i find it weird when brides ask people who they aren't that close with to be in their wedding

for one, you can't possibly come up with 3 or 4 people you're actually tight with? you have that few friends and/or sisters?

and secondly, even if you do have very few friends, don't feel the need to take up space with girls you are distantly friends with..it's unnecessary

in my wedding, i will have all my besties and my sister, and i can honestly say that if my mother (god forbid) ever died, these girls would be at my side IMMEDIATELY. cuz we're that close. and i'd do the same for them. and these are a mix of university and childhood friends, and they live all over the country. they're not even all necessarily friends with each other. but i still have managed to keep enough friends that my wedding won't consist of a bunch of old acquaintances!

that's my vent. sorry.

i say forgive her and ignore any future comments that are nasty. she's stressed with helping plan the wedding, and being a shoulder to cry on. its a heavy burden with everything that is going on and i'm sure she is just being resentful of the fact that she has to deal with so much when some others do not. i'm sure she just lashed out because she was frustrated.

she apologized and maybe she's being cold and distant because of everything that is going on and really does mean her apology. either way she admitted that she was wrong and apologized it. move forward. its clearly a difficult time for everyone involved and dwelling on something that was said that caused your feelings to get hurt isn't worth it. a wedding should be a happy thing and you both should be there to support the bride and make this moment as happy as it can be given the circumstances.

It sounds to me like Bridesmaid Bianca dropped the ball and didn't like having someone tell her about it. If the bride thought she was a good enough friend to ask her to be a bridesmaid and BB accepted, then why wouldn't she be there for her friend when her mother passed away? If BB wasn't that close to the bride to begin with, then she shouldn't have accepted. Maybe she should work on being a better friend instead of worrying about herself all the time..?

Um, as someone who lost her mother, I would suggest the OP should beg more concerned about the bride than about any perceived insults from the maid of honor.

It's not that big a deal, just forgive her for it, you don't know if she is sincere or not, especially through an email...it's not very telling of emotions...which is why I'd rather hear someone's voice or be in person when I talk about emotional situations. I've gotten worse comments than that, and an apology that was probably sincere, but then I got more comments again later...moved on. Everyone's understress these days, and well, she's just defending her friend and taking her emotions on as if it's her, just forget about it and try your best to move on, it's not about what she thinks it's about what the bride thinks...regarding the wedding and your friendship with her...people just like to make a load of drama these days...just brush it off.

Get over it. It sounds like she was stressed out and she probably just said aloud what you were already thinking "maybe I shouldn't be in this wedding because I'm not that close to the bride".

Don't cause trouble for the bride who is already having a difficult time...be in the wedding and forgive the maid of honor.

I totally agree with Krae and Jude.

And also, it's not too late! 3 weeks is hardly enough time for grieving the loss of a parent. Step up and be there for her.

However, I could not "confront" her as dear suggested. Honestly, the last thing she needs is you saying "Did you tell so-and-so that I wasn't there for you" etc.

A lot of people don't know how to act when someone dies. It's understandable, especially if you haven't gone through it yourself. But being uncomfortable about it is no excuse for staying in the background.

If you aren't really close with the bride, then why are you her bridesmaid? Get over what the maid of honor said, and maybe call your friend and see if she is okay.

I know that trying to be there for someone who's grieving can be awkward, especially if you've not lost any loved ones yourself. It might be really hard for you to know what to say or do. But you should at least acknowledge that the bride is going through a tough time. All it takes is for a quick phone call or a note to say that you're thinking of her. It's alright to admit that you don't know exactly how to help, but you're there for her nonetheless. Regardless of how close you feel to the bride, you did agree to stand up next to her on her wedding -- that should count for some level of friendship!

Ignore the maid of honor, she's obviously got her own stress and is taking it out on you. Be courteous to her when you're around everyone, but you don't have to go beyond that. Take the focus off yourself and the MOH and place it on your friend who lost her mother. She needs the kind words right now.

two people aren't that good of friends. one agrees to be in the other's wedding. now why are people ragging on the poor bridesmaid for that? it's the BRIDE'S fault that she asked a person she isn't that close with. the bridesmaid probably felt obligated. i know she could technically have said no, but that's never ideal.

This has more to do with the bride and her loss than anything else. People are just lumping the wedding into it. Whether or not you're "close" to the bride has absolutely nothing to do with anything. If you're her friend period, see how she's doing. Do it yourself unless you're absolutely forbidden to do so (which makes no sense much really). I don't know how how this whole wedding thing works if it's just for show to have numbers at the alter or of you ask people who's been there for you to be by your side or whatever. Being her roomate, I would assume two were close at one point having to share the same space (I don't know if it's true). Just see how she's doing, show that you at least care, and that's it. You don't have to fix anything as you can't bring people back to life and sitting around saying sorry for your loss won't fix anything either, but the whole wedding drama has nothing to do with anything. This maid of honor just used it as a critical sting for saying "you're not a good friend according to my standards." It's just silly and not her place to judge really, only the brides. A friendship or relationship is between two people only not everyone else.

I'm thinking she was up to her nose into difficult sh*t to deal with, and she needed to take it out on someone - and you got it. So probably, her apology was sincere, and you should let it go. Maybe she was PMSing. That's totally the kind of crap I'd pull 3 days before my period.

First of all, don't confront the bride. She's probably not in a level-headed state of mind and may have blurted out something to the Maid of Honor. It could have been something minor like, "Bianca didn't send me any flowers like you guys did." (Just an example!) Let it go. This is not a time for you to be selfish and concerned about your feelings, especially since the MOH apologized and what she said was very minor.

Not everyone is an expert at handling death. Maybe 'Bianca' thought is was best to say nothing much rather than the wrong thing. I know my take on death is of a Christian understanding, if a Jewish or Muslim friend's relative died...I wouldn't really know what to say.
So, it's not her fault for not wanting to aggravate a fresh wound for the bride.

I think the maid of honor is probably emotional, sensitive, stressed and really just being a bit of a b*tch, as we all are sometimes.

Accept the apology, you barely know her anyway what do you care?
Do the wedding and get on with your life.

I don't think one needs to show sympathy and caring in a different way to a bereaved person depending on their religion.

*Hit "post" too soon, sorry.

I think "I'm here for you if you need me" transcends religion.

Jude I hear what you're saying...but when you don't know what to say, it's very possible to say the VERY wrong thing to an emotionally unstable person. For example: I didn't want to hear that God needed an angel in heaven when my uncle died at 29. It just made me aggravated with the ignorance of that. Now, I bet 'cha some user will see that and say 'WELL! I BELIEVE THAT! IT'S NOT IGNORANT!' ... sometimes it's a catch 22. Damned if you say nothing, and damned if you say the wrong totally innocent thing.

Bianca said 'get more involved than I already was'... which led me to believe she gave the whole 'I'm here if you need me' standard. And the MOH thought that wasn't enough. What more did she want her to do?
My point was, sometimes people just don't know.

Well, that was a pretty dumb thing to say to you I'm just saying it's very possible to show one's sympathy and be there for a person without religion ever coming into it.

It just seemed weird to me that this OP, whose friend (maybe not super close, but close enough to have been roommates and to ask her to be a bridesmaid at her wedding) just suffered a terrible loss, should be posting about something that really, to be honest, seems pretty trivial and sort of self-absorbed. She didn't ask whether anyone has any advice for how she can help her friend or anything--she asked whether she should forgive someone for a perceived insult for which that person already apologized. That rubs me the wrong way.

Why would you agree to be in someone's wedding if you weren't close to them? If you don't care enough to try to be there for her during what is probably the most devastating and exciting time of her life, perhaps you *shouldn't* be in the wedding. It's better that the bride knows who her friends are now instead of later.

let bygones be bygones...its over.

Ignore the maid of honor for trying to make things about her. Support your friend.

Whatever you do, PLEASE DON'T CONFRONT THE BRIDE ABOUT WHAT SHE MAY HAVE SAID! As a person who has lost her mother, I am pretty sure the bride can't deal with the stress of losing a parent (particularly one that plays such a prominent role in the wedding), having a wedding, and THEN having to deal with somebody accusing them of something that they in all major likelihood DIDN'T do.

That aside, the maid of honor is NOT the bride, so she doesn't have a say and she doesn't know the nature of your relationship with the bride. Bianca didn't say she didn't do ANYTHING to console, she just wasn't as involved with it as the maid of honor "thought" she should have been. If the bride hasn't gotten upset with you about it, then I wouldn't worry what anybody else has said. You and her know the nature of your relationship.

Right on Jude C. I say just forgive the girl, understand that she's been under a lot of stress it can't be easy to be the bride's shoulder to cry on while still helping with the wedding and talking to bridesmaids not to mention dealing with her own life. Let it slide, like Jude C said, there are worse things than this small misunderstanding.
Next time just dont agree to be someone's bridesmaid unless you are very good friends with her.

yes, forgive her. you dont need to be her friend or be close to her after the wedding. some people just act out under stress though, so maybe don't take it personal.

Forgive the maid of honor ...
and be there for the bride ...
She needs support right now and if she asked you to be a bridesmaid she might have thought of you as a friend ...
So be there for her ...

You don't owe anything to the maid of honor. Be there for the bride in a nice, non-confrontational way. She's got a lot going on in her life and needs your support.

Why are you asking whether to forgive the maid of honor? If you're not even that close with the bride, it seems unlikely that you're close with the MOH. So be friendly, be there for the bride, and move on with your life, which probably doesn't include the MOH. I don't think you should spend any more time obsessing over something someone you hardly know said to you when they were very stressed and upset.

Mesayme has a point, I had a friend in college whose sister died and everyone at our very Christian school kept saying the wrong thing. "Everything happens for a reason" and "God has a plan and He knows why he does things" really didn't help my (not very religious) friend feel any better and, if anything just made him angry at God.

As for the OP, I'm very confused about the issue here and feel we need more information. What exactly did the MOH expect you to do? Help out with "Liaison" duties? The posts here assume that all she wanted was for you to offer your condolences, but I have to assume that you were not so cold as to forget to do that? In any case you do have to be there for your friend (even if she isn't your "best" friend, I can't believe you agreed to be in her wedding if you're not close!) and one way you can do it is by sucking it up. Accept the MOH's apology, be cordial, and put on a smile for pictures. She'll do her part too and play nice, and then afterwards you won't have to deal with each other again.

You should talk to the bride one on one and let her know that you are truely saddened by her loss. Let her know that you were sad to hear about it but truely didn't know what to do. And that although you weren't there for "whatever she needed before", that you will be there now. Maybe offer a way to honor her mother at the reception... A framed photo of Mom on the cake table, set up a special reading or song, help with what you can. You and the MOH can duke it out later, for now the bride is the one who deserves her day.

Let me get this straight.. you participated in a girl's wedding but basically hate her.. Thats bad. Two the big broohaha form the other bridezillamade you should have stood up for your self more... Forgive her but don't forget and she wont when you give he your wrath.. no i'm joking but but how long ago was this? If it wasn't to long ago you could tell that girl how you felt in a polite non-wrath way of course.