Dear Sugar,
I'm a 47-year-old woman and I've only had sex with my first love — my husband of 31 years. The reason I'm writing is to ask if it's normal to only be able to climax in one position. I can only orgasm when I'm on top which makes me think I'm missing out on so many other fun positions. Do you have any suggestions to help bring excitement back to our sex life? — On Top Tatiana
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Dear On Top Tatiana,
The ability to orgasm is different for everyone. Some people can reach the big O through any position, some through a select few, and others have yet to experience it at all. Just because you can only climax on top (which is by no means a defeat), it doesn't mean you can't experiment and enjoy other positions before climaxing.
Practice makes perfect when it comes to finding how your body works so do some exploration — by yourself and with your husband. I'd also recommend relaxing — if you get too caught up in thinking about it, you'll psych yourself out. If you want to spice things up, perhaps introduce a sex toy into your lovemaking, or experiment with new places to get it on — sometimes a simple change of scenery can do the trick. At the end of the day, if being on top works best for you, I say just embrace it!
Alviero Martini
7 For All Mankind
Hanky Panky
I agree. On top is a guarantee O from me! Other positions do work but it's definitely more rare. When you are experimenting, try really hard not to think about it. If it happens, it happens. If not, then just hop on top! A suggestion, come on top first, then try other positions. For me, the second orgasms come quicker once the first is out of the way.
1I'm stuck on the fact that she got married at 16?
2Sex toys are so much fun! You should try one of those silver bullet ones.
Or the ones that go around your hubby's thing. (its like a ring) and have a little vibrator on the top. While he is on top that should feel good.
On top, facing the other way...
Or! What about oral? Try sitting on his face.....(sorry ladies, if I am being too open, but ITS TRUE!!!!) and just relax, fantasize and enjoy the feeling.
You have been together for a long time, you should be comfortable enough to relax and enjoy yourself.
Good luck!!!!
3Tidal wave, that is so true about the second orgasms. WOW. lol.
4umm... 47 doesn't look like that in MY family...
5but anyway...
did you know that you can have an orgasm without your partner present and without physically touching yourself?
you can
Mesayme, its true it happens to me here at work when I have a dirty thought. I shiver and loose my breath for a few moments. lol.
6Yep.
7I don't actually like on top (lazy, I guess).
Try toys or touching yourself at the same time, I guess?
8Perhaps try watching soft porn and use sex toys? I think maybe you don't even know where the G spot is? Try to locate it and have a feel and make yourself come (please don't take this the wrong way all women out there!) But one needs to know where it is before you can tell someone else to make you come.
9Have you tried to find your G-spot? If not, do some research! That really opened things up for me...
10And beware of porn, some of them are really quite disgusting, choose the type that you feel comfortable with.
11Jude, masturbating during intercourse is an excellent suggestion! Always works for me, anyway!!
And we are the same with being on top...I don't like that, either! (I think you nailed my reason spot on - too lazy! LOL!)
12It's always so much work that I get too distracted to enjoy it
Right, Martini?
13As usual, Jude, you are totally right!!
But guy behind...now, we're talkin'!!!
14HECK YES!
15LOL Jude good night now I'm off to watch telly, you're funny as normal.
16Married at 16? That seems a little off.
17I agree with Martini and Jude - On top doesn't do it for me
But definitely agree with from behind, oh yeah! Hehe.
But, seriously, lovely suggestion, Jude. a vibe while my man gives me the good stuff? My kind of fun.
18She's 47.. not 19.. Different generation, different norms.
Anyways, I have the same problem. I have read all about the G-spot and I can't seem to figure it out. Annoying... also, I don't know if my orgasm is a TRUE orgasm because while I feel like I do come, it's not the "squirt" or however you say it kind. I'd also be open for tips.
19Britt, the vast majority of women don't "squirt". If you think you're having an orgasm, you probably are.
20Martini asked me to come (no pun intended
) and give my advice on the subject, given
the fact that I just got some new sex toys to replace the old.
I absolutely recommend self-love, especially with a bullet vibe. Use a remote-controlled vibe inserted, and feel yourself take off!
Though marriage at 16 IS unusual, it's not at all unheard of. But I wonder how it has limited you & your husband from experimentation (with each other, I mean). Don't be afraid to read erotic literature together or separately, or try sex toys together. IF you're willing to talk about things openly with each other, that alone can be sexy.
21Thanks, NotMe - as always, excellent advice!
22Oh my gosh, my name is Tatiana and...I'm on top! but not always, thats usually my default orgasm position though. Recent sex discovery for me...books!
23Nita-that's the way it was back then! My parent's were 15 and 18 when they were married and have been for 29 years now! The big 30 year anniversary is in March! It baffles me because that's almost unheard of these days..
Anyway.. as for my advice.. the best orgasm I've ever had from intercourse came from a guy who wasn't all that big but while he was on top, he wouldn't go in and out, rather he'd move his body up towards mine and rub, well 'the spot', with his lower abdomen and it was AWESOME!
Good luck!
24On top always works ...
25n doggy style !!
I have the same problem; I can only come on top (during both oral and sex, weird). We've tried stuff but nothing else has worked yet. I'll keep some of the suggestions in mind, although after I've come I'm DONE.
26i only do when he fingers me. (:
27Wow marriage at 16 is admirable. Especially since her hubby is the only one she's done it with. AND 31 years, women like that know the secret for sure. But anyway....Orgasms are waay different for everyone. Some women only hit the big O in one very particular way.
28I agree with Jeny. Missionary with the guy on top, rubbing into yo rather than thrusting. Hits the spot everytime.
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