You already know the answer, now all you have to do is implement. You're 4months in... break up with the guy and wash your hands of this situation before you get any more attached. This dude is in no situation to be getting into a relationship and you should not have to deal with any of this crap.

Run like your little heart depends on it and dont look back.

Good luck

For once, I'm not the one saying "throw in the towel." Given this woman's current behavior, I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't even sure who the daddy is. I think you need to stay in the relationship, and if you're still together when the baby's born make sure there's a paternity test done. If he is the father, he can then decide what role his ex and this child will play in his life.

If there's any way at all you can urge him, get her help for the drinking. The only thing more burdensome than a baby is a special-needs baby with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

I would bow out of the relationship. If you stay with the bf, you are automatically involved in the baby drama. If she's as crazy as you say, you haven't seen the worst of it. She will come after you eventually. If you want to stay, then talk to him about getting a paternity test done now. A relationship that's 4 mos old is not long enough for me to stay. Get out while you can.

Like fallen said, you already know what to do.

If she is drinking like you say, then I persnally think that your bf has a legal and moral obligation to protect his unborn child. This means that he needs to call social services on her NOW as well as telling her family so they can hopefully intervene! The damage may already be done, unfortunately. Drinking during your first trimester is the worst time, because that is when the baby's nervous system, brain and spinal cord are being produced. Which means that the baby very likely already have FAS. FAS children are very difficult to deal with because they don't have the capacity to make logical decisions and generally do not understand rules. FAS children are literally missing chunks of their brain tissue, and parts they do have are usually malformed. The more severe and the longer that she drinks during pregnancy, the higher the chance of FAS. If I were you, I would be more concerned over the fact that he taken no real action to prevent his potential child from being severely mentally disabled, particularly when the whole situation is preventable. He does not sound like a responsible individual, and it is probably best for you to get him some info re: FAS and then get out of this mess. There is always the chance that the child is not his, but do you really want to wait around to find out?

tough call. i think you should just be honest with him and tell him that if the baby is really his, then you aren't ready for that responsibility and what it will add to the relationship. you seem to care about him, is it possible to stay friends? that way you can be there for him with out being so involved.

and i do agree- if she is seriously drinking that you might want to urge him to do something about that.

I find this one soo hard to suggest what to do!

in all honesty I would want to run, but I'd feel guilty about doing so if I really liked the guy.
I think you should probably call it quits now to be honest, since if you stay, the likelihood is that the strain may well break up the relationship anyway

If you're already feeling like this now, then it will only get worse as his obligations to his child increase.

I think I'd cut and run, although it sounds really harsh!

Unfortunately, even the most "perfect" guys have baggage. At 4 months, it's hard to see it in him- but odds are that if he's gotten himself into a situation like this, he's not as great as your measley 4 months together says he is. OR, he could be a fantastic guy with a recent ex who is completely psychotic for no reason.....

I was actually in this situation- started dating a guy who seemed amazing and find out his ex is pregnant. He WAS the father, they had an amnio done. I stayed.... I shouldnt have.

Turned out my guy (and not saying this is the case with yours, this was just my experience) was a horrible father, an alcoholic and a drug addict, which was how he ended up with her in the first place- they were drinking and drugging together, I happen to meet him during a "clean spell". By the end I was so stressed out I had to go on antianxiety meds and then needed further medication to sleep bc of the side effects of the antianxiety meds- I was a complete mess.

By the end of our relationship the mom (who had managed to pretty much get her life together) was turning to me for support bc the bf was so useless- and when I called her to tell her I had kicked him to the curb she said she understood but was sad I was leaving bc she knew he would never have another gf that was as great as I was about the whole situation(I was actually at the hospital when the baby was born and I was one of the first people to hold him).

Granted, you DONT know if he is the father- but what if he is? I say bail NOW- tell him honestly you arent ready for this. If he really likes you and the baby turns out not to be his then maybe you can give it another go.

This happened to me only I had a 3 plus year history with my ex when I found out the girl was pregnant..we were going to leave the people we were with but he stayed with her..fast forward 3 more years..count that 6!!! and he is still with her, unhappy but with her. and thats fine. cus my boyfriend is wonderful. If I was asked to have to deal with that situation I probably would, I am not going to lie, bcus of our history and feelings, but everyone is different and noone is forcing you to deal with it.

ok so I went off on my own personal rant there lol...you already made up your mind, you just want us to confirm it for you..you said you dont feel like dealing with it and thats fine, you only met the guy 4 months ago! you know what you have to do..

I would say if you know you don't want to deal with this situation then you two should break up. Be honest with yourself, if you know that your boyfriend having a baby with a "crazy" chick is not something you can deal with, then move on. That is much better then staying in the relationship and breaking up with him when his ex has the baby, or staying with him and resenting him and the baby, which is not good for anyone.

Regardless to how much you may want to vilify the ex-girlfriend remember she's in your boyfriends life because at some point he chose to be in hers. In at least some small way they have things in common to have been together to make a baby. And if she's a few months pregnant...you just got in the picture anyway. Leave the situation if you can't handle it, wish him luck and go on with your life. Some of her 'craziness' may have to do with how soon he moved on to you leaving her pregnant. Maybe she didn't want to have an abortion, maybe he suggested it. Either way, that situation existed before you came along and actually it makes you sound more like a 'Giselle' whining about another woman's problems.
Move on, it's just that simple.

For my part, this is not a situation I'd want to be emotionally invested in at all. I think it's better to get out while you still can.

I tend to think there's more about your new boyfriend you don't know. You say that you don't see what he saw in her - to me, that's a warning sign. I think you'd find, if you stay, that he's not the perfect guy you think. This situation is just too messy.

I agree with princess and someone else who said that if she was his type at some point there's something about her that attracted her to him and they must've clicked on some level.

Personally i'd get out, but that's because I'm selfish. I'm 20 and I don't need that type of drama in my life. Not to mention since he's your boyfriend and it may be his child then the drama is automatically yours. If she's as irresponsible as you claim then you do know once the baby is born it's going to be the father's responsibility and as a default yours. You have plans she's going to drop the baby off, you have a get together she's going to be there to show off the child or just be a pain.

And I fully agree about calling social services on her ass, yeah, that might end up with him having to spend more time with her to make sure the child is safe but do you really want to be with a man who just watches as his ex destroys any chance at his child having a semi-normal life before it's even born? He helped get her pregnant now he needs to step up and startt ensuring the child has the best odds s/he can get and that starts with stopping the drinking.

Good luck with this.

Oh I have been there..only I was 21 when it happened. I dated the guy with the psycho ex who had 3 kids by 3 different men. Was in an abusive relationship with her current bf...and was preggers with a 4 th child with that guy. At any rate...all of this impacted on my relationship with my ex bf so signficantly. It is part of the reason he is my ex. There are so many unknowns when the mother of child is crazy. There were so many times we made plans and she had a freak out or a fight with her bf and my ex had to take the kid of the weekend. Or my ex would take custody of the the kid for long periods of time like months on end while she shorted her life out..went to rehab and etc. At any rate...it impacts the relationship a lot.

Being someone's step mom or the gf of someone who has a child is a complicated and crazy situation. You have to be ready to be second because a child always comes first. You also have to deal with the possiblity of whole situation where the crazy ex maybe still being in love with your bf...and talking trash to teh child and making them act up against you, and where your role in the entire picture is. Can you discipline the child...can you say anything? UGH

Obviously from my expereince, which was pretty bad, I would advise you to run. It sounds liek you are ready to leave. Just leave now..before he gets more emotionally attached to you. Explain that you will be there as a friend, but in terms on a realtionship you cannot handle that responsibilty.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

I would talk to him about it, tell him your feelings. But in the end, it sounds like you are right - it will be complicated. If the ex left the kid at your doorstep and moved away, would you want to help raise your boyfriend's child with him?

i wouldn't want that kind of baggage and i wouldn't feel guilty about leaving. I have to ask are you sure she is even pregnant and if it is even his? Either way i would not want ot be involved with someone who was involved with someone like her.

I would stick around if I have strong feeling about him. I don't like bailing out on people but I understand if you're very young and you don't feel ready. If you wanna leave you should plan it very carefully. Don't just say I am leaving and that's it. BE nice about it and if you can continue to be a friend because I think this guy will need one!

Your only 4 months in so if you want to jump ship, this is the time to do it. This is going to get hairy.

There's not much to say about this situation b/c it's a pro to con type thing! I've dated my boyfriend going on 5 yrs. now and when we first got together he was seeing a trick that had so many treats for other men that she really didn't know who the baby daddy was. They dated for at least 6 months and then she found out she was pregnant. We started talking right around the time she was claiming she was going to have the baby! Come to find out he wasn't the father b/c she put some other dude on the birth certificate! I didn't want to be involved so I told him when she gets the DNA test done and it shows that your not the father then we can move on to something more! We ended up becoming a family of our own but this made me think twice before jumping someone for there looks! You have to dig deeper than the surface b/c there may be some secrets that may not come to light until it's to late.

So really it's your judgement on what you want to do with your life. Some rather stay until the end especially if that's the person they want to be with but most would leave before becoming part of that circle! Choose wisely b/c you don't want the wrong decision to be a bad disappointment at the end!!

You already seem to give your answer in the question itself. You don't seem to want to be with this guy because of his situation and the implications of my crazy ex-girlfriend. If I'm completely misreading you and you do want to stick with him, support him as best you can and make sure he gets a paternity test.

However, If you do want to leave him, I think it would be better to do it now rather than later. If you support him throughout his ex's pregnancy, he'll probably expect that you're cool with the situation and want a more long-term commitment, which probably isn't the best thing for you to do if you're going to dump him once the baby's born anyway.

oddly enough, i am in almost the same exact situation right now and was looking for advice!

for me, i think i may stick it out for a bit longer and see how things seem to progress (at least until the baby is born), but with the full expectation that this is probably a relationship with an expiration date. but at least i will get to know him better to see if he is the kind of guy i would want to keep dating (regardless of this situation), as well as continue to be there and support him as a friend. if things get to be too much, then i can bow out gracefully. the hardest part will be not getting too emotionally involved even though i like him. i know it will be difficult, but i guess i am just not one to walk away from a difficult situation, especially when i care about someone. besides, it is true that as you get older almost everyone has some kind of baggage. the key is observing how someone deals with it: is he honest and open, or is he hiding things and lashing out at you?

the worst part for me is feeling like i am judging him for being irresponsible and worrying what other people think of me for dating him or for how it reflects on me to date someone so careless/immature. i feel guilty for having those thoughts, but it's how i feel. ugh.

good to know that i am not the only woman that this has happened to!

If you know that she is drinking whilst pregnant then you have a moral obligation towards the unborn baby (WHO IS THE ONLY IMPORTANT ONE IN THIS SITUATION BTW) to call child protection in. They can get a care protection order and his "crazy ex-girlfriend" (who doesn't think their boyfriend's ex isn't crazy?) won't even see the child. Though this does mean parental rights would default to your boyfriend if he is the father (or willing to take parental responsibility) in the event of this happening.

I would get out of the relationship now. He is in too much of a messy situation and you don't need to be dealing with his baggage that is never going to go away. His ex will always be there because the child will always be there.

Um, call some one about her drinking. That is so wrong on so many levels. And then run. I wouldn't want to deal with that situation. I went on a couple of dates with a guy, and then I found out his ex was pregnant, and she is keeping it, and I was out of there so fast. I don't want to deal with that sh*t at all. You shouldn't have to either.

wow - i'm sorry that you're going through that. i think that it's hard to be in a relationship with someone that either has a kid or is going to have a kid and you're not necessarily in a place to be a parent. i think that you have to do what's best for you. if you know right now that you're not ready to take on the parenting responsibilities, then be honest with yourself and with him and let him know how you feel.

i think that the major issue here is that she's preggo and she's drinking and that's going to harm the child. your boyfriend really needs to talk to her about this, or get parents involved because this isn't just affecting you and your boyfriend and her, it's affecting a child and the baby's health is at stake.

you can only deal with so much i think, and if you can picture being upset and stressed and miserable because of this baby - then it's only fair for you to try to talk to the boy and then if necessary - walk away. it's hard - but i think that it's better to do it sooner rather than later.

i agree that the unborn child is the one you should be concerned about. act as fast as you can to try to stop her from drinking...

I signed up for this site simply to post this comment, because your issue struck a chord with me....only we're on opposing sides, I'm afraid.

You see, I can relate to your boyfriend's psycho ex. I am just starting my second trimester, with my ex boyfriend's child. We became ex's about two months ago...when this girl started calling and texting him constantly.

Let me give you a little background, first....this guy and I have been together for about a year and a half, and I miscarried his twins last spring. It was absolutely devastating for me, and I think it affected him quite a bit, too....why else would he have promised he would give me another baby? I was hoping it would happen a little further down the road, I wasn't sure my body had recovered from the miscarriage yet, and I was testing my ovulation cycle (which my doctor said to do) to see if it had gone back to a normal, 28 day cycle. So I knew the day I ovulated, and I told him about it, also, and let him choose as to whether we used any birth control or not. He chose not to.

Then this girl butts in. From the first day she started texting him (she is his best friend's daughter, and at first he said he thought it was his friend), things changed. He became very distant, which I attributed to him not wanting to deal with MY emotions at the time, my best friend had just died of cancer at the age of 33, and he's the "strong, silent type", who doesn't quite know what to make of me wearing my heart on my sleeve all the time. I didn't know it was another woman until the day I told him he needed to start paying his half of the bills on the place we were living in, I had bought a house, and told him he could take a month or two to get caught up on HIS bills, before I expected him to start chipping in on the house payment, utilities, etc. He left, packed his stuff and left. I had told him about three days earlier that I was pregnant again, right around the same day she started calling.

He came back about a week later, mostly because he was working a few extra days on his days off (he works two weeks on, two weeks off), and didn't really want to stay at the man-camp they have set up for the employees. He wouldn't talk about HER, just said that they were friends, and refused to say anything more. I didn't believe him, if they were just friends, they were doing an awful lot of communicating back and forth constantly, and I know how he is when he's in a new relationship, he wants to talk and text constantly, which is exactly what they were doing. I told him if I had his word that it was just him and I in this relationship, and no one else, I would let sleeping dogs lie. He gave me his word, and then promptly proved himself a liar. When I confronted him on it the next day, he said nothing, absolutely nothing, even when I asked him what HE wanted to do about the baby.

That was almost two months ago, and I have seen him in person exactly three times, twice when he decided he needed to get laid during the two weeks he's on, and once when I had to flat out corner him just to get him to talk to me.

Now, in my opinion, I wasn't psycho until this happened. I've been left hi and dry, I have no insurance, he refuses to contribute anything towards the doctor bills, and i don't qualify for Medicaid. This was HIS choice, and while I am on the one hand ecstatic, because I really want this man's baby, on the other, I'm absolutely devastated by the fact that he seems to have found it so easy to just walk away and start over with someone else. I can't believe that woman can live with herself, to be honest, doesn't she realize what she's interfering in? Because she couldn't leave a man who was taken alone, my child is going to grow up with it's father. I would never be able to do something like that to another woman, not ever. Every day I pray she sees the light and has the decency to bow out, now, before she totally screws up three lives besides her own.

That's my advice to you. Get out, let the dust settle, and look him up after the baby is born, see what happens then. She needs him right now in the worst way, even if they don't end up making it as a couple after the baby is born, at least she can respect the fact that he was THERE, with her, and not with someone else, during a time when she was extremely vulnerable. As is stands, the way I see it you are at least partly to blame for her being so "psycho" in the first place, granted, you might not have known she was pregnant, but that doesn't change the fact that she IS, and being left in a situation like that for another woman is hard to deal with for anyone, let alone someone with chemical dependency problems.

P.S- Give them a chance to adjust to the new circumstances before you go calling any governmental authorities on her. CPS is not a punishment I would wish on my worst enemy, once they're involved in your life, you are totally screwed, and if you really think you might have a future with this guy, you could be screwing YOURSELF, down the road, because even if he's with you, and not with her, the fact is he has a case history with CPS, which puts you and any children you two might have in danger, as well. Not many people know this, unless they've been through it themselves, but CPS policy is to divide and conquer, first they have to get that nasty man out of the picture, then get the woman believing every word they say, while they're using every word she says against her in court so they can take that nice, adoptable baby and score the $25,000 the federal government hands out to states for every child they "liberate" from their biological parents for adoption. And once you've had a child taken and your rights terminated, they can come take any future children you might have without even having to prove their case. Calling them in is something you should do only as a last resort. She may be able to stop drinking so much if she's not in so much pain and anguish, and hopefully it's before any irreparable damage has been done to her baby.

Im in the exact same situation!!
When i first found out i just did a runner n left him, but the next weekend i saw him out in a pub, n we got talking again and i ended up going back to his house!
N Now wer back on!!

I know deep down inside when the baby is born im going to be hurt!!

Im just trying to live for the moment at the minute and see how it goes, deep down though i really want out but i love him!! I know i need to leave but i cant and its driving me mad!!

Lets us know what u chose to do wont you!! This is a really hard situation to be in!! Its awful isn't it!!

Feel free to email me if you want to talk, need some support from someone whos in the same situation to be honest! weezle02@hotmail.com

Thanks, Louise