Get over it. He's probably not taking you to the surprise place with the great view of the ocean because it reminds him of his ex. He probably is taking you there because he wants to share this place with YOU. IMO its silly to cease all talk of past relationships. Just be secure in the fact that you are together and try not to be so jealous. He is going to take you to many places that he has taken other girls. Next time maybe you shouldn't push so hard when he is trying to surprise you if you really don't want all the details.

I know how you feel - for me the trip would be totally ruined too!

Yet, rationally, how else is he going to know of nice, fun romantic spots, than having been there before? His mistake was to tell you. When my BF and I were in a long distance relationship, I took him many places - and a lot of them were places where I'd spent time with exes. I just kept my mouth shut about it! And now that I've moved to HIS town, I'm pretty sure he didn't go to all those nice restaurants by himself or with his best buddy... but I don't think about it or I'd go insane.

And don't worry, he's not going to be sitting there thinking about her. At least, I never did.

Get over it.
Sorry but yeah other wise you guys will not be happy.

Am I the only person who thinks that this was wildly uncreative of her boyfriend? I mean, sure, everyone has pasts and stuff... But it's not that hard to come up with something creative and new every once and awhile.

LMAO. Do you really think that you won't go anywhere that your boyfriend hasn't been with another girl before? When you like a place, you like a place.

I would be more worried about the fact that you keep breaking up and getting back together.

Seriously? You need to work on your jealousy. Calm down. You definitely overreacted. Sure it's not creative, but...

i think her boyfriend is trying to take her to a place that he knows she would like and he had something special planned out for HER not some other girl. people find out about places through what other people say so how is this any different? a place is a place and its up to you to make your own memories there. i think she overreacted a little bit. it would annoy me too if my boyfriend wanted to bring me somewhere that he went to previously with another girl, but you need to understand that he's with you, and he wants to bring YOU there.

i agree with bluestar. the issue here isn't him bringing her to a place he was with another girl at. the issue is the fact that their relationship is sooo unstable and she's so insecure that she would be angry about him going anywhere he was previously with someone else at. i think its just silly and really immature and its clearly not a healthy relationship.

Just to clarify: I mean that we all want to share our favorite places with those we currently love. I took my long distance boyfriends to several of my favorite restaurants in NYC, but I don't have to tell him about every time my ex and I used to go to them...

BOYFRIEND. I only have ONE LDR!! ha ha.

I do agree with Dear that you should talk to your boyfriend about how much you are willing to share/learn about each other's past relationtships.

I think you do have to realize that he didn't think that the news he found out about this spot from another girl would hurt your feelings. Obviously, this wasn't a big deal to him -- most likely because he was only thinking of you in planning the trip. But keep this in mind -- what happened in your boyfriend's past (i.e. before dating you) didn't have anything to do with you.

I would be PISSED as HELL about this. Seriously. I am the jealous type though. I booked me and my boyfriend a romantic getaway right and it turned out that him and his ex had gone there a couple of times. MAN. I was so annoyed and I couldn't really enjoy the whole weekend even though I logically knew he was with me. I am NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN. I made a point of telling him that the weekend was pretty much ruined for me too. The hotel was so nice though, I am sad not to go there again.

Anyway, your boyfriend was pretty unsubtle to actually say "a woman I was dating took me here" instead of "a friend introduced me to this". Even though you might guess it was a previous woman you don't KNOW so that is fine.

The irony is... an ex probably showed it to her too!

Everyone gets jealous. I mean, it's unrealistic to expect that he hasn't been places with his ex's that he would take you. I have bought my BF to places I went to with past crushed and boyfriends...it didn't bring up romantic feelings or even memories with those people -- it's just a place. What is so offensive about that? I mean, maybe he could have made the effort to come up with something else, but don't be offended, it's just a location. I'm sure one day you will go to a place with him that you went with an ex, and you won't give a crap.

I don't think this should be a huge issue. When he's there with you he won't be thinking about her, and if it really meant something to him when he WAS there with her then he might not want to take you there. make any sense?

Get over it. Create a happy romantic memory that would override any other one he may have had with anyone else. It's like the same as sex. When you have sex with your partner, and the two of you have already had previous partners, or break up, have others and get back together later. Your sex life should override all others. Have a fun date.

i don't think it's bad at all that he's been to whichever romantic spot with an ex, it was just dumb of him to tell you. he could have left that part out.

if it were me, it'd bother me, but it's not something to start an argument over. just let him know that in the future, he can leave out the details about how he found these romantic spots.

Extremely tacky on his part. What? no other places he could take her? "Oh, i had sex with someone here, no big deal. Now i'm taking you". A little tact doesn't hurt anyone. How uncreative.

Ew, I would be hurt by this too! God knows this kind of stuff is commonplace in my marriage. My husband has an endless supply of exes that keep coming back to haunt him. He doesn't get it...but I do. I don't think you were overreacting!! Guys can be so clueless sometimes. He wasn't trying to be mean, but he definitely stuck his foot in his mouth.

I can understand that you feel hurt but couldn't it be possible that he really enjoys the restaurant/view and not because it has anything to do with some good times he had there with an ex.You seriously need to get over that and put your jealousy in check before your relationship ends up in a very bad place.He's with you now so why not be happy with that.

bluestar hit the nail on the head... I also think that you should be more concerned with the on-again, off-again issue that's going on instead.Is it possible that your jealousy is what's causing you two to constantly break up.IDK but it's something to think about....

I'm with the 'don't overreact' crowd here.

I know for certain that my fiancee has taken me to beautiful places where he took his exes. He didn't take me to those lovely places because of her, it's because he thought I would enjoy the scenery. And I have taken him to restaurants where I went on past dates too because their food are AWESOME, not because I wanted to reminisce.

I can understand your initial reaction of jealousy/hurt, but you really need to get over it so that you can enjoy each other. It's not the place/scenery, it's about you guys enjoying each other.

I think you overreacted just a tad. People go to a lot of places with their significant others that they've been to with Ex's-everyone has favorite hang outs, etc. It's somewhere he's been to before, and he liked it, and he wanted to share it with you. Doesn't matter who he went there with previously. You're making a mountain out of a mole hill.

I agree I would have been better off not knowing that another women introduced him to the spot. I would not tell my bf if one of my ex's pick a spot that I bought him to either.

I can see both sides of this. And Im really not sure if you are over reacting or not. On the one hand, yeah you're right. But on the other hand...I have my favorite sushi bar, that I LOVE. Most of the guys Ive been with havnt really ever had sushi so I always end up taking them there. Am I just supposed to never take another guy there because Ive taken a few of my ex's there? NO WAY!

I can definitely understand where the OP is coming from. It's not the fact that her bf wanted to take her somewhere he's already been with an ex (it happens, and yeah, it's a *tad* uncreative but whatever). The reason I would be upset is that I do NOT want to hear anything about my bf's ex when he's supposed to be planning a romantic surprise for ME. It would have shown some tact on the OP's bf's part if he'd just left that detail out altogether.

There was life before there was you. He didn't do nothing for the majority of his life before you graced him with your presence. What I find funny is the expectation of a guy to come up with something creative and romantic without recycling ideas...as if they have nothing better to do with their time than to plan a date with you. He doesn't have work or school or friends. It's probably a really good thing that I'm not a dude because if I had a gf that made a stink about a date I planned for her as a surprise and she ruined it for herself by nagging to find out where and having the gall to complain after I finally spilled the beans...I'd tell her to (in the words of Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker in Blue Harvest) "Well stay here and rot you stuck up b(adword)." Like, talk about no gratitude whatsoever.

And yea, the breaking up multiple times part might be more important than recycled date destinations.

I'm with you OP. That was kind of stupid of him. First of all, don't places like that remind you of your ex? They do with me at least, so why would you want to take a current bf/gf there? That's weird. And if it's such a romantic surprise for his gf, then why is he thinking about his ex? Wouldn't you think he would just be thinking about his gf?

I agree with RockandRepublic, wanna have sex here baby, me and my ex did so I know it's a good spot. That's just stupid, and yeah, same goes for restaurants too.

I wouldn't be exactly pleased, but I think he more just thinks it's a beautiful place and that you'd enjoy it...not that he wants you to be his ex. Guys aren't that deep, sorry.

well, it's one thing if it's an intimate little place that they used to go to all the time. but come on, are you going to refuse to see the Pacific Ocean because he's seen it with another girl before? Maybe he went there with her and was like wow, OP would love this place. That said, there was absolutely no reason he needed to say how he found this place or who took him there.

I always take guys to my favorite restaurant. Manager and wait staffs know me there, and it's quite embarrassing sometimes going there with different guys. But, nonetheless, the atmosphere and food are both great. When I go there with a new guy, I don't even think of times when I was there with someone else. I'm sure your boyfriend feels the same way. So stop overreacting.

Are you kidding me? So this big romantic gesture he can't take you to because he's been there before with someone else? I think this is a big issue with security and maturity. So he can't take you to nice places he's been with a prior girlfriend? Does that mean if he and a former girlfriend went all over, say, Paris...you two can't go there or to the same places?

You pick and choose your battles. And remember, guys are different. So while you're associating the place with her, he's trying to reassociate it with the two of you and obviously doesn't have strong memories of the two of them there.

Take it as good sign and, sorry to be blunt, but grow up. Think of a place that you enjoyed going with a former boyfriend and think of never returning b/c your new guy has issues over it. He's trying to introduce the place to you and that should be meaningful, not a fight starter.

this happened to me too but my bf wasn't telling me at all until I probed and probed and then I wish I hadn't. so I don't do it anymore! lol

but now we've been to this fancy restaurant a few times and we've created great memories of our own, literally. I have tons of pictures.

try to enjoy yourself and let it be a surprise next time... don't ask, don't tell... so don't ask!

Who cares if he has been there with another girl before? Obviously he liked the place and wants to share it with you, because he is thinking of you, and not the other girl. Everyone has a history, and you need to let it be what it is, in the past. You can't change what you or some one else did before, so leave it alone and move forward.

the whole issue seems deeper than just going to a place he's been with another girl before...like some other posters have mentioned, if you've broken up and gotten back together several times, it's just a neverending cycle. if this didn't upset you, then there'd probably be some incident on said trip that would cause more rifts in the relationship.

hth.

Wait, why did he even tell you he went there with his ex? The whole mess would have been avoided if he just didn't mention it!

But, I agree with what a lot of people are saying, sounds like there's bigger issues. It's never a good sign to be breaking up and getting back together, sometimes you just have to move on.

Well, I guess I suck then cos I def plan on taking my next man to places my ex and I went...b/c they are my fav restaurants and I want to share them with him.

And I dont want to stop going to them!

I am looking forward to making all new memories and forgetting the old ones

Gotta say, I feel worse for your guy then for you. You wouldn't let him just surprise you, you bugged the mess out of him and ruined it for yourself more than anything. Poor guy, I wouldn't want to plan anything for you again.

1) i'd also be really bothered by it
2) he isn't doing it to hurt you. he thought he was doing something nice
3) if he hadn't told you, that would have been better
5) tell him you don't want to hear about other girls anymore/ever again
6) try to get over it because it will ruin you in the end
7) get cocky. you have him now. be proud of that. it might make it easier.

356UIK - i see your point, but will you TELL your new man you've been there with an ex?
i go to places around the city i've been with other boyfriends, but i never tell him! i'd even lie and tell him i went with a girl friend if i had to, if i thought it would ruin a great date!

Personally I wouldn't care (I'm sure there was some restaurant that you went to with an ex once upon a time and the food is too good to never go back again).

Only way ti would bother me is if it was a really special place between him and his ex (like the first place they said "I love you" or when he tried to propose or something really intimate like that).

Oh, and to all the girls saying "He shouldn't have told you the truth or lied": Well, let's say he didn't tell her (or lied and said he went with a guy friend) and this girl found out. We would be reading a DearSugar post that said "I asked him to be honest about it, and he LIED to me. How can I trust him" And most commentors would be saying "He lied?! Leave him, you can't trust a liar!"

So yeah, he was doing the very thing we always say guys don't do often enough, be truthful.

She shouldn't have goaded him so much over it and just enjoyed this surprise (or at least took some time to figure out why thye have they break-up/make-up cycles).

I can understand the annoyance, but think of it this way. Your boyfriend wants to do something really romantic for you. What's so bad about that? He didn't pick that place out specifically to piss you off, he picked it because he enjoyed his experience there. Yes, the experience was with his ex, but now you can create a new memory at that place with him as his NEW gf.

I was in a sort of similar situation. My bf wanted to take me to this one restaurant he went to with an ex and gushed about how the booths were really intimate and romantic. When we got there, we weren't even seated at one of the booths, but I didn't care. I just enjoyed the food and didn't think about the ex!

Well, I think that she got more pissed about the fact that she thinks he was thinking of his ex while planning it than that she had been there before. THAT I can totally sympathize with - it happened to me! Picture this: me & my boyfriend's one year anniversary. I'm all dressed up because he wants to take me to this great Japanese place in town. We run into one of his roommates on the way out, and the roommate compliments me and says an offhand comment about how he still thinks that his girlfriend in one of her formal dresses is prettier. I get ready to make a silly comment back, but my bf chimes in with "Yeah, my ex looked really great in this one formal dress I bought her. God she was gorgeous in it... it made her skin and hair just glow... "... and his eyes mist over as he remembers. He absolutely killed the date. I refused to forgive him for weeks.

So, yeah, I think this is more about the fact that she is jealous because they have been on-again off-again, and isn't sure if he's actually wanting another girl. Which is an entirely different problem, and will probably only be solved once the OP a) gets over her jealousy and trusts him again or b) breaks up with him for good. One or the other will happen eventually. *shrugs*

bekkachan: I totally agree with all your advice here, and I bet that that is the problem. And wow, about your experience, what a jerk! I totally would have dumped him after that. 8-0

bekkachan-seriously? If that were my boyfriend he quite possibly would have been laying on the floor with a bloody nose. I knew guys are idiots, but wow. that just about takes the cake.

It's really not that big of a deal, unless you have a serious problem with him talking with you, openly, about his past relationships. He probably wanted to take you there because it's a special place to HIM, not because it's something he shared with his ex. Just try and see it for what it is.

I think your on again off again relationship is the bigger issue.

It is like you are looking to create drama to keep it interesting, and this is a convenient excuse. I am not saying that he couldn't have been more tactful about it, but really, I think you need to look more at yourself and why you are reacting this way.

Your relationship has bigger problems than this, I'm afraid. I think you are a bit of a saboteur.

i would be upset too. he shouldn't have told her she introduced it to him.