I voted not forgive. I understand why you were honest, but you really did not need to be. What good did it do to tell her? She can't exactly go and undo it now.

Put yourself in her shoes: she just went through a breakup, she's trying to move on and be positive, and she just did something really bold by chopping off her hair! She needs all the support she can get from friends who are willing to put aside their own egos for her. Because it sounds to me like you're being too egotistical. It's not about her "consulting you" (why should she have to consult you when she cuts her own hair?) or about you commenting on her "cardinal sins" (since when is it a sin to change up your own appearance?). It's supposed to be about you being supportive of HER. When she asked you, it wasn't YOU who mattered. She just wanted you to stick up for her. It's not wrong.

*I meant to say "It's not wrong of her to expect that."

Honesty is a good thing, and it sounds like you were trying to be honest. But the problem is, I don't think that this was the best place to be honest with her. I would have just said something like "Wow, it looks so different! Like a whole new person!"

I said forgive.

She asked for you honest opinion, so she should have expected just that. I hate how everyone is expected to lie to each other these days. If she asks for an opinion like that, then she has no right to get upset when she gets it. People need to learn to take criticism...we aren't going to die b/c the whole world doesn't love every single thing about us.

But of course, the world isn't perfect and people still ask things like that and expect you to lie when you answer...soooo... it's good that you tried to truly apologize. Now I think all you can do is wait until she makes a move to make up, you have said sorry and there's not much else to do.

I have always told my friends, "I'm not your friend to be nice to you."

I figure that if you want a bunch of people to lie to you and say something looks good when it doesn't, you can ask your acquaintances. If you're calling someone a friend, I think you should be comfortable enough with them to be able to hear the truth.

That being said, do you think that perhaps you didn't like her new look because it was such a big change? You might grow to like it once you get used to it.

I'm undecided...

First of all, since when is it a cardinal SIN to change your look after a break up? I think thats a cardinal RULE! Change your look, change your outlook on life and leave the past (and the ex) behind you! I think she did nothing wrong... well.. besides not consulting her friends.

Secondly, I think she kind of overreacted on your bad review but at the same time, you probably should have just supported it or said something less then "ew" y'know? Tell her it's different and suggest she gets some dark highlights to bring out her eyes etc. Help her, dont just tear her down. That is the LAST thing she needs.

I think she over reacted but you were too harsh... therefore I'm undecided. In the future, just use constructive criticism, not just blatantly tell her its nasty.

Good luck

Heh. I've been guilty of what you did.

A friend one day bought this pair of pants that makes her look like she's gained at least 10 lbs and make her ass looks almost twice bigger with the way it fits. The fit wasn't good, 's all.
She asked for my opinion, so I told her that I think that the style of pants didn't fit her body type too well.

Well, let's just say that she was not happy about what I said.

We had to work together that day and while we're on the street, she kept stopping MEN (strangers on the street) in front of me and said to them (while pointing at me) "MY friend here told me I looked fat in my pants. How do I look?" Then she kind of showed off her ass to them LOL.

Of course the guys whom she asked were all confused, gave her a glance and said 'Um..you look fine." Then walked away.
Then she kept talking about the pants to me non-stop all day, saying how wrong I was, that how I was mean to say that she looked 'fat' (which I didn't say) and I just said 'Well, I NEVER said you're fat. You asked for MY opinion. I just thought the style doesn't fit you well.' Sure enough, our 'friendship' crumbled soon after.

So I learned from that day on, if you're not in the mood for all day passive-aggressiveness, temper tantrum, grudges..to just freakin' LIE.

Forgive. She asked you to be honest and you were. If she can't handle any negative feedback, she shouldn't have asked for honesty, because not everyone's going to like what she likes.

There are moments when you should keep your mouth shut. That was definitely one of them.

Forgive. It sounds like it WAS a pretty drastic change, and it sounds like you were nice enough about it. BUT- you say you noted the confidence in her face? As a good friend, it's your job to know when to be brutally honest and when to smile and nod. I hope she'll forgive- it's a pretty petty thing to lose a friendship over.

Forgive. She asked for your opinion and you gave it. If I was in this situation I would have done the same thing. If she didn't want the truth she shouldn't have asked for it.

First of all, HOLY LIPLINER!

Second, forgive...not that big of deal. You get what you ask for.

Good for you for being honest. She'll get over it--and she'll probably feel stupid for getting upset over something so ridiculous. People shouldn't ask for an honest opinion unless they REALLY want it, and YOU shouldn't be put in a position where you feel like you HAVE to lie. That's just ridiculous.

I'd say forgive. You could have said "It'll take some getting used to" instead of flat out saying you don't like it, I thought that was like an unwritten rule, or at least it is with the people I know:P But who cares? Everyone changes their hair after a breakup, and I'm sure either she will realize its ugly and get extensions and a dye job, or you might even come around and like it! Who knows, but forgive.

Also, about the "consulting" .. to those who are saying thats egotistical.. my friends and I always consult one another before making a decision like that.

i think she has a right to be a little upset, but to totally cut you off like that is uncalled for.

Why ask a question and then get mad at the answer? If you want me to lie to you, what kind of person are you?

She was obviously expecting only compliments on her new look and got upset when your opinion wasn't positive.

Forgive.

At least next time you know how this girl reacts to criticism.

In her defense though, even if you don't think her new look is all that flattering, it makes HER happy. She doesn't need to "consult" her friends when changing her look.

She asked for your honest opinion & you gave it to her. As long as you didn't say it in a mean way, I say forgive...even though she probably didn't really want or need your HONEST opinion at that fragile moment.

I voted forgive but next time you know that if someone cannot change what they have done- it really does not help to make them feel bad about it. There is a polite response to a look you hate and that is to tell a person they look different and you are happy they are happy.

Absolutely forgive, but it might not have been the best time to be honest with her. When someone alters their appearance that much and under these circumstances, they obviously want to hear that they look great, but hey, she asked for your opinion and you gave it. If she doesn't like it enough to keep it because of your remark, she didn't like it much anyway, and she can always dye it back and get extentions (sp?) in a few weeks.

Aah, if we could only learn never to ask a question we may not really want the answer to.

That being said, if someone is obviously happy with and feeling good about a change they've made, what in you made you want to rain on her parade? There's something a little mean in your doing that.

People in my life know better than to ask me for my truth unless they want to hear it...if it's really a tender subject and I can't muster any words to water it down, I tell them to ask someone else. So, I know you feel bad although you did give her what she asked for, your opinion. I'd guess that she thought the makeover was a magic fix to mend her broken heart and most of the emotion stems from that. She'll get over it and if it really does look bad, she'll eventually see it too and forgive you and thank you for being one who told her your truth even when she saw it as a hurtful lie.

Leaving whether or not you should have lied to her in the middle, her reaction is completely over the top.
I mean, you told her you didn't love her new hairstyle ... unless you used extremely degrading language to tell her this, she's really blowing this out of proportion.
We all make mistakes, we all say things we wish we could take back and you seem really sorry that you hurt her feelings. Forgive!

Forgive.....You did nothing wrong.You gave her what she wanted .What the hell did she expect you to do lie?If she can't handle the truth then she should have never asked you for it.She sounds a tad bit immature to me.

I'm in the minority here. Not forgive. You have very low EQ (emotional quotient). What you said was highly insensitive (especially given her personal circumstances).

You bursted her bubble, and rained on her parade. With friends like you, who needs enemies.

Glowingmoon, you are not the only one in the minority. As a friend, you should be honest, but I think sometimes, it is more important to be kind and sensitive, especially when someone is obviously hurting.

There are ways to give an opinion without making it hurtful...it sounds like you didn't think it through and shot from the hip. She needed your support, and you blew it.

I put undecided.
I can see how it would upset her a lot. She's trying hard to feel better about herself and... well... we don't need to finish where that was going.
BUUT, I think a true friend would be the one to tell you if something looks bad on you. I wouldn't let a friend walk around with spinach in her teeth, would you? I think in time she will forgive you.

Forgive, but you should have known better. Little white lies never hurt anyone....lol

Forgive, she shouldn't have asked for your honest opinion if she didn't want it. I hate those head games that some women play, it's just childish.

Now if you had been unnecessarily harsh or had volunteered the information I might think differently.

"I'm in the minority here. Not forgive. You have very low EQ (emotional quotient). What you said was highly insensitive (especially given her personal circumstances)."

On the flip side I think some women are too sensitive and our EQ is just fine.

I agree with GlowingMoon.

And really, since when are adult women supposed to "consult" their friends when making decisions about HAIR?!

She is your FRIEND: what good does telling her she looks bad?

... and we all know what honest opinion means, esp when it comes to hair !

I don't know runningesq, when I ask for my friends honest opinion I actually want it so that I can compare it to my own . What is with some women and double speak?!?! When I'm feeling bad I cuddle up to my friends and ask them to sing my praises. Imagine that, it works every time.

WTF is with the consulting? Sure I ask my friends opinion sometimes before I change my hair sometimes but I would never think my friend would EXPECT me to consult them. She's her own person!

That being said I said undecided because she asked you for your honest opinion and you gave it...but you should have said something a bit more sensitive considering she just went through a break up. Something along the lines of "Wow this is a new look, it will take some getting use to"

Absolutely forgive. For everyone who said "not forgive," why even ask for an honest opinion if that's not what you want? If you ask, expect an answer, no matter what you're going through or what you want to hear. If you don't want to hear any criticism, keep your mouth shut. Even if it's not exactly what I want to hear, I would much rather have a friend be truthful with me than lie just to stroke my ego. If I didn't, I'd shut it.

Sure she's in a fragile emotional state but it's not like you told her she was awful at life. You just said you preferred her old hairstyle.

Not your fault that she couldn't handle that.

On the other hand, if she's usually this sensitive, yeah, maybe you could've phrased it differently, but she asked for a honest opinion and as a friend, it's your responsibility to give it to her.

Forgive.

Look, you said she had a bad hair cut. That can be fixed. You didn't say she looked fat or something horrible like that. If I asked a friend for their honest opinion, I will expect to get it. If I didn't want to know then I wouldn't ask. Forgive all the way.

I voted forgive. I am not sure how close you two are but if it was my best friend and I told her I didn't like it, she would not get mad at me. However, if we weren't that close I would have probably just told her that it was fine, and quickly changed the subject.

Overall though, I am pretty easy to read when I don't like something and most of my friends know that. If they didn't really want to hear the truth then they wouldn't ask me.

Forgive. She asked for the truth and she got it. I'm probably going to get harsh comments for this but she should suck it up - she got exactly what she asked for, and while I get why she might feel offended, she certainly can't hold it against you.

I said forgive only because honesty is important. However equally as important is knowing when to be honest. If she was happy with the new look and it made her confident you should have just lied and said it looked good because her self-esteem is more important knowing the absolute truth.

I kind of question why you did not like her new look also. It sounds you didn't like it because it made her look different not because it is bad looking. Looking different and looking bad are completely separate

People need to grow up and realize that being honest does not necessarily mean being spiteful or jealous. and why do people think their egos need to be stroked all the time. if you feel good about something then no other opinion should matter now does it? when we love to appreciate our own opinions of us then are we better prepared for what others have to say. other than that don't ask for opinions people. just don't!!! and if you are not ready for what true friendship entails like honesty , then go to the street and ask a stranger for their opinions. let them lie to you. I think no crime was committed here, and you should pat yourself on the back for being a true friend. her loss, not yours now go find folks who will appreciate one less dishonest person out there. be my friend if you could.

Can't win either way, you lie they get pissed later when they find out you're not too fond of it anyway. Really that's pushing it, lose a friend just because she likes you the way you are? Think of it that way. She liked her friend the way she was and thought she was perfect and great. She changed that and her friend wasn't particularly fond of it. But well, I supposed not being COMPLETELY honest in this situation wasn't the best thing she could have done. Seeing the new confidence in her face and happiness in what she had done, needed a bit of support, even if no one else likes it, she likes it, and well, when people make decisions about themselves and others constantly put it down (which may have been the case in the broken relationship of 3 years), it hurts when the people closest to you disapprove of your choices in the lowest time of your life. Makes you feel like the decisions you make to improve your life are wrong...etc. But this can be forgiven, there's no reason why a friendship should be lost over this, it's not like she slept with her husband.

it is a haircut, and you said that you could see the confidence that it gave her - so why go and say something that you would only bring her down and make her feel bad? honesty is important, but it is a haircut, not a major life decision.

and i don't know that i would want to hang out with a friend who is more interested in being "honest" and making me feel bad about myself than caring about my feelings.

She asked for your HONEST opinion. If you weren't a true friend you would have lied. She's acting childish and it's probably because of her fragile state of mind.

I would put money on it that the confidence you saw in her face was a mask and her efforts to change her look was to make herself feel better and when you told her you didn't like it that mask fell off.

forgive! if i ask a friend "what's your honest opinion?" i want a REALLY honest opinion. when i cut my hair short after finally leaving a boyfriend i cared about but was going no where, my sister kind of laughed at me. i had cut it myself and had done a funky job. you couldn't tell from the front so she HAD to tell me but i was greatful.

and i had guy friends tell me i looked better with longer hair, but i didn't hate them for telling me it's "not my favorite"

I completely understand wanting to be honest with your friend, but at that particular moment in her life she REALLY needed you to lie!

"I could tell that she loved it and I could see a new sense of confidence in her face, but I absolutely hated it."

Truthfully, if I was the OP, I would have been happy to see my good friend in a positive mood (given her sad break-up). To me, my dislike for her hair would matter nothing.

About her hair, I would have told her,"You look cute. It's good to see you happy!"

If that makes me "too sensitive," I'm fine with that. Yes, I am sensitive to my good friends. It has strengthened my friendships, not weakened them.

Tuh. You were honest, what your friend needs now is honesty, support doewsn't come in the form of praising a hairstyle you don't like, but in telling her that your there and your glad her new hair makes her feelfantastic.

Forgive... I believe in always telling the truth about stuff like that.

Unless you said something like "OH MY GOD. What have you DONE to yourself!? You look like death warmed over!"

Then I say forgive. From what you say you told her "It's not my favorite look" and that was an honest answer.

The truth is, it was probably a shock for you, and given time I'd bet it will grow on you. However she's being a bit melodramatic. If she didn't want your honest answer, she shouldn't have asked for it.