You cant force him to like you better but from the sounds of it, you're Plan B here and if she at any time decides to give him a shot then you'll be out like yesterdays garbage. Why allow him to make you feel like that? I'd probably go find someone closer to my age who is actually worth my time and dump him but if you really want to make an effort, talk to him about how he feels about you and where he sees your relationship going. Make him clarify whether he's actually into you or whether he's just keeping you around until he finds something better but either way... prepare yourself.

Good luck

I agree with Fallen. Why settle for being back up and second choice? This is the begining of the relationship when he should be infatuated with you and can't stop thinking about you and hanging out with you, NOT thinking about another girl.

You deserve someone who will put you as number 1.

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

SELF ESTEEM, GIRL! What the hell? He's got a crush on another girl? Let her have him! And maybe when you start ignoring him, he'll be totally into you.

You'll find someone who makes you number one.

God, I *hate* the stupid crap that Facebook has wrought! (ahem, anyway.) Don't settle for this jackass, seriously, he's stringing you along and you're going to get hurt.

Oh man- yeah...I think you can do better. LEAVE.

i'd say its waaaay to early to confront him with: Are you into me, do we have a future together...la di da.
Just let him go. Make yourself a little more unavailable to him. If you are too available he will lose interest cause it looks a bit too pathetic. Most guys want to conquer...i mean if its like you said, then he is only interested in her BECAUSE she says no all the tim.
Get your girl, get out, show the world "men" what you've got, and if he sees that you are attracting others too, darling i swear he will soon be into you, and you will see, by the bunch of guys you attract if you want him any longer.

These are adults right? I find that hard to believe.
Fine. I'd have a party and invite her. And leave after 15 minutes. If he spent his time with her, instead of looking for me he's all hers.

i agree with karlotta.

NEVER be a mans second choice, believe me, I've been through it and it not worth the pain to come. Tell him how you feel and if he doesn't change towards her then I say walk away before you get hurt more than you already have. He doesn't respect you or else he wouldn't be doing that. Please be smart about it.

Agree with all of the above that it's never worth it to be second fiddle.

However neither of the two examples you posted prove that you are. You "think" he invited her too? What gave you that impression? You were on a date with him with just the two of you, right? Or do you always go out in group settings? In that case you might not be dating him at all and this is all in your head. As for facebook, that means absolutely nothing. Maybe her particular sense of humor makes him post that. Maybe he doesn't like posting things on a "significant other's" wall. Some people are private that way, especially in the beginning. Why are you obsessively checking both their pages, anyway?

In any case the way you are over-analyzing seemingly innocuous things gives me pause. Are you going to be freaking out every time his phone rings or he even looks at another girl? This sounds more like a self-esteem issue rather than an "is he into me?" situation.

Well, considering that he's not even your boyfriend yet, things like this are going to happen.

If you have to post this on such a board, LOSE HIM. Cut the drama out of your life!!

If you are the guy and you are a second choice, I would say wait it out. But considering that it is the other around, you have 2 choices. 1) continue the way things are, don't confront and accept the fact that you've got him later but you were his #2 choice. Once you accept this fact, never ever confront him again till after marriage (if you've gone that far) and 2) leave him alone and treat him as your backup too and go find some other guy that would eventually be your permanent bf. There is nothing wrong being a #2 as long as he marries you just remember that. However, a note of caution is due to his age and he may not be ready to marry anyone, he may not be a good investment if he bails at the sight of another interested party. This just does not sound very secured. But depending what you seek in life, if it is a marriage that you seek, please move on and
I beg you. but if it is some fun and a causal relationship you are seeking, do stay and have fun figuring out guys like this, the skill at figuring them out could be a good tool to add to your dating tool box. Just my 2 cents... best of luck to you.

Mesayme, I thought the same thing. I was like, if she's nine years older, does that make the other girl seven? Because these sound like teenagers. And if you're a grown woman, acting like a teenager is never a good thing. If you're cyberstalking him, AND he's not officially your boyfriend, then the relationship seems kind of doomed. Remember, dating is supposed to make your life better, and if the guy ain't cutting it, then cut him loose.

i agree with the majority of the posts. i think you are plan b and you are allowing yourself to be just that. your gut is telling you he wants to be around her and talk to her more and shes just ignoring him. even though her feelings aren't reciprocated the fact that he makes more of an effort to reach her than he does with you is not good. i think its time to just move on and find someone that won't make you plan b or his backup plan.

If you feel like you're Plan B, then you probably are.
If you're okay with that, keep on keepin' on... if you're smart enough to realize that consenting to be second choice is ridiculous, drop it like its hot already... move on... let him chase her and find someone new who wants to chase you.

You're not exclusive. You said so yourself. If you don't like it, then talk to him about it or leave each other alone.

And STOP CYBERSTALKING THEM!

Since you're not bf/gf, I'd date other people. It sounds like you're in a competition with the other girl. Don't compare yourself to anyone. Right now, he's a friend. Going out as friends takes the pressure off and you really get to know him. A lot of people rush into relationships and don't really know the other person. That's when the problems start.

I agree with Drunk Lady. They're not exclusive no naturally they're probably both scoping out other prospects. I always keep one on the back burner when I'm in a new relationship! You never know . . .

And I would hardly call being connected on Facebook "Cyberstalking." If any of you are on there, you know the news feed announces to the world what people post and write.

To the poster: Make sure you're not too available, don't act jealous and see what happens. It's probably a good idea to see other guys, too.

agree with previous posters, you'll find someone better who'll like you above anyone else.

First of all-- talk to this guy and set your boundaries, already! Right now, you seem to be assuming a hell of a lot based on Facebook. If he doesn't want to be exclusive or admits to having a crush on this other girl, DUMP HIM!

The fact of the matter is, if you can't trsut him, you shouldn't be with him.

Kill the relationship now, he's not putting your first.

Theres also the fact that she might be saying no because you're there, this other lady could be uncomfortable in a group setting with couples around.