I'm going to share you my story. MY fiancee gave me for the first X-mas, 2 computer games (The Sims 2 and the night life theme). And I know for a fact that he gave his ex-gf of 7 years: a CAR. YEP. A brand new car (at that time). Eh, he didn't tell me that until later on, but his ex let me know that.

If I want to compare, I should get a little mad. But I wasn't.
Do you know what he told me why he got me those games? Well, he said that when I talked about those games, my face just all happy and lit up (yep, I used to play the original Sims a LONG TIME ago before I met with my fiancee and I did talk about how fun it was, blabla to him). He got me that because he wanted me to have that really really surprised and happy look plus I suspect because it's the nearest thing he remembered me talking about EXCITEDLY before X-mas.

If you're in a happy relationship and he got you that because you pointed that to him in Fall. He thought THAT thing is what's going to make you happy, you weren't talking about him buying you any jewelry/necklace/etc at the time, so that's probably the cause. Maybe, your dude wants to make it special this time, maybe when he was with his ex, he has no idea what to get, so he got the necklace, which was a pretty easy choice (gal-jewelry-usually good formula), and maybe he's not the type of guy who sees things based on price. He may see that lamp as more special than a necklace because that lamp is the lamp you pointed out to him in a happy/excited/desired manner.

Plus I must say, dude has got a pretty good memory going there. I was surprised too when my fiancee got me those games, I was like..huh? He's like, you talked to me how fun this game is a few months ago. LOL. Hey, I got no complaint, I got to play those games like nuts.

I agree with hope2be...he probably got you those gifts cuz he thought you really wnated them...its the thought behind them that counts...

Jewellery is always backup when a guy doens't know what to get a girl..so eventhough its nice i always prefer to get something else that shows he's been thinking of me or at least he's put thought into it.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

Uh, no. She got a generic necklace, marketed to every man and woman this time of year, and you got a beautiful paper lamp that you specfically pointed out in the store. He made note of it, remembered, went back and bought it for you.

I would consider your lamp far more sentimental than something from a jewelry catalog.

I've been seeing my guy for a little more than three months, and I have no idea what to expect from him for Christmas. I know for a fact he's doing his shopping today. I got him something I know he really wants. Odds are I've spent more than he will, even though he makes more than I do. But I got a great deal on his gift and I'm really excited to give it to him.

If you keep comparing yourself to his exes, you'll never be happy. So stop.

I know its hard not to be disappointed, but its very sweet that he picked out something that he knew you really wanted. And maybe he learned the hard way from his prior relationship about buying big gifts for Christmas. Clearly, that relationship didn't work out, so be happy he's trying something new this time around!

1. He's dating YOU now. Not her. So he likes you better than he likes her, period.

2. He bought you a personalized present, which shows care and affection. It's more personal than jewelry, which is a grand gesture for sure, but not as inspired.

3. Was the other girl one of his first girlfriends? I'm asking because guys tend to be overly extravagant when they are newly in love and first start dating. My first boyfriend spent $100 on my Christmas present after we had been dating for only 4 months. He was 18 years old, in college, and didn't even have a job. He bought jewelry, too, coincidentally. It was too much. But when you're newly infatuated and immature, you tend to spend ridiculous amounts like that. Be grateful your guy has matured

I agree with all the other comments. Definitely do not say anything to your BF. He picked out a sweet gift that you had mentioned -- this means he's observant and cared about his gift to you! Forget the ex and whatever he may have given her. Besides, you don't know how much it cost or how he came across it -- maybe he got it on extreme sale or maybe she "insisted" he get it for her and he had no choice. Bottom line, be happy with what you have and don't be jealous.

I don't believe your issue is about gift price. Since you included your bf and his ex still have a close relationship, your jealousy is about that. You might not be aware of this, but I believe that's your real problem is. If you start complaining, I can guarantee the subject of their relationship will be brought up. My money is on you.

Enjoy what he gave you and not on what he didn't give you. Think on the positive side. If you love the lamp and are not really materialistic, then enjoy the lamp. Any and all gifts are special, even the ones we don't like.

If you guys are still together next Christmas and he gives you a toilet paper cozy, then I'd b*tch.

Sorry ladies....I do not agree. FYI, I just broke up with a guy and did not return to him the expensive gifts that he gave me and I only dated him for 6months. If anything I would sell them on ebay (he was a jerk). The gesture was nice and thoughtful but I think he should have included another gift of his own personal choice. Just saying...don't hate me.

You and your super serious relationship of seven months should really calm down.

My ex is cheating on his new girlfriend(s). He bought me an iPhone last christmas and he bought one of them a duvet and has taken her down to Cornwall. He took me to Cornwall too. I was STILL second best though in the relationship because he was in love with somebody else!

Anybody can spend money on you, it's whether or not it is sentimental that matters.

Totally, I think you're being a brat. It's not about how much the gift cost, it's about the thought that went into it. I bought my sister the original nintendo with mario/duck hunt because she was talking about how much fun it was when we played when we were younger. You should've SEEN her face when she opened it. Sure, I could've bought her a Wii, but I REALLY don't think it would've had the same sentimental value.

Well, OP also says she is jealous of their "still close" relationship. She probably feels second best and this is just the icing on the cake for her paranoia...
After 7 months if you are having the "second best" feelings whether justified or unjustified you should just get out before you drive yourself CRAZY.

The standard, "I don't know what to get" gift for a girl is jewelry - or at least that's what guys think. Yet your gift was something that your boyfriend had remembered for months. He was definitely think of YOU. However, I totally understand where you're doming from! A few weeks before the next holiday, mention something about not having a special piece of jewelry to wear to a specific event or a friend's beautiful gift from Christmas.

And, who knows, maybe you'll be getting a special piece (engagement ring, maybe?) in the next few months, so he thought it was okay to buy you something basic for this holiday. Valentines Day is coming!

I agree with everyone

You should be thrilled that he's actually listening AND taking note of what you said you liked. It's not about how much someone spends, but the thought behind it. He got you a thoughtful gift, not some crappy piece of jewlery that has a pretty hefty price tag but NO sentimental value - those are empty presents.

Maybe he figured that spending that much on their first Christmas gift was a mistake, and wants to make sure that the gifts he gives in your relationship are more meaningful and less material.

It sounds materialistic and bratty, and also ungrateful. Its only been 7 months. Chill out.

Everyone telling her to stop being bratty and ungrateful - give her a break! You're not bratty or materialistic you are lacking some confidence in this relationship and feeling unsure and that's why you are stressing over this. In your mind it's more about the ex than it is about the present and I think that is why you are comparing the two. I'm sure this isnt the first situation you have compared things in your relationship to things in theirs; this is just the first tangible item you can compare.

I do definitely agree that the fact he remembered this was important. It shows that he listenes to what you have to say AND remembers.

I think you need to think less about the gift itself and more about the relationship as a whole. Are you happy? Is the "second best" feeling really in your mind or are you sure it's in more situations than that. There is a reason why your boyfriend is with you now not her. But, if it's really driving you crazy then maybe talk to him about it.

" I spent around 100 dollars on him, and I'm a student!" Um, ungrateful much.

mondaymoos, That is an totally awsome gift (at least for me...) If I had received something like that I would be really happy

I guess I agree with most of the people... If a gift is something from the heart...is much more important than some random expensive thing

I think it depends. I love a sentimental gift and I think it means so much more as well, BUT I don't think it's unreasonable in her case to have this thought because I would as well because $100 difference is quite a bit, I would understand if he spent $100 on a fancy dinner in additional to the lamp. It's definitely not ungrateful or bratty (I mean if she really was, she wouldn't be writing here, she would've already complained to him!). To be totally honest, I would have the same feelings as well, like I'm really happy about the gift and the fact he thought about me and remembered what I said, BUT the price difference would still be in my head. But I wouldn't say anything about it (unless it happens the next time too). Maybe it would be a good idea to set a price limit/range on gifts because it just avoids feelings/thoughts like this that are not healthy to the relationship. I do feel that you're a bit insecure in your relationship and it's going to cause problems in the future if you do not figure it out why you're feeling this way (paranoid/legitimate) and you ultimately need to feel 100% confident and comfortable with being with him.

I agree with everyone else so far.

The fact is, that he isn't with her anymore, he's with you. So that expensive necklace didn't really go very far, did it? How long was he with his ex, anyway? I bet it was for longer than 7 months...

Maybe next year he'll get you a giant silver necklace and you'll want to smash it against the wall.

Okay, let's say you expressed your feelings and were like, "You know, your last girlfriend got something nicer, so even though this is beautiful, I really feel like after seven months I'm worth more than that, and seeing as how she got something nicer, I'm really unhappy with your present."
....
even AFTER I tried to make it sound polite and reasonable, it still came off as bratty, selfish, and ungrateful. Which I'm sure you're not in everyday life. Let it go. Lol, mainly because there's no great way to bring it up because it is a petty complaint. Move on, and if you're unhappy with what you got and you wanted more, start pointing out things you'd rather receive. But recession or not, saying that he has a good job and you should've received something more is acting a little more entitled than you should feel after seven months (which is a long time to you, but not really to anyone else who's been in a relationship for years).

Selfish people. Xmas isn't about the presents.

well am i reading this right- he dated her for 5 years and with you it's only been 7 months? I know sometimes the gifts can be semi- disappointing but I wouldn't let it affect you this much!

It depends what the average length of her relationships is. Maybe seven months IS a big deal because they're like 21 or something? $150 on a necklace really isn't all that big a deal either. I'd expect minimum of $200 for a decent necklace, especially after 5 years of relationship.

I wonder if there was a reason she wasn't handing back an engagement ring? 5 years is a long time for them to be together, be "close" and not be engaged IMHO.

i think it would be ridiculous of you and very ungrateful if you were to say something about how much he spent. he bought you something that you mentioned that you liked so he got it to make you happy. the only thing that should matter is the relationship you have with him and you need to understand he has a past and don't try to compare relationships. she gave it back to him anyway. maybe he feels comfortable enough with you that he wanted to get something that would mean something to you because you liked it and not because it cost a lot. it doesn't matter how much money he makes or how much he spent on you, so don't let you irritation and jealousy over his previous relationship get in the way of what you two have. maybe she told him she wanted that necklace so he shelled out the money to buy her that. or maybe she was materialistic and he didn't feel comfortable getting her something for her to complain about. clearly he thought differently of you. let it go and be happy you have him, and that he got he listened to you and got what you wanted. don't change your mind now because youre trying to compete in some way with his previous relationship.

It’s not the cost of the gift that should count, but how much you loved what he gave to you. Who knows, maybe the next gift he gives to you will be $300. And if you’re that concerned with how much you spent on him, which I think you said was only $100, then just don’t spend that much on him anymore--no one forced you, then you won’t have that issue with yourself.

I think you’re overreacting when it comes to this. I mean it would have been different if he didn’t tell you that she gave the necklace back to him, and then he regifted it and gave the necklace too you, trying to pretend that it was something new that he bought only for you. Now that would be tacky and work getting VERY upset over.

He's with you now so stop worrying about his ex-girlfriend. Clearly she's not thinking of him and has moved on. She just wanted to rid herself of everything materalistic that he also gave to her. Maybe her new boyfriend told her to return the necklace. You're boyfriends ex was nice enough to give the necklace back and not pawn it for money.

Just let it go.

WOW, there are sure a lot of self righteous people on here! You guys don't know how you would react in the same situation and I think most of you are being very judgemental. This girl just wants some advice. It sounds like there are definitely some insecurity issues... and rightly so! An ex can be intimidating, especially when the friendship continues on AfTER the breakup. I do not think you are being a brat or being selfish. You just don't understand the way men think. If all you ask for is a paper lamp, he will think that's what you want and that he is doing a good job by getting it for you! If you asked for a $300 necklace, he probably would have bought it for you! Most men are not like women when it comes to gift buying. If you want them to buy you expensive or romantic gifts, you have to ASK for them. They have more "tunnel" like thinking when it comes to gifts. They don't really get too creative on their own (with some exceptions, I've heard..although I've never experienced it.)This is likely because most do not enjoy the task of present shopping. I usually get something music related; boom box, guitar tuner, ipod...if I don't ask for something specific, this is the type of gift I get because they are gifts that THEY would like and they think I will like them too. You have to spell it out for them if you want something specific. Otherwise, they will count on the things you may have casually pointed out in the past but don't necessarily want as a gift OR default to something generic but girly OR something they would like for themselves. The bottom line is: Don't feel bad because he bought you what you said you liked, eventhough it wasn't expensive or "romantic" in your books. His ex probably pointed that expensive necklace out to him as well.

I agree totally with fairyflight. You're not being bratty or a green-eyed monster; I'd like to see each and every other poster here react to the same situation. Your reaction is totally natural, BUT you have to let it go and not get too upset about it. He specially selected a gift for you that he thought you'd like.

It could have been his first Christmas with a steady girlfriend.
He might have felt a showy expensive gift is needed to show his affection.
He could have just come around to realize it's not how much you spend, it's about the gift coming from the heart.
He got you the paper lamp you wanted because he wanted to surprise you. (Especially if you showed it to him in fall...and he remembered it that long. My boyfriend barely remembers conversations we have the next day...) I think that in it's self is worth more then a $150 necklace anyway.

Remember she is his EX- girlfriend. There is something about her he can't stand enough to be with her, or they just didn't work well together. You're his current girlfirend. You shouldn't feel second best.

Sounds like the physical gifts are causing you to think about the non-physical issues of him retaining his friendship with the ex. Talk to him! Communication is key, especially so if the relationship is semi-new like yours. Make sure that he knows you love the lamp [and that he remembered you pointed it out months ago], but focus more on your issues with their relationship. You'll feel better with your mind at ease about the whole situation.

Think: My ex's go-to gift while we were dating was jewelry and the next book in my current series. This year it was a Sephora card. Not too much thought there. Nice, yes, but not terribly creative. This year, the boyfriend got me a 99 cent squirt bottle and something relating to a hobby of mine that he barely knows a thing about. Not nearly as expensive, but I love it more because he picked things he'd know I'd love [or to annoy/train my cats].

Money is not everything. Feelings are normal, no matter what they are. Talk the feeling of being "second best" out with and see what happens.

there are some greedy people on here lately whining about christmas gifts. be thankful you harpies for what you have....

I want to know why his ex gave him back a present that he gave her 5+ years ago.
I don't give gifts back to the guys I'm not with anymore. It's not like it was an engagement ring.

WTH, as for feeling gypped ?I wouldn't because like the others said you pointed out something you really wanted and he remembered and got it for you.

The best part of that is He REMEMBERED which is huge especially for a new relationship. ha-ha

Do not complain!!! It will make you look very bad and ungrateful. He got you something that he thought you would like. More importantly, he remembered you pointing it out at the mall, so he specifically noted that moment in his mind so he could come back and surprise you. That is actually really thoughtful. The necklace was probably something he bought her because he didn't know what else to get her and thought "All girls like necklaces"...and I'm pretty sure guys try to spend more money when they are trying to compensate for a not so meaningful gift.

My own story- my ex boyfriend once bought me an electric water fountain for my cat for Christmas. When I told me family and friends what he got me, they were horrified that he bought something for my cat and not me. But I actually thought it was sweet because it was something I said I really wanted to get for Milo (the cat) months ago and he remembered that. Maybe not the best gift, but at least he tried instead of going into a jewelry store and buying anything shaped like a heart.

Almost all of you are being very hard on her. I'm in a somewhat but not entirely similar situation. I have been in a relationship for 5 months with a man who has been seeing someone else for about 10 or 11 months. She is a performer and travels quite a bit. So, I spend quite a bit more time with him than she does. For personal and very good reasons, he is unwilling to make a committment to one woman at this time. However, he didn't tell me that he basically had a girfriend when he met me until we had been dating for a few months. So, he lied to me because, in his words he "didn't want to lose" me. He and I had gotten very close, I care for him very much and I don't think he's lying when he tells me he feels the same way about me.

So, now the Christmas part of all of this. I don't have a lot of money right now. He has plenty but works in finance and could lose his job literally at any second. Apparently the other woman he dates makes at least a fairly good living.

For Christmas, he gave me four CD's of my absolute favorite singer/composer and a little book on cats because he knows I've had a cat practically all my life. I was very happy with the CD's and frankly very relieved that he got me something that I didn't have to PRETEND that I liked 'cause I really liked my gift! Last month, he had surprised me with tickets to go see this performer and we had a great time. He had also asked me after the show which CD's I owned and for Christmas, got me all the ones I didn't have. So, he remembered for an entire month which ones to get me. (I know he remembered for a month 'cuz he kinda got them at the last minute online and told me he was afraid he wouldn't get my gifts before Christmas.) So he gets good kudos all around for giving me what he genuinely thought would please me.

Unfortunately, he still had the receipt for his OTHER girlfriend's gift still lying around. He got rid of it when he realized that I might see it but I had seen it already. He got it at a decent price, but he basically gave HER an $800 piece of jewelry. Wow. I was stunned.

Because of his lie, I've have felt insecure in this relationship so I know how the OP feels. And this is NOT an ex-girlfriend, it's someone else he dates. As a matter of fact he told me today that they are going away together next weekend. Nice huh?

So, talk about being stuck in a double bind. I'm NOT ungrateful for what he got me but I can't help but compare the SERIOUS dollars he spent on this other woman to what he got me. So, against all common sense, I told him I had seen the receipt and felt kinda bad. He told me that he knew she would probably spend a lot of money on him so that's why he got her an expensive gift. And those of you that said that jewelry is the fail safe gift when a man doesn't know what to get a woman are probably right.

But it's really hard not to go going back and forth on this thing. What he got her DOES look an awful lot like a serious investment in the relationship. What it comes down to is that it is NOT an easy thing to deal with. OP, I feel your pain.

Also some of the comments above are quite nasty. What is wrong with YOU?

Lmao! What is wrong with you? He's not even your boyfriend and he's invested in her, not you. You think after spending all that money in her he's suddenly going to drop her for you? Right.

No, back to "what is wrong with you" but this time it's directed specifically you R'N'R. Nobody's dumping anyone. All three of us are free to see other people. My point was that the OP could still be grateful for her gift but struggle with her feelings about the gift to a previous girlfriend. Stay in school kid. (LMAO)

i wont get into the emotional stuff since everyone else has got that covered very well, but this is why i always set a price range when dating someone Let's you know that even if you do get something very meaningful but a bit cheaper, like he did for, maybe buy some little side stuff you also get to open.