I just came across an interesting article in this weekend's New York Times. It speaks to the fact that dating is a thing of the past, but hooking up is here to stay.
To help the author understand this new phenomenon, he called upon Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia for explanation. She feels that the pros of hooking up are that it takes the pressure off individuals and puts more emphasis on group friendships. While there used to be a negative stigma attached to those who couldn't get a date, she feels that now all you have to do is hang out with your friends and hope sparks fly! The cons, on the other hand, are that many women hope hooking up will lead to a relationship, but men think the opposite which can create a communication gap.
While this is just a part of "dating life" nowadays, tell me ladies, do you play by the new rules of hooking up first or do you still date the old-fashioned way?
Temperley London
Ally Capellino
APC
I've done both.
I rather be in a relationship.
But if I can't be in one then I rather just hook up with friends.
and go on dates with the ones I really like. lol.
To be honest though, I hate being single!.
1Personally, I find hooking up trashy, but then again, I'm soooo 1950's!
2If you want a relationship you have to date. If you just want sex hooking up is fine. It def depends on what you want but you have to be honest with yourself. Before my bf I dated.
3I also find hooking up trashy. Why make out with someone just because you're horny and/or lonely? Why let people use you that way? Where is the respect?
4ever since i got out of a super long rltnshp, i've only really hooked up. i don't really want to date right now, esp if it means having to deal with a possible rltnshp
5Not sure what hooking up means...but I guess that's what I did? We were friends first, we talk and talked, and eventually we kissed one day and the rest is history.
6KTOWN: I also just got out of a long relationship.
7I would like to be in another but it's hard to deal with people at times. starting all over again.
If it happens, it happens.
I will just enjoy being single. I don't think it is trashy.
I think some people can deal with it better than others.
Also, some people are brought up differently so they have different opinions on what they consider trashy.
if I'm sleeping with you you had better paid for at least 6 months of gourmet dinners and cooked me a meal and paid for a movie, or museum admission or something. Haha I don't think hooking up would help my self-esteem one bit. I need to know a guy isn't just using me for sex. Plus I like the prospects of falling in love with a person even if I doesn't happen. I like to dream. Plus with all the stds and HIV I can't just have sex with any cute guy with a smile I need to know he's tested and have a way to hunt him down if he gives me something. I don't believe in just one night stands.
8Speaking of STDs, dear sugar needs to do a nice update on them. I knwo in NJ the statistics for girls losing their virginity is something RIDICULOUS like 11 or 12... and something like 1 in every 3 girls under 20 has been pregnant... or has an std.... i cant remember, i heard them last year and almost died, i'm from NJ, but as you can tell from my previous comment i am NOT a 'jersey girl'. That stereotype is just so horrible, especially because its mostly true. I was brought up to do whatever i want, when i want, and i turned out so different than anyone would imagine. I'm 20 and have no interest in drinking, drugs, or sex... in comparison to my 16 year old sister that has been doing all of those things since she was 14, like most of the people i know in NJ
9Dates. I've never heard of this and I was never into hookups myself. I guess I'm old-fashioned, but I just know it wouldn't work for me. I tend to date guys who are like that too.
10i don't plan it out, whatever happens happens. if i'm extremely attracted to a guy and we have good chemistry and sexual tension i'll let him pursue me for a few months and let the tension build before i do anything with him, the breaking point is what makes it 100000000004656 times more fun.
if they're not going to stick around those few months then i'm better off having figured that out.
11I have a guy friend that got out of a really serious relationship. Afterwards he just would not date and only hooked up with women. Until about 3 weeks ago when he started seeing this girl. It was a big shock to me and I know he is really serious about it if he is actually willing to date her
12romantique, the nationwide statistic is that 1 out of every 4 girls age 14-19 has at least one STD, so around 3 million young girls are walking around with an STD.
Sorry, the whole "hooking up" thing, in this day and age of STD is not for me. According to the CDC about 19 million estimated new cases of STD occur every year, almost half of which comprises the younger population of 15 to 24 years old. That's just unsettling
Personally, I'm not sleeping with you unless I know the relationship is going somewhere and I have a strict 5 month rule, before I do so. I'm the furthest thing from a prude, however people, especially women needs to be more aware of the threats, since most STD cases are high amongst women than they are men.
13Thank you for that! Nation wide, what a surprise, you need to find the New Jersey ones, i swear theyre worse. I know i read somewhere that girls are sexually active at like 12. So weird... where has the innocence of childhood gone?
14romantique, I read that report that says, girls are having sex at a younger age. I remember a few years ago a friend of mine had sent me a story about a gonorrhea outbreak in her town right outside of Rochester, NY with 13 & 14 year old. Apparently they had been throwing orgy parties.
Here's the statistic for STD Nationwide
STD Statistics (Source: American Social Health Association):
* An estimated 1 in 5 people in the U.S. has a STD.
* Two-thirds of all STDs occur in people 25 years of age or younger.
* About 1 in 4 new STD infections occur in teenagers.
* Hepatitis B is 100 times more infectious than HIV.
* About 1 in 5 Americans have genital herpes, yet 90% of those with herpes are unaware they have it.
* At least 1 in 4 Americans will contract an STD at some point in their lives.
* HPV and Chlamydia are the most common STDs in the U.S.
The number of people affected in the U.S.:
* Chlamydia: 4 million
* Trichomoniasis ("trich"): 3 million
* Gonorrhea ("clap"): 1.1 million
* Genital Warts (HPV): 750,000
* Genital Herpes: 40 million affected, with as many as 500,000 new cases each year
* Hepatitis B: 300,000
* Syphilis: 120,000
* HIV: 1 million affected, with as many as 45,000 new AIDS cases reported each year
For NJ
http://www.cdc.gov/nchhstp/stateprofiles/New_Jersey/New_Jersey_Profiles....
15I don't do either, I'm married
Though before, I only dated. I didn't want to be with a ton of guys, I've only been with one, lol.
16I don't think hooking up with a guy means you are being used. I thought the term 'friends with benefits' existed because both parties get benefit from each other. Some people are just not ready for a serious relationship, but adults tend to have needs. As long as you protect yourself, I don't see why this is such a huge problem. Not all women are emotionally attached.
17Since I am in a relationship, I don't really do either. Granted we go on dates (when we can!) but, we did start dating because we hooked up first. Three years and going strong!
18I prefer to date.
19Depends on your definition of "hook up". I wouldn't have sex with just anyone, but I don't see the harm in kissing. My ex and I would make out a lot before we were officially together. We knew it was leading up to it, we just weren't rushing to put a label there.
20So I'm guessing hooking up means you find someone to have sex with and then move on after the 3rd session? (Excuse my ignorance, someone explain this please?)
21I do both. I am currently "dating" a few different guys, but I'm still single and I don't really want to be in a serious relationship at this point. I don't think it's being used to hook up with someone and I've done things this way before; I think it's for the benefit of both parties and if both are comfortable with that and are safe, then I say go for it.
22Hm. Whats the dif? Just kidding. I dunno, I've never 'just hooked up' with someone...and I've never hooked up with someone that I was 'just dating'. Id wait for it to become serious. Otherwise it all just sounds like an std waiting to happen
23hooking up is wicked skanky. ewies.
24to add: it's the "why buy the cow if the milk's free" logic. if you are looking for a relationship and hooking up with someone (or multiple people), why would anyone bother committing?
25I can't believe so many people can be so judgmental. After all, it's year 2008. Not everyone is looking for a relationship. That doesn't mean that they won't have a relationship later on. I'm not ready for a relationship right now because I feel that I'm too young to be in a serious relationship and would like to focus on my career first. I also think it's important to date around and learn about men before committing. I'd like to be in a relationship later on when I'm ready, but till then, I prefer to just have fun and date around. I don't see what's the big deal.
26I hear you Vanilla. I didn't read anywhere in this post where Dear mentioned anything about having unprotected sex with lots of people. That's not necessarily the definition of 'hooking up'. The post is about dating vs. hanging out with your friends and acting on any physical attractions that may occur, without the commitment aspect of a real relationship.
27Personally, I date...I don't just want to randomly hook-up with someone just because.
28Although this is 2008, hooking up still has many negative ramifications for women. If you plan on finding a relationship later in life, the reputation you build up, or STD's you can contract (condoms do not always work, and that's just about the only way to keep them out effectively) will have an effect on that. It's sexist, but men can have multiple partners and people are fine with it. Women are skanks for it.
The main problem with hooking up, is when you hook up with someone you don't know. You should always know if they have an STD or stalking capabilities before having sex with someone. If you're not sure, than keep your pants on.
Also, the future problems that can be caused by hooking up with friends should be considered. What if you do find someone you want to date? You introduce him to your friends and later they're guy talking and it comes out you've slept with a few of them? How do you feel about girls your guy has slept with? Men are jealous creatures when they're serious, much like women (usually, at least, there are swingers too...but again, STDs=gross). Not to mention, just because you don't get attached doesn't mean the guy won't: guys are not just after one thing. They may think about one thing quite a lot ages 12-25 but there is more in there than sex. and if a guy likes you as a friend, and then has sexual attraction towards you, there's a chance it will develope into more.
If you want to take the risks of Hooking up, go ahead, but keep in mind how many STDs are spreading around these days, keep it out of the workplace (professional women have enough trouble to overcome without the skank label) and remember that the word "epidemic" is not used lightly. HIV and AIDS are an epidemic. And they have yet to cure them, or find good treatment for AIDS.
29I still don't understand why all of you are equating CASUAL or NON-COMMITTED sex with UNPROTECTED sex...the two are not at all necessarily the same thing, and unprotected sex is not the issue being discussed here!
30I have been single for longer than a year ... and I have to admit that i do both ... hook ups (Casual and safe non committed ) and I date men too (trying to look for relationship) ...
31I have done both. I definitely prefer dating, but sometimes you just have to scratch the itch (hook up).
32allesmogliche, saying "STD=gross" is so beyond offensive. first of all, angela123 is right -- people had pointed out STDs earlier and that subject was cleared by saying hypothetically protection was being used and you'd known your partner had been tested and came back negative. hooking up isn't necessarily sex with someone you don't know, it could be a friend with benefits. like someone said before, acting on sexual impulses without the restraints of commitment.
if you're so worried about the image your impulses would project or the "label" people might give you, then why do anything in life? you'll always be judged, you should be secure enough to rise above the cynicism and stigmas of others to pursue whatever it is you may want to do -- which may mean having random hookups as long as you are safe. if you are later planning on having a serious and committed relationship, your partner caring about your "reputation" should be a red flag. but you did say you should make sure they don't have an STD first, which i agree with.
33So I guess hooking is basically having open relationships with your friends? If sparks fly, you do whatever, and after the night's over, you just screw the next friend? I'd rather be friends with someone, get to know them more, and if we make a connection, we go from there. Doesn't have to be totally serious, but if it heads that way, why not? At least I'd know this person and know about them, rather than jumping into things with a stranger...then finding out surprises later...that's just me at least I guess.
34I could not just hook up. I strongly associate the physical with the emotional. Even if I'm physically attracted to a person, I don't want to take it to another level (even just a kiss) until I get to know his mind better first. I need some sort of connection.
35Hook ups! While I wait around for the right guy to sweep me away, I might as well have some fun with the wrong ones.
If you honestly see harm in that, you're probably very sexist/sad/from the past.
36hooking up is slutty, in my view. you shouldnt just do anything with just anyone. u should do stuff with someone special. you shouldnt be so cheap. date, find a good guy and then be with him, physically and emotionally.
37I agree with whoever said "STD=gross". It is gross no matter how you flip it. And "acting on sexual impulses without the restraints of commitment" is just a scientific way of saying whorish. We all know we'll be judged in society. Nowadays people just play around with their sex like its nothing. I'll just "have fun" with every guy that smiles at me. What happens when the right guy does come? You'll regret the number of guys you gave yourself to. I guarantee it. Just look at the STD statistics. But hey, what can you do?
38both, i like relationships and a FWB can be fun. and all those who say hooking up is gross, its easy to judge when you dont know any of the people on here. that being said as long as you respect yourself on what your needs are, and be discreet.
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