good answer. it's all about the individual couple and the girl's attitude. if you get all weird and needy following, i'm sure that's a bit of a turnoff, but if you end up fooling around and give him the impression that he still needs to impress you if he ever wants to get a piece of that ever again, then he may still be interested.

i wouldn't condone sleeping together on the first date, however, because it does take away some of the allure - for girls! not just for guys. why not tease a little. actively get to know him, like steve said, and then when you can't possibly wait any longer, then have an awesome night.

anyway, it definitely depends on the guy and the girl. a guy who ditches you after probably isn't worth it anyway.

Meh, I did with my man AND GUESS WHAT!?!?!

We have been dating for almost two years! Lol, and we have an awesome relationship and love each other very much

I'm not a big fan of Steve, but it's a great answer.

Lovely_1, I did that with my ex, too. We ended up dating 4 long, very serious years. The reason we broke up had nothing to do with me 'putting it out' on the first date.

I would never ever sleep with a guy on the first date or even the first month, but that's probably because of the (Asian) culture I grew up in.

Good answer.

um yeah, 80% of the female population will find it difficult to change who they are, take on a new personality and adopt new values.

and excuse me, but stevie poo, how many relationships have you been "loyal" in??? are you married, ever been married? what does loyal even mean to you because it sounds like "for now, this exact moment" and i think women have a different definition.

sex on a first date is STUPID. you need to trust the other person before you get naked with them and that takes more than one date. great, "free" sex does not "free" you from std's, or the other person already being in a relationship, or the other person being a freakish psycho-path.

there's no need to rush to the bedroom. find out who the other person really is before sex. it's eiter worth the wait or it isn't. and if it isn't you won't have wasted your time or put yourself at risk.

Everyone is different, and I respect women who wait to get to know the guy. But, what if the guy is bad in bed after getting to know him? That'd be a huge disappointment.

Thanks Steve, I had a guy over on Saturday night so this is good to know.

"It's so very provocative when a woman is strong and empowered. Stop thinking of it as putting out and start thinking of it as you're in control and enjoying something with him and he's enjoying something with you."

What a scam artist. If you let a man tell you how to be a woman, you deserve to be scammed by this snake oil salesman.
The question should be, what do you think of yourself? I'd think less of myself if I let a man enter my body when I had just met him.

lickety split, mesayme, no one is asking you to trust this guy and believe everything he says, that's your choice just like it's his choice to feel that it makes no difference if a woman "let a man enter (her) body when (she) had just met him" as long as she was confident and actually wanted to. He's not telling anyone how to be a woman, he is saying that in his opinion a woman who handles herself as he described is very sexy.

I think it's brilliant and very true. Confidence is sexy and women shouldnt feel like they "cant" have sex on the first date simply because they fear the man will lose respect for them. It is the woman's choice and it should be based on nothing more then how SHE feels about it, not whether he will want to date her or not afterwards.

By the way, amazingly, I've had sex on the first date more then once and somehow managed to avoid STDs, keep the guy AND stay an independent confident woman. So apparently, this guy isnt just talkin out his a$$. Hmm.

Sex can just be sex. You make it sound like an invasion Mesayme. Not all sex has to be wrapped up in trust and emotion. It can just be a nice romp in the sheets. I don't see anything wrong with sex on the first date if the feeling is right and as a few stated above it can work out in the long run. It doesn't make a woman worthless if she decides to have sex on a first date. If you're all about woman's rights and equality then why can't a woman just get laid if she chooses to? We have needs too.

I get so sick of people questioning my comment or 'improving' my opinion. I'm an American. Our opinions stand alone. Thank you for the 'help' however.

I've always "put out" on the first date (in my current relationship, my BOYFRIEND insisted we wait! WTF?) and I have NEVER not been called back. I've lived a bunch of grand love stories, men have fallen passionately in love with me, and I've never been treated like a rag. It's never made a difference.

He's right - whenever you sleep on the first date and the guy doesn't call you back, either you picked a jerk, either you made it look like you were giving something up that you shouldn't and gave a bad image of yourself.

And I, a 36 year old divorced mother of 3 don't need advice on how to handle my body. I choose/chose not to treat it as a hole in a wall. Your reaction to that only shows your value of you...has nothing to do with me.

mesayme, amazingly this IS a free country (even though we're in different countries) and we have just as much right to comment on your comment as you have to ignore our comment. Isnt it funny how that works?

I really think there are men on here trying to convince weak-minded women to be easy.

But maybe that's just my wanting to believe that women understand that true 'freedom' is not being bound to doing what men want them to do in the first place. It's false power. It's gold-plated confidence. That tarnishes as time passes and you realized you scored for the other team as they laughed at you in the locker room at half-time.

Or maybe sex is just physical activity to you. I don't care really. That's not my 'hobby' I prefer salsa/samba dancing. I save sex as a team sport with a man I love.

Agree with Fallen85 - if you don't want comments on your comments, then don't post any. All part of your freedom, enjoy it.

Mesayme - where is he trying to convince women to be easy?
He says men will not necessarily think less of you, if you decide to put out on the first date.
Unlike you apparently, who will gladly do the judging in their place (a hole in the wall?).

And it is possible to give an opinion without singling out any other user even if you disagree. It's called respectfully disagreeing without intimidation or rudeness... that's also a part of this 'free' country.

I agree with mesayme... (perhaps because I'm a 37 year old mom of 2...lol).

I'm really uncool with the whole "letting just anyone" in there, without having some sort of indication that there's a relationship.

Not ALL, but MANY MANY MANY guys will say and do pretty much ANYTHING to get into your pants ,girls. Make em wait. At least until you can at least see some of their character.

Defend having sex with a man on the first date all you want. I said what I would do. Have done. And will continue to do. I'm damn proud to treat having sex as an intimacy I want to only share with a man I'm sure I'm in love with.
But I see through what this jerk is doing. I'm not the one who's head he's getting in to. I know I wouldn't want this idiot near a high school sex ed class.
I've heard plenty he has to say...and I think he's a snake.

I agree with Steve. If a women chooses to have sex on the first date..its all about how you do it. And your attitude and how you met and etc. Obviously if you met some guy at a bar piss drunk and took him home...most likely he's not exactly going to think of you as the potential next gf. But if you met the guy at say a coffee shop randomly and started chatting in line and exchagned phone numbers/emails because there is chemistry, and ended up meeting up 3 weeks later for a date ( after a lot of phone convo, txt flirting or msn flirting) and you end up sleeping together after a fantastic date...than I don't think he will necessarily think you are a skank.

Personally I have held off sex for months and have had sex as one night stands and had sex with men I want to date on the second date (no that exact order..and I promise I am not actually someone who sleeps around randomly..but I needed to explore who I was and did have one night stands because I wanted to know..) and it really depends on the guy and the situation.

okay, how about this:

Some users believe that sex is dirty and women should only partake in it when they're in a commited relationship with someone that loves them, that's all well and good but what about those ladies who wanna get laid but dont want to have to go through the messy "finding a boyfriend" part? I think that women should be able to do whatever they want without being judged by it by anyone but themselves. Too bad other women are so bitter about how they were treated in the past that they are just too blind to see that women these days can get laid without feeling like they're been used and abused by the man they sleep with. Ah well. Maybe someday when they're reeeeally old and still bitter they'll suddenly realize they wasted so many years hating men that they missed out on some really hot sex.

"He says men will not necessarily think less of you, if you decide to put out on the first date."

-the point is...I can think for myself, I don't put what HE thinks of me before my own values.
That's not strength. That's weakness.

Though I have known a few girls who would cry about how they got "tricked" into "putting out" (and they make me want to bash my head on the desk going "Oh why, oh why, did you do it if it wasn't for your own enjoyment")... 80% may be overstating it a lot. I'd say most women are aware sex is something to be enjoyed and not something you just "put up with". Assuming that most women still have a hard time thinking like that is sooo 1950.

The reason I wouldn't do it without getting to know a person well first have nothing to do with old-fashioned traditional thinking warping my feeble female mind and making it so that I have to take some time to get an attitude adjustment to gain the awesome "almost like a guy" attitude. Please. It's all a matter of practicality. It's hard to get in the mood if part of me have doubts about whether the guy has STDs. Not to mention how awkward it'd be on the off-chance you get pregnant with some guy you hardly know. Plus, I like certain, um, "special fun" that I'd want to make sure a guy is on board with first instead of springing it on someone. But that's probably TMI for here. Haha.

LOL looseseal @ "special fun" ...hehehe funny.

ooooh looseseal is kinky

Dear no one in particular,

Thank you for your opinion.

Luckily, we don't put what you think of us before our own values.
That would be weakness.

cuddles,
Ster

LOL Ster

I asked my hubby this and he said that most guys will think less of you. I agree.

I asked my boyfriend, he said it completely depends on the girl. I agree.

Well,my husband never cheated we just grew apart. And I'm very fulfilled and happy without being remarried... but Thank you very much for the well wishing Fallen. Nice when other women can be supportive.

Dear Absolutely No One,

Ditto.

smooches,
Adria (my reputations good; I have no reason to hide )

It is a very good answer.

My answer usually is that I wouldn't want to be with someone who would judge me (or any woman) for something like that anyway--I mean, God knows he wouldn't be judging himself for doing the exact same thing--so if I was in that situation and the guy judged me, I'd figure, "See ya!"

Jude C nails it again!

Love your comments and insight, girl.

Thanks!

I just asked a roomful of men, and my bf. They all agreed that yes, it's awesome to get sex on a first date, but that would NOT be the girl they "bring home to mom"...

And I agree with mesayme... I wholeheartedly agree that this guy is out there to convince girls it's not in any way wrong to sleep with someone on the first date!

And if the women of today are "liberated" and "cool" with having no strings attached sex just for sex sake, I feel sorry for them. Just my opinion.

"They all agreed that yes, it's awesome to get sex on a first date, but that would NOT be the girl they "bring home to mom"... "

I think that's more theoretical, though--if they met the right girl, they might think differently (and if that would change their opinion about a girl who was otherwise "right" for them, then...).

I haven't done that on the first date, but pretty soon after, and in each case it led to quite happy and respectful long-term relationships.

So much self-righteousness and piety in here today.

spiderlove, I have a 14 year-old-daughter and he's the 'old head' version of the teenage boy who tells girls a blow job isn't 'real' sex. Or that she shouldn't be so 'uptight'. That's where I'm coming from.
I don't need sex ed for me and my vagina...we're well acquainted and she thanks me for my respect of her!

Steve's the 'old head'... rushing sorry...

I am going to have to stop reading this thread..some of the comments made by some people on here have really just...no one needs anyone's pitty or judgement.

All I can say is, do what's right for you, what's comfortable for you. Don' let some random dude on DearSugard convince you its ok to sleep with someone on the first date if you are uncomfortable with it.

But don't let some people on DearSugar convince you that you are dirty, or somehow worth less and not liberated or wh*rey for sleeping with someone on the first day if that is something you want to do and you are comfortable with.

When I was in college I had no interest in having a boyfriend. I didnt want anyone tying me down, didnt want any distractions from my school work and my job, I just didnt have time to commit to anybody... but a woman has needs! I never regretted anything I did and if any of you read my comments then you'll know I'm a big supporter of f*ck buddies. Someone who is there for sex and sex alone. No messy relationship stuff, no judgements, no "oh does he like me or is he just using me" bullsh!t and it was awesome. I did that for 3 years and then out of the blue, right after college, I met my future husband. We had sex on the second date (third time we met, we met at a club one night both sober, then went on a date a couple weeks later then f*cked like rabbits on the second date) and we've been inseperable since.

I think it completely depends on the girl and the guy and as buddy said, how you portray yourself. Hell, the boyfriend before my current was only supposed to be a one night stand and we ended up dating for 9months. You control your future, dont let any guy or any woman with differing views effect how you feel about yourself and your choices.

bingo CYL, excellent comment, as always.

mesayme... exactly what I was thinking....lol. And it's scary how many young girls fall for that! I mean, I think everyone in here is intelligent enough to make their own decisions, but there are countless younger girls who seriously don't know any better, through lack of good parenting or whatever... they believe it when boys tell them that!

(I have a 13 year old daughter, myself...I worry. lol)

I agree with both Fallen AND Mesayme. I think it depends on the woman. First- who cares what he thinks? This is your body and your decision - if he is going to judge you -he is not the guy for you is he?

(and I agree with both of you because I personally do not think I would ever sleep with a guy on a first date- I need time and trust. But if someone else is comfortable about it and can accept that not all guys are open like that-good for her).

I doubt "Stevie-Poo" is aiming his comments at uneducated teenage girls... maybe the parents should step in and stop their daughters from reading The Manual and educate their girls on how tricky teenage boys can be. Steve is just telling his adult opinion on how he, as an adult male, would view a woman who has sex with a guy on their first date. This should have nothing to do with 14 year old girls!

We were just comparing Steve to the teenage boys that I'm sure we ALL encountered in our youth... not saying that Steve himself was marketing his schtick towards young girls.