My ex and I had dated for almost half a year after breaking up twice before, over a five year period. This time I had left the country for a trip, and within two weeks of being gone he wanted to break up. Within a month he had started dating someone else, whom he's still with. During the time I was gone, we kept in touch via phone and instant messenger. We fought constantly about our breakup (who said what and why) and he kept hinting at the fact that he wanted to get back together when I was back. I was not so fond of this idea, since he was dating someone else.
When I came back he immediately asked me out for a beer, and I went along. Again we got into a major fight about our breakup. After that I tried really hard to avoid him even though he kept inviting me out for very inappropriate occasions, always alone. I didn't see him, which only created another argument between us, since he could not understand why I didn't want to be friends. In the end, I asked him never to speak to me again.
Over a month has passed since, and he has started asking me to hang out with him again. I really don't want to — I'm scared I'll have feelings for him—but every time I say no he makes weird comments and continues pressuring me. He won't take no for an answer, and I've tried everything I can do to avoid him. What do I do now?
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Continue to be a glutton for punishment...or stop. There isn't much sense in an in between in this chaotic mess.
1change all your emails, phone numbers and tell him you will get a restraining order if he doesn't stop. Maybe a little harsh, but there is a reason he has been you ex-3 times. that is why they call them x's.
2Uh, don't answer his calls?? BLOCK his number? Change your e-mail addresses? Get your phone number changed? I must say, though - it sounds like you actually *like* this toxic dance this guy is leading you around in, which is pretty scary. Do yourself a favor and STOP talking to him! I can't believe you're still talking to him at this point.
3since you're worried you still have feelings for this guy and you never said anything like you can't stand him etc., then my money is on the fact that you are prompting him and leading him to believe this behaviour is okay in some way...you may not know you're doing it, but you're teasing him and stringing him along because his attention is flattering
4my ex texted (TEXTED!) me yesterday saying he wanted me back and loved me and would do anything. Ummm yea right. I HAVE an awesome bf already who I have been with for almost 2 years! (he was kidna pissed haha). but come on guys, you make your bed YOU LIE IN IT!
5Tell him if he continues contacting you, you'll call the police. Don't mess around with this "I don't want you but no one else can have you" guy. It's about control for him, not love.
6this guy is a jerk. he just wants many options. don't pick up your phone and don't talk to him. its time to move on for good.
7There is a reason you broke up not once but twice in the past. Stop seeing him!
8I agree with Skigurl and princess_eab....
9If you really don't want to hear from him anymore, you would have already taken the appropriate steps to make sure that didn't happen... stop answering his calls, dont call him back, block him from messengers/emails...its quite simple really.
Seems like you may enjoy having him pine over you and the attention that you're getting... its not worth it though, theres a reason you aren't with him and there will be other guys who will be worth it.
If he really loves you, he'd let you go, and stop bringing on more hurt. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, but don't let him fool you forever. It's not fair to you. If this was going to work, you would have to forget about whatever reasons you had for the break up, get past it, and maybe start over. But it's not working out, and after so many fights I could imagine it's very taxing to you. He found someone else, and moved on, but still wants to have the old fling with you. Different society we live in. People can't trait more than one person equally. And if he can't treat you as well as he would treat himself, he's not right for you. Like others said, change any passwords, he may have known. If you don't want to change your email, put him on the junk mail, report as phishing or block him. If you don't want to change your phone number, delete his number from your phone, and don't answer calls from people you don't know. I would also advise you to have a chat with him perhaps one last time. Maybe bring someone along, but talk to him alone (not secluded, but in a public setting). Set the record straight. Lay out your feelings, and tell him it's time for the both of you to move on. You don't want him contacting you anymore. Then walk away and break all form of communication as best as you can. You sure as hell can't invite him to your wedding in the future can you? (You'll only fight about that too). This friendship is toxic at this point.
10Um, why haven't you blocked him? Every form of communication that you mentioned, more then allows that.
11just don't answer his calls. it's not that hard.
12Unless he's showing up at your house or work and following you everywhere, I don't see how you CAN'T avoid him. Just don't answer him and if it annoys you so much then change your phone number and emails and everything.
13Agreed with the above, there's no reason for you to be talking to him since all the ways he's contacting you are easily blockable. Shoot, you don't even have to change your number/email address. Just don't answer his calls/emails. Don't even look at his emails. And if you do pick up [he calls you from an unknown number] just be like 'Why don't you bring your girlfriend to that? I'm sure she'd enjoy herself,' and hang up, don't belabour the point and definitely don't have a conversation with him.
14It sounds a lot like my ex, who was very controlling and had the "if I can't have you, noone can have you" attitude.
I was the pone who broke it off because I was sick of arguing over every little thing (including what I wore to school and how I said hi to my best mate) I decided to let him down gently as I still cared I just couldnt do it anymore. Letting him down gently lasted two months as I got everything thrown at me. From "you don't love me, you never loved me" to "theres nothing left, I feel like killing myself."
I kept saying no to catching up, hanging out, staying over, going to movies yadda yadda. In the end all it really took was some spiteful words over the phone to get him off my case. He bothered me at uni a fair bit, trying to ruin my new relationship and kill any happy feelings I had but I guess he just got over me in his own time.
All you really need to do is just say no and let him finish moving on. It sounds like thats what you need to do as well, and him bothering you isn't going to help in the slightest. Just don't pick up the phone.
15There's a book out titled "It's called a break up because it's broken." Read it honey:)
16my mum gifted 'its called a breakup because its broken' to me after my first love and childhood sweetheart dumped me for someone else... i couldnt get through 3 pages without becoming a bawling mess but when i managed to reach the end, following all the little exercises in between, crying and laughing at the anecdotes, it was such a huge help. ive been in your exact situation b4 and i can tell you that you are bringing it on yourself. u can avoid him if u want to, its just that u dont really want to. he left you, dont subject yourself to it again. read the book.
17hi i went out with this guy 4yrs and i split up with him i didnt see him about a yr and few month ago i bumped in to him now he wont leave me alone he keeps ringing me then hangs up on me he text me all the time all because he found out that i was seeing someone else he is making my life a leaving hell i went to the police but they cant help me i phoned 02 to block his number from my mobile but they couldnt do it i change my number but some how he got hold of my number im on a course at the moment he comes in to the course asking for me he gets told to leave the collage that dont make a diffrents and i went to the police again and they told me that they cant do anythink in till he hurms me the reason why i left him cause he raped me wen we was going out in his mind i was his and he could to what he likes to me i told the police wat he did to me but it was my fault as i never reported the rape cause i was to ashamed to report it and i was scared cause he told me if i went to the police he do it again so thats why i didnt report it and i reported it to late so tell me wat to do about that then
18im not finshed yet it took me along time to trust someone again and i.ve got a new partner and its got to the stage that he has to take me to the collage and take me home to make sure im safe and he has to stays nearby to make sure im safe its not right im living in fear cause of this ex i cant sleep or eat propley and im going to the police again tomorrow with my partner im just greatful for my boyfriend putting up with so much stuff from my ex i cant get on with my life as he will not leave me alone so why wont the police help me what do they want my ex to rape me again
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