Well, he took the condom off.... how wouldn't he have noticed? That confuses me... maybe he figured "Oh well" and didn't want to worry you? He could have kept it hidden too?

It just seems like he would have definitely seen it was torn when he took it off... lol - it would have been leaking all over his hands?

That's exactly what I thought brittb. How would he not have noticed if he was the one who took it off?

honesty is always the best policy. Ask him why he took if off. If you are preggers, so what? You will manage somehow. People always do. Yea, it may not be the best time to start a family, but when is it ever? You can always work after the baby, if you aren't all ready.

Plenty of people do. Good luck and congrats!

Tell him! I don't think that "what he doesn't know won't hurt him" applies here. There's a good chance that he does know that the condom broke, since it was on him, and a pregnancy is not something that you can hide for long! It is better to come out with it sooner rather than later - that way, even though the timing isn't exactly as you planned, the sooner he knows the sooner both of you can prepare.

I agree with those who don't get how he didn't notice that the condom broke. Especially since if you felt a change in the sensations then he probably did as well. Also, if you had decided that getting pregnant know wasn't the best idea, why didn't you go back on birth control?

I don't think he'll be too upset if he truly didn't realise the condom broke, since you know that's a risk. But congratulations on the baby.

He'll know sooner or later so I'd tell him sooner before later! And if he honestly wanted to wait for just a little bit longer before getting pregnant, you would have stayed on the pill. Being taken off of it gives you a greater chance of becoming pregnant condoms or no condoms.

Ah, he knows the condom broke. I'm sure he could tell the difference, that's why guys don't like wearing them in the first place He's probably waiting for you to say something. Just enjoy the excitement between to two of you.

you don't even know when the condom broke. there's nothing to forgive, you didn't DO anything but see a used condom in the trash.

this is an exciting time for you! if hubby doesn't feel the same way THAT'S your issue, not his breaking the condom. there's no need to mention what you saw in the trash. he put it on, he took it off, he threw it away; how did he not see it? you certainloy would not be expected to have any informstion on this.

just tell him you noticed it was torn that nite but figured he must have noticed since he took it off. if u keep it to yourself its gonna become bigger to you than it already is.

Sorry girlfriend but are you for real? I wasn't going to comment on anything anymore but YOU! Put it this way if you were my child my heart would have been broken. And if I was your boyfriend I would need to take a break for a few weeks and sort myself out. YOU've made such a huge mess and this IS NOT FAIR on everybody involved. This is the first but I'm going to say unforgivable. In reality people will forgive you eventually but don't be shocked if this takes a long time. You are so immature for having done this!

And I am not sure if he's noticed it or not when he took it off, but my gut tells me he didn't.

By the way I think you own him the truth and my god if this is how you base you marriage, it won't last, sorry i'm not being kind here but if you keep going like this, he will leave to find someone less selfish and open about what she wants. Men can feel seriously trapped in a messy relationship. Gosh..you make me feel a bit angry, he deserves the truth.

what did she do? she isn't the one who took the condom off. The husbands did. That post doesn't make sense to me-am I missing something?

"husband"

ok- i read the following posts. Now i understand

I'm almost positive your husband felt the condom break (or at least a change in sensations), and if not, then he would have almost HAD to see it when he took it off. I'm sure your husband knows. Either way, tell your husband's what you saw that night, and discuss what you two want to do next: try again later or have the baby a few months earlier than planned. Honesty's the best policy here.

I still don't.

They wanted a baby, maybe a bit later than now, but they both want one, they both agreed that she should go off the pill, and since the condom was on *him* I just don't find it likely that he didn't know it broke. Like someone said wouldn't he have realised when it leaked onto his hand? If she felt the difference then he probably did as well. And she'll have to tell him she's pregnant, that's not something you can hide for very long.

I'd understand the irritation if she'd purposely sabotaged the condom or went off her birth control without him knowing but they had decided to have a child. It's a bit earlier than they planned but I don't think she's being selfish since it's not something that they could've changed. I mean, I'm pretty sure he would've been irritated if mid-coitus she'd made him pull out to get a new condom on the suspicion that ohe other one broke.

He wanted to wait so no he didn't want a child. He's changed his mind Jammi, but i hear you points. I'm just not a fan of people doing this, i would have taken the morning after pills myself.

If it was that big of a deal to him to not have a child, why would he use a form of birth control that is infamous for not always staying intact?

bluesteyes - just because you would have taken the morning after pill doesn't mean you can condemn her for not doing the same. that's her choice.
Yes, ideally, the issue would have been discussed, but these things happen. It's not like she intentionally tore the condom. It's entirely possible her husband noticed and didn't say anything. Obviously, the timing's not perfect, but her husband should understand that things usually don't work out as planned. Really, all I can say is that honesty is the best policy. It's crucial to maintaining trust in a relationship. So, I think she should tell him, but I don't think it's unforgivable that she hasn't told him yet.

I hear you as I've said I think it's selfish and personally I wouldn't dream of doing anything like this because It is not fair on the other half. I (more like we) don't know if he's noticed or not if the condom was broken. Nobody knows except the man himself. If he does and he didn't say anything then it's his fault also but as I've said my gut feeing is he didn't know. And to expose yourself to a chance of getting knocked up (which she did) without the other half knowing is really not fair and sorry stupid. It's like a child having to be told this is not right. Sorry to me it's pathetic. And you all can defend her because she's pregnant if you want. We don't have to agree on this.

I just think a grown woman should know better, i mean she's married, it's not like she's 17 (which she might be i know but let's hope not for the baby's sake).

I'm not defending her because she's pregnant. Pregnant people can do stupid things too, and if she'd been shady about getting pregnant, I would agree with you.

We're looking at it from two different POVs. In my mind the damage was already done and there was nothing she could've done about it aside from telling him earlier even though she didn't know if she was pregnant or not.

In your mind she knew it broke and continued anyway and then didn't take steps to deal with it and that makes her irresponsible.

So, even though I see your point, I disagree.

I would find it hard to understand someone not taking the morning after pill when your husband has already told you he wants to wait.

I would also find it to understand why a man didn't say anything if he's noticed the condom was broken.

I think to bring a baby into this world, one has to be ready, emotionally as well as financially. Sometimes things happen yes, absolutely, but in this case she still didn't want to tell him! It seems she's on a guilt trip and it seems she knows deep down what she'd done was savvily bad.

Anyway..i'm going now.

To Blue eye's comments...

First off, the morning after pill is not 100% effective either.. somewhere in the 80's if taken within 72 hours, I think? So.. this may not have even worked.

Also, this can't all be pinned on her. They are obviously adults, who understand the consequences of sex. Condoms are 97% effective.. they just happened to be part of 3%. Luckily, they both planned on having kids.. so hopefully, this won't be as big of a deal as she thinks. Birth control isn't 100% and I'm pretty positive both of them understood this. It is neither persons' fault because they knowingly took risks.

I agree that they should have discussed this.. but I honestly cannot believe that he didn't realize the condom didn't break... it is soooo obvious when a condom is broken versus intact. .. I just have a hard time believing he didn't know. I think maybe he just didn't want to freak her out and tell her...

Hopefully, the poster is thinking about all of this way too much

The bottom line is I like honesty best. And without it, the relationship will sink. Good night now gotta get back to send emails to clients. Bye

Ok I am not sure he didn't notice the condom broke esp when he went from using no condoms to using condoms. Plus he took it off! Unless he did it in the dark, without his glasses on, how can you not notice the condom broke? Its happened to me a few times and the guy notices it right away...AND if they don't..when they pull out its so obvious...

"He wanted to wait so no he didn't want a child."
-Not necessarily, I want to wait and I do want a child. The two aren't mutually exclusive. If I found out I was pregnant right now I'd be happy... even overjoyed. I still want to wait though.

To the OP, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I agree with the others -- I don't see how he couldn't have known it was broken.
I asked my bf if he would notice a broken condom. He said maybe not when it was on (and while doing it) but he would when he pulled it off. I read him the post and he said he also doesn't see where you have anything to feel guilty about.

Okay blue did you have your morning cup of joe? She isn't at fault at all, i am pretty sure he knew the condom broke. You make it seem as though she snuck in like a stalker and poked holes in the condom.

definitely forgive

Um, not telling him at the time is probably forgiveable. Not telling him now that you know really isn't.

IDSIMS

NOPE I didn't make it sound like anything, If you did read my comment properly which clearly you did not, I didn't say she's a stalker? nor did I say imply that she was? They're married. All i said is who knows if he's noticed if the condom was broken or not? She said so herself she wasn't sure, read what she said above. And I said if he did notice and he didn't say anything then he was at fault for not talking about it to her.

There you go, clear enough?

* All I said was not is

I don't think this is forgivable in that you are afraid to tell your own husband about your BABY! Hello?? Is anyone reading this? It doesn't matter if he knows or doesn't know about the condom - that is not the issue here. The issue is that you are PREGNANT. You are going to have to tell him - the baby is his too.

These posts drive me crazy.

Her husband wanted to wait, 2. she hasn't even told him of the pregnancy. Honesty, aint it a b*tch?

forgive! don't tell him now or you will make yourself look sort of sneaky! whether or not he knew it was ripped, he will never know that you went through the trash
even if your husband isn't sure about the baby, please dont think about abortion, as you said you wanted to get pregnant, etc, i dont think you could ever forgive yourself. just my opinion, but please get some unbiased counseling before you make any hasty decisions.

congratulations, tell him now! you both are only months away from meeting the love of your lives
if your finances are that bad, start looking for some deals on craigslist now, you'll save a lot. don't think you cant do it financially, people do it all over the world in countries much less prosperous than ours. life > $, if you don't feel that now you will once you see your baby's face, and so will your hubby

I'd say , just break him the news, that "Well, I suppose our bundle of joy will come a bit earlier"

He'll probably feel guilty thinking "Oh sh- why didn't I stop when I felt it ripping?"

It takes 2 to tango, you both had the condom ripped, both didn't say a thing, blaming you is completely out of the question.

If he's a good man and loves you, he'll deal.

=] Good luck

What kind of man did you marry if you're scared to tell him you're preggo? That seems like a problem. You were both f*cking around...not using the pill and whatever so you both knew you were taking that chance.

Forgive. Tell your husband that you're pregnant, and be happy. My mother always said that if you wait until you're financially able give the children the world, you may have run the risk of waiting too long -- in other words, you learn how to make it work. My parents didn't have lots of money saved up when they had me, and yet they were still able to pay for years and years of music lessons and riding lessons and help pay for college at a top-notch private university. If they waited until they knew for sure that they would be able to afford all that, they wouldn't have had a child until they were in their 40s.

he had to have seen it too, he took it off! but you should definitely tell him your pregnant

I voted not to forgive only because it's cruel to bring a child into the world that is not fully wanted by both its parents at the time of conception. I know sometimes accidents happen and people adjust and are eventually happy, but you know your husband wasn't ready but didn't even give him the chance to at least discuss what to do (though I too am confused as to how he didn't notice--postcoital stupor, I guess).

i said forgive since you said that you guys consciously decided that you would try to get preggo. i think that had you not made that choice, then it might b e harder- but it's not like you had control about the condom staying intact or whatever....so i would just talk to him about it and let him know how you kind of felt about it all.

Whatever! He knew you were off the pill, and I'm with the other who say he HAD to have noticed that the condom broke when he took it off. He knew you wanted to get pregnant and he knew you were getting ready for it. So tell him you're pregnant, and be happy. There's never a "best time" for these things, sometimes they sneak up on us, sometimes you just have to go with it!

I honestly do not know why you are asking for forgiveness since you and your husband agreed for you to get off the pill in the first place. I am more than 100% sure that he would have known that the condom broke if he has any sense at all. And since he is the one that took the condom off and throw it away, I would think that he noticed. I think that he knew but just didn’t want to say anything to work up all up when there is a chance that you won’t get pregnant. Obviously, you have no choice but to tell him but YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. You did not break the condom so you should not be blamed for it. Sit your husband down and tell him that you are pregnant. He might not like the timing but that is not really an option right now. Please tell him now because he might be wondering why you waited so long to tell him. I don’t know why you should be afraid to tell your own husband that he is going to be father. Good luck and congrats!

Not forgive. What you knew was potentially very life-changing to him (and to you, of course). Ethically and morally, you should have given him the heads-up, so to speak.

If I was your husband (and I found out that you knew early on), I would think,"What else have you selfishly kept from me that affects my life?"

This is just my opinion. Naturally, I'm speaking from the context of my marriage. Your behavior is outside the way we would have handled it.

"BLUE"
EMAIL SOME CLIENTS OR SOMETHING.

Forgive. When you go off the Pill, things happen. You guys are married. If you were going to try anyway, shouldn't he be happy for you? I mean, you should tell him that you think the condom broke, but I really hope for your sake that he's happy you're pregnant. If he's the sort of person who would have made you take the morning after pill against your will despite the fact that you know you both want to have children, well.... ugh.

Ehh, economy sucks, money sucks, but you know what doesn't suck? Miracles. That's what babies are, miracles. The condom broke you found out, you didn't tell him. Should you have told him? Maybe, you would be able to discuss what you wanted to do at that point. You two didn't want to get pregnant until you were financially stable, so should he have double checked the condom? Of course, he's just as responsible for this pregnancy. After it's his sperm. Either way, there's a baby now, hopefully you told him everything, and you can of course be forgiven, there's no reason not to be. It's not like you had sex with some other guy and you're carrying their kid. So, there's now a baby involved, you two just have to plan better and it'll be okay. Babies come at certain times, sometimes when you least expect it. They're miracles, and I'm pretty sure this wonderful creature with be a blessing during these hard times (which will get better).

If you explained everything to him I would think he would forgive you. It was a mutual agreement to have the baby. So why would he want you to take the morning after pill? You should have told him to begin with about the condom breaking, even if he noticed or not. Its adult enough to be able to tell someone about such an important subject for both of you. To hide it is selfish for you to do, since maybe he knew? And maybe he has the same feelings of wanting the baby as well. If he never wanted you to have the baby he would most likely request you to go back to birth control pills. Although its going to be tough, both of you should work it out after this fiasco, since it is possible. Keeping something from your husband is only going to hurt your relationship more, but coming clean will always help the relationship along. No matter what happens, if it works out it works out. For sure though you do have to tell him about this whole baby deal.