First of all, since you've already told your boyfriend that you two would hang out on Friday you owe it to him to honor that committment. How would you feel if he 'ditched' you at the last minute because something better came along because that's what it seems to be. Although you said he would (unhapppily) go with you; perhaps he just wants to spend some alone quiet time with you.

How about making plans with your girlfriends for another weekend?

If your boyfriend is not controlling etc....stop worrying about what others think. Maybe they're jealous.

This is really common I'm afraid. I think that sometimes as women settle into a relationship they realize that they didn't really love to party as much as they thought they did. I would suggest making plans with your friends that don't involve house parties or stuff you're not as interested in anymore. Maybe you can all go to dinner or to the movies or something. Make a point to still invite them out. Then if you skip the parties with them on the weekends they can't say you don't try anymore.

As for Halloween, if you have already made a commitment to your boyfriend then you need to honor it. If you told your friends you'd go to this party already too, though, your a bit screwed and your friends will have a right to be pissed if you skip it.

Bottom line in situations like this is that occasionally you are going to have to do what you don't want to do in order to keep your friends happy. You're going to have to say yes and go out with them even though you'd rather be on the couch watching a movie with your man. You need to put some effort into these friendships.

Why? Well, my guess is this boyfriend won't become your husband, mostly because you seem young. You'll want to have friends if something goes wrong. Nothing is worse than a group of friends, scorned.

The only person who has a problem in this situation is your boyfriend. Why let him ruin your night? You should not cater to him being a grudge-holding baby who "hates" the host of a party. Clearly you want to go to the party. Tell him you're going and that you'd love for him to attend. If he chooses not to, that's his own problem.

My boyfriend isnt big into partying with my friends either. He doesnt dislike them he just likes his friends better lol

Anyways, when my friends have parties and he doesnt really want to come then we set a time limit on the party. He'll come if we leave by 10:00pm. Then I've made an appearance and my friends dont feel ditched and I still get some alone time with my boyfriend! Also, you have a built in excuse that you're working the next day so no one can be upset that you're leaving so early!

Good luck

If you chose to forgo events because your boyfriend doesn't want to attend, then you have to make it a top priority to see your friends at other times, without your boyfriend. No matter how much you want to spend time with him, you cannot sacrifice your friends. If your boyfriend respects you, he'll understand if you set aside a few nights a month just for your friends to do things JUST with them. It's fine if sometimes he comes along, but it's also important to have nights with just your friends. There is no guarantee that your boyfriend will be around forever, and if you blow off your friends for him, who says they will want to welcome you back with arms wide open when they realize that you've put them second behind him for so long?
Girl time is important too. By all means, if you'd rather hang out and watch movies with him, you shouldn't feel guilty about it... but suggest doing something with your friends the following weekend as an alternative. Don't use your friends as a backup plan for when your boyfriend can't spend time with you.

I haven't seen my friends in a couple of weeks, but in all honesty, I would much prefer to hang out with my boyfriend watching bad horror movies!

Right. Until he dumps you and you suddenly need your friends again.

We have the same problem. My beau actually hates a friend of HIS friend, whilst im best friends with this guys girlfriend. We just set a time limit or make sure there are lots of other people there for him to talk to. As long as there is a group he should be mature enough to handle it.

JMHO
~Gem

This is why I don't have alot of friends,I would much rather hang out with my family anyways.I had a very clingy friend once and she made my life hell for awhile.

...thankful I'm past this childishness...

you didn't say whether you'd made the plans first with your boyfriend or your girlfriends. if you made plans first with your girlfriends, it'd be pretty shady to skip out on them just to sit home & watch movies with your boyfriend. why couldn't you go without him & see him whenever you got home? you don't have to be attached at the hip with the boyfriend all the time. & if you made plans with your boyfriend first, wouldn't he understand if you told him that you want to stop by the party for a little bit to say hi because you haven't seen your girls in a while, & then you could sit home & watch movies together.

it's sooooo, so important to make plans with your girlfriends, or else you're going to depend entirely on your boyfriend for social interaction, which is both draining on him & on the relationship & kind of pathetic. you say you haven't seen your friends in a few weeks, which leads me to think that you're spending every waking second with your boyfriend, so maybe it's time to make the extra effort to plan something with your girlfriends & give your boyfriend a few hours to breathe.

I agree with those who say you need to start thinking about your female friends. It is childish for him not to want to go to a party you want to go to because "he hates the host". Maybe he is just controlling, and doesn't want you spending time with your friends. Many men are intimidated by a girlfriend's friends, because they assume you spend time talking about them (which is true), and they don't like it, as negative things may be discussed.

Never put all of your eggs in one basket...if you and this guy don't work out and you have consistantly blown off your friends, you are going to be very lonely. No one likes to feel like they are always the second choice.

I think the fact of the matter is that you spend most of your time with your boyfriend anyway, and when the chance comes to party with your friends on a 'special occasion' (even if it's halloween) - you should grab it with both hands.

But drag your boyfriend along while you're at it, he doesn't even have to talk to the host if he doesn't want to. No one likes a stick in the mud.

I realize the event has just passed, but in the future, can't you just do both? Go to the party for a short time, hang out with your friends for a bit and then leave a little early so you and your guy can spend the rest of the evening together. He should be adult enough to go to a party for a bit, despite the fact he doesn't like the host. There should be plenty of other people there to talk to. I don't know - seems like two adults should be able to come up with a solutions that allows both people to be happy.

well it's definitely a challenging thing to be in a position where you feel like you have to choose. the thing to remember is that we don't ALWAYS like the things that we do but we compromise. i know that you said that your boyfriend didn't like the host so he didn't want to go, but i think that he could have made the concession to go for you since you wanted to go - and since it's a holiday, there would be sooo many people there that it's not like he would have to have too much face time with the host.

friends are always going to get bent out of shape if they feel like you're trading them for your boy and i think that it's really hard to find the balance. i think that you need to remember the adage 'hoes before bros' since friends have been there for a long time and men have come and gone. if you think that you're making your friends feel like you're choosing your man over them, then really make an effort to set aside some special girl time with them so they know that they are still really important to you. girls-only things are soo much fun and i miss out on having those since my boyfriend and i moved away and we don't have 'friends' in our new city yet. you have that luxury, so don't lose it.

ugh.. you sound like two of my friends. im sorry, but most likely you will not get married to the boyfriend you have now, so after you guys break up are you going to go running back to your friends? You boyfriend needs to respect that you need friends, probably ones you've known WAY long then you've been dating him. I think your friends will understand if you hang out with your boyfriend once in a while, but I think you should make more plans with them.

My one friend seems to date a guy, hang out with him every weekend, then without seeing her for two months, they break up and she comes running back to our group of friends. the cycle will repeat itself in a couple of months.

I say go out with your friends. you can always leave and come home to him. plusss your bfs gonna get sick of you if you hang out with him 24/7.

Part of entering into a relationship is finding balance between time with a partner, and time with friends. You shouldn't feel guilty about how you want to spend your time, and you hopefully have friends who are happy for you, and understand that you and your boyfriend are in that stage where you want to spend a lot of time together. And hopefully when they are going through those times in their own relationships, you will be happy for them, and just as understanding.
To me, it's better to spend quality time with a friend, when they want to be there- not if they are looking at their watch, thinking of their guy. Just make sure you are finding quality time like this with your girls, too.
Also, are you getting the feeling that they are feeling slighted? Or could this just be a guilt issue for you? If you are really thinking their feelings are being hurt, really, communicate with them. Let them and your boyfriend know what you are thinking! It could be simple note or email, a sit-down chat, or, to your girlfriends, just, "I know I've been spending a lot of time with my guy, I still love you guys as much as ever".

Your boyfriend should grow up and realize that sometimes you just have to grin and bare it. He doesn't have to hang out with the girl he doesn't like all night long, there's other people at the party. He sounds immature.

I have a similar problem: my boyfriend is pretty anti-social, and pretty picky about the people he hangs out with. A good majority of my friends don't pass this "test". I, on the other hand, am super social and thrive on social interactions. We've had talks about it, and agreed that him getting along with my friends is what's important. He won't totally avoid them, but knows how much of each he can handle and we make our plans accordingly.

I disagree that boyfriends should just deal with it. If your boyfriend is fundamentally anti-social, or genuinely cannot stand the people that he knows he will be around, that's not going to change by telling him to man-up.It's definitely about compromise, and finding that balance you both can live with. We go to parties, but sometimes just for a certain amount of time (especially when one of us doesn't know anyone).

That covers the part of the problem that is your boyfriend, but there's another element: your relationship with your friends. It is really easy to want to stay in with your boytoy 24/7, and I'm sure all of us who have experienced a friend who got a boyfriend and completely withdrew. It definitely takes effort to keep yourself connected, and that's really important, because you're going to need someone around when you need a break from him, or if you break up. So, make the effort. Your friends deserve a place in your life, and you should make room for them. Not necessarily saying "yes" every time, but not alienating them by turning into one of "those girls".

Whew. That was long. Sorry.

bottom line: we're all adults. I'm sure we all have people in this world we'd rather NOT spend time with.. but having him socizlize with people that he's not particularly fond of for a couple hours won't KILL him. I mean, it's a special occassion (Halloween party!)... not a weekly thing. If he truly loves you and respects you, he'll suck it up and stop being a big baby, for a couple of hours. It's really not too much to ask for. I agree with others that maybe you can set a limit on how long you two should stay at the party, then go home and watch the movie. That way, everyone wins. Relationships are all about compromising, no?

And as for choosing between the BF or GFs situation, I suggest you plan double dates with one of your GFs and her BF.. that way, you can hang out with your friend, and he can get to know her BF (and your GF in the process!)... at least that way it won't be as awkward at the next big get- together and he might be more prone to attend.. cuz he'll have someone he *kinda* knows. Also, what I like to do is have a weekly girls- only dinner (no BFs allowed!) It truly allows you to reconnect with your friends, and you can get your weekly updates (and gossip!) Also, I like to spend one night of the weekends (either Friday or Saturday night) with my GFs and our BFs. It's fun!

P.S- sacred rule: chicks before dicks!

If you actually want to maintain your friendships, you have to make time for your friends. If you were to suddenly break up with your man, how would you feel realizing your friends felt that you chose him over them and they have all just drifted away or found other friends? If you prioritize your friendships now, your bf will respect you more in the long run and you will have a healthier relationship. However, if your friends aren't really important to you, then you could let them go. But I think you will regret this. If you make plans with your friends first, then honour that commitment, even if your guy doesn't want to come. Your girlfriends would probably appreciate some girl time with you anyway. Good luck to you.