Although most of you say you've never had a one night stand, 48 percent of you admitted to doing it at least once. Sure, one night stands have a negative stigma attached to them, but if you're safe and smart about it, I say to each her own. But as we all know, STIs are on the rise and condoms won't necessarily protect you 100 percent. So knowing what you know, and realizing that getting tested is the only way to know for sure if someone is clean, tell me, do you still have or consider having one night stands?
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Do Tell: Do STI Rates Make You Reconsider One Night Stands?
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Now, I would probably never have a ONS for fear of catching something I couldnt get rid of but back when I was 19 or 20 I knew that STIs were common and the risks were high but I was drunk and horny and didnt care. When I was young the risks didnt stop me... I'm older and wiser now!
1The term "clean" is really offensive. People who have an STI are not "dirty." I thought Sugar was more progressive than this.
2Whether there is a high risk level or awareness is not pertinent to my decision. I just have a difficult time enjoying such an encounter hence I won't try it unless it is an accident that is unavoidable, which is rare in my book. Bottom line, no effect on me.
3Northofhere, would saying "if someone is clear of the disease" be a better word choice, what would you recommend?
4I would say "doesn't have STIs" or "STI-free."
5I dont see how "clean" is offensive. I could understand if Dear had actually referred to people with STIs as "dirty" but referring to the opposite as "clean" doesnt automatically mean people with STIs are "dirty."
Maybe you're projecting?
6It could have been worded better but it's not like it was bad intention, it's just second nature to use terms like that are implanted in our heads already. I have friends who have STI's and they use the term without thinking twice and aren't offended by it.
7YES! I would NEVER consider having a one-night stand even though I'm not morally opposed and actually think it would be fun & exciting.. unfortunately, the prevalence of STDs & STIs, especially in my age group, keep me from being so reckless. The potential fun is just not worth the risk.
"clean" means "free of STIs" -- like when you say "clean slate" or "clean record" -- not the "opposite of dirty". Get over it.
8Ive done it before, but not anymore. Not so much because of the risk of STIs, but more just because Im older and wiser now, and that kind of thing just isnt appealing anymore.
9Ever since I realized that you can get HPV and other STIs even with the use of a condom, I won't have a one night stand...or sex with anyone whose medical history I don't know. I wasn't keen on one night stands and the like before I was educated about these STIs, but I certainly didn't realize how much I could be at risk. I don't want to have sex without love as it is, never mind doing it AND compromising my health.
10Even if I wasn't in a monogamous relationship I wouldn't because I'm convinced that most guys have something just because they are usually wreck less and have NEVER been tested for STI's
11I guess maybe in a world with no STIs and no serious stigma about one-night stands, and if I [personally] could keep emotional attachment separate from sex, I *might* consider a ONS.
But in the real world, absolutely no way. As you've said, there's a lot of people running around with STIs [and some don't know it!] and condoms aren't 100% effective at protecting you from contracting them. I don't want to expose myself to that. Protecting my general health outweighs anything positive I might gain from having an ONS.
12Saying "clean" DOES imply that if a person has STIs, they're therefore dirty. Just because you have friends who aren't offended by it doesn't mean anything -- they don't speak for everyone. That's like saying some black people aren't offended by racist terms, or some women aren't offended by sexism. People with STIs are already stigmatized against in this country, why make it worse? I have oral herpes, and even though I got it as a kid, I've still been harshly judged for it.
13northofhere just because YOU are offended by the word "clean" doesnt mean other people are. Saying that DearSugar isnt "progressive" just because she uses a word that is politically correct in majority of situations but just happens to offend a seldom few is kind of an over-reaction, dont you think?
14Absolutely. But sometimes I just can't help myself, definitely have to ALWAYS use a condom though
15karebear--It's good to ask about sexual history, but there's no way to know if a man has HPV, and a condom isn't even 70 percent effective against HPV transmission. You won't even know who gave it to you because it can be dormant for up to ten years.
I've heard the term "clean" used for drug addicts, but I think it is insensitive to use it in reference to someone who has a STD. I've slept with one ex-boyfriend and my now-husband, and despite doing everything smart to prevent both pregnancy and STDs (using BC and a condom), I got HPV. I now test negative, but are you telling me that I'm not "clean," yet a woman I know who has had three abortions and has slept with over 25 men IS clean? She's had numerous one-night stands, and I've never had one, both because of STDs and because I've never had any interest in casual sex.
It's second-nature to a lot of people to say a lot of things that are insensitive, but that doesn't make it okay.
16shameless plug for safety here:
GET THE GARDASIL SHOT! Everyone! Studies even show it can help people that already have HPV because it can protect against other strains of the virus. Because HPV is causes the majority of cervical cancers, it's really important to protect yourself.
brown_eyed_grrl, love how you insist people that have STI's are clean but women who have abortions are dirty!
Should I let someone else have the chance to say it? Oh nevermind, I'll just throw it out theremyself: HYPOCRITE.
So much for being on team I'm-not-insensitive.
17hahaha BINGO hithatsmybike!
18I wouldn't, it's just too risky. Especially because I live in RSA and uuuh well, we have the highest HIV stats in the world.
19Oy!
You're too good sometimes.
20Anyway, the herpes rate in Manhattan is 1:4, need i say more?
Fine, i'm worth so much more. I'm no one's piece.
21I wouldn't have sex with a man I just met unless I'm charging him and I have no desire to prostitute my body for money. So no, STDs or not, I wouldn't have a one night stand. I couldn't stand myself.
22well i think that the more we hear about the rise in STIs the more you have to be cautious for yourself because those things are forever wehn just one night is just one night.
23I don't consider them to begin with. I had one and it was the most loathesome and boring experience of my life. No thanks.
24LOL - there's a reason the Manhattan herpes rate is 1 in 4. The guys here are sluts!!
25Yeah, because women are all so pure and virginal.
Don't NY women have the highest number of sexual partners in the USA?
26Not sure - I don't include myself in that number, since I had a boyfriend for the three years I've been here, and my current bf lives in London... I just know that my girlfriends who date complain that a guy can expect to get laid anytime he goes out here (whether it's with you or someone else) - I guess I hang out with the "nice" girls...
27Right, because only bad nasty girls have sex on the first date.
Speaking of women's issues, can you believe they let women vote these days?! Like wtf is that??
28hahaha passive aggressive, much?
29hey, better a prude than an STI factory... and didn't you already say you'd never had a one night stand? why are you attacking me? I already said I did and it wasn't for me.
30Are those the only options, prude or STI factory? No such thing as responsible sexual human beings, is there?
No, I've never had a one night stand, and even we share the it's-not-for-me sentiment, we have nowhere near the same opinion on the subject.
I'm not attacking you, princess, I'm attacking your very ancient mentality surrounding sex and the sexes.
After all, the STI epidemic has everything to do with people being wh*res, and nothing to do with irresponsibility or lack of understanding of the risks, right? I mean, syphilis never existed 100 years ago, and genital warts were unheard of before the invention of the birth control pill. In the past, no one had sex outside of marriage, and certainly never engaged in risky behavior with multiple partners.
I think we should go back to those days, don't you? That's the real answer to curing AIDS!
Fun fact: Canadians on average have MORE sexual partners (and sex more often!) than Americans but LESS sexually transmitted diseases, infections and teen pregnancies.
So there ends your logic. What are you going to do now?
31Fallen, in response to your post, I'd like to take a quote from Grey's Anatomy, which I am currently obsessed with all over again..
"There is a land called Passive-Aggressiva, and I am their queen"
32I'm Canadian, I've had one night stands and I've never had an STI. Yay for me.
LOL hithatsmybike, I like your style, girl.
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