Every situation is different. Unfortunately, all I can give you is the standard 'one step at a time' and 'very carefully'.
I fast forward to the desired result. Visualize how you want it to end up and operate backwards. Like if you know you're going to be asked to do something you don't want to do...set the scene so you aren't asked in the first place. Or take the easy route- say no to nearly everything for a while. Then, they're surprised and appreciative to get a yes

If you truly enjoy your life, and are honestly being the best person you know how to be- you'll fight like a rabid dog to protect yourself. That is self-esteem.

take care! K?

There's just about no advice anyone can give you to tell you the truth.

Ugh...I just typed a novel and it got deleted...gawd...*sigh*, that was just the first sentence...but anyway...I basically said that you have to be proud of yourself and put your happiness first before thinking about how to please everyone else...*sigh...I hate this crap sometimes*

very simple, tell me what do you love about yourself, and think that the girl next to you is not as great as you, so why should you feel under???, is't on the attitude but dont over do it you dont want to sound arrogant, just in control!!!

I would like to recommend to you Gary Vanwarmerdam www.pathwaytohappiness.com. I also recommend a few books Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth / Awakening To Your Life's Purpose..and You Being Beautiful by Dr. Roizen and Dr. Mehmet Oz. I say this with deep understanding and believe me the aforementioned will help. Good Luck!

*Rewriting part of my novel*

There's only so much advice that anyone can give you. Frankly, I've gotten advice from people but in the end it's useless because I'm the only one that can change things for myself. Sometimes you can change some things and at times you can't. The best you can do is to change what you can and move on doing your best. The past is over but you can alter the future and control your present. I made and sometimes make the same mistake as you, I'm 40,000 in unnecessary debt now because all I can do is say yes, because that's what it essentially is, being a yes person. Next time someone asks you to do something for them, don't answer right away think for a second to yourself (Is this a big deal? How does it affect me? Do I really want to do this?), then make your decision according to what's best for you. I'm not saying you can't help people but at times helping people ends up hurting yourself. You can't always please everyone because in the end you won't please anyone, especially yourself. It ends with you in an inescapable whole [probably of depression], and it may or may not take awhile to get out. I practically have no friends probably because of this [or I'm not as important to them as I thought], and I especially almost completely ruined my love relationship forever because of it. I remember after desperately needing to talk to someone, I actually opened up to my gf [even though I though I couldn't talk to here...for certain reasons (complicated reasons)], I found myself admitting that I'm not proud of myself or of anything I've ever done. Not proud of myself for graduating high school, or college or anything else. But I was proud of myself for getting my license (which I got earlier that week) because it was something I actually really really tried my best at and did for myself. I guess what I'm mostly trying to say here is no one can really give you the must needed advice or help unless you do it for yourself. I thought I could get help especially from my gf to be happy and to help my esteem, in the end I wore her down and almost pushed her away forever. You basically have to find direction in your life, what makes YOU happy and what makes you proud of being you. Not what you can do to make everyone else happy. Take chances and don't be afraid of how anyone will react to you if you refuse to be their puppet. They will probably try to persuade you to do what they want or probably lay a guilt trip on you, but in the end, they're mainly only thinking about yourself, so you have to do the same. Do what's best for you first. I could write plenty more, but if you want to talk me pm me.

Just start small. Try to pretend you are someone asking you a question and then practice saying no in the mirror to yourself. Think of some standards lines you can use, like "I'm sorry, but I am just too busy, unfortunately I won't be able to help you." or "I'm sorry, but my schedule is full right now." Think about these common lines, you can use them for many different situations. Then start using them. Also, don't apologize more than once, or offer any reasons. It's not really any of their business why. Once you say no in a polite but firm tone, you would be surprised how much people will respect your response and not bring it up again.

The number one thing is to learn how to say no without giving excuses, apologizing too much or feeling guilty.

Someone wants you to pet-sit all weekend? Say "I'm sorry, I can't this weekend."

A friend wants you to change your plans to accommodate her? Say "Gosh, normally I would, but I've already made plans." Sometimes it even helps to add "Thanks for understanding," or "I'm sure you understand." Say it with a smile and they won't be upset.

If they persist because they're used to you caving, say "Why not ask Sarah? She loves dogs." Etc.

I use to be the same way. I use to always agree with people and never stick up for myself. Now, I am the complete opposite. I have realized that I have to be strong and not let people walk all over me. Sometimes it is best to get rid of friends that are pulling you down. I use to have a friend that was always negative and very pushy. I am no longer close friends with her. She was pulling me down and affecting my mood. You can always meet new friends. You want to be around people that make you feel better about yourself and make you feel happy. I hope this helps.

jeez GScott that's just a part?

I used to be the same until I realized that I have to put my happiness first. Also I believe a person with these issues should not be in a relationship. Especially with someone who doesn't help you with it!
The relationship I was in in those rough times was horrible! It didn't help the issue I had at all...

good luck!

First off, you have to be happy with your life and who you are as a person in order to have natural self confidence and self esteem.
Are you content with your job? School? Do you have interesting hobbies that keep you busy during down time?
Do you have a good support system-family and friends?
There are a lot of factors that go into this, but I feel it starts by looking inside yourself and becoming a better you.

I have to say there is probably a hundred things that someone might say or suggest to you, and none of them will work unless you actually make a decision that you deserve better than what you're getting.

Sometimes it might take you a bit to come to the realization, and it might take some training, but I really think the big thing is reminding yourself and re-teaching yourself how to act within that mindset. You deserve to be treated better - you deserve to have your needs considered, etc.

I sometimes go through quite a long time in a situation that gets me down and then have the dawning realization that hey! I don't deserve this at all. I think you're at that point now. The next question is "what do I deserve and how do I get there?"

Good luck!

i think that confidence is a really hard thing to come by if you really don't think like you have it. for myself - i have the lowest self esteem and really low self confidence. the way that i get over it is find one thing that i know that i'm good at - and that i enjoy and then some how i figure out ways to share that with people that i feel safe with. once they start to see my abilities at that one thing, then they brand out and share the 'news' with others, and then i slowly start to feel better about myself.

when it comes to relationships i think that the only way to build confidence is to realize that not every guy out there is great and not everyone will be attracted to you and vice versa. you can't take it personally if you're out and no one comes to talk to you - because that's just the way that life is. it's nothing against you - and trust me, the times that someone does come to talk - those will be more meaningful. just make sure to surround yourself with people that you feel safe with and you'll start to feel better about things.

Build something that you can be proud of ... An orderly life, a high average marks, good attitude, everything ... that you can be proud of and stick to it and feel the pride ...

All these, give you self-confidence.

In time, you gain your self-esteem.

When you know you're worth something ... you will not let anyone crosses you; degrade you; treat you without respect; or taking you for granted ...

People have come from different journey ... So this is my advice ...

Achievement.....is the cornerstone of all self-esteem because achievement leads you to accept YOURSELF. Not just any achievement will grant you self-esteem, but achievement of things that matter to you. We all have voids in our life in some form or the other. Yours seems to be a lack of ability to stand up for yourself. Don't punish yourself because of it. Focus on things that interest you and that you have fun doing and you will get the boost you need from that. You'll be amazed at how feeling good can trinkle into other areas of your life. Focus on the good that you have and it will erase the bad.

good luck

The short answer is that therapy might make some sense for you.

The longer answer is that I think sunlandseagirl's answer makes a lot of sense. Personally, I don't think you can just decide to have self-esteem. Self-worth is indeed built by achieving things that are important to you. Set goals - they don't have to be major - and chart out how to reach them. Then just work towards them one day at a time.

As for saying "No", I think luisa had a lot of great suggestions. You might even start out by just saying "Can I get back to you" if someone asks you for something. Then you can email them if it makes it easier. Normally I wouldn't advise this but you'll need small steps in order to build confidence.

Good luck.

Bodhar...hit the answer. It really IS what YOU think about YOU that counts.

My Grandmother used to tell me:
Enter every room as if you owned it...because you have a right to be there. Challenge yourself to make someone smile everyday---that is a gift many people do not realize they have.

Somethings which also help:
Decide what is your best trait and learn how to perfect that trait.

Decide which makes you unique and love it...lips, eyes, great legs, fab smile...everyone has something.

Tell someone "no" at least once a week...until you can say it once a day. Reward your time alone by doing something you never thought you would...get a massage, a pedicure, or watch your fave movie.

Plan a special splurge on something you had denied yourself...work to get it...and reward yourself! I have a pair of red shoes I paid a ridiculous amount of money for but I love them....They were a reward that reminds me every time I wear them that I am a valuable person. It had nothing to do with what I paid for them---but that I felt I deserved them.

Number one however...is stay away from people that make you feel bad about yourself. What do you need them for? People that are miserable love to make others more miserable than themselves...makes them fell better about themselves. You have to tell yourself you deserve better and BELIEVE IT.

To add to sunlandseagirl's advice, you need to also be proud of that achievement. Trust me, it works out better if you're proud of what you've done, rather than just merely doing it.

i was like this too, for most of my life. what i started doing is thinking about all the times i didn't say no, and all the inconveniences it caused me, even my family. i would really think about it to remember how badly it felt. kind of like conditioning yourself to react with negative things when you think about being taken advantage of. i would feel so badly when doing this it made me really not want to be like that anymore, and i slowly but surely started weaving these situations out of my life.

if you fear negative reactions, the only reason people will be surprised is because it's coming from you. but once you put your foot down, i feel most people will start backing off and redefining their favor boundaries with you.

Your problem does not come from your actions it comes from the way people perceive you. You’re a push over. They will get over on you. You believe what they say. They will lie to you.

Try these steps when you find yourself in a decision-making situation.

1- tell the truth
2- always do your best no matter how trivial the task
3- choose the difficult right over the easy wrong
4- Don't whine or make excuses
5- Judge others by their actions not by others opinions.

You will see that people will start seeing you in a different way and you will still be you with the addition of impeccable integrity.

F.I.