TIme..short and sweet Sometimes all the signs are there but one big thing happens and oops he's gone! TIme is the only answer

I agree with a lot of yours, Dear! I go for... manners, sense of humor, intelligence, politeness, sense of assurance (but not cockiness) and if he listens well.

What's most important to me is what I generally call "genuine" interest. Because there clearly is an obvious difference in conversation between "interested in whatever" and "interested in getting to know you". If a guy shows me that he clearly wants to know who I am, what defines me, etc., then he's boyfriend material.

I agree that only time will tell, but if a guy alays calls when he says he will, treats you well and with respect, cares about what you think and how you feel about things.....those are pretty good indicators.

It depends on the person who you are! We all look for different things in a man..what some of you may look for in a guy other may not!
I gofor a lot of different things but my main ones have to be
a guy who can make me laugh easily
has manners
street and book smart
and of course handsome!
in other words..my hubby

I usually watch to see how he reacts to the things I say and if he believes the way I do regarding the major issues. If he wasn't initially attractive to me, I wouldn't be spending time with him. I think a boyfriend should be a best friend so it depends on how reliable and caring he's proven himself to be.

Question for you all...

I tend to pick men who have all of those qualities, yet I always seem to be more invested in the relationship. Not clingy, but emotionally more invested, feeling things on a deeper level. I have been told by many that I need to find someone who puts me on a pedastal, and that the guy needs to be crazier about me than I am about him in general.

I've never liked the idea of the pedastal, but there is something to be said about having someone adore you, I suppose. I prefer things to be even, but many people say no, with men, they need to be more nuts about you.

What do you think?

For me, if a guy is polite, funny, and open to new things, he has potential.

A date with a guy where he talks badly about his mother, sister, or ex-girlfriend will be his last date with me.

i agree with stuff everyone else has said but i also like to look at how the guy treats other people. and his past.

jazzytummy: i agree with you. i want an equal relationship. i'm very independant and i need to know that he is too. i know that if the guy likes me more than i like him, i'm easily annoyed by his clinginess.

Whether he listens to me fully and responds appropriately, whether or not I would be embarrassed to take him anywhere, whether I could introduce him to friends/parents and... whether or not he is good in bed.

jazzytummy- women like to be adored yes, but sometimes someone giving it to you how it is, is better than someone who tells you things that frankly will only ruin you in the end. I like men with integrity and men who have strong opinions. A guy who can tell me when I'm so wrong is good. Of course it hurts sometimes but a real good friend is an honest one. I think people are full of sweet words are a bit...i don't know..not to trusted so easily.

I think the more you are sure of yourself the more you know what you're looking for too. And someone who is a boyfriend material is someone who will stick with you through thick and thin. I know it sounds really cheesy but they're out there and with luck you will find the one for you

jazzy - i was the same as you. always seeming like i was more invested in the relationship, or like it was more important to me than it was to him. i just thought that's how things were. but! i found a guy who is absolutely crazy about me. it's not really a pedestal, per se, because you finally just find a person who adores you as much as you adore him! it's wonderful. absolutely wonderful.

1.) If I'm attracted to him (duh! hehe).
2.) The way he treats his family, most importantly his mom.
3.) Trustworthy
4.) Has a good group of friends
5.) Has morals
6.) Goals in life
7.) Intelligent
8.) Can hold a conversation
9.) Chemistry
10.) The way he treats strangers/random people

Ugh. The second half of my comment got deleted! I said that there is more to the list, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head. And regarding jazzytummy's question: I was in a relationship where I was absolutely crazy about the guy, and I tried desperately to hold onto the relationship when I should have ended it long before since he treated me like crap. I think he stayed with me so long because he loved that I was so in love with him. I definitely put him on a pedestal, which was so unhealthy. Now I'm in a relationship with a guy that treats me like a princess, and I couldn't be happier. The feelings are mutual, and there's not an ounce of unhealthy behavior between us. Like aeschere said: "because you finally just find a person who adores you as much as you adore him! it's wonderful. absolutely wonderful." I couldn't agree any more!

1.) Belief in God. Doesn't need to be deeply religious, but has same basic values and beliefs as me.
2.) Kindness
3.) Sense of humor
4.) Intelligence
5.) Respectful
6.) Good conversationalist (if that's a word...lol)
7.) Good manners

Oh and he probably needs to be attractive too. He doesn't have to look like a model or anything (actually I would prefer if he didn't) but I once had a boyfriend that I wasn't attracted to at all and I didn't even want to kiss him. He wasn't revolting or anything, he just wasn't my type. You have to have chemistry.

well - that quick connection with someone is what's the first thing for me. if we can talk about things for a while, and just keep one topic going with interest, then that's one thing that i usually go to at first. the next key thing is that he's funny and that he laughs at me. i don't really think of myself as being funny - so if he finds me to be amusing, then i think that it's worth giving it a go.

Allow me to tell you the secret about boyfriends.
Any guy is boyfriend material. There is not a single male over the age of 12 who doesn't want to be a boyfriend.
ANY GUY COULD POTENTIALLY BE YOUR BOYFRIEND.
Just take time to get to know them and they automatically start acting like a boyfriend. The best part is guys are very flexible so you can pretty much mold a guy into being whatever kind of guy you want.
Good luck!

I am a busy woman and mother; not a sculptor. Lumps of clay need not apply. Take your ass three doors down the hall to a woman who doesn't do a damn thing but text on a Blackberry.

I look for genuine interest, someone who is actually interested in me and what I'm all about. It's pretty easy to tell with most people when they aren't actually interested in you. And guys who look hugable, LOL LOL!! I need someone who is a good hugger, I love hugs.

Hahahah, Mesayme, I agree. It's not my job to "fix" a guy. Good grief, I want a guy who knows who he is and can run his own life. I don't want a guy that needs me to decide who he is for him!!

I have found actions speak louder than words. A guy can tell me how much he likes me, but if he doesn't show me (example, sweet gestures, genuine interest, affectionate, etc), then I know he isn't boyfriend material. I love a guy who is genuine, funny, intelligent and attractive in his own "special way".

married now, but....he wasn't looking around when we were together because he was looking at me. he called when he said he would. he was remembered what i liked (as in how you take your coffee). he didn't brag about himself in a "you are SO lucky to be here with me" way, but maybe in a "i hope this impresses you enough that you want to see me again way. never said good-bye w/o making arrangements to see me again.

@mesayme & anyone else not willing to put time and energy into a relationship

if you dont want to spend time working out the kinks and smoothing the edges, then how could u expect a guy to give u the time of day?

do u think men come special ordered and delivered to u on a silver platter? I wish you LOTS of luck on that one. Maybe online dating :]

when he doesnt hit you and goes telling his family then threaten kill you cause misunderstanding i hit first really its self defense.

yes, manners is a huge one for me! I would rate boyfriend material by amount of effort -

if he's not courteous or well dressed on the first date, he's unlikely to get better as the relationship goes on.

I also agree with iamangie... how he treats random strangers, people who are in service positions or that he has power over - how he treats them is a really good indicator of how he might be expected to treat you.

yes, manners is a huge one for me! I would rate boyfriend material by amount of effort -

if he's not courteous or well dressed on the first date, he's unlikely to get better as the relationship goes on.

I also agree with iamangie... how he treats random strangers, people who are in service positions or that he has power over - how he treats them is a really good indicator of how he might be expected to treat you.

When he held my hair back while I puked for about an hour at 2 a.m. from stomach flu. That was love, yo. But yeah, chemistry is important too.

well I hope that wasn't at the welcome party at your boyfriend's new workplace digestivebiscuit, lol

HAHAHA bluesteyes no ... though they go out to drink a LOT and I'm often invited. However I only sip Coke since I know my limits. No, this was like sometime last year when I had an awful tummy bug. I took care of him when he had food poisoning last year though - and THAT WAS DISGUSTING - so I really think we're in it for the long haul.

At DDL: Putting time and energy into a relationship and "...guys are very flexible so you can pretty much mold a guy into being whatever kind of guy you want", are TOTALLY different things.

My bf and I have "kinks" just like everyone else and we work through them very well. But he is who he is, and I don't want or need to change that. Working through things and changing little things here and there are NOT the same thing as molding a person into someone you want them to be. If anyone is willing to change that much of their personality for you, then they don't have any self esteem or confidence...they are a doormat waiting for you to control their life. Who wants a guy like that?!?! not me.

And yes, actually I did meet my bf online, and he is PERFECT for me. No changes necessary.

I agree with all of yours, In addition, for me, I think a guy has to be real and genuine. not arrogant or douche-y. Complete turn-off!

Intelligence, respectfulness, sincerity, and interests other than getting wasted and partying top the list for me.

Also, he can't be racist, sexist, at any time refer to a desire to own as many weapons as possible, a hunter, or addicted to mindless sitcoms.

And he has to be funny.

And love the Daily Show.

And have read at least a few of my favorite authors.

And be the fiance I have now

Well, let me just put in my Molding Clay order in case one of you Sugas knows this guy then! And if I don't find my perfect man...DDL I'l hold YOU PERSONALLY responsible

He has to share my tastes in music.
He has to be active but not a gym rat. (Preferably tennis or golf)
He has to believe in God and Jesus. (because I do)
He has to have a creative sense of humor...telling jokes just don't get it.
He wouldn't watch much television.
He loves action movies and hates sappy chick flicks.
He only plays video games with the boys.
He probably plays at least one instrument (no horns, cause I hate 'em)
He's willing to eat meat only 3 times a week, fish twice and no pork.
He never smokes.
He hardly ever drinks.
His idea of a party has no less than 4 relatives present.
His idea of a great vacation is a cabin in the any mountains not on the celebrity brochure.
Speaking of celebrities, he agrees they are mostly full of s*.
His favorite color is blue.
His favorite car is a Mustang but he drives an SUV.
He works with his hands and using mostly his mind.
He thinks I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen despite my imperfections.
And he stands around the corner and peeks early on Saturday mornings while I stir pancake batter...because he likes to see me get 'jiggy'.
And he is the most handsome man I've ever see until he pisses me off.
His favorite TV show of all time is Sanford and Son.
His favorite movie is Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
He's very clean except on Saturday night because he refuses to shower if he's not going anywhere.
He'd rather my cooking to any restaurant.
Everyone thinks he's tough but I don't.
He has a big smile and a larger laugh.
Boxer briefs.
Sneakers or lace up loafers. (size 12 or larger)
Levis
Nike
He's taller than me.
He hates to fuss with his hair.
He's an early riser who wishes he could sleep late.
He loooooves a good pillow.
Hates hotels!!
And his favorite meal of any day of the week...MY fried chicken, macaroni and cheese and garlicky baby whole green beans!!!!!
He would never cheat.
And he'd never lie about cheating!

See this lump of clay??.... send him to me USPS. (because he thinks the others are too expensive.)

There's more...but who has the time, I need to warm up my hands for all that MOLDING!!!

Mesayme....AAAAAHAHAHAHHAHA! My list is totally 5 times that long.

mesayme that was hilarious!!
When I was looking for a boyfriend, I had this huge list of ways I absolutely wanted him to be and then I met my (now) husband and he is (almost) none of those things. Come to think of it, my ex WAS all those things and THAT didn't work out so maybe one should throw out the lists and go with the flow?

Oh my god! a huge list, i would say if he sees someone needing help and he goes out of his way to do something about it, I would consider a hot date but if he is one of those types who say it ain't my problem, sorry I'm out of there!

And up until now I still wouldn't know what to tell my daughters (i don't have any but if I do) what to look for? What can you say to them? They must figure that one out themselves.

I think you just got to go with you gutt feeling, TALK it out first show both of you are on the same page and have an understanding.

i HATED my boyfriend when i first met him, but it was only really when i went out with him, that i started to like him. leason? don't always go with first impressions. particularly if you're drunk.

If I have a spark ... that intial spark ...

if hes nice to animals. weird i know but how a guy treats animals is a good indicator of how he'll treat you when you get past that point in your relationship when you always try to impress each other

This is b.s. Girls always say they want all these qualities but fall for ass****.