well, we got some really bad news the day we got back from our honeymoon, so we were both pretty down, but I can't pinpoint whether that had anything to do with the wedding being over. a year and a half later, I love being married

I'm just shy of 6 months post-wedding, I didn't have any post nuptial depression. We were both quite relieved to have all the planning over with! I do have moments of thinking back to the wedding and wishing some things had gone a bit better or more smoothly, but I wouldn't change anything nor would I call it feeling depressed. I guess it helps that my husband and I are both very low key and I never got into the whole "but I'm the bride" thing. I love being married, in fact we're so over the wedding that we wish my mother wouldn't keep talking about it like it was yesterday!

Absolutely! I had been spending so much time planning and getting ready and it was over in a blur. There were so many people I didn't get to see regularly there - and I only had a few moments with all of them, which was a bummer.

At first I was not sure why I felt so down, but it went away after a few months.

I was nervous I would, but I never did. It helps that some post-wedding things were drawn out. It took over 8 months to get our official paperwork from the Costa Rican government. It took 9 months to get all the photos from our photographer. I was always focused more on the marriage than the party at the reception so that could have helped too.

nope. i was so glad the planning and anticipation leading up to the wedding was FINALLY over.
however, i was (and still am) really sad that i didnt get enough time in my beautiful dress. i wanna wear it again. its too beautiful to be stored away

This highlights the importance of prenuptual counseling!!! My husband & I were good friends & had known each other for a couple years before getting engaged, but our 6 weeks of counseling dredged up some very important questions - and I think helped us avoid the post-wedding letdown, because we already knew what to expect.

I said other because I've never gotten married and am not anywhere close to being married...lol.

Marriage isn't high on my list to do right now. I think if and when I eventually do, I'll just do a court thing like my parents did and they are still happily married 30 years later . To those who are married just a quick question. Is all craziness of planning, stress, and all that other stuff worth it?

Myst, when my husband and I were engaged we would often talk about going to vegas instead of all the wedding planning. We didn't do it because we didn't want to disapoint our families, but looking back I wish we had! It would have been so much more romantic and simpler that way.

I did suffer through depression for about 3 months after we were married. I'm not even sure why, I think the main reason was that I was expecting everything to be PERFECT, I was looking forward to it so much that I had unrealistic expectations. Also, we were both going to school and on top of that he was working so I was alone a lot. Things are so much better now, 9 months later and I love being married.

aww that's so sweet cherry. My biggest worry is that I've seen so many pople who spent so much money on just the wedding day and only to see things go down the drain a few years down the line. My friend's brother spent nearly $30,000 dollars on his wedding and now 2 years later he's going through a really bitter divorce, so I just always wonder why people put themselves through so much stress during wedding planning. If you love someone and want to be with them for the rest of your life, does it really matter how you do it?

About nine months in, I woke up and said, "Whoa, wait, I'm MARRIED?"

That was interesting.

The women in that article were ridiculous! It was like they hadn't thought past the wedding day at all. For me, I was enjoying the limelight and missed the hoopla a bit but I was so looking forward to the rest of our lives. Plus, my cousin got engaged so I channeled all my leftover wedding energy into helping her

I didnt, but my SIL called me the day after and said "i cant believe I spent 1000 on that dress and only wore it for 3 hours"

Myst, I loved my wedding- it was so much fun to have everyone one around to celebrate BUT if I were to do it again, we would've had a small destination wedding. We didn't get a chance to hang out with everyone and it was definitely stressful to plan. I would've rathered to just celebrate with the really, really important people but like I said, no regrets, it was fun. I guess I just had to go through it all myself to realize that.

Myst, honestly my husband & I had a very small, simple ceremony last December...and if anything, I wish we had done LESS, not MORE. It's a couple hours of your life and it's over before you know it - all the months of whirlwind planning are gone like THAT. This is just my personal opinion, but I would rather save all the stress and the thousands of $$$ and focus on planning a MARRIAGE, not a WEDDING. We used the money we saved for a down payment for our house, and since our wedding was pretty low-key, I'm sure my relationships with in-laws and would-have-been bridesmaids (we didn't have attendants) is happier and less strained for it!

to add to the above - having a small & simple ceremony allowed us to focus more on each other & on our future together. It was more about US, as it should be, than about the EVENT! For the record, I wanted to elope

I have a wedding business, have "married" hundreds of couples from all over the world and I've been married for over 20 years, therefore, I would like to give you my personal option on the two things I think will affect your mood during the wedding planning process, during the actual wedding/event and after "your show" is over.

Number one: is what I call the "ME" syndrome. Sorry ladies, but it NOT about you. When did whole selfish attitude started? Is about lots of people, YOU, YOUR FIANCÉ, and their respective families! If you keep in focus of what a wedding IS REALLY all about, then you avoid a lot of stress and blues when you go back to the "real life".

Second: Looking for PERFECTION. I HATE that word - hate it, hate it, hate it! Life is NOT perfect; why would you expect a REAL LIFE EVENT to be? Stop wishing of things you should have done and ENJOY the things you have. A wedding will NEVER be perfect. Again, THAT'S LIFE - deal with it. Go with the flow and keep it real and only then you will enjoy this wonderful event before, during and after.

Good luck!

Thanks for you input psterling and jacrabbit84

My view on marriage is really based around my parents. They met on base in Germany when they were both 19, fell in love had to be granted permission by their commanding officers since my dad is (USMC) and my mom was (Army) and it was really quick and simple without all of the hoopla and my mom always say that being married and spending the rest of her life with my dad was the most important thing to her. So the whole wedding planning craze has always been pretty bizarre for me

sounds like your mom has it right, Myst
What a romantic story!

It is jacrabbit84. I never get tired hearing about how they met and they're so cute since they have share the same birthday and my mom said she knew that dad was the one for her so she quickly married him, since there was the high possibility of them being deployed different locations and losing contact.

Myst - AWWW!

I don't think I really had a stint of depression per say (and struggling with it for years I think I'd know), but I do have this strange feeling that I lost a year of my life to my wedding! Glad I did it though, we wouldn't have heard the end of it if we had eloped. Plus I've got some great (and great blackmail) memories of the whole thing...

I think a large part of why we end up depressed after our wedding is because of the debt that so often comes with it. We were $200 (not thousand, just a measly $200)in the hole at the end of the wedding, which I'm sure helped me a lot!

It is still odd (5 months out) to say I'm a Mrs. (Not to mention get my name right!) I'm looking forward to our first official holiday season as husband & wife!!

To those who are married have you changed your name or kept your maiden name? I'm pretty attached to my last name and I can't see myself changing my name once I get married.

Myst, you make the planning, stress, etc. as crazy as you want. Just like with anything else in life. And I have kept my name. I like it.

As for my wedding. I loved it. There were so many personal and eco-friendly touches that reflected me and my husband. It was a small (30 person) destination wedding where I had three priorities... 1. all legal paperwork needed to be in place to be wed out of country, 2. rings, 3. enough planning to have a great time for the week we were together.

And I agree with pre-marriage preparation being the way to go. Know what you are getting into so that you look past the party.

I went through a bit of a depression but I don't think it was because of this. I'd lived in the same area my whole life, and we moved a thousand miles away. I think that was probably the cause. Also the fact that we won't be moving home again for at least the rest of his enlistment.

I had depression after the marriage because I didn't havea chance to be a bridezilla or feel like a bride in general. It was a court wedding because he didn't have time for a real one (military...) and I never got to wear my wedding dress or have nice pictures. It was my dad as photographer (all the pictures were terrible) and a judge wearing crocs. :|

I think a lot of people experience the post nuptial depression if they planned for so long, had this elaborate wedding, and realized that they blew lots of money, and exhausted themselves for a ceremony that lasted all of 20 minutes, and a reception that you can barely remember because you got too wasted. Oh, and it may even go up if you never lived together. Imagine all of your dreams crashing down in front of your eyes when you realize that your wedding was a fairytale, but life is not.

I am avoiding that butt fu*kery. We live together already, and I want a simple ceremony, because I will regret every penny I spent. He is no prince charming, he doesn't sweep me off my feet everyday -- let alone shower everyday.

It would be so easy to be sad if I was naive. I expect everything to stay the same after we marry. Friends, with a bigger title and a tax break. I am pretty bitter sounding, I'm sorry -- but I had all these big dreams of a wedding to someone who was once engaged to me, and then broke off the engagement because he "thought it was a good idea at the time, but it wasn't." I'm bitter about marriage, and if he asks me again, I'd do it quickly so he can't be a dou*che and take it back.

I hope everyone's weddings were very nice, and you aren't too upset that it is over. I'm sure it's nice to be married, which is way more important than any day could ever be.

melizzle, Lol. That sounds like what I would do once I'm married, hehe!

Myst, I don't want to change my name either! I just don't like the sexist tradition...my actual name isn't a huge deal.

Myst, FWIW: we had about 150 guests, and we both loved it -- but then again, we love to be surrounded by lots of friends and family. It was very cool to have all of our friends (college, law school, childhood), family (immediate, extended) with us.

As for the name change: I changed mine, b/c I liked his last name more Also, I hadn't started my professional career yet (I was still in law school when we were married) so that wasn't an issue.

Bottom line? Do what is right for BOTH OF YOU!

I was interested to read this since I have heard about this and wondered how many people actually experience it.

Myst, that is so sweet. My parents have always had the same attitude. They got married when my mum was 22, and my dad was 26.

I'm 23 now and she still thinks I'm too young, which I think is too funny! I don't think I'm too young, but I do think I haven't found the right person, so I'm happily un-married.

I wonder if I'll experience this. I think the way weddings are organised at this time in history are all pushing women to feel depressed afterward.

thanks for all of the advices you guys. I guess your right, it's only as stressful as you want to be. Both my parents have big families, my mom is Haitian and Dominican and her side alone would fill and entire church and my dad is half Vietnamese, half African American and White and his family is pretty big too, so I can't even imagine trying to plan a wedding with those people. I'd lose my mind.

I've never been married, at least not yet. But when i do, i totally want to go to city hall.

My husband and I eloped (with my family's blessing). We simply didn't want a wedding. It's not us.

I suffered no post-nup depression. We got married our way, and we were fine.

If it was only about planning a big wedding, then I would imagine it would be quite depressing after it was over, yes. I've always wondered about those people, and wondered what they thought after it was all over...

Myst, I didn't change my name. We have a tiny civil ceremony and then a huge party (which was a lot like a traditional reception) later that night. Not having to plan the ceremony, deal with attendants, etc removed a lot of the stress for us.

It really bothers me when people think that couples who have big weddings are only in it for the party and the dress and all that.

I wanted a big wedding... I loved the idea of a big white dress, of bridesmaids, of groomsmen, of all of my family. We had about 150 guests, a cocktail hour, formal sit down dinner, and dancing. Everyone had a wonderful time and almost everyone stayed until the very end. My husband and I really enjoyed having all of our friends and family with us.

It doesn't make you a bad person to want - and have - a big wedding.

And it doesn't mean your marriage won't last...

We've been happily married for three years!

Runningesq, I think some of that is jealousy --- I would have loved to have that kind of wedding, but we couldn't afford it. I have friend who have married in Vegas and friends who have had weddings like yours, I don't think either way is wrong or bad in any way.

Myst- It's important to realize what you want and what you can afford and be happy with that. There are times I see beautiful wedding rings or beautiful wedding dresses and wish I had those things, but in the big scheme of things I feel lucky to be married to my husband regardless of how we did it.

i got married on oct of 2007. my wife had severe food allergies and emotional problems that were hidden from me till after we got married. i accepted her food allergies even going so far as to never being abled to eat out at any restuarant of my choice. or even having a pizza with my wife.her parents paid for the wedding with a total of $40,000 for the event and threw the planning process her mother made sure to alienate my family from participating in the event even going as far as keeping my family off of the wedding invitations. that alone should have been my sign not to go threw with the wedding. my parents weren't even invited to the food tasting with the caterer. then on the day of the wedding after a year of constant fighting between my wife and her mother over the wedding the mother thought this day was all about her and not us everytime i looked over the two of them were fighting about the music and everything else at the party. it was so bad that her parents wouldn't even come over to me and welcome me into the family. then a few weeks after the wedding my wife refused to look at the pictures and said it was the worst day of her life. i believe she went threw severe post nuptial depression on top of that i realized threw the honeymoon that her food allergies are mostly made up in her head and she suffers from bipolar disorder. on top of that she was adopted at birth and i never realized the psychological ramifications of that. then 10 weeks into the marriage she packed up and walked out and filed for a divorce. i couldn't even talk to her she was a totally different person who was angry and kept saying that i didn't want this and my actions dictated this and i said to her what are you talking about of course i wanted this i love you and i wake up everyday to build us a life and a better future but she convinced herself that i was her enemy and to top that off her parents dropped suttle hints that if i didn't come along she never would have gotten married. i never thought to myself why is a beautiful girl age 34 have no friends, why has she not had a boyfriend in 10 years. now i know. her parents rushed the wedding so fast because they knew she had problems. and they hid it from me. i couldn't understand how parents pay that kind of money for a wedding and did nothing to help bring us back together. her father never even called me to say i want to talk to you. what the hell is going on you guys just got married. we went to one marriage counselors visit and the counselor told her she was the one that is wrong that these feelings are natural feelings one feels when they first get married. then i find out that she has been her shrink for years and that too was hidden from me. she couldn't handle what the dr. said and refused to go back with me. then over the course of the next 3 weeks i hardly spoke to her she would go days without calling me and she refused to work it out. i went threw such hell over this i couldn't believe she could just walk out with no remorse. she never even said i am sorry this didn't workout i wish you nothing but happiness in your life. she was the most selfish person i ever met in my life. must be only child syndrome who knows. but it pains me to think that someone like her will be alone the rest of her life. i then found out after we got married that she doesn't want kids. i will never really know what happened if it was post nuptial, or the reality set in that the next step will be kids and with her asthma, food allergies, bipolar that she freaked and was afraid of having kids or her mother got too much in her ear about me and my family and she couldn't take it anymore. its a sad shame because she was going to have a good life and she threw it away. its been a year now and i never heard from her again. i just know if it was me and i walked out of a marriage my parents would have said you get your butt back in that house and you work on your marriage, marriage requires work and your an adult but her family called my house 3 times to make sure she took her wedding gifts out of the house and told her to come home. and that is my story,

Well, we had basically three receptions because the guest list was so large, so our wedding is just now over! The actual wedding was on August 30 and it's so nice to be able to get into our routine and get settled. I had a few "what do I do now?" moments, but no depression.

About 2 weeks after the honeymoon I started to feel really down. I guess that's why they call it the "honeymoon phase." It didn't have anything to do with our relationship. I moved to my husband's home town, but not full-time until after the wedding. Adding an hour commute twice a day started to interfere with my sleep and gym time. I go in spells now. It's not that I'm unhappy. I think I'm just still adjusting to my new routine.