I voted undecided, because I think it depends on how you told him and what you said. Did just tell him flat out he's bad in bed, or did you approach him nicely and ask to talk about it?

Yes, I can understand being frustrated, but he might have a hard time forgiving you and wanting to please you if you were nasty when you told him about it.

I think its forgivable if you were nice and tactful about it...cause I think its styuuuuuupid to keep doing it with someone when it sucks and you just keep faking it. What's the point of that? Thats the cowards way.

Its never wrong to tell the truth. You HAD to tell him the truth because this affected you and your relationship. This is something you too can work on together. You did nothing wrong, you should proud of yourself because others would say nothing and either leave him, or cheat or stay in a relationsip with crappy sex.

If you're not enjoying yourself, it's as much your fault as it is his. You've gone a year without saying anything so bringing it up now is just cruel and somewhat childish. There are ways to go about improving things without actually saying "You're bad in bed" and shattering his ego. Tell him what you want him to do or take control yourself. And I wonder...how would you feel if he said the same thing to you?

not forgive....just because of the way you said it. you being a adult, you could of been a bit more tactful. put yourself in his shoes. how would you feel if he told you all the sudden how bad you were in bed??? not so good would you?!!

COMMUNICATION is the key, tell him what you want, he isn't a mind reader. just like you're not.

I voted forgive depending on how you told your BF...if you said it the way I read it then forget about it! super f*cked up!
I agree with what Martini said about telling the truth. If somethings makes you unhappy you say what you feel no matter what!

I am undecided. B\c you could of said it differently.

Undecided, because a) you'd better NOT have put it that way!! and b) a year?? you should have told him on the first night or two that you slept together! Seriously, it's deeply unfair and wrong to not say something for that long. I'd be hard pressed to forgive someone who pulled that on me...

I don't know, but I'm tempted to choose not forgive. If you really cared about this guy, you didn't have to cut him down like that.

There are more tactful/mature ways of explaining what the REAL problem is, and you've stated it already: it's that you're not happy/getting off when you're with him, and that you don't think he's putting forth enough effort to please you. THEN you should have suggested a few things that you'd like for him to do for/to you. You didn't say whether you had tried to suggest things to help out the situation - he can't do anything if he doesn't know what the problem is! Guys aren't psychic.

IF, after that, he refuses or still doesn't seem like he's putting forth an effort, THEN you can tell him that he's bad in bed, at least for you. It could just be that YOU don't like the way he is in bed.

I said undecided, because I think it really depends on how you said it. "You suck in bed and never get me off" is a lot different than "Honey, it would really please me/drive me wild if you..." and make a suggestion as to what you want. CONSTRUCTIVE criticism = say what needs to be improved, and suggest how to improve it. If you were rude or hurtful or tactless about it, not forgive.

You're probably going to break up over this, but I voted forgive. At least you won't have to sleep with him anymore.
Not that you should have waited this long to figure it out, but if he hasn't cared about your needs since you started sleeping together, you probably just got so frustrated at his selfishness that you snapped. Understandable.

Always be tactful. If you weren't, Not Forgive. It's better to say things like 'I like it better when you do this or this' than 'You suck at this'.

I voted Not. You had a year to tell the poor guy. This is something that should have been said tactfully months ago.

He might not be bad in bed, you might just have bad chemistry together or his moves are just not your preference. You should tell him what you like and what to do. Maybe he can be great!So basically, you get a "don't forgive" until you learn how to play nice!

Forgive...hopefully you were nice and dipolmatic about it...and didn't crush the poor man's ego. Men attach a lot of their worth in a relationship to sex I find generally.

That's a tough one. I had to tell my (ex) husband. I was trying to help him help me LOL but he had low self-esteem and took it as an insult so it just got worst. I would tell any man, in the most constructive way possible, early on that I wasn't pleased with his ah, techniques.

no need to be a biotch

i voted forgive because why should you have to continue to fake it or dread having sex with your partner. if you are in a trusting relationship you should be able to give constructive criticism and tell him what you like and don't like most guys would appreciate a road map. haha it also depends on the context of how you told him. if you were sincere you should be forgiven... if you just blurted it out without a second thought... then maybe it'll take longer for him to forgive you.

skigurl -

Maybe he's not bad in bed to every woman - maybe just the one who can't tell him nicely that they've got a compatibility problem, and that maybe he could do a bit of this, or a bit of that, instead of crushing him with an "it's all your fault you're a lousy lay" kind of blow.

Undecided, because it all depends on how you worded it. Are you wrong for speaking up about not being satisfied? No, not at all.

However, If you flat out said " you are bad in bed and it is 100% your fault that I am not satisfied " then that would be WAY off. You are the one who waited this long to speak up, and this means it is partially your fault for not telling him what you like. If you worded it more politely and as a "we" problem not a "you" problem, then thats forgivable, because you are simply telling him that you both need to work on it together.

I agree with everyone else. If you said it in a bad way then he should be pissed but if you wanted to talk about it and work on it then he should forgive you.

You are as bad as the person you are with!

Not forgive. You waited a year and if you said it the way you put on here that's just plain rude! Why did you even stay with the guy?

I said not forgive because you shouldn't have put up with this for an entire year before addressing the issue!!!!

Hell no, not forgive. That was straight mean. There are other ways to handle it. For one, telling what you like and how to do it...what you did was just being a jerk.

Forgive, better to tell him the truth and give him a chance at getting better in life. Besides, if hes comfortable enough to have sex with you, he should be comfortable enough to talk in an honest and frank way about it.

Bottom line though... you shouldn't have waited a year. 3 months tops before this dissatisfaction should have been spoken about in a concerned way in a safe setting for you both.

i chose undecided as it all depends in how you told him and if it was constructive criticism. you should definitely point out how he can make it better for both of you but if you said it in such a way that was hurtful then it isn't forgivable.

not forgive-that was a really mean and cruel way to say it. He actually could be GOOD in bed if you tried to communicate with him maturely.

You didnt have to say it like that you could have suggested NEW ways of doing things. You have definately crushed his ego which is very fragile for most men.

Totally forgive. I told the guy that I'm sleeping with that he was bad in bed after we had sex and I faked it and he realized that I did. Instead of being hurt or being egotistical and thinking that he's the sh*t when he clearly is not, he just asked what he could do better and now we have fabulous sex and I have real orgasms every time.

You can't just tell him that hes bad in bed and then leave it at that. You have to make him understand that you love being with him but that there are somethings that he could do better. If he's a real man he'll take the constructive criticism and work on making your sex life better.

i dated a guy one time that was terrible in bed. I had to break up with him over this cause I couldn't stand for him to touch me! However, I did tell him nicely and he didn't understand. I hope that you told him in a nice way.

Dude, you should've clued him in SOONER. So it's a disservice for both of you. Are you forgiven? Sure sure, but it's also your fault.
He can't read your mind, you need to tell him!

I agree with smileyface.

"Instead of being hurt or being egotistical and thinking that he's the sh*t when he clearly is not, he just asked what he could do better..."

We should be able to talk honestly with guys about this stuff without them freaking out about their poor little ego's. Good grief, why can't they take constructive criticism in the sex department just like anything else?

As long as you said it fairly nicely, I say forgive.

Did you at least made the effort of telling him what you like and guided him? If you simply laid there while your boyfriend kept going at you unsatisfaction, its your fault.

WOW, I put undecided, cuz that's just something you don't say. It can be forgiven, but why would you do something that dumb. I don't know if women know this, but I'll say this from a guy's perspective. When it comes to sex, ego isn't just another consideration. It's practically everything. Just because we're happy and it feels great for us, and it's easier for us to finish, doesn't mean it makes us totally happy. We want to know that we're making our woman happy. And when our woman isn't happy with performance, it tends to get us down, and well, sometimes we try harder later, and other times, it just gets our moral down. Sometimes more and more just stop trying as much due to morale. Maybe he's not trying because he doesn't enjoy it as much either. I would try different things instead, maybe get him excited, stroke his ego, teach him some things to make it better. Telling him this is just a sure way to get him to be insecure and to think maybe you're cheating on him perhaps, or that you may look elsewhere to fulfill your desires.

To tell a man that he is bad in bed, is horrible! Men think with their d****. We bash them and it goes beyond hurtful. There are definilty other ways to let a man know ways to please you better, than hurting their ego. He will not get over being told he is BAD. It will be all he thinks of and he will never let it go. Its better to just implement new positions. Please him and he will please you. Don't neglect yourself, just try out things that you like with him.

It's like telling your significant other she's not sexy to you.

"To tell a man that he is bad in bed, is horrible! Men think with their d****."

I don't think it is the woman's fault if her bf puts all of his self worth into sex. I applaud you for being honest. I can't believe you kept having bad sex for a year though. If it truly is an effort thing I hope he wakes up and gets over himself for long enough to learn something.

You're probably the one that's bad in the sack. Face it, you're already bad at communication. But that's probably his fault too, how could he not read your mind?

girl, i forgive you. i had to do that once too. with someone of a year. and i would read on stuff to try to make things better for us, and try to subtly make suggestions.

there are guys who are just cocky (no pun intended) or even unintentionally self-centered and think they're amazing but are only looking after themselves. and my ex did that always. it was all about him and i had to say something cause we weren't growing together.

I dunno...if it has to do with his lack of trying then by all rights you said what you had to!

I've been on the receiving end of this spectrum and it solely had to do with my lack of effort. I had so much stress going on around me that I didn't have the energy to put forth enough effort in the bedroom. My SO told me how he felt and I felt terrible for being so selfish and non-giving. Sometimes you just need a little wake-up call and a little honesty to get you back on track!!

Things have been great since then. Sure I was a little embarrassed and hurt when the conversation was happening but I got my butt in gear and worked on changing my attitude towards sex. It was never that I wasn't into having sex it was just that I had so much going on around me that sex was the last thing on my mind. It could be the same with your boyfriend, so give him a chance to change and if nothing changes then you'll know you tried and the fault lies with him.

I dunno...if it has to do with his lack of trying then by all rights you said what you had to!

I've been on the receiving end of this spectrum and it solely had to do with my lack of effort. I had so much stress going on around me that I didn't have the energy to put forth enough effort in the bedroom. My SO told me how he felt and I felt terrible for being so selfish and non-giving. Sometimes you just need a little wake-up call and a little honesty to get you back on track!!

Things have been great since then. Sure I was a little embarrassed and hurt when the conversation was happening but I got my butt in gear and worked on changing my attitude towards sex. It was never that I wasn't into having sex it was just that I had so much going on around me that sex was the last thing on my mind. It could be the same with your boyfriend, so give him a chance to change and if nothing changes then you'll know you tried and the fault lies with him.

sorry for the double post! computer is on crack this am!

I put forgive because I think people need to communicate about this stuff with their partners, and sometimes people can get hurt by someone telling them that they aren't as amazing at something as they believe they are. Even if it's said nicely. I guess I just don't see her saying that as a problem, unless she said it only to hurt him.

Haha I'm glad you finally decided to share your thoughts with him on his sexual prowess, but you have to be gentle! Sounds like you were kind of blunt. You probably should've said something like "Honey I was thinking about our sex life and I want us to try some things differently..."

i think that it's forgivable. seeing as how you both need to be able to enjoy your time in bed...and if you're not because he's not good - well...he should know how to make it better for you ...so you have to be honest with him. i just hope that you told him in a nice and constructive way since i know that if my man told me something like that in a bad way - then i would get upset.

totally forgiven. its unfair that he has a good time and ure not having a good time. and u said that u feel like hes not putting all effort in to please u. there should be a reason for u to feel that way. truth hurts. and this truth would sting. but without telling him, how could he improve. now that he knows that he sucks in bed, he`ll actually make an effort to please u. u can tell him what it is that makes u feel good and what not. honesty is the best policy, specially if ure in a relationship. now that u got this off his chest, ure happy. and he will be happy once he pleases u. how can he improve without knowing his faults eh? its good that u told him. but i hope u said it gently.

I think it is very forgivable to tell someone they lack sexual skills, however, I don't know too many men who could handle this inofrmation well. I am in my 50's and the concept IF a man is bad sexualy it is BOTH persons fault (not a great word) is ignorance. Some people, men and women, just simply do not know how to touch someone in a senual, pleasing way. It is like hugging a stiff board or having a jack rabbit jump around on top of you. I feel very sorry for these folks who lack the ability to even kiss well. It would be almost impossible to "teach" them because they truly do not "get it". If they understood, they would change it because they are the one's who are everyone's friend and have very few long term relationships. Guess good sex isn't going to be on their plate this lifetime. But who wants to tell a person they love, I love you but sex with you is awful. Hopefully they can find a partner who doesn't have too many sexual needs and just enjoy the other (many) aspects of a loving relationship. I am old but good sex continues to be important......maybe I am a lousy lover too and clueless.....