Just do it and see what happens!

Meet up as friends, but tell your boyfriend that you are doing so. Then if you feel like you need to be with your ex, talk to your current boyfriend and break up with him BEFORE getting together with your ex (if he feels the same). In other words, don't cheat!!!

If you have to lie to your current beau to do it, then its probably wrong... however if you can be honest with your man about it and not feel guilty afterwards, go for it.

k8 has given good criteria for the situation: if you can honestly tell your boyfriend the whole truth about meeting up with your ex, then go for it, but if you feel shady or sneaky in any way, then it's a bad idea.

if you do go, and you do have feelings, go with your heart. be with whichever one of these men makes you happy!

Agreed with k8 and skigurl. So long as you can let your current boyfriend know, even if it's the mild version of the truth, and you plan something in a non-romantic atmosphere - i.e. no romantic dinner, don't have too many drinks, I don't see the harm in at least meeting up with the ex to catch up.

And again, as others have said, just make sure if you decide you don't want to stick to the current status, you have an honest convo with each of the guys, and work things out like grown ups. No cheating, no lying - just talk it out.

This sale isn't worth the asking price. Any and every time an opportunity to move away, you'll find yourself out of a relationship. Sounds like a fair weather friend.

If you meet with him, and your current boyfriend considers that cheating, you could lose him. Think hard, and think quickly...make sure the risk is worth the lost.
I have a zero tolerance for this kind of thing. I wouldn't do it, and wouldn't allow it. So, it depends on the rules between the two of you.
(save the insecurity crap; if you've been cheated on enough, you'll learn too)

if you're thinking about it, then maybe current boyfriend isn't everything you want/need. I think if he was The One, you wouldn't be trying to decide whether or not you should see this other guy.

although..

In my experience, ex-boyfriends ALWAYS come back, they're like cockroaches or something, and usually they're not like you remember... so weigh your options, no one can decide but you!

Put yourself in your current boyfriend's shoes. If the situation was reversed, would you be ok with him meeting up with his ex? There's your answer.

Why don't you go with your current bf? The most important thing here is to be honest with him. You have to consider everyone's feelings on this. Not just yours.

i've put a little more thought into this, and while my situation is somewhat different because my current bf is the love of my life and is perfect and we have zero problems, i wouldn't go. i wouldn't bother shaking things up for something that may or may not work out.

Haha krae85, ex bf's are exactly like cockroaches! Mine keeps crawling back, even though he knows I'm engaged. So pathetic.

That being said, you've got to follow your heart. But, please, be honest with your current bf. That way, if you decide you'd rather be with your ex, you can into it with a clean conscience.

I disagree with some of the commentors that just because your wondering means you don't really love your current boyfriend. It is a natural thing and I think we've all done it. My guess is you'll see him and won't feel much.

Although it would be good to meet up with him, just so you can know for sure, but that's a little tricky. How are you supposed to explain to your current boyfriend you want to meet up with this guy to make sure you still don't have feelings for him? You know your boyfriend and I'm sure you can come up with a way to explain it him. Good luck!

skigurl - you're right...why bother? why risk ruining a good thing? its not worth it...you're happy, he's happy...why bother exploring different possibilities if you're happy where you're at?

It's always the ex that comes back for these situations fun fun fun. Here's my suggestive options.

I already sense the justifications.

1) Don't do it.
2) Make it a group thing.
3) Do it, but don't consume alcohol, if you MUST (which is bs, because noone has to drink) then have one drink at most.

Do yourself a favor and reread what you said again:

---
My ex came home for the holidays, said that he's moving back and wants to get together for dinner and drinks. We broke up for the simple fact that he had to move away for a job and long distance became too difficult. There was no cheating or lying, and we didn't fall out of love for each other. We always had had amazing chemistry and said that if it was meant to be, we'd find one another again.
---

That's already a BIG problem. You're just walking into a worm puddle at this point. So here's what I get from this. You're still in love with each other, and this is an opportunity to get back together. Classic EX comes back situation.

I would advice not to meet up again, or at leave go with option 2.

Your choice in the end.

Good luck and always remember you have someone at home that loves you and trusts you.

Is he planning on moving back? Would you consider moving to be with him? If not, then don't even try to go down that road again. You already know where it ends.

Okay, I re-read your letter and have a major question: if you and your ex didn't fall out of love and nothing was wrong at all, why didn't you try long distance? Why did you get together with somebody else? It just doesn't sound like you're into your current boyfriend at all.

Fixed typos: *at least go with option 2.

Addition: I agree with dear, if the feelings are still there, be honest with your bf. If you're planning on meeting up with this ex. I would also be honest with your bf and tell him you're meeting up with him to catch up, etc. Whatever you do, don't turn this into an accidental night of passion. If you want to go back to the past, at least be honest with the present. Once the present is dealt with then do whatever you want with the past and make it your future if you want. At least you're honest with yourself, and seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Just be responsible, and don't just jump into things. Loving with your heart is great and all, but it's also a good idea to use your head.

If my boyfriend wrote this or said something like this I would probably have to take time apart from him or break-up. I don't want to be with anyone who is still in love with their ex and would potentially leave me for that person - especially when I am totally and fully in love with them. You should tell your boyfriend the truth and let him decide- but you are doing your relationship a disservice by wanting to see your ex. You can't have it both and maybe the ex IS the one for you -why be with a guy who clearly has not made you get over him?

I don't think it's worth it. How would you feel if your current SO were in this situation?

first of all i DOUBT her boyfriend would go for that if she told him. and the fact that shes already expressed lingering feelings for this ex while she has a boyfriend and the fact that she is nervous about where this night will take her doesn't fare well for her current relationship. if she needs to go then she needs to be completely honest with her boyfriend (not one of the limited truths thing that someone else suggested) and maybe even request a break. i wouldn't count on it working out totally with the ex and i wouldn't count it working with your current boyfriend if you go to this dinner or whatever. she may end up with none of them at the end.

The bottom line here is you already have feelings rising up and you haven't even seen him yet. Obviously you need to evaluate your situation with your current boyfriend. If you go, just be honest to your man. Why can't you make it a lunch date? Clearly, I am having lunch with my ex (and YES I'm extremely nervous due to the current circumstances... he just broke up with his girl... yikes!) b/c I had enough wisdom to know that daylight is best for us. Lol. And I have plans that night. But you must use wisdom dear... and prayer... lots of prayer... maybe even fasting. Lol.

Oh and I'm single to clarify

IF you can do it with honesty, integrity, and a clean heart and hands, then it's not cheating.

Anything that leaves the stench of infidelity in the air is bound for some type of failure, in my book...

I think this is how people cheat...looking for the BBD (bigger and better deal) The fantasy's always better than the reality. Remember that. Then make the decision based on whether you don't mind ending up alone. K?
take care.

I think if you want to go, you should absolutely explain the situation fully to your current boyfriend, tell him you need to do this, just to be sure of your feelings. If you find you still love him, moreso than your current boyfriend, then break it off with your current boyfriend before moving forward with your ex. Don't play games.

However, do you think a relationship that fell through just because you were far away from one another is really worth it? It's my personal opinion that if you want to be with someone, then you'll stay in a relationship with them regardless of distance or difficulty. Just throwing that out there.

Another thing you might want to look into is whether you love your current boyfriend. You said that you loved your ex, and you said that your current boyfriend is a good boyfriend, but you never said whether you love your current boyfriend.

It's entirely possible that neither of these boys will end up being right for you.

*sigh* Seeing your ex to be sure of your feelings...didn't we just go through this with another post? Look, it's an Ex for a reason, when you break up your should remember those reasons and consider them when you venture back into the past. And secondly consider other people involved and don't be selfish about it. Hopefully this doesn't end up going the cheating route as those never end well. At least she's not in denial and realizes the situation, so hopefully she takes that into account and approaches this situation with wisdom.

Put yourself in your bf's shoes. How would you feel if he wanted to go see if he still had stronger feelings for his ex girl than he does for you, and he wanted to do it over dinner and then drinks. Recipe for disaster right? At least that is what I would think. And personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who after 2 whole years, wasn't sure they loved me more than their ex still. If you wouldn't want your current bf to do that to you, then don't do it to him.
What's worrisome is how in your post you make your ex sound like he can do no wrong and your current bf like an ok guy that you could live with if need be. You sound to much like you are convincing yourself that your ex is better and that you need to go back and try it with him. It doesn't sound like you ever got over him. And all of that makes it sound very VERY likely that your "innocent" dinner and drinks could much to easily turn into cheating. I wouldn't risk it.
It seems pretty obvious that whether your ex comes back into the picture or not, you think he is better than your current bf. So in other words, you aren't truly happy with your current bf and you don't seem to really really love him. So my advice is to either break up with your current bf b/c you should give him the chance to find someone that absoultely adores him, or go on a break with him and tell him why and what's going on and how you feel, without leaving anything out, he deserves the truth.

In my opinion, you should always work on your current relationship before worrying about another guy. Figure out if you truly love and want to be with your current bf and if you do, don't go see the ex, (it's prob. a case of just remembering the good things as time goes on), and if you don't really love and want to be with your current bf, then break up with him, spare him the drama and hurt that will come along with seeing your ex. And maybe spend some alone time figuring out what you really want before you do anything at all, not having a guy is perfectly fine if neither of them are perfect for you.

Sorry for the super long post...I'm feeling opinionated/talkative about this topic, lol. Good luck!!!

I can guarantee that if the OP is totally honest and tells her boyfriend she is going to see her ex to see if there is anything still there, it will not go well. How would you feel if your boyfriend did that to you? I would be so jealous and hurt and wonder what I had been doing for the last two years.

She needs to reexamine her relationship first and really ask herself, why am I dissatisfied to the point that I could hurt this person? If she really wants to see her ex for more than curiousity's sake, there is something not right with her relationship and she has to figure that out first before anything else.

In other words, she has to ask herself, am I prepared for the fact that I may ruin my relationship?

I say go for it! Life is too short. Go meet him as a friend first and see how it goes. You are not engaged or married.

Jinx, Muirnea! LOL!

Hahahha, jazzy, that's what I was just thinking when I read your post!!! Except you said it much better and much much shorter than I did, LOL, I need to learn to condense. !!!

I know you ain't technically married or whatever.

But seriously. Put yourself in your bf's shoes, do you feel comfortable and happy if you long-term bf did the same thing to you?
Will you be happy if you know your long-term bf is making you a 'back-up' plan just in case his endeavor/flirtation/date with an ex doesn't work out for him?

How about you analyze your current relationship, if it's not something you want, break it off with the guy and then, pursue a relationship with anyone you want after you're done with your current relationship.

I'm a firm believer of karma and the 'don't do what you don't want others to do to you'

1. Tell current boyfriend. Things like this ALWAYS out in the end. Better to talk beforehand than to argue after.

2. Why not try lunch instead of dinner? That's a lot easier to get out of gracefully. After dinner it's quite easy to suggest drinks, or a walk, or some such, but going out to lunch, you've got a hundred reasons to make sure you leave without doing anything you might regret in the future.

3. If you do go, give your boyfriend a call after. If he loves you as much as you love him, he'll be wondering. A quick call to let him know you're on your way home will be a kindness to him. Trust me.

amen! Sugar never said anything so sweet!

You should always double check your doubts and curiosities. They come back to bite your behind all the time. its better to take care of them sooner rather than later.

I say meet with the ex but do not tell your boyfriend. It will only hurt him. And if you never see your ex you will always have the what if's. And that will most likely break your current relationship.

You aren't married and that is the fact, plain and simple. Meet with your ex if you still love him, break up with the current and pursue the former.

Sometimes those of us who are decent non cheaters think that we can't end a relationship for no reason, as if something negative has to be done to is. That is just not true. You can date and have relationships with whomever till you find the one. Your not doing your current any favors sitting on the fence.

don't do it! it will only complicate things

Jessiebanana, well said! Being in a relationship with someone does not mean you'll end up together. If there are better ones out there, why settle with someone you don't even love that much? As I've said, go see him as a friend, and if you happen to still have feelings for him, go for it. It doesn't sound like you love your current boyfriend as much as you ex, and there's nothing wrong with it. Life is short.

Go ... but tell your Current BF first ... maybe even pretend like you are askin him for his opinion on the situation, and make it seem like his idea ...
Lunch is always safer ... a public place ... so that things can't get too awkward or intimate ...
and as soon as you are done call your Current BF ... and tell him about the meeting ... don't even call it a date ... rather a catch up session with an old friend ...

I'd let your current boyfriend know you are going to get coffee or whatever with your ex because he is back in town. I wouldn't go get drinks, because then you may do something stupid and you will regret it. After you meet with your ex, think about it for a few days, and then try and come to a decision.

Alcohol + ex seeking to reconnect = trouble in the making

but I do think you should meet up with him. Just because you still care about your ex doesn't mean that you don't love the guy your with. The heart is capable about caring for lots of people so I don't understand why people think you obviously don't want the relationship you're in. When you see your ex again you'll probably realize you don't care for him as much as you think you do, the mind tends to idealize people when you haven't seen each other in forever. Have you talked to this ex while he's been gone? If so you would probably know if you want to be together, if not then remember that your meeting with a slightly different guy. And if you didn't keep in touch while he was gone, how can you possibly really love each other? Even deciding not to have a committed relationship you probably should have kept up the friendship if you cared so much.

Side note: there is a difference between telling your current man that there is an ex you think you still have a connection with and you want to see if he actually is the one who is better for you (yeah that won't sting at all, I mean, I would totally be cool with that *dripping sarcasm*) and telling him your ex is in town and you are going to go out for coffee/lunch/whatever to catch up as friends. If you are going searching for a connection then end it with the new guy (or tell him the first, he'll probably end it for you), if you're just going to see him and catch up and end your doubts then don't tell him the first thing.

Have fun Melo D... and i totally agree w/you. Dont do dinner... do lunch or do coffee. and pay for yourself.

You will probably wind up disappointed, ex's, especially those "that got away" ex's are always romanticized in our minds... the reality never compares as well.

Do you even love your current boyfriend? If you are worried you might "fall back in love" with your ex then don't go if you want to salvage your current relationship. If you really don't care about your boyfriend then you should totally go... after breaking it off with your current guy of course.