If both parties are on the same page and agree that it probably won't be long-term, not really looking for marriage...then I don't see much harm in it. Just as long as everybody is clear on what's going on.

It only gets terrible when one person wants marriage and the other doesn't (and doesn't know the other person DOES). @_@

Personally I don't think it's fair to hang on in a relationship if you are not willing to commit. I think it is a massive waste of time and I think if you want fun do one night stand instead. Why spend time with someone when you know it might not be this way forever and you know you will get upset about it. It isn't true when people say..it was fun while it lasted, they should also say, well after it's ended i was down.

People who keep going after men who aren't ready to commit have a problem. SOMETHING Is not right. It's okay to date of course, have fun with that but to commit your energy on a project which you know will end badly? NO

Since I think nowadays, marriage isn't the ultimate goal anymore (neither is the permanent search for mister right and not settling with anyone else), this is certainly fair game for me.

I was talking about marriage though, i am talking about men who aren't ready to commit in general. I think marriage is beautiful and it might not be the end goal for some women, which is fine. But the ceremony itself to me isn't degrading to women. You don't have to change your name, I didn't. you can work, you don't have to get pregnant if you don't want to. It's about a commitment more than anything to me personally. It is about being together through thick and thin.

I am in such a situation. i do love the man i am with, he is fun, smart, ambitious and a great father. he can be a bit selfish at times and i do not feel like he caters to my needs emotionally. to some extent he is detached. he is frugal and that annoys me i foot the tab a lot more than he does, he is pushy with his ideas and opinions, and there are a few other things i am not sure i could live with. i know we may never get married. we plan to move in together. he is thinking marriage. i just don't want to end up unhappy. i am already divorced.so i am enjoying my relationship for what it is now.it may be unfair to him but who knows. i do talk about how i feel so i will see maybe i may change my mind later on. he is a good man.

I recently got out of a relationship like this. I knew he (eventually, maybe soon!) wanted marriage and I just knew that he was not the right one for me. He was nice, sweet, fun, and interesting, but just not the guy I want for the rest of my life. Every day I felt a void, like there was something missing and I wanted more. How can I find That One if I'm with this other guy? I decided I needed some single time to decide what I really want for me so I can be clear on my life goals.

Agreed Witchy!

Ditto refinedharmony, I just got out of a similar situation. Although, if you both know you don't want to get married, then I don't see a problem. You both need to be on the same page.

I think that, if I absolutely knew there was no chance, I would call it quits. I don't know, but to me it doesn't make sense. Ultimately, I'd like to settle down (even if not in marriage) and personally, I'd like to know I'm not wasting my time.

However, I don't look down on people who choose to be with Mr./Ms. Right-Now. Everyone has their needs and opinions, so power to them as long as they're happy.

if someone isn't marriage material to me, then there are aspects about them that i dislike or bother me. if i don't feel it's beneficial to either party or even possible to try and improve them, then why keep dating someone you don't completely like? that's the reason all my relationships ended, because i couldn't see myself ending up with them so i couldn't stand being with them once i figured that out since i could only focus on the negatives.

I tend to end relationships once I figure out he's not for me- but then again, I enjoy being single.

I'm in this situation right now, and though I also don't like the idea of dating/fooling around without committing, we just seem to need each other right now. We live in big cities, work hard, meet our own friends, try to keep focused and get ahead in life...when we're together, we just enjoy some much-needed peaceful time with someone we care about.
I would have never pictured myself in such a situation, but it still happened. In fact, this guy is my first 'boyfriend', even though he really isn't; I've always been too wary and picky to seriously date someone. I believe I will find the right guy someday, but for now, we just want to lean on each other. He's a really sweet guy, but I don't think he's in love with me (dealbreaker? helloo!) and I haven't allowed that to happen for me either. We are both headstrong and do not want to fall in love unless the other falls first (deadly Aries/Leo combination here).
All in all, I am surprised at how two people can really care for each other and like each other without being in love and without being The One for each other. I care about him enough to want him to find the right girl someday.

Dear Sugar is there anyway you can put together an article on how to break up with one a Mr. Right-Now? I always seem to get stuck in these situations, like I am right now. Sure these guys are sweet and nice, but "it's" just not there. What is the best way to go about letting them go easily. I don't want to kill their egos and be "That Chick."

It's never been for me, because it feels like you're wasting time with the wrong person. Even if you're both having fun, if what you want is to find the right one, then why tie yourself down, even temporarily, to the wrong one?

I'm 25, work in advertising and love spending time with my friends. Basically, getting married is not on my radar right now. I would prefer to be with someone that I have fun with to hold me over until I find the right guy and I'm at a place in my life where I want to be committed. I've been seeing this guy off and on for 7 months and while I like him and there is great physical chemistry, I know the relationship isn't going anywhere - and that's perfectly fine with me!

I am 22 and still going to school and working towards career goals. When I date somebody it's not with the prospect of "will we marry one day?" I am not in a place to know what I want out of a lifetime partner, I feel that as long as both people in the relationship want the same thing... marriage, fun, somebody to share their happiness with... then it shouldn't be a problem.

I have never dreamed of a wedding or getting married, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Some people date to find a husband, and others date to find somebody to love for an uncertain amount of time. I think all that matters is that both parties are on the same page. I wouldn't lead somebody on knowing that their ultimate goal is to get married.

I feel like i am in a similar situation. I love my boyfriend and he is great, loving and caring, but when i think about potentially spending the rest of my life with hime i almost cringe. He gives me what i need emotionally but he has a weird temper and i wish he was more laid back.I cant imagine raising a child with him.
Its one of those things were he is hitting 30 and im in my early twenties, he is soon going to want to take the next step...arrg i feel for anyone going thru a similar situation...it sucks!

Yes, for me, it's completely unfair. I'm either in or out with someone and I know pretty soon (at this age, anyway) whether I want to be with them forever or not.

No, i dont want a relationship just for the sake of being with someone. I jate wasting space.

No thanks. Unless he understands that it's just a friendship and will never be anything more (no matter what he 'changes) then I'd do things I currently do alone with him sometimes. But that's it, no dating and having sex with someone I'm not in a mutually committed relationship with.
I'm not against it; I just don't need it.

I think it's really unfair if one person sees marriage and the other doesn't. if both parties are cool with the "right now" then by all means.

Why does it have to be all or none? Either you're looking for a husband or a one night stand? I think there is room for something in between. If you are trying to get over a recent heartache, and know you need to get in the dating world again, maybe you just need to chill, get to know people, have relationships, and just learn about yourself.

Just because you might not be ready for committment or a one night stand after a recent heartache doesn't mean you shouldn't date. Why does everything always have to have a set endpoint? I think if you are honest with who you are dating, whatever you want should be ok.

I am going through a heartache, am going to start dating again, but am afraid I am going to meet "commmitment" guys. I am not ready for that, so hopefully, I will meet men who feel likewise. Maybe I will meet someone who will change my mind, but I doubt it right now.

I just want to be able to do things at my own pace without the guilt of someone else's feelings, and honesty is the answer to that.So, I think there is nothing right with a right now guy.

For some people that may work, but for me the ultimate goal of dating is to find mister right, so it wouldn't be something I would do. Plus, I'm a long term relationship person. I've been with my current boyfriend for over 3 years, and the guy before that we dated for 2. Luckily I see a future with my current, and he sees one with me, and even though we don't plan on getting married any time soon, it's still nice to know that we are both in it for the long haul.

I'm all for it. Just like Maria Rocks, I still have 1 more year to go till I finish my master's degree and will have to work. I can't imagine myself settling down in one place with a man when I haven't accomplished my goals and at such a young age. Someone mentioned ONS, but I find ONS to be somewhat bothersome. I don't have time nor motivation to go look for someone for ONS twice a week. My guy is well-educated, smart, has a good manner, cultured, and gorgeous. I absolutely enjoy spending time with him, but I know for sure that he isn't my Mr. right, but maybe my Mr. Right Now.

I think that everyone has to experience some relationships before realizing what type of person they want to settle down with. And also, it depends what you want at that time in your life. It is not everyone's goal to get married, so some relationships are not about that.

I don't think it's a bad idea to keep dating someone who you know isn't marriage material. Sometimes, those people who aren't quite right can teach us a lot about what is right.

oh gosh...i don't know anymore. this has just happened to me. i was looking for experience, and he was looking for settling down. he only admitted it to me a year later, but i knew this was coming and i held onto it. i'm kind of thinking i shouldn't have. but what relationship isn't messy

and i agree w the girls who say that there can be a lot to learn from the wrong/not perfect matches

wrong* with a right now guy.

well i think that if you're able to differentiate between things and realize that you CAN walk away when the right guy comes along then i feel like there's nothing wrong with it. if it takes the 'edge off' so to speak, then there's no harm, no foul