umm i feel really weird here ...
i am not a birthday person, i am much into celebration, but my ex was and still is ... he still threw me birthday surprise @ midnight ...
i secretly loved it ... but i guess i am abit embarass to do that to other people ... i dunno why what to be embarass about, but i guess it is about revealing your feeling and showing that you like this closeness with other people. i guess it is a lot safer to have that firm line, you know ... that no one crosses over ..
i dunno ... ive been thinking about this .. when this q pops out, i could not help to chime in ... especially since im bringing the other view... =p

i am a big birthday person too and i'd appreciate a little more hoopla if i were you, as well, but bringing it up is just awkward
i dunno...it would depend if this was the only negative thing he's ever done to upset you or if there are other things, but i might keep it to myself because you will come off sounding so spoiled and entitled

I can understand feeling slighted or hurt, but I wouldn't bring it up (especially if it's been over 2 weeks since).

I think if anyone close to me was to forget my birthday or only get me a card or not even get me anything, I'd never say something - mostly because I wouldn't want to seem like the kind of person that feels entitled (like skigurl said).

After all, he did take you out (the festival) - and he probably bought you some drinks and told all your friends to wish you a happy birthday and gave you extra hugs and kisses, know what I mean? Just because you weren't taken to dinner or given a gift doesn't mean he didn't celebrate your birthday in his way.

The other day I was trying to choose a gift for a girl friend with a guy friend of mine, and he couldn't understand why I would want to spend money on someone else unless they were your family or it was a really important birthday - some guys (and girls) are just built differently.

He's not going to know you were disappointed if you don't say something. Next year you should celebrate both of your birthdays together since they are so close.

I once had a boyfriend who told me he had to work on my birthday and I found out the next day that he took another woman out...on a scale of 1 to 10 this is a 2.

I wonder what kind of festival the boyfriend took her too? I am sure that it included getting some sort of food, etc...maybe a knick knack or two? In my experience, going to festivals isn't typical behavior of a guy who would be oblivious to birthday ettiquette...maybe he thought the festival was special/equivalent to you taking him out to dinner? don't know about the gift thing.

I say that because everyone has told this girl to say something, but if he thought what he did was special for her, it would hurt his feelings too, then EVERYONE would be upset.

i would just let it go. he got you a card. he spent your birthday with you, and the way that he treats you all the time should be the important thing not the superficial stuff like what he can buy you. he otok you out to the festival. i'm sure money was spent there and its not like he didnt hang out with you on your birthday. maybe he doesnt hav the money or maybe he is saving up for something better. who knows. i wouldnt overreact about this.

it all depends on what kind of a person he is. he remembered it was your birthday, but did you feel like crap the whole time, or did you have fun? is it just that he didnt spend money on you?! if that's it, then you suck. it's all about the memories, the adventure...i would love something different like a festival as a celebration. it shows ingenuity. without more info it's hard to tell, but really reflect on whether or not you're just being bratty.

But...there was one guy, he was a friend more so than a boyfriend, he orchestrated a show to revolve around many of my favorite things... dance, the song Boogie Wonderland, Debbie Allen, and LL Cool J. Sometimes, you have to know yourself well enough to know that someone is saying 'I love and honor you' by just showing you a reflection of yourself in an admirable way

I agree that I would be peeved, I LOVE my birthday and I love the attention I get on it haha but what I'm wondering is if you told him how special your birthday was before hand or if you just expected him to know. Yes you treated him special on his birthday but not all people know that you want that reciprocated. Just work it into a conversation with someone when he's near by and go on about how much you love birthdays and love getting a special gift etc etc, dont actually mention your boyfriend or this years birthday, just hope that he gets the point for next year. Good luck!

It could be worse lol

On my 20th birthday my ex and I got in an argument the day before and the next day (on my actual birthday) he didnt call me at all and turned his phone off then around 6pm I called his sister and she informed me that he was having a party at his place and invited a whole bunch of people but decided not to invite me.

Great guy. At least yours got you a card LOL

it doesnt' sound to me like he was oblivious to your birthday --- like another poster said, he got you a card and spent the day with you! if you also wanted a gift, I don't think there's any point in saying soemthing about it now. he'll go get you something and then you'll feel like he just did it because you said something. wait until closer to your birthday next year and then tell him what you want or what you want to do for your birthday.

btw I'm not a "big birthday person." I like to have a nice dinner with my husband on my birthday and he might get me a small gift like a book I want, and some flowers from the grocery store. He only knows what I want/like for my birthday because I have told him. Men aren't psychic.

Men aren't psychic...

I just don't think birthdays are as important to guys as they are to (some of) us girls! But it sounds to me like you are more upset about the lack of effort on his part, not the material aspect of it. You went to all the trouble of planning a dinner, picking and buying a gift you knew he'd love, and got all excited about making his day special, and you don't feel he made the same effort. It's a problem my boyfriend and I have sometimes too, it doesn't feel good at all to feel like you are the only one making an effort, or you are the one making the most effort. So i think if you do say something to him, you should make sure it is about the effort and thought (or lack of) involved, and not about the material part

Let me first start off saying that I understand her feelings, however even with boyfriends who much is exspected I think it's unfair to do tit for tat with him. I would ask didn't you get him what you got him for his birthday out of the kindness of your heart and not because you knew it would be at least duplicated on your birthday? Instead of getting angry or holding on to these feelings I would make sure you let him know that "birthdays" are extremely important to you. I would also take a long look at your motives when you buy gifts for people, because I'm willing to bet that this person would feel slighted by anyone who gives less than they have received from her.

And I, like lawchick, have to make it reeeeal easy for my guy to shop for me. this year, i sent him a link to some boots I wanted, and that was that he was beyond relieved to not have to pick something out himself, and I was spared the horror of seeing whatever awful pair of shoes he would have chosen anyway!

And yes I agree with some of the other posters in here, this is minor my ex boyfriend who I am still friends with Forgot my birthday this year I mean totally forgot it ( we had been together 4 years), and the year before he missed my huge birthday bash because of work even though he had over a month to reschedule but he took me out to dinner/shopping but at dinner actually criticized my outfit, so yeah on a scale of 1-10 you are at a 1 and it makes you seem a smidge spoiled. And yes these are some of the reasons I broke up with this self absorbed/selfish dude he's a way better friend.

"Instead of getting angry or holding on to these feelings I would make sure you let him know that "birthdays" are extremely important to you." ...exactly... Makes all the difference in the world.

There's a big difference in a person who had lavish birthday parties and gifts as a child. And the person who didn't even get cards from their own parents. To forget or make light of that holiday could ruin the relationship for some people. It has so much more to do with saying 'I'm glad you were born' than 'here's something else to add to your trinket collection.'

I don't know your boyfriend so it's hard to say but he probably thought the card and festival were equivalent to what you did for his birthday.

it was 2 weeks ago... its a little late to say anything now. i'm saying this in the nicest way... get over it. like an above poster said if he though what he did for you was good, you may hurt his feelings just to get a "random something"? you cant say anything without sounding selfish. because this is.

I'm sorry but I can't understand why you are upset. He took you to the festival, somewhere the two of you could create shared memories and have a great time experiencing together. For me birthdays are about the shared times rather than the monetary values - and I suspect your husband is the same.

Same here- I dont get why this is upsetting? Are you equating monetary value with gifts? Some gifts are based on thought and love not money. A festival sounds nice to me...am I missing something?

Okay, because I know myself, I know I'd be a little bothered that he didn't do "as much" for my birthday. But I'd also hate that I felt that way and know it's extremely petty. I wouldn't dream of saying anything.

He spent the day with you, you went to a festival (like other posters, I'm also guessing he probably paid for things there). He probably thought that was nice enough. Different people have different attitudes about birthdays. And, in my experience, most guys don't think to do anything big for special occasions.

I'd also be curious to know how long you two have been together, and if you'd celebrated birthdays together before. That will make a big difference as to what you should expect.

My boyfriend and I had only been seeing each other for about a month when my birthday rolled around last. He took me to an inexpensive (but delicious) restaurant, then we went to his place to watch the vice presidential debate and have some more wine. That was it. And that's fine.

I don't give a $hit if it's petty, you have something bugging you and it's him, bring it up! A festival? are you kidding?

Hmmm, I can kind of see both sides here.

So the festival and whole day with you does kind of seem equal to the dinner and everything you planned for him. But I can see how you might feel like he didn't put the same thought into it that you did. And that would bother me too. So if you say something, I wouldn't say anything about getting a present or a fancy dinner (b/c that sounds spoiled..and really it kinda is). I would just say something about how "you feel like he didn't care as much about the birthday as you did, and you just like gestures like that to know he cares about you, so it hurt your feelings, b/c to you, he was kind of saying he didn't care". That way he knows how you feel and not that you just wanted another present.

In his mind, he probably thought the card and festival were enough of a gift (guys are often clueless). I'm not sure how long you've been together but maybe this is your first birthday(s) together and he just didn't know what you were expecting. Just be honest with him. If you are he'll never make the same mistake again... and if he does, then you have every right to get upset.

A gift is not something that is something that he has to give you. A birthday gift could be the simplest thing to a more luxurious gift. But its the thought that actually counts. That the person actually took the initiative to think about you on your special day to provide you with love. Taking you to a festival is a very nice thing for him to do. B\c you guys got to spend sometime together, having fun and doing activities. Instead of sitting through out a fancy dinner that might cost a pretty penny. I believe you are being selfish. I think you should be grateful that you had someone to spend your day with. Even if it meant a long walk on the beach.

i completely agree with Hiding55. i would definitely be calm if and when you approach him, so he doesn't feel attacked.

i don't think you have any right to be upset. a gift should never be expected unless promised. same goes for taking you out. at least he acknowledged it was your birthday. if he had forgotten it or ignored it, yea be upset.

yeah i have to agree that you're kinda making too big of a deal about this... it really shouldn't be about a material present, but the fact that he was celebrating with you and thought about you enough to get a card. birthday's really aren't that big of a deal, unless maybe you're turning 16 or something

Hiding55 took the words right out of my mouth. You have to tell him how you feel, and agree also that next year you should do a joint celebration.

I think you are making too big of deal out of this. He remembered your day just because it was not the way you wanted it to be does not make him a total jerk. He got you a card and you went to a festival if it is anything like the Greek Festival that is in Portland every year I bet it was a blast not to mention the food is usually great! I agree with the joint celebration they are a blast too!

i have to agree here that sometimes guys are just really oblivious and don't realize what they need to do. just talk to him and tell him that you're a bit hurt by it all. i'm guessing that he thinks that the festival was a b-day treat, and that you're happy about that...since you haven't said anything. if you resent him, then things are just going to be weird for you when the holidays roll around since you won't want to get him anything nice.

if you can't talk to him about this, then think about the other challenges that you're going to have to talk about in your relationship over the years. communication is key and you should always try to be open even on things like this. birthdays are supposed to cause joy not stress and it doesn't sound like that's the case here.

sounds like he did acknowledge your birthday (gave you a card) so I don't think him acknowledging your birthday is the issue here...clearly you wanted a big gift and some romance... if thats what you want, clearly you have to tell him... I dunno... I'd feel selfish saying that but to each their own...if its a big deal for you and its a do it or lose it situation you better make it known now before it happens again

P.S....for my birthday I paid for my bf to take a limo with me and our friends downtown and paid for a hotel room for us...because I just wanted us to be together...I didnt even get a card...but thats only because he was really hurting for cash at that time... I think you just need to sit down and really evaluate the things that matter most to you... Im sure once you do you will realize its not such a big deal after all

Well, you know, Kate, my bday is approaching...

He's a guy - it probably didnt even occur to him that you actually wanted a present. Or, he was too worried about what to get you (since you didnt mention anything) that he procrastinated and didnt get you anything.

If getting something is important to you, then by all means cut to the chase and let him know. I send my boyfriend IM's with "ooh, isnt this cute? *wink*" and such all the time.. he gets it. Sometimes, you just have to speak his language!

Guys may acknowledge birthdays in other ways, and he is one of them. A superficial gift isn't everything. Think of it this way-- he took you to a festival and you got to spend some quality time together. Isn't that a gift in itself? But if it really bothers you... just be honest and speak up instead of resenting him.

Sounds like you just bought him something, just so you can get something back. Thats kind of ungreatful. but w/e...and like said before, "guys aren't psychics"