There's nothing wrong with having dreams. Your goals sound fine and realistic. I don't know what his bubble bursting comments are so, I'm not sure how that would affect things. Trust me, I'm in the same exact situation you are, and I realize that I'm in charge of my life. Where it takes me is basically my responsibility. Despite how much everyone else may try to control things, it's still your decision, it just depends on how much outside pressure you can take. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders concerning education and finances. Having a good friendship is key to a successful relationship, and I'm guessing the way you dream about that future, your relationship is solid, especially after having made a decision to have "relations," wouldn't do it if you weren't sure. As for the faith part, I wish I could give you good advice on it, but I'm in the same hole. Right now I'm not even sure what to believe in. At one point I was a solid Christian, whatever that is, believed that I would never do "anything" until I was married, but it happened anyway. I don't take it lightly and I don't bother justifying it. If you two are committed, there's no reason why you shouldn't spend the rest of your lives with each other, despite what your families think. It's about the two of you not them. If you do want to share your dreams, the only other person you should probably share it with is your boyfriend. In the end it's the two of you who have to plan your lives and take care of each other. No dreams, no future. Don't let anyone take that from you.

There is nothing wrong with dreaming, especially when you're so keen to make it happen. You know that you can't plan for everything, things change, and certainly nothing is magically attained, but a dream is someplace to start.

You should be able to share your dreams with your boyfriend if you plan to share a future. Hopefully his response was one of reason with the intent of guarding you from potential disappointment, rather than to crush your spirit.

Deal with reality as it hits you. No amount of advice can replace lived experience.

What your boyfriend may mean is that he doesn't see you two getting married. Ask him about that. Meanwhile, you may want to find an evangelical group of young people who won't judge you for having sex before marriage. You can certainly be an active Christian with good morals and still have sex. You're being smart about it - you waited till you had commitment from someone you love. Please don't berate or judge yourself for that.

It sounds like you have a good plan for yourself, but it also sounds like you're not enjoying TODAY. Instead of dreaming about how great things will be later, focus on here and now, make sure you enjoy life as you live it, instead of dreaming about the future.

Think about how much can change in one day. Now ask yourself if you can possibly know what's going to happen in 5 years. Of course not. It's great to have goals (grad school, family some day, etc.) but start setting short term goals for yourself too. For example, say you'll take a road trip in the next 2 months. Call a friend, pick a date, head to a nearby city you haven't been to. Even if it's the tiniest town, you'll find a cool cafe, drive-in movie theater, maybe a funny little museum, etc. Just go and see what happens. What you describe as "smart with time and finances" may come across as boring, stiff or uninspired to others.

Other short-term goals could be learning a new sport, taking a community ed class for something fun like mosaic making, dancing, etc. Just make sure you're enjoying today and not waiting for tomorrow to be happy and excited about life. Tomorrow never comes, you know.

Any guy who wouldn't be supportive of your dreams isn't worth your time in my opinion. You seem grounded and realistic about your dreams, maybe your only blind spot is your need to stay with him. Sleeping with more than one person doesn't make you promiscuous or bad. You guys may just be going two different places in your lives and maybe it's time for you to reevaluate your relationship.

Oh...If you ever decided not to continue with this relationship then maybe for the next one you should think of not not having premarital relations. There isn't anything wrong with it, but if sleeping with your partner is tying you down in a bad way or causing you to feel guilty, maybe you shouldn't for now.

Be wary of 'supportive' people who are only supportive when the stand to benefit the most.

Everyone gets one body, one soul and one lifetime (for certain) to enjoy it. Why do we feel that we have an obligation to any other humans other than our children to live it in any particular way? If you aren't harming another person with your decisions... stand firm and do what you need to do to fully evolve YOUR life. Share it if you choose to. But it's yours to decide how you want to spend your lifetime. Being a 'couple' doesn't mean you split a brain or life. You combined two. If that's not respected, do what you need to do and let the chips fall where they may.

I am thankful that Michelle Obama didn't tell Barack not to 'dream so big'

*they* stand to benefit

talk to your boyfriend, not us! he obviously views your future differently than you do. to us, you seem grounded and normal. to him, he doesn't want you to expect so much from him. talk to him, and if he's not on the same page as you are, then move on!

I have no idea what your boy thinks is unrealistic about your plans for the future - they sound perfectly reasonable to me. In fact, I am engaged to my long-time boyfriend, just finished my masters program, and am now planning my wedding and beginning my career. And I still have the complete support (as I always have) of my fiance, my friends, and my family in everything I do.

Don't settle for someone who won't support your dreams - they are totally attainable!

If you and your boyfriend simply see different paths in your futures, then maybe you are not right for each other. That is not a bad thing, and it does not mean you are bad people or that your relationship has not been fruitful and fulfilling for each of you. It just means that perhaps all of the growing you have done has prepared you to go off, make your dreams a reality, and meet someone who wants to be a part of them.

I don't think her boyfriend thinks her dreams are "unrealistic." He says she spends too much time dreaming. That's why I think it's more a matter of living in the moment . . .

And yeah, don't let yourself get guilted into staying in a relationship just because you slept with him. Britney Spears was never going to have sex, then did with Justin Timberlake, justifying it by saying "I thought I was going to marry him." See what sense that made?

Your goals seem pretty realistic. Finish school, save money, get married. I don't see anything terribly dreamy about it, nothing out of the ordinary.

this post is a plant, by the liberal media to bash conservative values. It has to be, because its that unrealistic.

Don't give up on your dreams.

Ok, so I am a little confused about what you are asking. You were a little vague. But, I agree with what Mesayme said. I also agree with luisa, that maybe your bf just thinks you don't live your life in the present enough. That is important, b/c if you are always dreaming and planning the future, you won't ever live those future dreams anyway, b/c by the time you get to them, you will be planning the future from that point! I also agree with luisa, that maybe your dreams are scaring/bothering your bf b/c he doesn't see the same future as you. You should definitely talk to him about this stuff.

Other than that, to answer you questions: Yes, of course you can still be grounded with dreams of a wedding, husband, and family. Why on Earth would it be wrong to keep the dreams you want???? And HELL NO, you don't keep your dreams to yourself!!! If you marry this guy are you just never going to talk to him about how you feel and what you want?! That's crazy. Keeping your opinions and dreams to yourself would be hiding who you are!! Do you really want to hide who you are just for a guy? If you have to hide your true personality for a guy to like and want to marry you, don't you think you might be with the wrong guy? :/

It's odd, how confident you sound when you talk about what you want compared to what other people think of you. According to what you said at first, you have a "good head on your shoulders" as the saying goes, and you know exactly what you want and how to get it. Now why do all those dreams and ideas change with one little comment from your bf? It sounds like you put to much stock into what he says and thinks. Don't let his thought influence you so much, you know what you want, why would you change that just b/c he doesn't agree???!?!? Yes compromise is good in a relationship, but you have to decide when he is asking for to much compromise. And in my opinion asking you to change your life dreams and goals, is WAY over the line. Of course that's assuming that that is what's going on. If he just thinks you should focus on the present a little more, then that's a perfectly fine thing to compromise on, to me at least. It's just hard to answer the question without a little more detailed info. Hope I helped though!

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind."

Wow, that was really long...sorry! :-/

I would be wary of anyone telling me I am too much of a dreamer...without dreams, you would not have goals, and, yes, disappointments, but it is those things that make us who we are.

Heaven forbid I end up with a man who has no dreams of his own.

honestly i think that there would be something that's unnatural if you didn't think about all that since you've been together for such a long time. it's hard when you think that you're not in the same place as your significant other, but i guess it's just people's perspectives. i think that you shouldn't squash your dreams and tone it down because of what he said - but you might want to just look at things from his side, since we all know how commitment phobic guys can be and you don't want to make him run screaming!