I really believe in teaching teens the facts. What good does it do to shelter them from knowledge?

You know, I'm all for virginity pledges if that's what a teen wants to do, but every teenager should be taught how to protect themselves from pregnancy and STDs. Just because you pledge to remain a virgin until marriage, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to happen. So these teens should know how to use condoms and have safe sex.

On another topic entirely, when did STDs become STIs or am I confusing something?

Another aspect of teenage sex I think a lot of people are forgetting is the emotional and psychological affects sex can have on someone (no matter their age). Although, of course, preventing pregnancy, STDs and STIs is important, I think the psychological and emotional impact (both positive and negative) that sex can have on people needs to be addressed, as well.

Also, there's a myth that vaginal sex is the only "bad" sex not only because of pregnancy but also because STDs and STIs can't be transferred during oral or anal.* So both acts are considered "safe" and aren't considered sex. Here in Utah, there's something called "floating" which is where the guy will enter the girl but won't thrust. Utah teens also have a saying "Oral is moral".

So with all this misinformation and the dangers it poses to our kids, I have to ask: if God loves us so much, is His main concern going to be chastity before marriage? Or is it going to be our health and safety?

Knowledge is a gift, naivete is a curse.

*according to the myth.

All of what MyOwnRules is saying reminds me of a family guy episode where Megs pledges to remain a virgin until marriage and gets a bf so they decide to have ear sex..lol

This is such a hot topic for me. As a future teacher, I agreed 100% with Obama's position on comprehensive sex education in the public school system.

Abstinence only education is naive and foolish. I attended Catholic schools, so obviously that's the only sex education we received. Luckily, my friends and I were smart enough to use the internet and figure out what options we had for protection. However, I knew many people who simply thought that it was impossible to get pregnant the first time you had sex, as well as other myths.

Why don't these adults take their heads out of the sand and realize how they felt at the age of 14-18, being a hormone crazed teenager, and realize the likelihood of teenagers having sex? Most adults had sex at that age, but yet we expect our kids to hold it all in because you say so?

I waited until 17 and I was the last of my friends.. IN A CATHOLIC SCHOOL. We never had sex education other than "Don't do it until your married" or "Here's pictures of STDS.. if you have sex, you'll get them."

Britt - that is not surprising to me. I had sex education from JHS until HS- we learned about condoms and birth control as well as the emotional consequences. My first time was 22 - and that was the average of my public school friends who waited as well. I would say nearly all of us waited until we were emotionally secure or in a serious relationship.

I believe teaching teens about how to protect themselves is better than saying "if you do this, that's bad". It's the same reason why teens drink so much, it's because people are restricting and forbidding something which makes it even "cooler" in their heads. Teens are going to have sex, but it's not the end of the world. It's much better to educate them about protection and not shield them from real life.

As for emotionally...I think teachers need to emphasize that if you're not ready, or if you don't know the person well/are together with them, then sex may not be the best thing to do because of the guilt that may come along with it.

To me, sex wasn't a very emotionally charged thing until I had been doing it for a while. I doubt teens view it as emotional and spiritual...they just want some.

Abstinence only education and virginity pledges are really two separate things, though.

I understand the benefits of sex education considering the vast majority of people with engage in sex at some point in their lives. But I personally did make a virginity pledge (to remain a virgin until married). At almost 27 years old, I am sticking to it. The pledge meant a lot to me, and I take it seriously. So reading posts with titles like this one makes me sad.

My daughter's 14. She's had sex education at school, at home and at church. She's taught to value herself enough not to share her most intimate parts of herself with just anyone. *parts meaning her vagina and soul*

However, if she deems some guy worthy, at least have the sense to make him wear a condom and start birth control to be able to decide when she wants to have a child to raise 24/7.

There is and can be a balance.

My highschool (only 5 years ago!) health class lamely handed out virginity pledge cards. I'm still a little "wtf" that the health class- in a public school- did that.

And just adding to the tons of "Catholic kids gone wild" testimonials, every single one of my friends, in a group of 10-16 people, were quite Catholic. And guess who kept their virginity the longest? The lonely atheist. (That's me!)

much like those who make new year's resolutions; the best of intentions at the time they are made, but not much motivation behind the pledge.

And it isn't just for teens. When I decided at age 32 to finally get divorced after having been with the same man since age 21 I didn't decide to abstain from casual sex or make some pledge. Just knowing the risks, both physical and psychological, valuing myself respect and having an appreciation for my example to set for my children I just ended up abstaining. I simply haven't met a man that reached that level yet. That's what I teach my daughter and sons *and they are under 12* by my example. Hopefully they follow.

That's the best parents can do. Telling them simply not to or trying to scare them is like too much candy or video games...they automatically want to push the limits.

*my self respect... lol

I say this on HuffPo. Some of those comments are freakin hilarious. But anyways, f*ckin' duh!!!! I mean parents really need a study to figure that out.

*I saw*

I don't know what to say.. I think sex should not be a dirty thing but not a mindless hobby either. Sex is private thing, people are different, don't make one just because they do.

In my high school, health teacher handed (in class) info brochures and flyers with condoms in it. And also everyone got a lesson on how to roll it correctly, in to banana.

Haha, death by chocolat, *high five*.

I always lmao at these pledges. Knowledge is a very powerful thing, i don't think i'd even bother to b.s. my child with some nonsense about a pledge. You can't control everything, especially someone else's actions. You can influence their decisions but that's about it. I hate this thought that some how sex is dirty because you're not married to the person. Bite me!

Parent's need to be honest with the children and let them know what's going on, give the fact, and let them know how to protect themselves. These virginity pledge don't mean anything. Kids are going to get horny and have sex. At least it's better that they know of the risks involved instead of them going blindly into it.

I think schools should teach children how to have safe sex. They should present the facts. Virginity pledges and abstinence only is unrealistic and doesn't apply to everyone. Teens are going to have sex. Condoms, and birthcontrol goes a long way. The emotional consequences of sex should also be taught.

I think a comprehensive sex education should include the fact that abstinence is the only 100% fullproof method to avoid pregnancy, STD's and STI's. Abstinence only works when the parents are fully involved, and most parents now are too busy trying to be the child's friend to be effective as a parent.

It should also be said that the parents of teenagers have the biggest part of the responsibility in teaching sex education. It shouldn't be completely left up to the schools. But you are going to have parents who won't talk to their kids and then have schools that won't teach sex ed.

I was fortunate enough to have both. My school taught sex ed in 8th grade (with a signed consent from my parents) and I immediately was able to talk to my parents about what we were learning in school. Because of that, I waited until I was in a secure and healthy relationship before I lost my virginity... and I knew how to protect myself from pregnancy and STDs.

I attended Catholic school my entire life and they waited until the 12th grade (!) to teach sex ed! It was a little too late I'd say because so many people in my class had babies and contracted STD's by that point. Luckily, I grew up in an open liberal family who taught me that if I was going to have sex, I should wait until I'm comfortable and I should ALWAYS use a condom.
When we final had our "sex ed" in 12th grade, it was taught by our religion teachers and the information we had been given came from the Catholic Medical Association. We were taught that nearly all forms of birth control were less than 50% effective and the only way to protect ourselves from STD's and pregnancy was to practice abstinence. A lot of my classmates thought "well what's the point in using protection then?" and the pregnancy/STD epidemic got worse.

That said, I believe schools should teach factual sex education courses to students. Even with sex ed, they still give abstinence as an option.

I remember my sex-education in school, we watched a video that was full of lies! It said that even though you wear a condom you will still get pregnant and get STDs because latex has holes in it where the sperm cells and the STDs can go through. I was like WTF?! Are they seriously thinking we are this naive? Some are I know, I'm just glad that I went down to a women's health clinic and they made me sit down and know the facts about sex before I was given birth control.

Duh. While I'm aware there are people who value their pledges and will follow through, the majority will not. A frew of my cousins who encountered abstinence only programs in their Catholic schools were pregnant or got someone pregnant by ages 17-19. I who had all the works of a comprehensive sex education abstained from sex until I was 25 years old. I shared my virginity with my husband. Go figure!

I have lost track of how many people I graduated high school with have had children before they could legally drink. One guy, a good guy with some smarts, ended up with twins. The most common cause? Failure to use condoms. And I went to a public school that gave us sex ed. We got it three times, twice in middle school and once in high school. I was lucky; mum figured I was going to do it anyway so she never cared if a guy slept over. She still always reminds about condoms.

Abstinence should be taught as an option, not as a be-all-end-all, and taught from both the schools and the parents. Schools should give the facts and the options of birth control, including abstinence, and parents should pick up the moral/religious side. Unfortunately schools can't teach this topic without fear of offending the parents, who don't care enough to teach their children yet care enough to take offense.

My ex's family is Catholic, and he and his sister went to Catholic high schools. Go figure, his sister had sex at 16 with some jerk. He at least waited to a serious relationship.

Growing up, I was taught to wait until marriage. My mom had me at a reasonable age, but she wasn't married and it was a definite struggle for her. I went to a private Christian school almost my entire school career. We were taught sex education - not abstinence only (although it was advised, of course). Even my science teacher in 8th grade (I was 13) told us we should wait at least until we were 18, and we all had to write a letter to our "future self at 18" to promise that we would. At the time, I definitely thought I would wait, but I never was sure I would save it until marriage. I always thought it was somewhat unrealistic. I didn't wait, but neither did a lot of people who wrote those same letters I'm sure. However, a lot of my friends and people I know are still virgins and waiting for the right person and/or marriage.

It bothers me to no end that parents don't teach their children about safe sex. Not only is teen pregnancy a problem, but also STD's can be deadly and seriously compromise a person's quality of life. Abstinence is best, but sending your children out into the world ignorant of the dangers that face them is deadly and cruel.

I am so over abstinence only education. I went to public schooling and my parents also taught me about how to respect and protect myself, unlike one of my exes who asked me if a woman was pregnant for 11 months!!

that right there, is why i'm anti-abstinence only sex education. I think it's dangerous.

I don't see anything wrong with 'virginity pledges' really, but IMO they seem to be accompanied by a judgmental, 'sex is dirty' type attitude.

Sex is a beautiful, special thing to be shared once you are ready - whatever that age is - as long as you are properly educated and sufficiently protected.

IMO, it's all about the respect between both partners. I was pretty young when I lost my virginity, but I was in a loving, long term relationship, and I have never, ever regretted losing it the way I did, or at the age I did, since I knew what I was doing and protected myself accordingly.

Doesn't really mean much. I thought I'd wait. Turns out I didn't. If you're going to teach about waiting, at least teach about being safe too. It's an individual's choice so just cause you scare them into not doing it, doesn't mean they won't at all, they just won't be safe about it because "oops, I'm not prepared properly, and it just happened."

May I recommend that "Kosher Sex" by Rabbi Boteach be on everyone's reading list? Number one, great title. Number two, regardless of religion, he says a lot of very realistic, very practical things. I don't agree with everything (he's a conservative Rabbi, after all) but much of it was exactly what I was feeling while I thought everyone was having sex except me.

I am all for comprehensive sex ed. I'm also for telling teens that sex is important. It's important enough not to randomly mess up, and instead be with the person who matters the most. When they get to that point, feel free (with a condom, and a second back up birth control).

Do you know what makes me laugh? The Catholic schools in my region are the only ones with in-school day cares.

Is this virginity pledge thing common in the United States? I've never heard of that happening in Canada. I would just like to know what right the education system has to create a situation in which a student signs this kind of pledge.

BTW I went to a private Christian school and received the full enchilada when it comes to sex-ed.

My parents have always ALWAYS been extremely open about sex. Any question I had, they answered. That's the way it should be.

My sex ed was comprehensive as well.. Which I think is the way to go. Kids need knowledge and understanding, because if the adults with all the answers don't tell them they're just going to get second hand knowledge from friends etc and that may not even be the right information.

My problem with these virginity pledges is that in my opinion NO ONE should make a choice like that based on what someone else thinks, or "god". These pledges should be because they want to, because they feel that abstaining is the best thing for them. Knowing all the facts. Not because some religious fundie group tells them that's how it should be. It makes me sick, "I am saving myself for marriage because that's what God wants" f*ck that.. You do things because it's what YOU want.. Not because you feel some ficticious being says it's the right thing to do..

Urgh.. this topic makes me nutz

I really wish parents would stop forcing this abstinence only stuff on their kids. They were kids once, and chances are, they didn't abstain from having sex.
Teach kids the facts and let them know about pregnancy and std's. My parents told me the facts and I didn't have sex until I was 22 years old. All of my friends were around 21, 22 and 23 when they lost their virginity.
There's nothing wrong with telling them the truth. In fact, it makes them more prepared.

"virginity pledges is that in my opinion NO ONE should make a choice like that based on what someone else thinks, or "god". These pledges should be because they want to, because they feel that abstaining is the best thing for them. Knowing all the facts."

I Agree

LoL, regardless of all this, people are people in the end, and they'll do and believe what they want. Religion: Parents teach their kids, maybe it sticks with the children, but many times, it's still their choice what they want to follow and believe. Sex: Pledge? Stuff happens, and people have it anyway. Drugs: DARE program anyone? Most of my classmates did did drugs anyway. This list can just keep going on and on. In the end, it's better to provide full education both for all medical (physical, sociological, psychological, and whatever other science) reasons, then let people decide for themselves. It better they know ALL of the facts and details surrounding everything rather than forcing one view and one side of the tale and then hoping they'll conform to your thinking only. It will never work well that way.

Oh, and to Foofie, I somewhat agree with you. At one point I went on believing the whole "Save myself because it's what God wants." But when I sat down and really thought about it, it had nothing really to do about God, it was about what I wanted. I wanted to save it for someone I truly love and not just go around and sleep with anyone I didn't care for. When it comes to religion, despite what era, people manipulate scriptures to read how they want. It comes down to basic humanistics (made up word I know, I just coined it 2 seconds ago). It's the same with all. Interacial marriage, sex outside of marriage, marrying of different religions. All this was dictated by society. Seriously? A lot of God's "chose ones" had many wives and even slept around. And later in the New Testament, concerning Paul...which Christians tends to base their marriage and sex ideals on these days, marriage was a concept when concerning sex, because well, we all have our primal instincts which tells use to have sex, make babies and keep living, just as every other animal. If you can't keep your instincts in check you should marry and stay with one person. It was more for decency, especially concerning the times. I don't know if they had STDs back then or what, but seriously? It's just irritating when people make everything so contradictory. One minute it's what God wants, and they next minute it's not, yet somehow the idea becomes conflicting. People need to look at the deeper truth here. Abstinence now-a-days is for these reasons and these reasons alone: 1. Limit Spread of STDs, 2. Prevent Pregnancy, 3. Prevent heartbreak (if sex is that important to you of course), 4. If you're religious and believe God wants you to save sex for that one person and one person only period. In truth, those are the reasons, and the entire concept is dictated by society and society alone. The only way to really escape that really is to become a horse or a monkey or dog. People make this crap too complicated and need to just be blunt and stop bsing each other about it. Look, sex itself isn't bad, it's just how you use it, and it should never ever be used in a way that it would hurt another.

No shxt, Sigmund Freud! Yeah, schools could definitely use some better sex ed programs... SPECIALLY America.