i think that you have paid your dues. I would tell her what you wrote here and write her off and move on.

It sounds like you took all the right steps and owned up to and apologized for your behavior, right down to being willing to work at it with your 'friend' to get things back on track. She, on the other hand, still wants to punish you for hurting her - and it doesn't come across as thought she has any concern or understanding for the fact that you were having your own struggles at the time, which was what had you behaving as you did in the first place.

I think I'd talk about it with her; how she keeps tossing the old hurts at you, and if she's not willing or able to move forward and leave that in the past, then it could be that you and she can't have a real friendship at this point. No one wants or needs to have their bad behavior tossed up at them when they've admitted to it and apologized. She either has to let it go or you have to move on.

Well, it seems like she already made the choice to forgive you ... When you reached out to her, she could have told you, "I wish you all the best, but I don't wish to invest in this friendship anymore". She didn't, she decided to give you another chance ... and truly forgiving someone means, not bringing up what they did wrong every other minute and not taking "revenge" for what happened.
I think it's time for another candid chat, just tell her you love her, you're really grateful she decided to give you another chance and you'll be the best friend to her you can possibly be but you can't keep appologizing to her. Hopefully she'll realize her mistake and start behaving normal again.

I don't think that you're entitled to her forgiveness. You were going through a rough time. I get that. But the way that you behaved then was incredibly self-absorbed, and in describing the current situation you still only talk about your side. It seems that your focus has been on making things right for yourself, and while that's important, the other part of the equation is thinking about how your friend feels. She was going through a tough time as well, and you couldn't even be bothered to pick up your phone, or honor your commitments with her. It probably made her own recovery that much more difficult to know that she couldn't even get a response out of someone she considered a close friend. So while it would be nice for you if she were to just "let it go," she is under no obligation to.

"Do you think I deserve this? Or is it time for me to be forgiven?"

Undecided. Giving her forgiveness is up to your friend to decide, not you.

Clearly, she's still stuck in the past, and unwilling (or incapable) of letting it go. She's still resents you.

If you want, you can have another talk with her. Perhaps this time, she'll really reconcile with you, and give your friendship a real chance. But truthfully, I wouldn't hold my breath. It's been two years, and she still holds a grudge against you. Her resentment seems deeply rooted, and strongly held. In this case, consider drifting away from her, and moving on with your life.

depression is a sickness. not everyone has the same level of, or reaction to, depression. the fact that she has not acknowledged that your actions were the result of your being sick shows a lack of understanding. i'd probably try one more time to let her know that you didn't choose to let her down; you were ill. then if she can't let it go i think you should probably distance yourself from her. you need support in addressing the depression, you were responsible for it and got help for it. that needs to be celebrated and then you should all move forward.

good for you for getting the help you needed and for seeing that she isn't really being a friend in the true sense of the word; love doesn't hold grudges.

I agree with Glowingmoon I am completely undecided. She is not ready to forgive you and she may never be ready. From your statements it sounds like you had to beg her to reconcile with you. She clearly needs more time and you need to giver her that like I said she may never get over the pain you caused her.

If it were me, and it was, I would forgive you. But I don't see how two people with personal struggles who aren't fully healed can help each other. It may sound like a good idea for two people with one good leg to hold hands and walk together, but sooner or later someone's going to fall and blame the other for still standing.

Give some space and time, as much as it takes. And you'll be better friends or acquaintances sending Christmas cards. Only time will tell.
Personally, I always forgive everyone...but I have a long a Christmas card list and give few birthday gifts.

I think you should be forgiven. You were straightforward, honest, and apologetic with her after you started feeling better. If she still had issues with what you did, she should have reciprocated the honesty instead of acting like a child.

Some people take a much longer time to forgive - they need to get all of their anger and hurt out before they're okay. Some people also never forgive, and I guess in your situation, with all the amends you've made and the efforts you've put out, it's kind of b*tchy on her part.

Right after Sept. 11, we were all a bit screwed up (I lived in NY back then), and on a lonely confused drunken night I slept with my best friend's ex. Their story had been nothing more than a few booty calls and power plays, and I didn't think she'd care. But she did - so bad that in fact, even after we made up a couple of years later, she was still acting passive-aggressive with me, and waited until I was down with a broken heart to tell me she thought I deserved it for being such a horrible person. I thought that was really sh*tty, like she'd been lying in wait for me to be vulnerable to give me the coup de grace.

I will never forgive her. I never want to speak to her again. I made amends for years, I did everything I could to gain her trust back, and I was a really good friend to her while she was a self-centered self-righteous b*tch. I can't believe she wouldn't forgive me for something so idiotic. So maybe... maybe you can get a bit angry with her too for not letting go, and just move on.

Is it just me, or does this friendship sound really codependent? Maybe it's awhile since I had a friends that considered me as one of the family, but it doesn't sound very good to me. She is keeping you around to punish you! Stop hanging out with her and find some friends who evaluate you positively and don't cling so much. Both of you did bad things to each other, but she has to be able to let that go, Otherwise, what's the difference between having a friend and a judgmental mother-in-law? Anyway, you're moving forward into a more positive life and she's dragging you down - I think you're better off without each other.

yeah, and I agree she was insensitive about your severe depression. Everyone has problems, but often the ways in which people in a relationship react to one person suffering a depression break apart that relationship. I've seen it happen most often within families and lovers, and that's the reason I think this friendship is too close for comfort.

I agree with Lickety Split. Real depression isn't something a person easily gets out of. Yes, it can definitely be a self-absorb sickness for some and it doesn't matter if your friends or family exist.

During college, I had one such friend from high-school who isolated herself in her dorm room. I don't know...maybe she wasn't adjusting well to the university classes or had trouble making friends but I, too, have tried to reach out to her by inviting her to events. She normally flaked out on me and I eventually stopped calling. By the time I saw her again on the campus...she was barely recognizable like a deathly thin, pale ghost. Again, I reached out to her and she ignored me. I really couldn't be mad with her. I empathized and I saw what was going on. She was sick and refused to be helped. Everyone experiences hard times but some people know how to deal with it. Others like my old friend, don't.

It's been two years. Your friend has dealt with hard times. You have dealt with hard times. It wasn't as if you could help her deal with her issues when you were in your depress condition. You hurting her wasn't purposeful. She needs to let go of this grudge and move on.

I don't understand where the 'friend' is being mean by not returning her calls...she obviously doesn't want to be bothered.

Is it equally wrong to pester someone as it is to ignore them? There's more to this story...it isn't candid, and I know from experience that the one who is trying to sever the ties with an insensitive person who has with always come out the perceived b*.
I would just tell you to stop all contact because it obviously isn't a healthy relationship for either of you.

**who has hurt her will...

Being depressed hurts you and everyone around you, and it sucks when those around you do not understand what real depression is. You should not allow her to punish you. She may still be angry about it and if she is, after 2 years, she has her own issues she needs help with. Clearly she has problems letting this go and perhaps you should help her by ceasing to bother with her. Tell her if she is going to treat you like crap then you want nothing to do with her and she can go wallow in her anger all alone. Find some new friends who are nice.

Depression is different than just being unhappy. She needs to recognize this. You are taking all the right steps, but unfortunately some people will just never forgive.

Sometimes even when you make up and you're grateful that you still have your friendship, you can still harbour resentment like this (even without ever letting it out, unlike your friend is doing).

I had a similar experience with one of my close friends. I won't rehash the entire story here, basically she was also pretty depressed at one stage (mainly relating to her boyfriend at the time, who was s bad guy) - but she didn't let me know what was going on so I didn't give her as much sympathy as she would have liked.

One day she was just being a drama queen once again about something trivial and I was tired of it, so I let her know what I thought of her behaviour. Out of nowhere (in my eyes) she just snapped, ended up kicking me in the leg and calling me satan (yes, she actually called me satan).

Long story short, we eventually resolved our issues - but we were really just being polite more than anything else. Our friendship was strained for a very, very long time. To be honest, I was more hurt by how she acted toward me than worried about HER problems. I had less sympathy for her after she revealed everything that had been happening in her life, because I felt betrayed that she basically took it all out on me in one swift blow (to the leg).

So I guess what I'm saying is that I think your friendship is still broken, and it will either take years for things to naturally smoothe over (like it did with my friend and I) - or you have to accept that you're never going to be where you were before and just cut your ties with her.

Notice, I am still slightly passive-aggressive. : )

Undecided. Only your friend can decide when she actually forgives you (YOU don't get to decide when it's time). You deserted her when she really needed you and it hurt. If you really want to pursue this friendship, you should talk to her about how her behavior is pushing you away and see if you can both work past it.

i agree with lickety split. it was an illness. sometimes though, people in your life will never understand. i am sort of in the same situation with my cousin. she's getting married soon and we were close all of our lives except for about an 8-month period where my eating disorder and depression got the best of me. i've apologized to her... but if they can't fully forgive you, they should say so. you don't deserve your friend being passive-aggressive towards you.

I also agree with lickety split. As long as you have done what you say you have I don't believe there is really more you can do. If she can't recognize that you were sick, and didn't have the capacity to be there for her at that time than maybe her friendship isn't worth maintaining.

You're both dealing with issues though, i mean...

I second, third, or fourth (wherever it is) what lickety split said.

Another thing, and I'm anticipating some backlash for this...

We don't ask our loved ones to apologize to us for their emotions when diagnosed with something as terrifying as cancer, so why should they have to apologize for a mental disease?

Is it bad that I laughed out loud to someone being called Satan. sorry

People go through these things, depression and whatnot, and are able to rebuild friendships, but maybe we can't always expect that it will be rebuilt. You aren't a bad person, you were going through a lot and you did "pay your dues" but maybe your friend just won't be able to see that. It's her loss, because if she ever went through something similar, you would be such a valuable friend.

I remember my first serious before (and only actually!!), when we first started dating, I was such a flakey friend, it was so bad. One of my friends was really angry. A year later, she started dating her first serious bf, at college and did the same thing to her friends! She called me a bit later and we had a good laugh and "omg I"m so sorry" over it. Now obvs. this story doesn't compare to having a real problem that you couldn't control, like depression, but you never know when she might come around and see the light. In the meantime, congrats on getting yourself better.

"We don't ask our loved ones to apologize to us for their emotions when diagnosed with something as terrifying as cancer, so why should they have to apologize for a mental disease?"

*boyfriend, good god, back to studying

Well, since everyone's saying it's not HER choice to decide when to be forgiven, which it isnt, why don't you talk to your friend, tell her that it's obvious that she isn't over it and ask her to work through it to forgive you just like you worked through it to get better for her. If she's still too immature to handle that, then I would just say maybe start distancing yourself from her.

I think I can identify with the "don't want to go out of the house"
situation and I feel sympathize someone in that situation which enable me to want to forgive. Everyone is different. If the friend has never gone through similar situation, it maybe harder for her to forgive.

Such typical woman behaviour towards a bf...at any rate I would talk to her. Tell her that you are sorry for what you did, and she either has to accept it and let the past go or decide that she really HASN'T forigve you and give you a call when she does.

I agree with GlowingMoon... try to talk to her again... if it doesn't work out than you might have to move on. The negativity isn't good for your depression (that could come back due to this), etc.

you're not entitled to her forgiveness just because you asked for it. Like some people have said, it's up to her to forgive you or not.

However I put "forgive" because she did, in fact, forgive you. Or at least she said she did. If she honestly felt she couldn't forgive you she should have said so when you tried to reach out to her. Forgiveness is an all or nothing thing and to bring you back in to her life with the express purpose of punishing you is wrong. Talk to her, let her know how you feel. Quite frankly it is hypocritical of her to act this way and if she is as good a person as you say I'm sure you can both takes steps here to be better friends to each other.

You did the right thing, now it's time for you to sit her down and kindly tell her that she needs too stop because you both need to move forward. Tell her you know you hurt her and she has repaid the hurt back too you now let's move past this. If she acts like she doesn't care or get mad and leaves just let her cool off and in few days she'll call you.

depends on what u were going through. was she there for u during ure hard times? well i dont know. but i voted to forgive u. because, uve paid ure dues for whatever it is that u did. and shes still giving u a hard time. tell her to get over it. u were going through sh*t too. if i was her, i would understand.