Dear Sugar,

Recently I read the post about telling your ex what he did wrong [1]. My ex and I broke up a year ago. I have dated other people, but I am finding it very difficult to get over this relationship. This was the first time I really opened up my heart; I had seen a future with this person. We broke up with little closure on my end. He just shut me out of his life and ended our relationship. I feel like it's unfair that I did not have a say in our breakup. I never got the chance to voice my feelings and understand why things had to end. I thought that with time I would feel better and things would naturally resolve, but now that a significant amount of time has passed, I am losing hope. For obvious reasons, I cannot contact this person and get things off my chest. How can I find closure for myself?

— Holding on Holly

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Dear Holding on Holly,

Whenever a relationship ends abruptly and from one-side, closure is that much more difficult to find. And of course, you're right — it is unfair that you had no say in the matter and never even got the opportunity to express yourself. But as frustrating as it may be, what's done is done, and it sounds like you're ready to believe that. Start by writing down everything you'd like to say to your ex, if you could. Be as angry or as sappy as you want to be. It might take more than one try, but get every emotion out, even if that means repeating yourself or obsessing on the smallest of memories.

When you feel like it's all out there, read it over. Then, write a letter to yourself, listing all of the ways in which you are better and stronger today. If you can only think of one, then just start there. Tape it to your bedside table or tuck it into your desk at work, taking time each day to add something to it. It could be a lesson you learned, a silly conversation that made you smile, or a change you've noticed in yourself. Every time you're feeling the loss from your breakup read that letter and take a moment to truly remember that you're better off.

Finally, work on stopping your obsessive thoughts — I have a bunch of tips [2] if you're looking for a starting point. If you can't do it on your own, seek out a therapist. There's no shame in asking for help [3] when you need it, and sometimes, all we need is a good listener.

Source [4]