A few days ago, my boyfriend found out he has an STI. He claims he hasn't cheated on me, but we've been together for two years. I went to the doctor and it turns out he passed chlamydia to me. I'm on medication to treat it, but I've been feeling horrible these past couple of days, both physically and mentally. As of now, I just want to focus on taking care of myself and on getting better.
I've confronted him numerous times and he still claims that he hasn't slept with anyone else. The doctors said it could have been dormant for a while, but he claims that masturbating may have caused it. I've never heard of that and quite frankly, don't believe him. He's been a great, trustworthy boyfriend so should I take his word for it or am I just being naive?
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Source
Azzaro
Matthew Williamson
Crave Maternity
"He still plays with himself he claims and thats what maybe caused it but i've never seen him and we live together..." Ummm let me tell you, he's a liar... PERIOD. He isn't stupid enough to think he can get an STD (SEXUALLY transmitted DISEASE) from whacking off does he honestly? I would say, NO, he does NOT believe that... therefore, he's LYING TO YOU.
HE DID sleep with someone else, for that is THE ONLY WAY to get Chlamydia (much less likely from Oral Sex, if impossible). Mechanical injury... lol Does he work at a printing press where he'd get a 'mechanical injury'? Are there scantily clad women there? lol Just kidding... ummm I'm SORRY to tell you, honestly... to be the bearer of bad (if not totally OBVIOUS) news, but your bf has NOT been faithful to you... and to boot, he's not coming clean about it (and may never)... that makes the situation worse, and in turn, makes him even LESS honest... if that's possible, since he already slept around 'on you'. Don't know what else to say. You have Chlamydia. Either YOU slept with someone who had it and gave it to you, that is, someone OTHER than your bf... OR, your boyfriend has been sleeping around, GOT contracted chlamydia from her (him?) and now YOU HAVE it... simple. Since you said you haven't slept around, I'm going to really go out on a limb here... really take a WILD GUESS and say ummm.... HE SLEPT with someone else, obviously some total skank who got chlamydia from someone else, and now he has it... and he gave that wonderful disease to you.
My advice... leave him, and keep taking those meds. Or at least have a VERY serious conversation with him about his OBVIOUS infidelity and LYING/deception... and probably most likely leave him... but remember to keep taking your meds to get better.
Good luck!
1His story simply doesn't add up.
1. You don't get STDs from masturbation.
2. There's no way a doctor really told him that.
3. If he got it before you were dating and just didn't know it, you would have gotten it too, a looong time ago.
4. Have you been getting annual gynecological exams and basic STD test? If so, you have a point of reference, for example, "As of April 15, 2008 I had a clean bill of health."
5. If by some odd chance he caught it before you met, you caught it 2 years ago and just never knew it, it would have done so much damage to your system by now that you would have developed pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and your fertility would be compromised.
Considering how fast chlamydia spreads and how often you two have sex, I think it's safe to say he cheated and you caught it within the past 4 weeks.
Disclaimer: I've never had an STD, I just read a lot of women's health magazines.
2LOL @ getting chlamydia from masturbation.
I second the above two posts: he's lying.
3What a god damned liar. Unless he was out with his buddies and got REALLY freaking drunk and couldn't remember or something; but I highly doubt it. Ugh. I'm so sorry.
4luisa: "Disclaimer: I've never had an STD, I just read a lot of women's health magazines." hahaha
I agree with everyone else. He's lying. And give me a break, he actually told you he thought masturbating could cause it? And he expected you to even remotely, almost, maybe...believe that!?!? Even if you can never prove he cheated, I would dump him for being so stupid, and for thinking you were that stupid. Get away for him before you catch something that isn't treatable. You are very lucky that chlamydia is all you caught.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind."
5It amazes me how still in this day and age, people choose to remain ignorant about the actions they choose to partake in. Unless you've only now started going to a doctor and the same for him, damn right he cheated.
6the fact that he came up with such a ridiculous lie to me shows that he did cheat on you.
If you both get tested once a year or something like that and you were both clean before then we know that it wasn't dormant from before he met you. But if he got tested out of the blue, it was because he had a reason.
7Yep. Everyone has said it best. And I read that when you have symptoms of chlamydia usually occurs 1-3 weeks after exposure. And that it's transferred usually via sex (anal, vaginal, oral) with someone who has it. Not masturbation.
8Gosh, your bf is a dickhead, I'd be so angry if I were you, why are you staying around with him anyway, the STI is a very good proof that he's cheated on you. I think you're just in denial. As much as you'd love for masturbation is the cause of chlamydia, it's not. Sorry.
I'm sorry but he cheated. Chlymidia CAN lie dormant if you are really unlucky but lets face it - that's highly unlikely since it's an infection.
You cannot get an STD from masturbation! That is SURREAL and if that was the case then way more people would have gotten it even though they are virgins!! Wouldn't make sense and don't you think they'd make sure you knew that in sex ed class?? Hell, there would be national warnings about touching yourself if that was the case.
I'm sorry but your boyfriend is SCUM. He cheated and he didn't use protection. Please get yourself tested for the full range of STD's because goodness knows what else he is carrying.
One ex's ex-wife told him that the genital warts she had developed during their marriage were because they had too much sex. I had to debunk that myth for him - thankfully he already knew she'd cheated though! Urgh.
Good luck, dump his ass before he gives you anything else or gets somebody else pregnant...
9Yeah, he cheated. I think making up that dumb line about masturbating proves it. sh*t, the only way he could have gotten it by masturbating is if he first had his hands all over someone else's infected stuff. In which case...he still cheated.
10Be thankful that this time it was a treatable one. Next time, you may not be so lucky. So ensure that there will never be a next time and get the hell out of that relationship as soon as possible!
11Yes, you're being naive. He did cheat. That much is absolute. And to add insult to injury, he's now also lied. However, and I'm sure I'll catch hell for this, but I'll say it anyway, I don't think that that means the relationship has to be over. There are lots of relationships that recover from infidelity. Not all can. Many people find the betrayal to be too great. But that's a decision for you to make after you've confronted him with the truth (you can't just ignore it and hope that he'll never do it again). It's entirely possible that your relationship could weather this and end up stronger.
12I think his lying bodes worse for the relationship than his cheating. But the cheating's awful as well, especially because, as you see, he gave her an STD!
13you know the answer. this scumbag brought it home to you.. his poor unsuspecting girlfriend. and to boot, he's lying to your face while you are sick (sick because of HIM) ...you call that love? it's one thing to cheat, but another entirely to keep lying about it. the combination of the 2 is enough to make me very angry that this guy is existing and could do this to you. i wish you the best, even if you decide to trust him again.
14I dunno...I think maybe he was masterbating and Chlymidia snuck into the room and climbed onto the bed and attacked his penis. He's a retard for actually thinking he can pull out the masterbation caused it. The most it would do would give him a rugburn or maybe some lame infection because he just took a dump and then went to go whack off. Hope you don't believe him. He's lying. Liars are good at what they do. At this point, I'm thinking you probably don't want to believe a word out of his mouth. Either way, you have to deal with your problem now. Unless you're planning on working this out and having an STI relationship and keeping this between you two, I'd just get rid of him.
15there IS a chance that he didn't cheat on you and that he had it for a while and didn't know about it. how many times do we as women hear about how we could have an STI or STD and not know about it and then find out that it could really affect us when we want to have kids. if you don't have any flare ups or symptoms, then you don't know - so there's a chance that hs's not lying to you. i think that what he needs to do is figure out though that if it wasn't from cheating, which ex of his gave it to him, and then maybe confront her about it and have her tested. that would probably put your mind at ease don't you think?
16Be thankful that this time it was a treatable one. Next time, you may not be so lucky. So ensure that there will never be a next time and get the hell out of that relationship as soon as possible!
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AMEN!!! You took the words RIGHT out of my mouth...
17Be thankful that this time it was a treatable one. Next time, you may not be so lucky. So ensure that there will never be a next time and get the hell out of that relationship as soon as possible!
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AMEN!!! You took the words RIGHT out of my mouth...
18It's clear that he lied and that he keeps trying to cover it up with terrible lies. Do you really want to be with someone who can't come clean?
19Next time someone accuses me of doing something unpleasant, my excuse is masturbation.
And yes, like every else has said, dump his a**
20If he lied about something as important as this, what else has he or will he lie about?
Time to say goodbye.
21Everyone has already stated what's pretty obvious.
The worst part is that he LIED (and a really, reallllly dumb lie, at that) about it. :/ He is scum. I would suggest confronting him about it once more... if he denies it again (he probably will), leave his sorry a**. You deserve better. However, if he does come out with the truth, and seems genuine...who knows. Some people can work through these things if their relationship is strong otherwise.
The worst thing he did was lie about it - that's worse than cheating, IMO, because it destroys the trust you had and makes communication difficult. Not that cheating doesn't do that, but when his cover-up is SO transparent, it shows he may feel guilty but really doesn't feel regret. If he did, he'd have the decency to tell you the truth.
22There're really only two possible explanations: 1) He cheated and is lying. 2) The infection really was dormant and he is a dumbass who honestly thinks masturbation can cause Chlamydia.
Number 2 is kind of improbable, but I guess it can't be totally ruled out.
If it's 1, he should be dumped for being a scumbag.
If it's 2, he should be dumped for being a moron.
As I understand it, even if he was carrying the disease without showing symptoms, he still would have passed it to you way before now, and if both of you have been getting tested regularly in these two years, it's highly unlikely you both keep testing negative, until now.
It's harder to say if you both don't get tested regularly. Unless you both never showed any symptoms, and suddenly you both now have symptoms. Then it's like hmm, a dormant infection that simultaneously becomes active for two different people at the same time even though they were infected at different times. Riiight. How convenient.
If you both kept testing negative until now and both had no symptoms until now... Ooh, that would have to be a lot of unlikely coincidences happening for the "dormant" story to be true.
Either way, I totally agree with several other commenters that you're at risk of getting worse diseases from him (AIDS, anyone?), whether it is through being willfully irresponsible or through being just plain stupid.
23please don't believe what he tells you about being faithful. Emotions and hurt feeling always get in the way and it hurts to let go of two with someone but think of it the way looseseal (above comment)did....
"If it's 1, he should be dumped for being a scumbag.
If it's 2, he should be dumped for being a moron."......i agree 100%.
You've either spent two years with a scumbag or a moron....neither of which you deserve.
Best of luck with the heartache regardless of what you decide, this sucks and it hurts. Sorry it happened.
xoxo...
24I don't know what to say about how well you can trust him. You need to go with your intuition on this one. And please be honest with yourself and try not to make excuses for him if you find yourself going down that road.
With that being said, it is possible for chlamydia to be latent in people then and be expressed by stress triggers. So while masturbation triggering it seems silly to me, him being stressed with money, the holidays, illness, or work could have expressed it. This would mean he contracted it from somewhere, and there is a possibility it could have been before you if he has had a persistent infection.
25Oh, and if you need some peace of mind about the possibility of his chlamydia being latent talk to his doctor or your own. Don't rely on a social internet site for this information.
26I actually work as an epidemiologist (infectious disease specialist) on STDs so I have an interesting insight on this. First off, Kia you can't just ask his doctor - legally he's not allowed to give her any information about her boyfriend.
Second, there is no such thing as latent chlamydia, it actuality is only asymptomatic, something which can happen for years. It is much less likely to occur in men that women, but it still occurs in roughly half of male cases. If you didn't get tested before you started sleeping together its possible that he had it before you started dating. If that is the case though that could also be bad news for you. He might not have cheated but the health consequences of undiagnosed chlamydia in women can be awful - including infertility and permanent damage to your reproductive system.
Having said that, I would be worried about his explanation because it clearly didn't come from a doctor and seems like he's trying to cover up something.
27there's a chance he got it before getting with you, and he didn't know.
28it's your own damn fault too though, who the hell has unprotected sex? Doesn't matter how long you've been with the person, both of you should be getting tested annually anyways so this kind of crap doesn't happen.
Whoa Ashlee683. That was an interesting "call out" that you did to me. I did not mean to personally insult you if that is what happened. I was not speculating that she could ask without permission, that would be illegal if she did get information that way. If they are in a relationship, then he can give her permission to ask his doctor or take her along.
And perhaps latency is the wrong word. I should have wrote no expressed symptoms. Regardless this is something to talk to a doctor about to be sure. Or at least refer to the CDC's website for FAQs.
29he cheated. dump him
30kia- sorry didn't mean to be harsh. I only meant the first part to you about the doctor thing!
31HAHAHAHA
Sorry not laughing at you or the fact that you got this but the LAME excuse your boyfriend came up with. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, is he?
32Once a guy gives you an STD, it's time to leave him.
I hate to be harsh, but I agree with everyone else... he is lying to you. Get out while you can. You need time to heal physically and mentally. Best of luck to you.
33He must think very little of you to 1- Cheat on you, and 2- Give you the absolutely dumbest excuse ever for having an STD (masturbating---come on now, seriously....he's an adult and actually said this to someone and expected them to believe it??) Obviously, he's an idiot and he's treating you like one too. I would kick him to the curb ASAP. You don't deserve the lies or the STD.
34He got it masturbating? In other words, he gave it to himself?
After you dump his lyin', cheatin' a$$, I suggest you take an online course about STIs. Seriously.
35I agree with jordanhammer!!!!!!!!
Praise God and count your blessings! You have a curable 'no-biggie' disease that enlightened
you to the true nature of your guy. Cheating is bad & possibly forgivable..........LYING and
assuming your dumb enough to believe it is damnable. He is OVER!!!
Just think; next time you could be walking around with UNCURABLE herpes. Or nice ol warts on
36your stuff stuff. Because of HIM.......forget that.
Maybe he had it for a while, before y'all met, and it was dormant until now.
37YOU KNOW WHAT IT TAKES A STRONG PERSON TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING AS DIFFICULT AS GET A STI, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I TOO EXPERIENCED THE SAME THING WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND I TOO WANTED TO KNOW SOME ANSWERS. SO WHEN WE WENT TO THE HOSITAL WE ASKED THE DOCTOR. AND HE TOLD US THAT A LOT OF TIMES WE DON'T GET A LOT OF SYPYOMS UNTIL MONTHS LATER. IF YOU SEE THAT HE IS BEING 100% WITH YOU AND NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT THEN YOU GOT YOURSELF A GOOD MAN BUT IF HE' S MAKING LAME EXUSES AND NOT REALLY CARING ABOUT YOU THEN COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND KICK HIM TO THE CURB GIRL B/C YOUR LIFE IS MORE PRECIOUS.
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