Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We broke up once or twice, but got back together each time. During the breakups, we did see other people but those relationships never lasted long. I'm planning to visit him next week and he told me that he had planned a surprise. I was dying to know what it was so I kept asking him for hints. He told me he's taking me to a place that has a great view of the ocean in San Diego, somewhere a girl that he was seeing introduced to him. I got very upset by that and told him that I wouldn't be able to enjoy it knowing that he was there with a different girl. He's upset that I've ruined the surprise and I feel bad as a result. Was I overreacting? It really makes me feel uncomfortable when past girls are brought up. I appreciate his honesty, but I wish I didn't know some of the things he tells me. Is there a happy medium? — Want it Both Ways Bianca

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Dear Want it Both Ways Bianca,

I'd be pretty upset if my boyfriend told me he was taking me someplace romantic that he's already been with another woman as well so no, I don't think you're overreacting. Though you appreciate his honesty, your boyfriend didn't use any discretion in his omission — some things are just better left unsaid. In an effort to avoid further hurt feelings, I think you should agree on a middle ground; what to disclose and what to keep to yourselves in order for you both to feel secure in this relationship.

At the end of the day, what matters is what you two have together now; not what either one of you did while you were broken up. That is something you're going to have to accept if you want this relationship to work so whenever you feel insecure, talk to him about it and get the answers you need, but try not to dwell on it — it's in the past for a reason.

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