Sounds like you need to forgive yourself. People make mistakes.

is she asking to forgive for being naive and not ending it OR forgive for not telling everyone the truth?

It was very bad on your part to have an affair knowing that the guy was married. I've always thought its stupid to blame the "other one" but in this case you knew what he had and most likely f*cked it up.

If this was 5 years ago why are you still thinking about it...you dont need to tell anyone your buisness...especialy something that happened that long ago!

I say forget about it once and for all and move on with your life. Its all about learning from your mistakes so be aware of what you do in the future. Know that you deserve better than a married man.

i think i despise cheaters only slightly more than liars. sorry girl, but i wouldn't forgive you...

either way, it's in the past. just let it go, and don't do it ever again.

It's not about YOU forgiving yourself for lying (big deal!) but you lied to all your friends and perhaps family about your affair. To be forgiven you should tell them the truth and see if THEY forgive you. It's not your job or ours... but obviously it's bothering you.

I've always thought its stupid to blame the "other one" but in this case you knew what he had and most likely f*cked it up.

SHE knew what HE had and SHE messed it up? That's ridiculous - SHE wasn't married to the wife - he was. If anyone knew what they had and didn't give a crap, it was the married man.

I think you should be forgiven, especially since you were young at the time. Everyone makes mistakes, and you probably are already regretting wasting so many years with a jerk. Learn from it and move on.

Its been 5 years already ... so move on ...
don't dwell on it ...
I personally wouldn't forgive you but then again sometimes emotions make us blind ...
but instead of asking for forgiveness move on ... and that way you will be forgiving yourself ...

Everyone makes mistakes, especially in the teenage years, but this mistake was pretty big. The lying doesn't bother me so much as the fact that YOU knew he was married and were aware of the pain you were causing his wife. It was years ago though, so I hope you've grown up since then and realize now how wrong it was and are sure it will never happen again.

Forgive.

People make mistakes.
Learn from this and never do it again.

I did the exact same thing, but i was 18 and it was 8 months. It took a long time to forgive myself, but I was young, selfish and stupid. But eventually I realized I was young and stupid, and I've learned from it. I've vowed to never cheat or be with a cheater again, and so far so good.

I said not forgive. You admitted yourself that you "were too selfish to end it". That's not naive, that's exactly what you said, selfish. Knowingly and intentionally doing something is NOT naive. It's the opposite of naive!

I'd forgive you. You were 19 when it happened. I mean, you'd figure 19 year old would know better than to mess around with a married man -- but then again, there are some 19 year olds who just don't mature as fast as other people, or don't have the same morals as other people. You were old enough to know better...BUT you were young, still...and people do make mistakes. You realize it was a mistake, and it's been 5 years. It's time to forgive yourself for what you did. You are no longer 19. You can only try not to make those mistakes again. It's ashes...don't concern yourself with the past.

You need to forgive yourself for this (the affair and the lying) and move on. No one else needs to forgive you in the situation, this really isn't your families businesses at all (unless the wife was someone associated with them). We all make mistakes, especially when we are younger and see the world differently. If this guy wouldn't have cheated with you he would have with someone else.

"SHE knew what HE had and SHE messed it up? That's ridiculous - SHE wasn't married to the wife - he was. If anyone knew what they had and didn't give a crap, it was the married man. "

Oh so apperently its OKAY to go around and sleep with married men. Obviously the married man is at fault (more even) since he is the the that is married.

The man would have messed it up either way but she has to know what it is that she did. She can't just sit there and say well I wasnt married to her and not give a f*ck. She said herself she was too selfish to end it KNOWING the guy was married...yea pretty much him and her together f*cked it up.

I say Not Forgive. You should definitely forgive yourself and move on with your life, but your act cannot be forgiven. You were 19 years old and an adult, you should have known better than fooling around with a married man knowingly.

I voted Not Forgive.

Being that this has been five years ago, I will comment on how you were then.

Selfish? You got it. You knew, and yet you probably had some hope he'd leave his b*tch of a wife for you, right? Eck.

You never cared about the pain the wife went through. Again, you only thought of yourself.

You only are sorry it came out.

I hope in those five years, you grew to respect yourself more, and leave your business out of those who are in a "committed" relationship.

Only 19 ? Naive? IMO you were still old enough to know the difference between right and wrong. Those BS excuses wouldn't go over well with me and no matter how you spin it, you both get equal blame for ruining someone elses life.I can only hope his wife smartened up and kicked his sorry azz to the curb.I wonder if the shoe were on the other foot would that piss poor explanation be good enough for you to swallow as justification for destroying your marriage.Somehow I don't think it would be.

Oh and I voted not forgive.

Although I voted not forgive. It's for the lying part. You knew he was and was selfish about it, but chose to lie to save you're own butt. However it has been 5 years. It's time to forgive yourself and move on with your life.

Holding onto the guilt is not serving any purpose now.
Regardless, come on! Even 15 year old girls know it is way uncool to go out with a boy who has a girl friend, so a 19 year old young woman knows damn well it is not acceptable to date a Man with a Wife.

Not forgive... it has been 5 years, forget about it and learn from it.

But you lied, helped a man cheat, and then continued to lie about it. Forgive yourself and move on.

I said it once, and I'll say it again, everyone's responsible for their actions. If you're married and you cheat, you're at fault. If you cheat with someone you know is married, it's your fault, you're just as responsible for respecting someone else's marriage as that person is responsible for respecting their own. Have some morals. Anyway, she needs to forgive herself, be sorry for what she did, and move on. Yesterday's gone. Can't change the past, can only move on. The past is always wiped clean (eaten by the Langoliers).

tnmom said it best.

Old enough to know better.

If the man didn't cheat with her, he would have cheated with someone else. I feel that you've taken the situation very seriously since you still feel affected by this five years after it happened. If this experience has taught you something, then it is better to have learned now and to have felt these emotions, then later and possibly carrying on a pattern of attracting or putting yourself in the same situation continuously as some women do.

The bottom line is everyone makes mistakes and you learn from them. Forgive yourself and move on.

You're apologitic for what you've done, you've admitted to yourself that it was selfish and wrong. You can forgive yourself, and you frriends shouldn't even have to forgive/not forgive because it really isn't their problem.

I said "forgive" but I'm not really sure who you want forgiveness from--your friends and family for lying to them, or the man and his wife? Honestly, if I were the wife I wouldn't forgive you, but I think you should forgive yourself. Like everyone else said, you were young and people make mistakes. Learn from it, don't do it again, and move on. Truthfully, most of your friends probably figure that you knew about it anyway and just didn't say so--I mean, it's kind of hard not to figure out a man is married in 9 months.

Not forgive. Cheating with a married man for 9 months and then lying about it is not a mistake. Why does everyone call things like that mistakes?! You made a choice, and even at the time you knew you shouldn't have done it, that is a decision, not an accidental mistake. How on earth were you naive?!?! If you were naive you wouldn't have know what you were doing was wrong and so you wouldn't feel bad. 19 years old isn't that young. You knew what you were doing was wrong and would hurt people, now accept the consequences for your actions, which in this case would be feeling bad about it. Why do people these days think they can just do something and be forgiven and it's all fine!? If you're forgive does that change how the wife feels or what happened to her? Your actions go a lot deeper than that.
If you truly feel sorry and really feel bad about how much you hurt the wife and you know for a FACT that you won't ever do anything like that again, then yeah, I say forgive. I just think there are very few people who are willing to cheat or be the other woman once and then truly feel bad about it and not do it again...
But whether a bunch of people on here forgive you or not, you shouldn't base your life on that. The problem is that you can't forgive yourself, I assume, or else you wouldn't be on here asking for advice. Figure out why you haven't forgiven yourself yet, and then you will be able to forgive yourself and move on.

And I agree with myystque, if I were the wife I wouldn't forgive you. And I think your friends/family probably think you knew too, b/c I agree that it is pretty hard to not figure out a man is married after 9 whole months.

Unforgivable, you knew what you were doing when you were doing it. It does take two to tango, so I believe you're both at fault. It's been 5 years though, so you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

I'm a bit confused.

Is she apologizing for doing it, or apologizing because she's been caught?

I should have finished my thought, damn these comments for not being able to edit!

It just seems odd that she feels so sorry about it now after 5 years, when it JUST came out in the open. If she hadn't been caught, would she be as guilt ridden as she is now?

Hmmm...forgive yourself and move on, and don't repeat same mistakes in the future.

Not forgive...you knew you were wrong and as the saying goes "...the truth shall set you free". You could at tell your bestfriend...if you can't be honest with at least one person in this world what does that REALLY say about you?

Opps correction...*you could at least tell your bestfriend*. Sorry about any typos guys...

no way, no forgiveness. As someone who has personal experience with this as a betrayed spouse....I just can't see the "other woman's" side at all. There is NEVER a reason to have a relationship with a married man..especially if you knew he was married. But, if you lied about not knowing he was married then you are obviously ashamed, which is good. You should be. People don't realize how devastating am affair is on an entire family. It blows lives apart...lives that may not have been all that bad to begin with(not all affairs begin because of a bad marriage). So being ashamed of your involvement in an affair at least shows some kind of remorse.

Sorry, not forgive. Maybe it's just me but even when I was eleven and in middle school I already knew it was wrong to be with someone who was taken. There really is no excuse if you knew. The guy was a cowardly dog who cheated on his wife. Why would anyone with enough self-respect knowingly have an affair with a committed person?

Not forgive - it doesn't matter how many years it's been. 19 years old is plenty old enough to have a conscience. More importantly you need to learn to respect yourself enough in order to know that you are being totally used. Everyone deserves a loving partner and an already married partner certainly does not fit the mold. Hope you've done some work on yourself in the 5 years since...

Forgive.. It was in the past, she's not doing it anymore. She made a mistake and seems to be remorseful (hopefully learned her lesson). She shouldn't have lied to her friends/family about not knowing that he was married though. If the truth comes out, let the WHOLE truth come out.

forgive. i know many people hate cheaters... but i have been one before. it doesn't define who you are. it's a mistake you made, and although it's a horrible thing to do, but should be forgiven.

also, from experience, the guilt will drive you mad... but you must think about who you hurt by telling. i've never had an affair, so i imagine if you tell, you could ruin the lives of the husband and his wife.. tricky situation

*it should be forgiven, not "but should be forgiven"

Forgive, stop torturing yourself with guilt, and move on with your life. Just because a person made a mistake doesn't mean that they deserve to be miserable for the rest of their life.

Oh come on, you were 19, 19 is old enough to know that going with a guy who's married is wrong and disgusting. It's not like you only get morals once you get older, people use this excuse as often as they use the "I was drunk" excuse.

However, like everyone has said, it happened, and as long as you've forgiven yourself then your free to move on.

i say not forgive, not that you should be sitting there in a pity party. you knew what you were doing, admitted you were selfish and just wanted what you wanted. Stop acting like YOURE the victim, come to terms with the fact that you probably helped destroy a marriage by knowingly having an affiar with a married man. it doesnt matter if he "would have ruined it with someone else" you knowingly went in and helped ruin peoples lives. its not an accident or a mistake, its a decision you weighed enough to acknowledge your selfishness and did anyway.

19 is young, but it's not young enough to know how terrible that is. since it's in the past i would just forgive myself and move on though.

*not

You should forgive yourself, but the act, is definetly not forgiveable. And even if you do forgive yourself, you won't ever forget it. You were naive but "19" has nothing to do with it, you were a big girl. Its not okay to sleep with married men. I couldn't imagine being "the other woman", its very sleazy. Anyway..forgive yourself, but karma is still a b*tch.

You should forgive yourself, but the act, is definetly not forgiveable. And even if you do forgive yourself, you won't ever forget it. You were naive but "19" has nothing to do with it, you were a big girl. Its not okay to sleep with married men. I couldn't imagine being "the other woman", its very sleazy. Anyway..forgive yourself, but karma is still a b*tch.

ofcourse not! how could u have a thing with someone you KNOW is married? its different if u didnt know he was married. but u did. seriously, put ureself in his wife's position. how desperate can u be? i mean seriously! how slu**y can u be woman!
19 is so not young

you were only 19 and hopefully learned ur lesson...the only one who'd probably NEVER forgive is the wife though