ask.

I think four months is enough dating time to have 'the talk'. It seems that you 2 are already commited, so make sure that this is actually the case and you are not just assuming he is only seeing you. Then, tell him how you feel about him. All you can do is be honest. You don't have to tell him you love him if you are not comfortable doing that yet. But I think it is reasonable for you to be ready to talk about things at this point in the relationship. Just don't make a big deal over it, bring it up in normal conversation and it will be less nervous for both of you. Good luck.

I don't know that there is a correct time, place or way to bring this up. But clearly you need to if you are questioning things. I know it can be scary because of the fear that you might not hear what you want...but if thats going to be the case, better sooner than later that you find out. If he's just passing the time with you, then thats something you need to know. Or maybe he is waiting for you to bring it up? I agree with Janine that certainly enough time has gone by now, and you shouldn't feel that you are pushing the question of where you guys stand. Just bring it up causally and don't be overly serious, but serious enough to where he thinks about what you are saying, but make sure it's in a good setting, where it's quiet and just the two of you. If he blows the conversation off, then I think you might have your answer. I personally am not into labels, I think if you enjoy each others company and care about each other, than thats all that really matters, but I think it's also important to know if you are wasting your time or not.

Thanks for all the advice, girls. This was my post.

I brought it up last night and he said he likes things the way they are (exclusive dating) but can't promise any more. To me, this means we continue on without advancing - no family events, no holidays planned ahead, no romantic dates. Then he said it was my call to make. The fact that he could take it or leave it made my decision for me. He sounded surprised and a little upset, but I made it clear I didn't want to be with someone who was just killing time with me . . .

Thanks again. On to the next one, right?

Good! Well done. You did the right thing.

There's a chance though that he might feel like he lost someone great. Have you thought about wether or not you'd give him a second chance if he came crawling back? That's a tough call too since it would be easy but there's always a chance he'd just be telling you what you want to hear and keep stinging you along.

I wouldn't be totally surprised if he wanted a second chance, but I'm not expecting it. He'd have to be pretty convincing to get me back, but I wouldn't rule it out. I think everyone deserves a second chance. (Just not a third!)

Good for you for knowing what you want and asking for it! Not enough people do that and instead settle for less than they deserve.

It's too bad about the timing, but what better way to start the new year fresh!

good for you, luisa.
I've been in this place before, only with the roles reversed.
but I've found it easy to advance the relationship when the person is right.
best of luck!

the only way to resolve this is to communicate...sooner rather than later. the longer you wait to talk about it the longer you will go on being unfulfilled and unhappy in this "relationship". let him know the deal and if he doesn't want to commit any further then its time to move on. simple as that.

He's going to hell like 2008, well done!

Good for you, luisa. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want, and going for it. You clearly felt that something was missing, you wanted clarification, you got your answer and now you are making your decision to move on. Agree completely with popgoestheworld.

I am ready for someone who is not ambivalent about me, and it's clear that you are too. Let him stew about it, and if he wants you back, it will be your choice...you have the control, not over him, but over what you want, and that is the way it should be. Never settle.

Good luck and Happy New Year!

well - i think that today people put too much pressure on the whole label thing, but just because you don't have it, that doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be exclusive and serious with you. you mentioned that he got you a nice present for christmas and that should say something don't you think? if he didn't feel really strongly about you then he wouldn't have made the effort. i figure that after the new year, then you can bring up the topic, but don't let it ruin your time with your friends. i think that too many people stress out about 'what they are' during the holiday season that you lose sight of the fun of your friendships...

He did give me a nice Christmas gift but it was unromantic (running gear) and there was no card. I know for a fact he's gone all-out with past girlfriends, including fancy dinners, jewelry and "the perfect" card, as he once put it. So that situation right there was red flag alone.

I think Christmas and Valentine's gifts early in a relationship are somewhat obligatory, so for me it's hard to judge what they mean with regards to the relationship itself. Also, just because he bought previous girlfriends jewelry and fancy dinners doesn't mean much to me, those relationships obviously ended too. He almost sounds like he is just playing the role of the good boyfriend, hence the "perfect card" statement....those women are his exes too, so clearly the gifts made no difference with respect to those relationships.

I think the fact that luisa feels the guy is somewhat ambivalent about their relationship is the major issue. Sticking it out through the holidays with someone you are not crazy about just to be a couple never made much sense to me, but unfortunately, that is how society is...so much pressure on being a couple during the holidays. A bummer if you are single, like me!

Like you always say to others luisa, if it's right and meant to be, it will work out. If not, you will move on.