I voted forgive. It depends on your circumstances, but there was a question like this a couple of months ago, and the consensus was that if telling will rip your family apart, it's better to keep it to yourself. There's a case to be made for telling him, too - but practically, it depends on how big of a burden you can shoulder. The guilt alone, keeping this to yourself, will crush you and nobody else.

The selfish and mean thing to do here would be telling your husband. While you're relieving yourself of guilt and shame you are putting all of those horrible feelings onto your husband. Be a woman and keep it to yourself. Forever.

Also, you're bad for cheating. tsk tsk. Hope you learned your lesson.

The Young and the Restless!

Not forgive.

forgive. like princess-eab says, we already battled this out once before, and if it is going to ruin your family, then suck up the guilt. if telling will only make you feel better but will ruin the lives of many otehrs, then you should hold it in, unless for biological reasons you must tell or if the truth is bound to come out any other way.

What are you people talking about...forgive...keep it to yourself forever...NO! It is not fair to the real father, it is not fair to the child and it is not fair to the husband. Be honest, tell the truth and then deal with your consequences. What if something happens and the child needs an organ or blood or something horrible happens and then it all comes out at that time. People might be more willing to forgive if you just found out but if you keep it a secret for long they may not forgive.

by biological reasons i meant like health reasons, like if there's a genetic disease your child should know about etc.

WOW THATS SAD. I DONT KNOW, I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL HIM.
HE MIGHT BE OK WITH IT.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE WITH A DEEP DARK SECRET LIKE THAT ANYWAYS?

Does no one agree that the real father should know that he has a child??????

It would be completely selfish to keep this information to yourself.

That's the thing though lauraxtc, she tells him she doesn't have to live with it but her child and husband will have to deal with the pain of her actions.

I don't believe her when she says she really believed it was her husband's because if that was the truth she wouldn't have taken a secret DNA test.

It's a lose-lose situation and even though I think you should keep it to yourself and deal with the guilt, you should probably talk this out with a psychiatrist or someone with experiance with that type of drama.

What about health reasons? Especially if something happened to you and the husband and the child loved on in ignorant bliss?

It's important to know your medical history.

I believe your husband will find out at some point, and better from you.

I think everyone would want to know who their REAL father is, I would, no matter how much drama it causes.

I dont know man..I think if I was a guy and fathered a child I would like to know about it. It may be hurtful to alot of people but the sooner something like this gets out the less pain it can cause

Didn't this come up as a E.Jean, or Group Therapy or a Dear Sugar post before? About sleeping with the ex right before the wedding date? If it is the same person posting in confessions...you obviously can't let this go..you need to talk it out with someone, a therapist or a friend you really really really trust.

Don't tell your husband, dont' tell your son . It only relieves your gulit to make you feel better and all the while f*cks up their lives forever. You take this to the grave and as someone suggested last time this issue came up..draft a letter and go to a lawyer to have the letter only opened if a medical emergency comes up where your son's lineage or genetic history really matters. That is the only situation when it should be relieved. END OF STORY.

My first thought...oh snap! I don't know nothing 'bout mixing up no babies!
Seriously, you need to tell him the truth for everyone's sake and not your pride. And because of health reasons. You think they'll be mad now? They will hate your ass later in life. Don't lie.

oh. my. god. i think you are asking to be forgiven for the wrong thing. but it doesn't matter; no and no!

Whatever decision you make, you have to fully stick with it. If you want to tell, tell NOW so everyone can start figuring how to adjust this information into their lives. If you don't tell, you need to keep this secret for the rest of your life (if your primary concern is to protect your child and husband). Personally, I think you should tell -- your ex has a right to know, and your kid may really need to know something about his paternal medical history later on down the line.

I know this is a lttle would-should-coulda, but seriously? Why did you even take the paternity test to begin with if you were so sure your husband was the father?

Telling him would be selfish! It will ease your conscience but knowing who your biological is doesn't make him a father.

OMG. That is awful. Why would you even have a paternity test done?! What the heck good did that even do? Now you have to live with the guilt or hurt a BUNCH of people. Including the ones that love you most.

This will eat you alive if you don't tell. You just have to trust the love that your husband has for your son and hopefully he'll come around. No doubt he'll be broken and mad and angry, but if you're patient, you two might be able to get out of this stronger than before.

I agree that it's selfish to keep this info to yourself. Eventually the husband is going to HAVE to find out one way or another--imagine having to break the news to him 20 years from now and having to explain why you kept it to yourself for so long.

The news doesn't change make the husband any less of a dad.

Your son has a right to know who his biological father is. Your ex needs to know that he has a son.

Also, imagine if your son (God forbid) develops a condition, needs a blood transfusion or bone marrow transplant? Being able to contact the closest candidates (his parents) will greatly increase the chance of recovery and survival.

What about from an economic standpoint...your ex, though he may not want to be in the child's life, is somewhat legally responsible for his upbringing, as he helped create him. Child support?

As much as it may destroy your husband, it would be FAR worse for him to find out at some point later that your son is not his - especially if you already KNEW before he did. Such a revelation later in life would deeply affect your son as well.

THERE WAS A POST SORTA LIKE THIS ONE ABOUT A MONTH OR SO AGO....anyone remember that one??!!! i can't judge....there is more to the matter then we are seeing....

If I were you I'd tell him the truth and deal with the consequences.

If I were him, I'd probably not forgive her but I'd still be there for the baby.

We've had this True Confession before. I'm just amazed at how many women find themselves in this position. Who knew?

I don't have any strong advice. Essentially you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. So follow your gut and be prepared for any possible consequences.

yes Jessie...I mentioned that earlier too...something I think in E.Jean? About the woman sleeping with her ex the night before her wedding and her ex being a bad abusive person and getting hair from her husband or something for a DNA test? I wonder if its the same person or many people having infidelity issues.

i think that i need more information about this one to make a real decision. i don't know what the circumstances were when you were with your ex for you to think that it wasn't his - and that instead it was your husbands. i think that if you were on a break or if you weren't married yet, then there could be reason for me to say you can be forgiven, but i think that if it's not the case and you had an affair, then it's more complicated.

my best friend in college had this sort of thing happen. her youngest sister wasn't really a full sister - her mom had an affair and didn't tell her father or her daughter for that matter, and no one knew until the girl was 11 that she wasn't her father's child. it's hard on everyone but i think that in some cases it's really important to know the truth.

Ugh. As painful as it would be, you have to tell, and tell now, while your son is still young. Hopefully your husband loves both of you enough to stick it out.

Wait, did you cheat on your husband with your ex? If so then SHAME ON YOU.

Your husband and ex deserve to know the truth regardless of what the long term consequences of this are. Your husband needs and deserves to know that he is raising somebody elses child and your ex needs to know he has a child.

Good luck with this one~

there's a song by the jamaican artist tanya stephens called 'little white lie' that deals with a situation similar to this. i didnt vote because i dont think there is a simple answer to this dilema...but u need to do what u feel is best for yourself, ur child and your marriage.

P.S. IF the truth should come out at some point...say after your son needs an emergency heart, lung, kidney, liver or bone marrow transplant, who says u have to tel anybody that u already knew the truth? is that like a rule or something?

oh my! ofcourse u should tell him. he deserves to know. its gonna be a huge fight if he finds out from somewhere else? did u cheat on ure husband or something? wow. now thats a situation

Omg i need to know what you did? email me because i have a friend who is in the same situation??? millannie25@yahoo.com