no, it isn't fair for her to ask that - and it does sound like she has some kind of ulterior motives - but it's her wedding. even when a woman has crazy requests, I think everyone should try to fulfill them, unless they hurt someone, because it's her day. I personally would let it go, but if you feel strongly, talk to her about it.

The only "dates" required to be invited are long established partners (i.e. married, engaged, or living together.) Bridesmaid is not part of such a couple and as such, isn't entitled to bring a date.

Ask he if it's because he's gay? sounds like it.

*her (and if he's a 'butterfly' as you put it; maybe she doesn't want a spectacle to overshadow their day) may be a possibility.
I know I wouldn't invite alcoholics even if I didn't serve drinks...they usually show up drunk. (yes, I've experienced it many times...it's not amusing) But I would give some other tactful excuse other than saying 'I don't want drunks to ruin my wedding.'

It's still her wedding, so it's not your place to make any demands.

I understand why this might upset you a little bit, but I have a question for you-- Why do you feel the need to bring a date? There's nothing wrong with being single at a wedding. I've been to plenty of family weddings without a date and it's never been a problem. Don't feel as if having a date is an important part of these events!

Yes, it's selfish of your cousin to tell you that you can't bring a date. But it would be equally selfish of you to pick a fight about it just before her wedding.

eff that. I brought friends along when I was a bridesmaid, I don't talk to many family members, so why shouldn't I be able to bring someone who I can actually enjoy the time with when I'm not doing wedding crap...I'd rather have a friend there to talk to and enjoy the time, rather than be there alone, not talk to anyone, and be bored and be a debbie downer.

Berry243 is absolutely right. Etiquette dictates that only engaged, married, or live-in partners are required to receive invitations.

If it really bothers you, ask her the reasons why. She may not want to admit it right away, but she may be very tight on space, or on money. Weddings are expensive per person -- ours was over $250 per person, and knowing that you weren't in a relationship, she may not have planned on you bringing someone. Rather than making a fuss and getting upset, just have a heart to heart talk in a calm manner, see if you can find out why she didn't invite you with a date (I'm sure it's more than just wanting your full attention), and maybe something can be done to remedy the solution. Just don't get upset -- no matter what, it is not worth losing the close bond you have with this cousin over not being invited with a date, whatever the reason.

Berry243 is absolutely right. Etiquette dictates that only engaged, married, or live-in partners are required to receive invitations.

If it really bothers you, ask her the reasons why. She may not want to admit it right away, but she may be very tight on space, or on money. Weddings are expensive per person -- ours was over $250 per person, and knowing that you weren't in a relationship, she may not have planned on you bringing someone. Rather than making a fuss and getting upset, just have a heart to heart talk in a calm manner, see if you can find out why she didn't invite you with a date (I'm sure it's more than just wanting your full attention), and maybe something can be done to remedy the solution. Just don't get upset -- no matter what, it is not worth losing the close bond you have with this cousin over not being invited with a date, whatever the reason.

I usually don't take a date to a wedding since I'm not in a relationship but I completely understand where your coming from. My "brother's" wedding that I was going to be in the bride had requested that if by the wedding we were not in a serious relationship to not bring a date. I figured I'd be one of 2 single bridesmaids and everyone else is married so I was upset b/c they'd be chilling with there husband in the next room at the beach house and I'd be with a pillow. LOL. But, in the end, I said screw it. I'll flaunt my singleness in their face. Plus, I know all the groomsmen and would just go hang out with my brothers. Lol. So, in the end, is it really worth it to waste energy being upset that you can't bring a date b/c you're single. No. Should she be more mindful of you. Yeah. But, you need to ask her if it's about the cost of the extra plate. Let's be honest. That's a lot of money.

Sorry, but its her place to extend the invitation for you to bring a date and while you may not like it, its her call. Try and think of it from her perspective - her and her fiance probably had to cut a number of friends/co-workers/etc. from the invitation list and then you ask her to invite someone she probably doesn't know...how would you feel if it were the other way around?

I also think its a bit presumptuous to ask your friend to accompany you to a wedding when he wasn't even been invited in the first place! It's not a summer bbq where you can just bring another friend as long as they bring a six pack of beer. I'm sorry, but this one is on you and i get the feeling you may be more embarrassed about having to dis-invite your friend than thinking its a matter of gay rights or your cousin being unreasonable. Let it go and see your friend after the wedding.

i think that she should be able to bring her friend because her cousin has other brides maids and a maid of honor
ger cousin should let her bring her date

Weddings are expensive, so brides and grooms typically try to limit the amount of "with guests" who are invited, i.e. long-term partners, fiances, and husbands/wives. It's not outrageous or a "punishment" that she's not letting you bring your friend; it's being fiscal, and it's totally understandable, especially if she and her fiance are paying for the wedding themselves...

this is why my wedding will be so relaxed and chill and no one will have to worry about me being bridezilla and my bridesmaids will be able to wear whatever they want within a certain color range and bring whomever they choose and that I will pretty much let it be a super chill wedding. being a b!tch just because it's "your day" is the stupidest thing ever. I would rather have fun as well as everyone else have fun at my wedding than alienate my friends or family and it do possibly long term damage to those relationships..

I doubt her real reason for excluding your friend is that she wants your full attention. I think you are in the wrong in this situation. Like others have said, the bride and groom probably already had to cut a bunch of people they know out of the wedding for money reasons or space reasons, so it's totally understandable that they wouldn't want to then let someone they don't even know come to the wedding. It's their wedding, and they get to have who they want there to celebrate with them. It's not about you.

Also, why do you feel so strongly about needing to bring a date? What's wrong with going by yourself? I don't understand people that say they want someone there that they know already to talk to and hang out with. How do you think you met the friends you already have? You didn't know them right away! You had to meet them!! Why can't people just do that? A wedding is a great opportunity to meet new people have interesting conversations, and make new friends. Why are people always so closed off to meeting new people and just starting up new conversations with people?

when you attend a wedding you aren't their for YOU, you are their for the bride and groom. why would the bride and groom want some random person that they don't know at their wedding? "hi, can i bring a friend to your $250 a plate party?", how rude. let your friend come for the weekend and the 2 of you can have fun when the wedding activities aren't going on. you're parents are there so it isn't as if you won't know anyone.

sounds as if you are embarrassed at the thought of going "stag". why? there will probably be lots of hot ushers at the reception.

and you aren't being punished for being single, you just aren't being rewarded with a free way to entertain a friend.

Her day, her decision. That's all. Its not about you.

First of all, BPB should not have asked someone if her invitation didn't indicate she could bring a plus-one.

Second of all, what's the big deal about going to a wedding on your own? Who cares? It seems like part of the story is missing here, and I don't know what it is, but it's obviously key to understanding why she's so desperate to have a date.

ask her why, then go from there. i can see why you'd want to bring a date/friend. since its out of town, you're not gonna be spending every single minute with her. and if the others are bringing dates...why can't you?

I say drop it and respect her for her decision. Maybe the costs are getting too high (and she's embarrassed to reveal that) and it has nothing to do with the fact that you are single. It may just have to do with money. Life is WAY too short to waste time and energy on being upset over something so trivial. Years from this wedding, are you going to be thinking about this and harboring ill-feeling about being single at a wedding? I doubt it and I hope not. Take this as an opportunity to meet new people and mingle with others you would have otherwise not have met.

I'm with the bride - no date. And honestly, here's why -- of my entire wedding party of 13, only one is married. The others are all single, not engaged, no long term boyfriends/girlfriends, nothing. So if I gave one a date (and trust me, they all want one) they'd all be given one to be fair. That's 13 people I won't even know at my wedding (if they invite people I don't know, the guest list is 200, so i think that i probably invited the person they (the bridesmaid or groomsman) would bring as their date anyway, so it defeats the purpose.

seriously, not getting a date is punishment for being single? notsomuch. do guys made to go weddings with their wives consider it a reward? you'll be fine. it's a wedding. be stag, be cool, be there for your girl, and then be done.

It's really lame, I don't give a crap about the "traditional not entitled crap" frankly, I don't find it fair for her cousin to tell her that she can't bring a date, she's not going to be able to be there for her 100%, considering, first the maid of honor is usually the one there for her 100%, and second the bride is going to be taking up with the groom for the most part, and who is she left with, being by herself, considering her parents are going to be taken up with each other. That's rather a silly thing to ask of your cousin, even on your wedding day, but just go to the wedding/party etc, and get it over with, hang out with some other bridesmaids and try to have fun if possible.

I don't think that she should feel entitled to bring a date at all. Especially since it isn't a boyfriend. It is just a friend. I also don't understand why she should be alone....it is her cousin so she should have a lot of family members there that she can hang out with.

I agree that if your invitiation didn't say "and guest" it would be impolite to bring a guest. Plus, she's your cousin so obviously you are going to have plenty of family that you know at the wedding.

However, in a situation where you (the guest) don't really know any of the other wedding guests, I think it is extremely rude for the bride not to allow you to bring someone. I know it's expensive and blah blah blah but you should want all of your guests to feel comfortable.

What nicachica said, exactly.

I think you should drop it and go by yourself. It's her wedding, and like nicachica and some others said, they probably would've liked to invite more people but couldn't, so it doesn't make sense to have someone there they don't even know.

If the invitation didn't say you could bring a guest, then I don't think it's appropriate to bring one or ask for an exception.

Oh come on, it's just a day-long wedding, not a week-long vacation. Do you not know any other bridesmaids? Or any other people who will be there? It's a social event. Try and socialize a bit!

If you're a good enough friend to be a bridesmaid, then your a good enough friend to make this little sacrifice for her.

what about your expense? don't you have to fly out there, pay for a bridesmaid dress you'll never wear again, take her out for a bachelorette party. your not just a guest (then it would be rude for you to ask to bring someone) but a member of the bridal party. i would think your cousin would want you to have a good time at the reception, since at that point you've probably already spent a lot of time and energy on her and her wedding-- she should let you bring a guest. sounds like she's really selfish.

Well if she's "flying in" with parents, it's likely she won't know many of the other bridesmaids. She does sound very selfish, and very bridezilla-ish. If you really want a date, ask her if you can pay for his plate? Take care of the money issue if that's the problem. If I didn't feel comfortable being at that wedding talking to just my parents all night, i'd want a friend there too. I wouldn't want to be unhappy the entire wedding, because when you're miserable, it shows. You'll make everyone else around you miserable, and it just won't be any fun.

Don't sweat it, it's not a big deal.

I know people who don't even bring their spouse along to weddings because the spouse would be bored stiff. Haha. No sense making the happy couple scramble for space and cost for someone who don't want to go in the first place. (These are some very sensible married ladies.)

Besides, it sounds like your date friend would just be there to do you a favor - he'd be "OK" but it isn't exactly his idea of the best time ever to go to a wedding for people he doesn't even know, is it?

If you're afraid you'd have some busybody (there's at least one in every family) getting on your case about not being paired off, I feel ya, but it's better to just be a confident single gal than to bring along a "fake date" to "show them".

Seriously, I don't see the big problem with going stag. I've gone to weddings stag and had plenty of fun meeting new people and/or getting better acquainted with people I already knew but didn't know well.

I can see where the argument of "weddings are expensive" comes from but when you don't know a lot of people and you'd rather not be alone and bored all evening, why not bring a date? Also, when you're a bridemaid and most likely a really good friend of the bride, she should also want you to be happy ("it's her day" - should that be an excuse to be a selfish *sshole? should that be the day where ignorant people are allowed to have a vacation from all the stress that being nice and unselfish brings? jeez.)

And what is most important: when you're a bridesmaid (or even a guest) a wedding can be costly too. You may even not really feel like you want to go but you still have to (not going to a wedding you're invited too is still impolite, after all, it might upset the holy bride!) and that means buying a dress, buying a dress and whatever else comes up.

It's HER wedding, not yours. When you have a wedding you can tell everybody who invite whoever they want but until you are the one paying for the table settings, meals and decorations I don't think you should have a say in the matter.

I really dont get the whole must bring a date thing. Weddings are not cheap and they are about loved ones -not parties to bring dates to. While I dont really buy your cousin's excuse I do think it was her way of telling you a date is not invited. Sorry but let it go. You are going to be way too busy to see your date anyway - what is the big deal??

nicachica said it perfectly.

If it really bothers you, drop out of the wedding and go spend the day with your friend. What would she do if it were your husband?

You said it yourself- the more you think about it, the more you believe you should be able to bring someone.

The solution is simple. Stop thinking about it.

While this is a party, it's a formal one. The couple has every last say on who can and cannot attend- especially since this is (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

You can be the adult that you are and strike up conversations at the wedding with people you may not know very well. What ever happened to social skills?

If it's about the cost then why does anyone bring a date? If I were a bride I wouldn't want anyone at a party I paid for that I didn't know. Spouses and other dates would only be invited if I were friends with them and same goes for inviting relatives you don't know or like.

With that said if people are bringing guests and you're spending the money to fly in, buy a dress and take time off of work I don't see why she can't accommodate you. If you were just a guest I might say whatever, but you're supposed to be like sisters. I would never treat someone in my bridal party, especially my sister, like that.

I'm sure this is just me being in a cranky mood, but after reading some of the wedding questions on here, it makes me want to freakin' elope. There are so many ridiculous rules, and preferences, and hurt feelings, and exclamations of "it's my day!" that it just seems easier to run away to Vegas and get married by Elvis. Good lord.

As a recent bride, I don't blame your cousin at all. We were on a budget, and in order to stay on that budget we made a universal rule that unless you had a live-in significant other or were engaged, you did not get "& guest" on your invitation. If we had put "& guest" on all the single people's invitations, we would have blown our budget AND not been able to have the 105 person wedding we dreamed about in the venue we wanted. I would understand if you were upset because you weren't allowed to bring your boyfriend, but the fact that you were just going to bring a friend when you had family there, is really unnecessary. I commend your cousin on telling you the truth.

I'm with mesayme! it sounds like she might be uncomfortable with him being gay!

But what i didn't hear from you is if any of the other bridesmaids are bringing dates? are you the only single one? in that case why not just spend the night with your parents and your coordinated [grooms version of the bridesmade is called what?]

I would bring him. On her wedding she will be so preoccupied by everything going on around her that I doubt she will even notice or even care in the long run. I believe it was unfair of her to ask you to not include a date, but then again I'm not paying for it. If you think that bringing him will be the end of your friendship then you might consider not including him or finding better friends. I hope it all works out for you and that you let everyone know how it turned out. Just remember weddings can be rather stressful but in the end all that she hopefully remembers is saying "I do" to the man she loves.

Oh, I think she will definitely notice if you just brought him. Where is he going to sit, what's he going to eat, what's he going to do when you are busy? Couples usually make a decision about who they'll invite (who gets guests/dates, kids or no kids) and need to stick to that for everyone. Let her have her day and don't pressure her any more. Cost and space are two huge issues usually.
She's your cousin so I assume you'll have family there that you know? Try to make the most of this. You'll be busy as a bridesmaid anyways, so what is your friend going to do by himself? Weddings are so stressful and extra people to sort out is always just a pain. Don't go against what your cousin has already requested- there may be years of bitterness for messing up her plans.

If she is trying to save money and keep the guest list small, then I don't think it's unreasonable to not let you bring a guest. Often, couples will purposefully not invite plus-ones for people who are just going to bring friends. No it's not really fair to single people, but then again, I understand not everyone can have a huge wedding.

She isn't required to let you bring a date, and you really should respect her wishes.

That said, I made an exception for my single bridesmaid because she was traveling to be in my wedding, paid for her dress and shoes, etc. I felt it was right to let her bring someone, and none of the other guests would know her guest wasn't a boyfriend/husband/mutual friend anyway. I'm also not a diva who insisted that the wedding be "all about me," and I cared more about my bridesmaid's feelings than I did about her giving me 100 percent of her attention all night. Please. Weddings have become so ridiculous.

Although it might be comforting for the bridesmaid to bring a date, I'd advise against asking the bride for an exception. The bride and groom may have budget considerations, or they much just want to celebrate their wedding with people they know well and vice versa.

I think you're being a whiny brat. As a bridesmaid, your time should be spent with the bride instead of abandoning your date, who you're not in a relationship with anyway. Weddings are expensive, and even though you've spent money to fly and on your stuff, every head adds up to the wedding cost. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that your friend is gay. The bride probably just wants you there for her instead of worrying about babysitting someone else. And she probably feels like she shouldn't have to pay for that.

Besides, you'd be with family! Go catch up with them. And stop being a big baby. Sheesh!

go stag and be proud of it!! there is plenty of fun stuff to do at weddings---you don't need a crutch. I'm engaged but my boyfriend and I have done long-distance for 4 years. and even when we were in the same city, I relished going to movies/dinners/parties by myself. you don't need an accessory; you are an interesting person on your own.

If you are not in a relationship with this man, it is completely unreasonable for you to assume that you should be allowed to bring him. The bride is trying to be nice. If your invite did not include a date, then assume it is not polite to ask to bring some friend to your wedding that she does not even know. Weddings are very expensive as it is, each additional person is usually at least 50 dollars more per plate for the bride and groom. Stop taking this personally, it is nothing to do with you.
And no, you are not 'being punished' for being single. If he was your husband or serious bf, then I can understand why you would be upset in this situation. But, he is not. I think you are being unreasonable, and frankly kind of self-involved. You obviously have no idea regarding the expense and stress in planning a wedding. Don't mention this to her again, you will just sound immature and selfish. Focus your attention on being happy for her, and pleased that you get to be a bridesmaid. Flirt with single men there, you don't need to have the security blanket of your gay friend.

I can guarantee you, you are not being "punished for being single." Perhaps your cousin didn't speak to you about this issue in the clearest way. But as most posters have said here, she most likely doesn't want you to bring a date because of cost or the fact that she would rather keep the guest list to people that she and the groom know well. She probably has her reasons, and she already spoke to you about this well in advance of the wedding. Consider this -- you are almost certainly not the only guest who is not being invited to bring a date. There will be other single people there!

Weddings are great places to meet people. If the bride and you are the same age, you could definitely meet some fun people your age who are there stag as well. You are making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. You don't need your friend by your side in order to have fun.

Do you know how expensive it is to add one person to a wedding? It can be up to a few hundred dollars per person so it makes complete sense that the bride wouldn't want to let everyone not in a serious relationship bring a date.